Let me tell you a little story about love 😊
I married the first man I shared love with because, well I thought that’s what I was supposed to do when I fell in love.
To marry and start a family seemed like a perfectly reasonable and logical kind of life to create together.
Alas, the marriage didn’t flourish as we had hoped 💔
But we were destined to remain forever connected because of our three beautiful children. And our experience of parenting after divorce has been just as challenging as our marriage was. But its been something we’ve both worked hard at, in our own ways.
Still makes me smile how we celebrated our divorce. Heading to the city and watching Robbie Williams in concert. He knew how much I loved his music and so I was thrilled when he suggested it. Mind you, he was hopeful for a finale of sexual fireworks that night, in the hotel room after the excitement of the concert. But it had been a very bumpy 2 year seperation and in my mind it was the beginning of a NEW chapter of “friendship.”
So firmer boundaries were in order from the get go.
Besides, I was dating a wonderful man, who was working behind the stage of the same concert that very same night. So needless to say it was a very interesting experience.
I remained faithful to my word that night, even though we slept in the same bed together. Don’t get me wrong, it was far from easy because we had shared 11 years of marriage and the truth was, our sex life was fabulous, I still loved him and knew I always would.
But that night I accepted the marriage had ended and realized that I was a woman with a very strong will, loyal bones and a tender loving heart.
Hence my internal turmoil when I fell in love with a married man some years later, who didn’t seem to share the same sense of loyalty. Truth was, he DID, but it was to his wife, not me 💔
When I finally decided to let love completely back into my life again, it was with a man who I loved for all the wrong reasons. So it was a relationship that was destined to fail from the beginning 💔
Like many, Ive endured the conflict between my head and heart, and still do. But every experience I have ever chosen has provided some of the GREATEST lessons about this crazy little thing called love, that I’m forever grateful for.
I can honestly say that EVERY single chapter in my life has brought extraordinary loves, which is why my hurts have ran so very deep. Because my feelings run as deeply as my thoughts do.
As I reflected over my challenges in love, while eating lunch at the pub. A diagram came to mind that I drew up, inbetween gobfulls of chicken pie and swigs of whiskey. A diagram Ive shared with you because in my mind its a map that describes the process beautifully.
I want to express my sincere gratitude to those wonderful men who have and still do LOVE me because as I heal my hurts, all that’s left is a heart so very FULL of the love that we once shared.
My hope is that we can ALL look back with as much love in our hearts as we do when a new love begins. Because then our choices are more likely to be based on love, not fear.
Truth be told, not all great loves are meant to last forever, some relationships are destined to end sooner rather than later. But whether the love in our hearts dies or grows stronger, is our choice and I will always choose to GROW from my experiences of love, however challenging they may be.
Maybe that’s why each NEW experience of love is something I instinctively want to OPEN up to and flow with?
Yet, even with that innate need to open, Ive still been going to war between my own head and heart lately, as the feelings of love begin to develop as the intimacy deepens.
Truth is, even as we heal our deeper hurts, our deeper fears still surface. Those dreaded WHAT IFS that take us away from fully enjoying the wonderful moments that are happening right NOW.
So, I’m here to remind myself how far I’ve come on my journey of self love and to remind YOU that we all have the ability to grow from our experiences of love, regardless if the marriage fails, the relationship ends, the lover lies, the husband cheats, the life partner gets sick, the soul mate walks away or our true love dies. Because we learn our BIGGEST lessons in love through our heart breaks.
Yup, Ive said it before and Ill say it AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN
Our heart breaks us OPEN to the love we seek from others
Those of us who have endured heart breaks have just as much to teach about love, as those who have been in relationships for 50 years.
We ALL have valuable experiences to learn from and share with each other. So that we can ALL heal and grow.
Mindful interaction ❤