My sadness flows in waves, but our parents are great teachers. I say “are” because even in death, they continue to teach me. My faith is stronger than ever, so I keep surrendering to what IS. Opening myself up to spirit, which I understand to BE love in its purest form
I won’t lie, there’s plenty going on around me, that has the potential to throw me into a state of deep fucking depression. In truth, I’m often thrown into the abyss of darkness. And why wouldn’t I ?
In the space of 3 years we’ve lost both of our parents to cancer, I’ve fallen in love twice and each relationship has ended. I’m living alone in a caravan on a drive way, I’m not earning any money because I can’t bare to go back to a job that no longer feels like my work, which has been my life’s work for 20 years, so WTF do I do now? My best mate is on life support because of a fatal brain infection and I’m so very unsure of my direction. It’s enough to make anyone fall into the depths of fucking despair.
Yet here I am …
Feeling how I feel, doing what I’m doing and basically just allowing myself to BE
But HOW ? you may wonder 🤔
Well, I’ve been exploring grief and loss for 20 years, so one would hope I’ve fucking learned something. For 20 years, I’ve LIVED what I’ve studied and researched. Both my personal and professional experiences have deepened my understandings. And I’ve gathered the tools and skills I have personally been experimenting with.
The human experience has always fascinated me, hence my curious nature and rebellious spirit. Reading through my Mam’s journals, I can see how even as a child, this challenged and amused others. It’s a real blessing to be reliving the past through my Mam’s eyes.
I’ve been purposefully and mindfully drifting between the past, present and future for years now, which is why I can fully appreciate the great quotes …
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present” … “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards” … “The future depends on what we do in the present” … “Learn from the past, live in the present and believe in the future” … “The past gives us experience, the present is where we experiment and the future is an expectation”
Sometimes my life really does feel like one BIG adventure, but isn’t that the purpose of life ? To live a GREAT one !!!
I have visions that aren’t always pleasant and often don’t make sense. I’ve been called to service from an entity I’ve never seen, yet know exists. I’ve been on quests that have taken me through hell and back, many times over.
For years, it feels like I’ve been living in 2 very different worlds. I feared, that if I openly talked about my challenges and struggles, I would have been committed to a psych ward. So, I found ways to ground myself, to maintain a sense of reality, while drifting and exploring.
It’s MY shift from fear to LOVE as I experience it. And it’s the long journey home, that we’re all invited to take.
In any given moment we have CHOICE
So, I choose to breathe into my challenges and focus on the lessons I’m learning. I remind myself that I also have so much to be grateful for, because I’m blessed in so many ways. I choose to flick the switch in my brain and choose LOVE and gratitude, instead of fear and suffering. YES, life can get fucking hard, but its still fucking beautiful. ALL of it, even the tragedy 💔
I suppose it helps that I dont believe that death is the end. So in my mind, I see our parents on their next wonderful adventure together. I’m grateful to feel their spirit and sense the magickal worlds of other dimensions and realms.
Maybe I’m just fucking crazy, but in the words of the Great John Lennon …
I know I’m not the only one ✌😍
So, I pose the following questions …
What if other realms and dimensions are an insight into other forms of reality, that WE have the ability to create? … What if its possible to accept the unacceptable? … What if its possible to achieve the impossible? .. What if we drop the masks and share our truths ? .. What if we stopped coping with our grief and instead, learned the tools to process it more effectively? .. What if we just fucking screamed at the unfairness of it all ? .. What if we felt safe enough to break open to FEEL the pain of our loss? .. What if we cried openly? .. What if we FALL and RISE as many times as we need to, until we release and heal ? .. What if we can do more than survive our loss? .. What if we can thrive and grow from it? … What if there IS another way of BEing?
These are the questions I’ve sat with for many years. The questions that have been encouraging me to move into the space of WHAT IF to explore another way of BEing and sharing in the world.
And it’s making all the difference …
I dare to shine my light in the darkest of times because this IS the magick my soul is here to share with YOU 🌟
Can you feel the LOVE from beyond the veil? … I can 😊 always and forever ❤