After standing on top of the metaphoric mountain yesterday, sharing star gazer insights, and tooting out of my own Capricorn horns. Sharing the wisdom of my soul, and the magick of my own medicine – I felt called to write as the Moon became her fullest this morning (9.56am) because I can also be a stupid goat.
My daughter said it best the other day, when my hormonal brain was struggling to string some words together in a logical sentence …
“Mam, you’re either all knowing and wise (or) ditsy as fuck,”
Followed by a soul sister telling me this morning …
“You’re so smart, you’re stupid.”
– and neither of them are wrong 🤣🤣🤣
But how wonderful to be truly seen, and loved deeply for who I really am.
I’ve always openly expressed the real me, and it isn’t always positive, nice, comfortable or beautiful – so many have witnessed the honesty of my imperfect SELF – the embarrassment of my humiliation, the flustering of my flaws, the stress of my internal chaos, the uncertainty of my curiosities, the anxiety of my fear, the frustration of my failure, and the shame of my fuckups.
Ironically, as the mythical Sea Goat – I have climbed many a mountain (both figuratively and literally speaking), but there’s nothing graceful or nimble about me, and even though I willingly dive into the darkest depths of my unconscious mind, I’m actually afraid of the ocean. Too scared to venture any further than knee deep in water (sea, lake or river), because that depth is shallow enough to still run away from anything that wants to drown, sting, bite or eat me.
Does that make me a cosmic mix up?
No, it just makes me human, and that’s why I don’t always make good choices.
Like last night – when I devoured another family block of Cadbury’s and felt like crap (obviously) because I have zero impulse control, and it got me thinking
If I was to pick an actor to play a character in my own story, who would it be?
So, for fun I asked Google A.I …
Which actor is a combination of Yoda and Bridget Jones
“An actor who perfectly balances the traits of Yoda’s ancient, cryptic wisdom with Bridget Jones’s neurotic, chaotic, and highly relatable romantic struggles would be a master of deadpan and emotional nuance. This mashup – an all-knowing sage who can’t stop obsessing over her calorie count, her love life, and whether she’s a “f***ing disaster” – demands a very specific kind of talent.” … so I am a talented woman afterall 🤣
Oliver Colman and Imelda Staunton were some suggestions to consider.
My writing is still a work in progress, but I haven’t lost sight of the vision of my BIG DREAM – to write something that someone will make into a movie, because I’ve already imagined it, and I realize the power of my imagination. Most things I’ve successfully created began as a vision in my mind, before it became a reality in the physical world – to be experienced.
Imagination is everything. It’s the preview of life’s coming attractions.” – Albert Einstein
Like here, now in the cottage – I’ve imagined living this life amongst the trees, and it’s not the first time I’ve experienced it. I created some wonderful memories in a place aptly called – Heaven in the Hills, in a cottage named Gabriel’s rest when covid first broke out, but this time – energetically speaking, as I continue to write my story, it feels like I’ve planted myself here.
– to grow.
Planting ourselves somewhere to grow means – setting deep energetic roots in an environment that nourishes our spirit, and helps us to thrive.
I love it here for so many reasons, and I’m deeply grateful to be renting space from the woman who owns the land – a writer who inspires me, and a woman I hold in high regard – but it isn’t my forever home. Like other places, it called to me, and I’ve created a beautiful home here, but there will come a time in the future, when I’ll feel the call to leave – and I’ll BE somewhere else.
- Perhaps that knowing helps me to feel less attached?
- Maybe I don’t hold on anymore because loss has taught me so much?
- Perhaps that’s how we learn to detach?
Nature reminds us – to grow, we need to be willing to let go of what we’ve outgrown, and that means letting go of things we once wanted, and sometimes what we needed, but nothing stays the same … including ourselves.
Under this FULL MOON I’ve been acknowledging what I’ve outgrown …
The habit (people pleasing to keep others comfortable), the job (working in aged care facilities), the relationship (a repeated pattern of self abandonment), the limiting belief (that my worth depends on something external to me) and the chapter (that compromised my value).
I’ve made some mis-takes over the years, but I’ve achieved so much more …
Most mothers say that our greatest creations are our children, and I agree wholeheartedly because I treasure all (3) of my children, but right or wrong, I wanted to do more than create a family – I’ve built a career, lived in many different houses, and created many beautiful homes. I’ve recreated my SELF many times over, and built a genuine reputation. I’ve created experiences, lived my wildest dreams, built skills, served communities, and found my tribe of trusted friends. I’m constantly building upon my knowledge, developing my character, and I’m creating my own legacy by living intentionally TODAY.
YES – I am devoted to my spiritual path, aligned with my genuine desires, and I’ll continue to climb this mountain (and many more) because I’m here to build a life that feels good for me, fully committed to being the best version of my SELF, and I feel supported to create the life I imagine is possible.
Yesterday, I shared the conversation occurring between Capricorn and Cancer, and after reflecting upon the questions being asked, I acknowledge – my eating habits need to change before Universe slaps me with a wake up call, because my body keeps telling me – I’m struggling to process too many carbs and sugars.
Improving my eating habits will naturally create other positive changes – more energy for outdoor activities and less screen time.
I also acknowledge …
- My relationship with Nature nurtures and nourishes me the most
- I feel like home to me, so it doesn’t matter where I am or who I’m with
- Being a full expression of my SELF makes me feel emotionally safe
- Those (3) things support my growth.
YES – I am setting clearer boundaries in my life because experience has taught me – not everyone attracted to my light is good for me, and that’s how my energy is drained. The hormonal fluctuation of my transition from mother to crone (peri-menopause), and my lifestyle choices has a huge impact on my energy, so I’m paying attention, but I still make bad choices because like every other person in the world – I am a flawed human being.
So, this is me saying to YOU – embrace your own authentic journey because we are ALL complex creatures of contradiction, constantly balancing the dualities within us, and it’s not always easy, but it doesn’t make us any less beautiful.
I hope it offers some reassurance to know that you’re not alone in the struggle.
I see YOU ❤️










