Breaking the habit of seeking a lover …

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According to the Gregorian calendar, winter doesn’t officially begin until June, but Nature tells us when she’s ready to change, and winter has arrived.

Can you feel the shift ?

Seasonal shifts influence our mood and energy because of the weather changes – Less sunshine alters our internal body clock, and regardless of our gender, we ALL feel the effects of shifting hormone levels – Less daylight lowers serotonin and dopamine (destabilizing our moods), and increases melatonin (making us feel like sleeping more).

As a 52 year old perimenopausal woman I’ve been navigating hormonal shifts for a while now, because the “change of life” is a process, and it can take up to 8 fucking years, which is why it’s ALWAYS about the journey.

During the winter months …

Embracing our natural instinct to slow down, and turn inwards can help us to adjust our daily routines, so we can prevent burn out, but we live in a world that keeps demanding more from us. That’s why honoring our need to slow down is a deeply grounding rebellion.

What am I learning on MY hormonal journey?

“Stay away from arseholes,” was my automatic response, and it’s absolutely spot on because we have less tolerance for the bullshit we are often served.

As progesterone and oestrogen fluctuate, our capacity for stress diminishes, and our nervous system becomes hyper sensitive. That’s why women of a certain age stop tolerating disrespectful behaviour, choosing not to engage in the chaos of drama.

As we learn, heal, mature and grow we become more responsive to the intuitive guidance of our gut instincts, instead of feeling torn between the timeless dilemma of our inner conflicts – our head (logic) and the heart (emotional desire). We value our time and energy because we know our worth, and life has become even more precious to us.

This isn’t just a life lesson … it’s a neurological shift.

I’m less resistive to change because my growth game is strong, but spiritual growth demands honesty, and that still challenges me when my consciousness shifts, as I become more self aware of my own patterns of behaviour.

As a single woman with a healthy appetite for life, food and sex, I usually seek the company of a lover, even when I’m not ready to commit to a relationship. I notice how I usually crave the warmth of a lover more during the cooler months, and I feel no shame in admitting that, but my soul wants more than the warmth of a body, and thanks to perimenopause my passion is on a slow burn, so my priorities have shifted.

To anchor my energy, and deepen the spiritual roots that ground me into the present moment.

I’m not seeking a lover because I don’t have an itch that needs scratching, there is no tension that needs relief. I don’t need anything that’s missing from me. I no longer need resolution from others because I don’t need validation, nothing feels inccomplete, and there is no hole in my life that needs filling (interpret that as you will).

I am whole – but I am ALWAYS becoming.

My sexual and creative energy is sacred, and in the past I’ve shared it with others too freely because I am open to love – and I’ve suffered the consequences of my choices – but I have learned

YES … I do desire to be in a relationship with another – to share, to create, to build and to grow together – but I acknowledge that I’m not ready for the imbalance a new relationship brings when two energies and lives merge.

So, I’m focusing on the relationship I have with my SELF – honouring my truth (the good, the bad, and the indifference), acknowledging the patterns of my own behaviour, releasing what I’ve outgrown, and aligning my energy to manifest a deeply fulfilling relationship in the future – with a trustworthy partner because I deserve to be in a healthy relationship with someone who can fully meet me.

This winter I won’t be seeking the warmth of a lover, I’ll be …

♥️Feeling cozy in my sanctuary from the cold
♥️Slowing down to enjoy life’s simple pleasures
♥️Wrapping myself up in soft blankets
♥️Nurturing my ideas and inspirations
♥️Working on my creative projects
♥️Connecting with spirit
♥️Doing some arts and crafts
♥️Enjoying the company of family and friends
♥️Lighting fires under the nights sky
♥️Caring for and supporting others
♥️Creating atmospheric ambience with lighting
♥️Preparing garden beds for Spring
♥️Walking slowly in Nature
♥️Taking more naps with my pussy-cat
♥️Curling up on the couch with a good book
♥️Watching stuff I like on the TV
♥️Losing and finding myself in stories
♥️Cooking and baking wholesome foods
♥️Playing music, singing songs and dancing
♥️Wearing fluffy socks and beautiful scarfs
♥️Soaking in warm bubble baths by candle light
♥️Warming my belly with a nip of whiskey
♥️Indulging my senses and soothing my soul

There’s plenty to LOVE about being single during the winter months✌️😍

Art is our craft in motion …

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The creative process …

I frequently write to make sense of an experience, and sometimes I engage the right side of my brain to express myself with colour, shape, and texture.

This particular piece began in September 2025 …

Standing infront of an empty white canvas, with a paintbrush in hand, I began to channel the spirit of my inner artist, wondering how to paint a story.

I was thinking about the call OUT to adventure, some of my experiences in the UK, and how I often felt like Alice in Wonderland.


🌀𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⏱️🐇་༘࿐🎩🗝️⋆𖦹°‧★♔♥️♕♣️♖♦️♗♠️♘

I painted the canvas black, and a rainbow circle appeared, making me think about the first painting I ever painted (it’s the image in the middle with Chinese writing). I felt compelled to paint it when I was separated from my husband, raising (3) tweens, studying to be a nurse, and I was in the middle of a (6) week clinical placement, in a mental health clinic.

Acknowledging the challenges of another significant shift in my relationship with SELF, I began to think about the shitty stuff that happens, and I painted brown skid marks on the rainbow. Deciding the colours felt way too bright, I used a sponge to splodge more brown paint over the rainbow, because I prefer the earthy tones of a dirty rainbow anyways.

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… but it needed some sparkle ✨️

I sprinkled gold glitter around the outside, then added gold stars, and thought it was done, but a few days later I painted a gold swirl, and thought about how often I felt lost in a spinning vortex, seeking gold on a path of less resistance.

Like Dorothy – following the yellow brick road was about finding my way home.

I sprinkled gold glitter on the path for texture, but it didn’t look or feel right, so I painted over the whole thing. Now it was just a gold canvas with nothing much to say, and it sat like that for days, until I decided …

Fuck it …. I’ll just start again 🤷‍♀️

I thought about Alice falling down the rabbit hole, and felt inspired to paint my interpretation of an earthy burrow. I thought about the precious gem stones buried deep in the earth, and the signs, and symbols that frequently synchronised on my path. The dandelion wish clock, the spiral, Tesla’s universal key 3 – 6 – 9, and the alignment of stars.

… but the painting needed a character.

Although I have plenty of creative expression, I don’t have much artistic talent, so I created an image with the help of an app, and I placed my SELF into the painting, wearing rainbow socks.

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When it felt finished, I thought …

Life is like a blank canvas of possibilities, and we are the artist with unlimited potential. We are the creators with the power to design a masterpiece, through the choices we make, and the dreams we bring to life. We are not limited to the colours on our tray because mixing (2) colours creates a new colour. We are the directors of light within the grey, and our challenges brings texture to our art.

✨️💖💥❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥💫💔💩🌀 ࣪˖ ִֶָ⏱️🐇☆་༘࿐ 🎨👩🏻‍🎨

We are a living, and breathing expression of our creativity because EVERYTHING we do, say, and create becomes a reflection of our inner world. That’s why I believe the human experience is a masterpiece in motion, and we are ALL here to be a creative expression of our most meaningful experiences.

Alchemy is the ultimate creative act – It’s the process of turning the lead of everyday struggles, raw emotions, and chaotic thoughts into the gold of profound expression. When we create, we are acting as an alchemist—transmuting human experience into something that moves the soul.

Alchemy is the spirit of my inner artist 💫

NEW MOON in Taurus

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I strive to live my life with more intention because it shifts me from autopilot, empowering me to make conscious choices that align with my higher purpose. I share my relationship with the Moon because this beautiful big ball of white rock does more than stabilize our world, and keep our oceans clean. Like the Moon, women cycle monthly, and our connection with the lunar cycle becomes a guide IN, to understand our hormonal fluctuations, energetic shifts, seasonal transitions, and inner transformations from maiden-mother-crone.

It isn’t witchy woo woo nonscience, but it IS magick, and it’s a science that’s rooted in biology and psychology. Magick isn’t about wishful thinking or casting spells, it’s the art of creating changes to our consciousness, and when we change our inner world (our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs), EVERTHING changes.

Our choices, attention, energy … and reality

When we change our personal narrative, then life begins to reorganize itself, and this can make us feel off balance, but that temporary instability is simply a sign that we are shedding an outdated, limiting script and stepping into a more authentic, empowering version of our reality.

NEW MOON is when the sky is darkest, and it’s a time of deep reflection – to plant the seeds of our intention for the next moon cycle, so we can align with our deepest desires, and this month is a Blue Moon cycle, but I’ll reflect upon that in a few weeks because it’s an ongoing conversation.

Taurus is an Earth sign, that rules our sense of comfort, safety and security, and it just so happens to be my youngest sisters birthday today

Happy birthday sis , I love you ❤

Tonight, under the nights sky …

  • Make your intentions known to universe
  • Sit quietly with your SELF
  • Reconnect with your body
  • Ground your energy
  • Relax your nervous system
  • Reflect on what you’re ready to recieve

Under the Taurus NEW MOON plant the seeds of your intention …

  • What does your heart desire?
  • What does your soul truly want?
  • What are you calling in?

I woke feeling extremely sensitive this morning, and the tears have been flowing. According to the star gazers, if we are feeling shakey under this NEW MOON, then it’s doing so to bring something to our attention, so we don’t build our future on unstable ground.

Asking us, where are our roots weak?

I acknowledge my weakness, and shift my focus towards what I desire.

  • To feel safe to be a full expression of my SELF
  • To let go of what hurts me
  • To have the courage to trust again
  • To self actualize my full potential
  • To connect with those who truly see me
  • To write stories that help others to see their own magick
  • To live a blessed and wonderful long life
  • To create a better world for future generations

Today, I decided to do a ritual …

Rituals are practical tools designed to anchor our intention.

I filled a bowl with soil (physical anchor), salt (purification), coffee (grounding), dandelion root (transformation), chicory (removes obstacles), cinnamon (health/wealth), my hormonal herbal tea: peppermint (clears energy), hibiscus (divine feminine), St Johns Wort (uplifting), red clover (restores balance).

Mixing it together with intention felt grounding

I buried (2) coins in the dirt …

A gold coin I was given by my parents as a child, with the words. “Because it’s yours because we love you” inscribed on it, to represent the divine masculine (sun). A silver coin I was given by a soul sister, with the words.“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams” inscribed on it, to represent the divine feminine (moon)

All (3) people are now in spirit, and each coin is even more meaningful to me.

Tonight, under the night sky I held the bowl, and said out loud …

I embrace the next chapter of my life, and plant myself into the new timeline

I will leave the bowl out overnight because Taurus is EARTH energy, and it remembers our intentions when repeated. In the morning I will take the coins out of the bowl, and put them somewhere I will see them often.

Every time I touch them during the next few weeks it will remind my energetic system that this reality has already taken root.

As it IS, so mote it BE 💫

Reflection in rhyme …

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Sipping on my morning cuppa,
I tune IN to my senses.
A simple act of meditation,
that makes me feel the presence of NOW.

What do I see?

The colour green is everywhere,
and all around me,
with splashes of colour.
Shades of red, orange, pink, and yellow.

The forever blooming bergonia, and grevillea,
are attracting the pretty birds and bees.
The native blossom orchid, and banksia brush,
are attracting the beautiful butterflies.

The sky is full of dense grey clouds,
and the dewy drops look like water pearls,
as they glisten under a silvery sky.

The sun is neither bright, nor warm today,
he’s a day-lit moon, and a silvery shadow,
that feels enchanting.

A reminder …

The approaching NEW MOON in Taurus,
is inviting us to reflect upon our intentions.

What do I hear?

Birds are singing while they chitter chatter,
and the bees are buzzing from flower to flower.
The chooks are clucking to the left of me,
and the traffic is humming to the right,
In the distance I hear a dog bark,
and his neighbours are responding in chorus.
The snort of a horse makes me smile,
suggesting he disapproves of their conversation.

I take a sip from my new cup,
and read the words.
I LOVE YOU MUM ♥️

My attention shifts …

To the thoughts and the stories,
that take me to the past, and into the future.
As they collide into the present moment,
I become the bridge of inbetween.

The compression point 💫

A conscious link that transforms memories,
and possibilities into reality.

What lessons have I learned from the past?
How will I bring them forward into the future?

No longer negotiating my hopes and dreams,
I’m focusing on long term personal development, and sustainable spiritual growth,
built on heart centred devotion.

My spiritual roots have grown a strong spine,
and my energy feels deeply grounded.

A connection that anchors me ⚓️

No longer drifting through other people’s lives,
I’m building my own foundations,
but life continues to challenge me to change,
and universe is responding to who I am.

Under this NEW MOON, I declare …

✨️I am the creator of my own experiences

✨️I am grateful for my family and friends

✨️I am always guided and supported

✨️I am the best version of my SELF

✨️I am living a fullfilling life of abundance

✨️I am worthy of my hopes and dreams

✨️I am loved, I am lovable, and I am LOVE

As it IS, so mote it BE 💫

The approaching FULL MOON in Scorpio …

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According to the star gazers, this months FULL MOON in Scorpio is asking us ONE question in (3) different voices because of Pluto and Mercury’s influence.

  • What have you been carrying in private that needs to come out?
  • Who and what belongs in your future?
  • What truth about yourself have you finally found words for?

Scorpio energy is intense because it “pulls at what’s been operating beneath conscious awareness into full visibility,” to expose hidden truths. Transforming raw emotion, trauma, and shadow into power, wisdom, and profound growth.

When we work more intentionally with this energy, then it can be alchemy.

Last months NEW MOON in Aries opened up a new (19) year cycle, and that’s WHY this FULL MOON will be triggering some significant experiences. NEW cycles are built upon neurological pathways, behavioural defaults, and identity structures. It will be shining a light on the truth we tell ourselves, to highlight the gap between who we claim to be, and the habits we keep repeating.

  • What story is still whispering in the dark?
  • Where do you start to shrink back into old habits?
  • When do you default back into old patterns?
  • What are you doing differently?
  • Who are you when no one is watching?

The gap between who we say we are becoming, and who we consistently show ourselves to be reveals what is changing, and what needs to be changed.

  • What’s hiding itself from you?
  • Are any old wounds calling you IN?
  • Where is the power imbalance?
  • What outgrown attachments haven’t you released?
  • What’s rising to be seen?
  • Where is the focus of your attention flowing?
  • What uplifts and/or drains your energy?
  • Where do you feel pulled and/or held back?

Look at what is presenting into your awareness …

SEE it – SIT with it – and LET it unfold

We don’t need to react to everything we feel, but don’t ignore it because this is how we transform raw emotion, trauma, and shadow into power, wisdom, and profound growth. The shadow doesn’t emerge to be judged, but to be integrated into the light of consciousness, so we can adjust and align our truth.

For me, during last months NEW MOON I was being challenged to see beyond the projections, to look deeper within my SELF. Declaring who I am, why I’ve grown, what’s mine, and what no longer aligns. Those declarations were determining my direction because I was deciding who I intend to BE.

NOW the system is responding, not based on my wants, wishes or beliefs, but on what I’ve done since then.

  • Reinforced my boundaries to honour my truth
  • Took accountability for my mistakes
  • Felt more compassion for the struggle
  • Asked for more support with my writing
  • Stayed open to receive the blessings

Last night I felt the familiar twinge in my uterus, of an egg being released, but I may not bleed because my cycles are changing. As I transition from mother to crone, I feel blessed to step into this next stage of my life, and recent news about becoming a grandmother is going to be life changing.

This morning I woke from a dream that felt significant, and they say to pay attention to our dreams (3) days before a FULL MOON because the subconscious prepares for the peak.

“Dreaming of a spiral family tree of words suggests a powerful, unfolding journey involving your roots, language, and personal evolution. Spirals in dreams often represent archetypal paths of transformation, growth, and psychological or spiritual journeys. Combining this with a family tree and words suggests a dynamic, interconnected, and evolving view of your heritage.”

Blessed BE 🌀✨️

Why don’t we want to stay present with the discomfort?

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I shared a blog about staying present in the moment, and in reflection I over intellectualized the discomfort by focusing on the process, but discomfort is NOT a problem to be solved, it’s an experience to be felt, so I’m going to share my thoughts and feelings about staying present in the moment with discomfort.

Although there’s a simple answer to the question …

We don’t want to stay present with discomfort because it’s uncomfortable

Becoming comfortable with discomfort is a complex process …

My discomfort usually involves an interaction with someone else, and although I’m open to share my experiences, I understand why most people are not. Vulnerability drops the defences to expose our true self (good, bad, ugly), and that also leaves us open to judgement, rejection and manipulation.

I struggle with those reactions myself, but my struggles with vulnerability keeps teaching me how to feel my BIG emotions more deeply, so I can learn how to regulate, build resilience, and actively grow from my challenges. Teaching me how to maintain healthier boundaries, and protect my energy, so I can say NO more confidently when something no longer fits (or) aligns with my truth.

New experiences are catalysts for our personal growth

Sharing my struggles more openly is how I experience genuine in-to-me-see because it invites others to share more openly too, but not everyone is ready for that kind of honesty. Exposing my flaws, faults, failures and fuck ups without projecting the blame onto another, is how I become more accepting of my SELF, so I can realize my own worth, and feel more compassion for the struggle

… but the struggle is real, and it still challenges me.

Lots of things make me uncomfortable, but not everything triggers my defences.

Recent challenges triggered BIG e-motions, and because they operate in the deeper parts of my psyche, they create the BIGGEST reaction within me, and that’s what I want to reflect upon.

GUILT – is often triggered because more open and honest conversations bring uncomfortable truths to our attention, but something is shifting because I no longer feel an intense need to fix my mistakes (or) punish myself to restore balance, because I’ve integrated my shadow. We ALL make mistakes when we are learning and growing, but that’s an important part of our healing.

SHAME – often triggers a deep fear of being unlovable, unworthy, and rejected, but by releasing myself from the guilt of what I (or others) believed I did wrong, changes the inner dialogue. Being open to learn from my experiences makes me more curious, and less judgemental. Increasing my capacity for love, and compassion for SELF and others who are struggling. The more I realize my intrinsic value without needing external validation, the more worthy I feel.

FEAR – triggers many defences for different reasons, and the stories vary, but recently someone reached out to reconnect, and although they are not a bad person, they haven’t been good for me. That’s why I sensed a threat to my mental health, my emotional well-being.

Trauma isn’t defined by an event itself …

… but by the lasting internal impact it has on our mind and body.

Even when we’ve cultivated a growth mindset, and have healed from our most challenging experiences of loss, it doesn’t stop the triggers, but it does influence how we will react and/or respond. When my survival fight/flight/freeze response triggers an automatic reaction in my nervous system, I notice the hypervigilance, flashbacks, and cognitive distortions.

We break this cycle (trauma loop) by rewiring the neural pathway.

I’ve been consciously doing this by learning how to feel safe and secure within the present moment, by being conscious of my resistance to it, making better choices, grounding my energy, and focusing on my senses.

  • Focusing on BE-ing rather than DO-ing
  • Taking deeper breaths to anchor my energy into the present
  • Tuning into my senses to ground my attention into the moment
  • Becoming aware of the tension in my body
  • Acknowledging the resistance so I can release it
  • ACCEPTING the present moment for what it is
  • Observing my thoughts, feelings and stories without judgement
  • Becoming more curious of my reactions
  • LETTING GO of my need to control
  • Fully surrendering to the experience of NOW

Realizing that the power for change lies within the present moment

My openness, and curious nature often triggers the defences in others, but if people understand (or) misunderstand me isn’t my responsibility.

Human beings are conditioned (biologically and socially) to avoid discomfort, distress and pain, but we live in a world that’s full of conflicting truths, and some of those experiences can be a catalyst for our growth. That’s why I often feel called to share my experiences, but the way I write is a prime example of one of my own habitual defence mechanisms, and I’m open to explore that so I can improve my craft as a writer.

I write to make sense of my challenges, but I want to write something worth reading. For me, writing has helped me to understand my SELF better, and writing my story has been a catalyst for my personal growth and development.

I share my thoughts and feelings to support others on a healing journey.

Staying present in the moment

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Staying present in the moment sounds easy, but not all moments are pleasant.

Those are the opportunities to practice, and it will challenge us because the mind automatically wants to deflect discomfort, but REFLECTION is how we transform our pain into healing, growth, and deeper self awareness.

That’s why I blog my journal process with more intention. To look at my challenges from a higher perspective, and gain deeper meaning.

My mental health has been a little fragile this week because of too many challenges, and too much stress, but it’s been an opportunity for a powerful mental re-frame, that’s been fuel for my focus, motivation and growth.

We can ALL get stuck in the loop of our unhelpful thoughts, especially during times of stress, and that’s why I’m so very grateful for the supports I have, and the conversations that reflect the change and growth within those moments.

“Authentic conversations are open, honest, and respectful dialogues that foster deep connections by sharing our true thoughts and feelings, rather than relying on superficial small talk or transactional communication. They require vulnerability, active listening, and the courage to be one’s true self, which boosts psychological safety, trust, and collaboration in relationships.” (based on research by David Bradford and Carole Robin – Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues.)

We ALL want to have deeper connections, and healthier relationships, but tension and conflict can create misunderstandings that initiate disconnection …

… but detachment can be our deepest expression of LOVE

Detaching from others allows us to maintain healthier boundaries, emotional balance, and personal peace, but withdrawing defensively can ruin relationships because it shuts down communication, and enhances conflict.

I’ve been confronted with both experiences …

Shifting between a state of emotional reactivity to objective observation has allowed me to witness the opposite poles of my own experience, and to understand the reactions of others. Neither good nor bad, but complementary forces within to balance, and that inner conflict is the most challenging of all.

Conflict, like CHANGE is inevitable, and it’s a natural part of life because we won’t always see things in the same way, we don’t always agree, we all make mistakes, and no matter how good our intentions may be, sometimes we will hurt each other, but that’s why conflict is our greatest opportunity for growth.

  • When we make a mistake … own it
  • When we fuck up … acknowledge it
  • When we fail … learn from it
  • When we hurt someone … be humble enough to apologize for it
  • When someone hurts us … have thd courage to express it

Forgive the flaws of our humanity, but don’t forget the lessons we’ve learned because that’s how we improve the relationship with our SELF, and that enables us to respond with a little more compassion for others.

Recognizing the difference between disconnection and detachment empowers us to make healthier choices, but the realities of life can challenge us.

Sometimes it’s challenging to stay fully present in reality

We avoid reality and escape our truth to cope with stressful experiences, and our overwhelming emotions, but we rarely even notice that we are doing it …

  • We pour another drink and get lost in the void
  • We partake in gossip and get lost in the drama
  • We have sex and get lost in the distraction
  • We light up another cigarette and get lost in the cycle
  • We eat our feelings and get lost in the pattern
  • We login to Netflix and get lost in another story
  • We read a book and get lost in other realities
  • We switch on the TV and get lost in the matrix
  • We engage in gaming and get lost in other worlds
  • We pick up our phone and get lost in the scrolling

We ALL escape reality in some way, shape or form, and sometimes we do it to maintain a sense of sanity, because being human in a world full of conflict, crisis, chaos, triggers, tragedy and trauma is fucking hard sometimes.

Symptoms of depression and anxiety are effecting millions of people, and that’s WHY we need to be talking more openly about our mental health challenges.

We are ALL struggling in some way, and the more conscious we become, the harder it is to avoid ourselves because we are aware of unconscious defence mechanisms, which ironically, makes it even more challenging to stay present.

  • PROJECTION – feeling insecure and accusing others of it
  • DENIAL – refusing to acknowledge there’s a problem
  • RATIONALIZATION – justifying bad behaviour
  • REGRESSION – child-like behaviour (silent treatment/tantrum)
  • INTELLECTUALIZATION – using logic to avoid uncomfortable e-motions
  • REPRESSION – pushing painful thoughts and memories deep down
  • SUBLIMATION – channelling our anger towards intense exercise
  • DISPLACEMENT – shouting at our kids instead of dealing with our stress
  • REACTION FORMATION – acting friendly to someone we don’t like

We ALL engage in these behaviours when our defences are triggered, and it can lead to so many of our unhealthy behaviours (bad habits), as well as impacting negatively upon our relationships, and our interactions with others.

An important part of our healing journey is acknowledging this about ourselves, because until we take accountability for our actions, then we will be a slave to our reactions, instead of a proactive participant in our healing process.

Taking accountability is challenging because it triggers our shame, but it’s not about taking the blame. It’s about taking ownership of our experience so we can reclaim our power, and make healthier choices. Shifting from the woe is me victim mentality, to an empowered growth mindset means taking full responsibility for our unconscious behaviours, patterns and choices.

Taking full responsibility for how we react to the experiences that are challenging us to change is extremely challenging, because it’s challenging us to fucking CHANGE, and that’s a vital part of our inner transformations.

So, if YOU want to become conscious of your own patterns?

  • Journal – to know your SELF, and notice the reoccurring themes
  • Identify your triggers – what makes you feel defensive, anxious, guilty?
  • Notice your reactions – know your assumptions and judgements
  • Be OPEN to feedback – ask those you trust to tell you what they see

When we know our SELF better, then we can make better choices

Making better choices will change our experience, but life will still challenge us to confront the opposing forces, and we will either keep repeating the same patterns (or) breakthrough to become a mirror of reflection for others.

I’ve shared this quote before, and I’ll share it again …

“Your perception of me is a reflection of you, and my response to you is an awareness of me.”(Bobbi Chegwyn)

How can we stay more present in the uncomfortable moments?

  • Focus on BE-ing rather than DO-ing
  • Take deeper breaths to anchor you into the present
  • Tune into your senses to ground you into the moment
  • Become aware of the tension in your body
  • Acknowledging the resistance helps to release it
  • ACCEPT the present moment for what it is
  • Observe your thoughts, feelings and stories without judgement
  • Become more curious about your reactions
  • LET GO of your need for control
  • Fully surrender to the experience of NOW

Realize that the power for change lies within the present moment

NEW MOON in Aries

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According to star gazers, the fiery energy of an Aries New Moon (17th) will feel like it’s pushing us forward, even if we’ve been sitting in the same place for a while, because of it’s conjunction with other planets.

  • Chiron (the wounded healer – healing)
  • Eris (the disruptor of norms – change)
  • Mercury (the messenger – communication)
  • Mars (the warrior of action – desire)
  • Saturn (the task master and boundary keeper – discipline)
  • Neptune (the dreamer and mystic – vision)

This month’s planetary alignment acts as a catalyst for deep spiritual reflection, radical self honesty, the release of old patterns, and the end of a karmic cycle because we’ve already stepped into a new timeline. It’s the initiation of a new chapter in self-assertion, personal value, and emotional courage.

The FIRE HORSE is making it’s presence known …

Activating what we’ve been through, and what we’ve healed from so we can see ourselves in a new light because we have grown.

  • What was unfolding for YOU as NEW MOON approached?
  • What is Universe showing you?
  • What stories are coming up to be acknowledged?
  • What thoughts are arising to be processed?
  • What e-motions are flowing to be felt?
  • What energy is shifting for YOU?

For me, its been challenging me to see beyond the projections, but unresolved conflict, unhealed wounds and sacred rage wants to be witnessed.

“Seeing beyond projection is an invitation, to move from reacting to the mirror of the outside world, to witness the inner landscape of the self, but it requires courage to look at the shadow.” because even if it’s within another, we will still see ourselves looking back.

On the 15th, I woke with a runny nose, sinus congestion, headache, and fatigue.

The changing of seasons, and fluctuation in temperature trigger changes that allow viruses to flourish, and spread more easily, but symptoms are our body’s way of communicating with us, so I lean IN with a little more curiosity.

Metaphysically, cold and flu symptoms represent a need to slow down, so we can process emotional and mental congestion, and clear energetic blocks.

  • Congestion – too much going on at once (mentally and emotionally)
  • Headache – tension, overthinking, a call to reconnect with the body
  • Runny nose/eyes – processing sadness, grief, unmet need for comfort
  • Fever – burning off negativity, anger, invasion of our energetic space
  • Cough/sore throat – unspoken words, supressed emotion, awakening of the spirit, and the clearing of energy
  • Aches/chills – mental contraction, resisting change, overwhelm
  • Fatigue – profound soul level reconstructuring

We live in a world that expects us to push through, regardless of how we feel.

The “soldier on with codral” is reflective of more than symptom management, it’s a systemic issue that prioritizes productivity over our individual health and well being. Ignoring and disregarding our own physical, mental and/or emotional needs to meet external demands, keep the peace, and maintain harmony is basically telling ourselves that our health and wellbeing doesn’t matter … but it should matter the most to us.

The stresses of life are constant, but when we are feeling unwell …

  • Our body is forcing us to REST, and break the cycle of doing
  • Asking us to detox – emotional processing of mind/body/spirit
  • To surrender control, accept care, and renew our personal values

Instead of managing my symptoms to maintain work responsibilities, I called in sick because I don’t want to share the bug with those I care for, and although it will have a financial impact, my priorities are right for me.

TRUE WEALTH … IS OUR HEALTH AND WELL-BEING !!!

Like most accomplished women (perceive that as you will), I’ve often pushed myself too hard to prove the value of my worth. I’ve learned many of my lessons the hard way, but I’ve grown the most from those experiences challenging me to change, because I’m here to learn about healing, and my growth game is strong.

“Maybe you don’t notice your progress because you’re always raising your bar.”

Yesterday morning (16th) I awoke from sleep thinking …

Since settling down and being more honest with myself, I’ve acknowledged the projections I’ve unconsciously internalized from others, and how and why it’s had an impact on my confidence and self worth.

Internalized projection happens when we absorb, and accept another person’s unwanted emotions, insecurities, judgments, or self-doubts as our own truth.

I recall …

  • How many times I’ve been told that I want and expect TOO much, by those settling for less because of their resistance to change.
  • How often I’ve been judged and criticised, by those who misunderstand me because they don’t accept their fears, faults, and flaws.
  • How many ways I’ve been told that I am not enough, by those reflecting their own limitations and insecurities.
  • How often I’ve been told I am crazy and foolish, by those denying their own shortcomings and failings.

“Projection is an unconscious defence mechanism to protect the ego, but it can also be a unconscious or conscious manipulation tactic to control the narrative,” 

… but we don’t reclaim our power by fighting shadows.

We change the narrative by turning on the light, and becoming conscious.

I can forgive others for projecting their truth onto me, but I’ll never forget how it made me feel, and forgiving ourselves for projecting onto others (especially those we love and value) is more challenging because it triggers the guilt, blame and shame stories, that trigger a deeper memory.

“The collective memory is a shared, often unconscious, psychological archive holding onto systemic stories, historical trauma, moral failures, and structural injustices. A memory that shapes the collective identity, influencing how we perceive our worth and our relationship to others.“

It’s a silent dialogue between the past and present I’m often aware of.

People project onto others to protect themselves from uncomfortable emotions, negative thoughts, or undesirable traits they can’t accept in themselves (the shadow), but we are ALL mirrors and reflections for each other.

What you see in me is a reflection of you ..

Because what we judge or appreciate in another already exists within us.

After witnessing the thoughts upon awakening from my sleep yesterday morning, I got out bed, put the kettle on, rubbed some more vicks on my chest, and I made a cuppa. While putting the cream back into the fridge it slipped from my hand, spilt onto the floor, and the thought popped into my mind.

“Don’t cry over spilt milk” …

A proverb: dwelling on our mis-takes and mis-fortunes is pointless because it’s already happened, and can’t be reversed. Reminding us to focus on the present and future, rather than wasting our energy on unchangeable past events.

I couldn’t help but smile when Lilith wandered over to lick up the cream

“Like the cat that got the cream” …

A proverb: the satisfaction of being pleased with ourselves because we’ve been validated in some way, shape or form, success has been achieved, we got what we wanted, or we’ve done something that we are proud of.

No, I’m not feeling smug, but I no longer doubt the value of my worth. I am grateful for my conversations with spirit because it’s triggered a much deeper NEW MOON reflection. I haven’t and don’t always get what I want, but I am proud of myself because my intentions are in alignment with my higher self, and that’s for the Greater Good of ALL, but I won’t abandon my SELF.

This NEW MOON is intense and transformative …

  • Start something you’ve been putting off
  • Choose yourself without overthinking it
  • Take action towards something you feel pulled towards
  • Let go of hesitation and doubt

This NEW MOON is a potent time for shadow work …

  • Where have you been overcommitting or over compromising?
  • Where have you been self editing to keep the peace?
  • Where have you been prioritizing harmony over your own truth?

Every NEW MOON is an opportunity to plant the seeds of our intention …

  • What are you no longer carrying forward from the past?
  • What are you calling in from the future?
  • Who are you on the other side?

I’ve been RESTING, and I feel healthier for it, but I’ve also been reflecting because that’s the inner work I value, and I share my insights for those who are open to see themselves, and their experiences differently.

Under this NEW MOON I declare who I am, and why I have grown, what is mine, and what is no more because what we meet within ourselves during this time will shape what comes next …

Writing about writing generates momentum

On By mindfulinteraction1 Comment
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I wrote my previous blog to initiate a deeper reflection about my writing process, as suggested by a writing mentor.

Unsure which direction to go next, I asked …

  • Do I just self publish my story as it is?
  • Do I pay the big money for editing support?
  • Do I look around for more affordable options?

And the answers were clear …

  • NO … it’s not ready to be published yet
  • NO … there are other supports out there
  • NO … be OPEN to receive what you need

I also asked the deeper questions …

  • What is the value of my work?
  • What are my words worth?
  • What is my relationship with money?

To explore my thoughts and feelings about my intrinsic worth (who I am), and my extrinsic value (what I do). Acknowledging how and why I’ve internalized projection has been a BIG and courageous step in reclaiming my self worth.

“Your perception of me is a reflection of you …

… and my reaction to you is an awareness of me”

  • EVERY life matters, and MY story has value
  • My purposeful words are worthwhile because they offer insight
  • Cultivating an abundant mindset is how I shift the energy

Since sharing my previous blog things began to unfold, but it’s been an emotional few days, and it began with a voice message that triggered a reaction within me, and my choice NOT to reconnect left me feeling conflicted.

Part of me wants to reconnect, but I know myself better now. So, I acknowledged my truth, felt my feelings, processed my thoughts, and went to work that night. Before going on shift, I put on the compass pendant a soul sister in spirit gave me. I wasn’t really sure why I was thinking about her, or why I wanted to wear it again, but it was a gift she gave me at the airport, when I was heeding the call OUT to adventure in 2016.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams,” (Thoreau) are the words she engraved on the back, to remind me to believe in the visions of my BIG dreams.

While on night duty I seen a post on Facebook, someone offering a FREE webinar for those wanting to write a memoir. Intrigued, I clicked on the link …

“If you’re interested in learning what it takes to transform your personal story into an excellent memoir, then this class will help”

  • What is your story about?
  • How can others gain meaning from it?
  • Why would a reader choose to relive your experiences with you?

So, I signed up for the webinar, finished my shift, drove home, slept for a few hours, and woke 5 minutes before the webinar was about to begin. I was feeling the usual jet lag energy of a post night shift, but I dragged my weary butt out of bed, and clicked on the link to hear what service she was offering.

A (12) week program …

  • Find the heart of your story (WHY does it matter?)
  • The gift of thinking small (reducing overwhelm)
  • Separation and transformation (the story comes through you)
  • Creating a container (narrowing the focus)
  • Unexpected directions (expanding horizons)
  • Structure is sculpture (how to do it)
  • Truth and memory (honour the truth, yourself, and others)
  • Voice and permission (who are you writing for?)
  • Family and other animals (when others object)
  • Speaking of dialogue (bringing someone to life)
  • Writing craft (show, not tell)
  • Where next? (keep momentum)

I got those soulful goosybumps of resonance when she referred to the movie “Wild,” because that was a story that touched me deeply before my call OUT to adventure, and my own story is about how I’ve also learned to live beyond the loss. After the webinar, I felt overwhelmed by the presence of spirit, and the tears of both love and loss flowed from my heart.

Every connection and conversation felt significant yesterday, and those resonating were feeling it too, and I’m deeply grateful for their presence.

Instead of paying the hefty fee I was quoted by an editor, I’ll be paying less, and receiving more, so my next step is now known. I feel extremely grateful, but I believe Universe is a cosmic mirror, and it’s responding to who we are, not what we want or wish for.

How do we align with those juicy receptive Universal energies?

  • Be clear about your intentions – know what you do and/or don’t want
  • Be the version of you that’s already achieved the dream – know it’s yours
  • Be patient – have faith and trust the process
  • Be grateful – to align your energy with (+) receptive frequencies

Writing the first draft of my story has been to understand my healing journey, but there’s too much information, and too many words. So, after I do the (12) week program, I will have reduced the content, and then I will give it to an editor because they charge by the word count.

WHY am I so persistent about sharing my story?

  • I want to give insight, inspiration and HOPE to others
  • I want to offer another perspective of loss
  • I want to help others to see death differently
  • I want to share my understanding of relationship

So, as I move towards actualizing my BIG dream, I’m embracing the journey because I am always living within the dream in some way, shape or form.

A reflection about writing my story

On By mindfulinteractionLeave a comment
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After sharing my first draft with others, I’ve been procrastinating for months, and a writing mentor suggested I reflect, and journal about my writing process.

… but WHY ?

“Writing about your writing process transforms writing from a chaotic act into a manageable craft, fostering creativity, consistency, and self-awareness. It acts as a mirror, revealing what techniques actually work, helping to overcome writer’s block, and separating the creative act from the self-critic.” (McGoogle)

… but HOW ?

“It involves reflecting on how you generate ideas, structure your work, and refine your drafts. Exploring not just what you wrote, but how you wrote it, documenting the journey from initial inspiration.” (McGoogle)

… WHAT inspires me to write ?

Over the years, many elderly people have shared their regrets about not writing and/or sharing their stories, and I’m passionately curious about the human experience. I write to make sense of my thoughts, feelings, and challenges, so I can find deeper meaning and a higher purpose for my struggles.

… WHEN did I begin to write my story ?

Before my call OUT to adventure in 2016, I knew I was going to write a story about love that mattered, and I had the vision of that story being made into a movie, but nothing could have prepared me for what came next …

  • A family crisis after heeding the call OUT to adventure, and making plans to explore work in the UK
  • The death of my BE-loved mother and our matriarch
  • The death of my BE-loved father and our patriarch
  • The death of a close friend and my soul sister
  • A global crisis that created chaos in the world

Those were the trauma’s and tragedies of loss, but being separated from my children, and intimate relationship challenges contributed to my struggles, and no-one can go through those kind of experiences unchanged.

I acknowledge, I’ve already achieved something by writing my story, but like any other goal I’ve achieved (or) dream I’ve actualized, writing the final chapters of my story is not THE END …

Unsure which direction to go next …

  • Do I just self publish it as it is?
  • Do I pay the big money for editing support?
  • Do I look around for more affordable options?

  • What is the value of my work?
  • What are my words worth?
  • What is my relationship with money?

  • Should I keep it as a non fiction story to keep it real?
  • Should I rewrite it as fiction to expand upon the challenges?
  • Should I give up and just write another story?

Sharing my first draft has been more challenging than I had expected, but the experience has been enlightening. I’ve received some positive, and constructive feedback from those who support and encourage me to keep going, but I’ve also felt the uncomfortable triggery reactions, and the discomforts of silence.

So, I’ve been feeling a little disheartened and unmotivated.

Although I appreciate that not everyone will resonate, or necessarily agree with my healing journey (and they don’t have to because it’s my experience), I do hope that readers will understand what motivates me to write, and why I share the experiences that have challenged me to learn, heal, change and grow.

I’m aware that it’s normal to feel disheartened whenever we confront obstacles and/or challenges, and I’ve needed to PAUSE so I can process the feedback, but I never give up on what matters most to me.

Apparently, there are (7) stages of writing …

  • DISCOVERY – the vision: dream, ideas, plan, purpose, audience
  • RESEARCH – the preparation: notes, outline, structure, experiences
  • WRITING – the draft: adding flesh to the bones of a story
  • FEEDBACK – the sharing: reactions and perspectives from others
  • REVISION – the review: rethink, rearrange, remove, rework
  • EDITING – the refining: clarifying the message for more impact
  • PUBLICATION – the promotion: printing, pitches, sharing

Clearly, I’ve reached the (5th) stage in writing my story …

As I process the feedback, and use it to revise my words, and clarify my message, I notice how the ego reacts defensively to negative feedback, how my heart responds to judgement and misunderstandings with more compassion, and curiosity because it accepts conflicting truths, and seeks deeper connection, and how the gut acts decisively, to cut through the distraction of overthinking and overwhelm, because my head over analyses and my heart feels too much.

I’m becoming more conscious of all (3) internal processors …

EGO – defends, analyses, reasons, rationalises, and plans

HEART – empathizes by feeling emotion to determine what feels “right” according to our core values, acting as the bridge between the head and gut.

GUT – is both our intuitive knowing (the insight from learning how to recognize the patterns of behaviour), and our survival instincts (the conditioned fight/flight/freeze responses).

Learning how to trust my gut has been challenging because I’ve often confused my instinct (survival) with my intuition (growth), but those hard lessons have taught me so much more about my SELF, and that’s why I’m always grateful for the experiences that are challenging me to learn, change, heal and grow.

EVERY loss is an opportunity to learn !!!

I’m grateful for ALL the feedback, regardless of how it’s made me feel because it’s part of the process, and I will use it in the next stage of writing.

BELIEVE in the visions of your dreams …

… because they are the previews to life’s coming attractions.