The journey continues …

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A conversation starter that made me wonder, is my beloved on an online dating site ?

I believe that love finds us, if we are OPEN to it and that our beloved arrrives when our soul’s are ready to reconnect in this lifetime.

In all honesty, I’ve never believed that I will find the “one” on a dating site. I’ve used dating sites because I don’t get out alot, socially, so there’s less opportunity to meet men.

Online dating increases our options.

I’ve had some wonderful experiences and have learned so much about myself, thanks to online dating, which is why I probably find myself gravitating towards it when I’m single again.

As a conscious woman, I’m well aware of my needs. Last Saturday night, I was alone in the training house, sipping on wine, feeling lonely. So I went on POF (online dating) to rub my bruised ego and distract my hurting heart. Sure enough the messages soon started to roll in, which still amuses me. Oh yes, there’s plenty of fishes in the sea alrighty, but this little fishy is wondering who is the fish and what’s the bait?

There’s the usual variety of fish in the ocean, its only the faces that change. But its so very reassuring to see more men wanting to engage in conversation. It reflects a shift from ego to heart that’s good to see in the dating world.

Some people are fortunate to find each other young, while others have individual lessons to learn before reconnecting with their beloved.

I believe that our soul mates are any soul that helps us to grow. But I’m still determining my beliefs around the twin flame. Unsure if it is another soul mate connection or the beloved?

Regardless of my beliefs or relationship status, I am a woman on her own journey in love. And its been an interesting one thus far to be sure.

The journey continues ❤

Riding the waves

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After afew wonderful days, I found myself back on that damn rollercoaster of emotions this morning. A chain of thoughts that dragged me back into grief and my frustrations about an uncertain future. More feelings that demanded to be felt and more tears in need of releasing. The hurts from my past and fears of my future. A rollercoaster ride I often want off !!!

Loosing the matriarch of our family is having such a huge impact on me. Especially when I’m feeling so very lost and insecure within myself. I don’t feel like the Woman or the Mother I had expected and hoped to be at 44 years of age. I wonder …

How can I feel unsettled, yet fear settling?

How can I trust in my dreams, when the nightmare keeps replaying in my mind?

Life continues to challenge me !!!

Although I focus on taking one step at a time, day by day and moment by moment. There are times, like today, when I need more support. Today, I’m reminded that family IS love ❤

Love, knows no bounds. Therefore, family is as small or as big as we decide it to be. As I continue to walk my path, not a day goes by when I don’t miss my family in Australia. So, I’m so very grateful for my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins here in the UK. Thankyou for your listening ears, words of wisdom, loving hearts, warm hugs, hot baths and the tasty tatti pot. I love and appreciate you ALL ❤

Life is a wonderful adventure

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I decided to take myself on an adventure …

Chatted to a woman at the bus stop, a traveller who came to Maryport by ship in the 1970s. Her hubby an avid sailor, they sailed, exploring the oceans. She spoke about her time in Portugal and Swizerland. About the hot summers and wet winters of Portugal. Surfing beaches in the Algarves, where you can walk for miles. She guided me in the right direction and onto the right bus towards Keswick.

It was a small bus, mostly full of pensioners heading to Cockermouth for their shopping. I listened to the Cumbrian accents, as the local travellers greeted each other.

I changed buses in Cockermouth. The Wordsworth and Fletcher Christian pubs were infront of the bus stop. Writers who inspire writers like myself to keep writing. I opened up a conversation with another lady standing next to me. Asking if she had walked Derwent Water. We had a chuckle about getting lost.

It was a busy bus to Keswick, so I headed straight to the back. Opened up a conversation with a young man, who told me all about the bus service around the lakes. He even walked me to the information office before he started work. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I knew where it was because he wanted to help me. He was from Preston, had broken up with his girlfriend and moved here to work. A new start, which I could totally relate to. Shoke his hand and wished him well on his journey.

On my wander around Derwent Water, I smiled, saying hello and asking for directions, to make sure I was on the right path. Everyone was so friendly and helpful, so I left the map in my bag and kept asking people for the directions. It rained on and off but the magnificence of the Lake District can’t be reduced by grey clouds.

It took me 4 hours and 20 minutes to walk around the whole thing, and I was absolutely fooking stoofed by the end of it. But it was WONDERFUL because I was on an adventure and my heart was full of joy.

Had to wait an hour for the bus back to Maryport, so I wandered over to the Fletcher Christian pub for a whiskey or two. First time in a pub alone and it wasn’t so bad.

Came home to a mighty feast that Uncle Keith had prepared for us. After dinner Aunty Julie and I popped over to Aunty Violets for a catch up. And now I’m soaking my sore footsies in a nice hot bowl of salt water, while sipping on another whiskey. Oh YES, I’ll sleep tonight 😋

Break ups, break downs and break throughs !!!

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Letting go is a process and it can get so bloody messy and confusing. Even when we KNOW it’s the right time for our paths to diverge, we can still find ourself caught up in our fears. Holding on and staying stuck, where there is no flow, only resistance to what IS.

Although we both knew it was time for us to part ways, I struggled to fully let go. Although I knew that our choices were leading us down different paths because we wanted different things in life, I still struggled to let him go.

Why did I struggle ?

Because when we “feel” the one we’ve been loving taking the steps to walk away in another direction, our niggling doubts can play on our minds, causing all kinds of chaos with our thinking. My fear of making a mistake, of being alone and never finding a man who would ever love me in the same way he did, made it impossible for me to let go. My thoughts made me feel like shit. I felt rejected, abandoned and sorry for myself.

Feelings I had to FEEL !!!

I’m learning that acceptance, like healing, isn’t instant, it’s a process. I’m also learning how to be more gentle with myself during the process of accepting what is. As I continue to walk a little more confidently on a road less travelled.

To believe in the magic, is to believe in yourself

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We are not the thoughts that we think
We are not the emotions that we feel

Our thoughts and emotions serve to navigate us on the journey of our human experience.

We are a pure form of energy
We are immortal
We are in essence, the magic 🌟

Our greatest challenge in this life time is to find the core of who we are. Uncovering the truth of our coexistence so we can live in harmony.

YES, we are the change we seek in this world.

We are peeling away what we’ve been told and rediscovering what we know. We are breaking free from our minds and trusting in the truth of our hearts. We are being guided home to heal.

What if I told you that ” Every woman that heals herself, helps to heal all women that came before her and all those to come after her ”

Would you walk through this world with more intention ? ? ? Would you live your life with more deliberation ? ? ? Would you open up to life and love with complete abandonment ? ? ?

To believe in the magic, is to believe in yourself

Life, is all about the journey ❤

Why am I angry about not staying angry ?

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I don’t particularly like feeling angry because it usually reflects a sense of not being in control.

A struggle that makes me feel uncomfortable because it reflects a resistance to the flow.

But our emotions communicate so much without words. Anger is a valid emotion that shouldn’t be surpressed, so don’t deny it. There is no shame in feeling any emotion that rises because ALL of our emotions serve a purpose. Anger can be and is a powerful energy that can motivate us forward towards change. 

What makes YOU angry ?

Even if its yourself asking the question, be prepared to be angry about being asked why you are angry. Because anger doesnt like to be questioned, it wants to be in control.

My anger falls as quickly as it rises, which in itself makes me fucking angry. Because I fall into those underlying feelings that bring me back into my truth, where I feel most vulnerable

Fuck it !!!

Dare I share what was making me angry ?

Initially, NO !!!

So, I took pen to paper and wrote about it. To better understand why anger arose, why it fell so quickly and why I was angry about that.

Why was I angry about not being angry ?

Because right now I feel somewhat like the defeated warrior. Life has broken me to the core of my being and I’m bleeding from my open wounds. Dramatic perhaps, but none the less it’s how I feel. Because the world as I knew it was shattered and it’s changed everything.

And I’m not glad about it, I’m fucking angry !!!

Why did cancer come to both of our parents ?
Why did Universe rip Mam from our lives ?
Why did I trust my heart while it was broken ?
Why do my lessons in love have to be so hard ?

Why ? Why ? Why ? Why ?

Questions that are not to be understood, only accepted. But how do I accept what I don’t yet understand ? The seeker in me often struggles to surrender to what IS when I don’t understand

So, I wrote about how I am dealing with the current situation I am in. Acknowledging any emotions, I haven’t fully processed. And sure enough my fear is feeding my feelings of frustration and insecurity. Instead of standing in my power, I am feeling utterly powerless.

Feeling angry about not being able to hold onto my anger, is reflective of my inability to control the situation, which ofcourse I can’t.

Life is unfolding and that IS the journey ❤

Dear Wild Woman …

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Dear Wild Woman
At times your roar won’t rumble
But please don’t be silenced
Know what it is that YOU do or don’t want
Speak your truth even if your voice trembles
Walk your path even if your legs shake
Don’t be afraid to trust your heart
And I beg of you, follow your instincts
Allow your feelings to guide you home
And return to the centre of your being
Where the Source of all Creation flows
And connect with Nature and Universe
YES not everyone will like it
YES you will be judged
YES people will fall away from your life
DO it anyway !!!
Never doubt yourself
Trust the process of change
Accept life as it unfolds 
Acknowledge the hurts and fears as they rise
Seek support and stay open
Feel your way through the pain
Breathe !!!
You are shedding another layer of yourself
You are becoming more conscious
You are discovering something wonderful
After death comes rebirth
So focus on your healing
Believe in yourself
And be ready to receive your hearts desire ❤