Our shadow is something we look at all the time, but very few will take the time to SEE it.

I thought this definition described the shadow simply, but it’s a complex thing to explore.

Most of us don’t want to acknowledge, let alone accept the parts of ourselves considered to be bad, dark or negative. And we certainly don’t want to show those parts to other people.

Unless you’re someone like me 😜

Sometimes I have dark and disturbing thoughts. Sometimes I’m glad people can’t read my mind. Sometimes I struggle with my shadow self.

But although my thoughts DO create my reality, I am not what I think. My brain, like a computer can be full of alot of shit I’ve done, seen and heard. Like a computer, our minds need to be cleaned, reprogrammed and rebooted.

I believe our shadow is an accumulation of the stuff we haven’t acknowledged and accepted. So, when it surfaces we either choose to deny it or we SEE it for what it is, which is a thought or feeling that hasn’t been allowed to fully flow.

Is it possible to balance our polarities and heal our wounds by just thinking positive thoughts ?

I don’t believe so …

Healing isn’t just an open your heart and feel it kinda thing. We must learn how to flow more honestly with ALL of our experiences.

Our healings matter !!!

So, let your heart guide you home towards your souls true purpose and TRUST the process 🌟

Ladies, we’ve all been here …. right ?

It all started with a little discomfort
A discomfort that soon turned into a twitch
Then the twitch became an itch
So I gave her a little scratch
But the scratch didn’t seem to satisfy her
So I rubbed her instead
Ohhhhhhh dear !!!!
Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea
I knew something was brewing
So, why did I ignore it?
Fuck !!!
This is the itch of ALL itches
Torn between needing to scratch
And wanting to play with her
But I’m neither home nor alone
I’m in the middle of my shift
Damn it !!!
Maybe it’ll help if I squeeze my thighs together?
Maybe it’ll stop if I sit on it?
Maybe distracting myself will help?
Maybe just a little touch?
Oh god !!!
Not sure I can take much more of this !!!
Before I know it I’m running to the bathroom
My knickers are around my ankles
And I’m rubbing my nether regions
Like my life depends on it
My fanny’s on fire and I’m burning for relief
Even a holy woman couldn’t deny THIS itch
Pleasure soon takes over
YES !!! YES !!! YES !!!
But …
Climax doesn’t satisfy THIS itch
The itch has now transformed into PAIN
My entire vulva is swollen and sore
I feel like I’ve just viciously abused myself
Attempts to sooth her with cool water helps
But then I need to pee
OMG !!!
It feels like I’m pissing razor blades

Ladies, DON’T scratch the itch !!!

I woke from a dream reflecting a shift within myself, so it’s a good time to reflect and share some of my thoughts on relationship …

Since my divorce, I’ve resisted needing men.

Why ?

Apart from seeking a sense of independence, I’ve also experienced many disappointments.

Men haven’t always been all that “dependable.”

I’ve experienced a sense of abandonment when I’ve needed the man I loved. Forced to fight many battles and confront the darkest forces of myself alone … on purpose.

Because ultimately, this is MY journey ❤

A journey full of ongoing lessons. Learning to accept that I choose to begin, stay in and have also contributed towards ending a relationship. Acknowledging how our individual challenges, not neccessarily a lack of love, has limited our ability to learn and grow in togetherness.

I don’t blame the men who have disappointed me, nor do I love them any less for hurting me. Because I can fully appreciate how we are ALL learning, healing and growing from every “good and bad” experience of love that we share.

Even our heart breaks are … on purpose 💔

An inner strength comes from confronting our deepest and darkest self alone, but we can also learn unhealthy habits. In attempts to protect ourselves from being disappointed or hurt, we can unconsciously respond from fear.

“To love is to risk loss, the price of loss is grief”

After a loss we either remain stuck in our suffering (or) numb ourselves from feeling anything at all (or) punish ourselves/others by denying love (or) seek love from others, depending on them to make us feel better (or) consciously flow in a state of love, allowing experiences of both love and loss to teach us.

Our choices will reflect what WE need to FEEL (or not feel). There is no right or wrong choice because our journey is unique to US.

Like love, I believe that grief has the capacity to guide us towards our inner most truth. I believe that grief has the power to liberate us from our greatest fears and heal our deepest wounds. I believe that loss can also be considered a gift.

Not everyone believes this … and that’s OK 😊

This post is about intimate LOVE but having lost people I love, I appreciate how we cannot fully love without also accepting loss. I’m learning that love isn’t something to hold onto and loss isn’t something to fear. Love and loss are equal sides of a polarity, neither one better or worse than the other because BOTH offer valuable experiences that serve our growth.

LIFE IS an accumulation of experiences that lead us to transitions and transformations 🌟

Which is why I pay closer attention …

I notice how I feel when my partner’s haven’t been emotionally available. I notice when and why I don’t feel safe and secure. I notice what triggers my fear and pokes my wounds. And I’m well aware of how I pull back or push people away when I’m struggling the most. Sometimes I “need” to pull back to clarify my own inner conflict, when not feeling secure within myself. And I push people away when not feeling a sense of safety in the relationship.

Becoming more aware of ourselves is the first step towards taking FULL responsibility for our own experiences. We can then distinguish our wants from our needs, communicate ourselves more openly and honestly, improve the quality of our relationships and create the kind of sustainable changes that LIFT us up towards a higher state of BEING and DOING 🌟

Truth is, I love openly and freely but my growth game is strong because my dreams are BIG, so I’m mindful of how and where my energy flows.

I want to RISE in love, not fall, which is probably why intimate relationship forces me to go deeper. But I totally appreciate and accept that not everyone wants to dive in so deeply 😜

Relationship wants and needs vary depending upon our own wants and needs, which is why holding others accountable for our hurts and responsible for our happiness, is not only a waste of our own time and energy, but its also detrimental to everyone’s growth and healing.

My resistence to “need” a man isn’t because I don’t need him, because I DO. My resistance either reflects tension within the relationship or it guides me towards an inner conflict ….

A fear that limits or a hurt that’s rewounding ?

This is how I maintain personal responsibility for my inner most thoughts and feelings. It’s how I balance my energy and feel a sense of wholeness regardless of my relationship status

This is my HEALING process ❤

July 8th 1972 was the day our parents wed. So today is their 46th Wedding Anniversary. They fell in love 50 years ago and no matter what, their love flows stronger than ever. So, today like every other day I celebrate the LOVE ❤

… but my heart weeps because we cannot celebrate the love, without also acknowledging our loss 💔 No matter how much we believe that you’re with us in spirit, my heart still feels the sorrow in our grieving hearts. Because we can’t see, hear, smell or touch you in the same way. You were the one who taught us about spirit, but learning how to live in a world without your physical presence, is proving to be more challenging to do because damn it, there’s so much of you to miss 😔

But my grief guides me deeper into myself, to the core of my wound. I visualize my inner child, alone in the world without her Mother, feeling lost and abandoned. A wound I was oblivious to in the past, but I can now see how it has bled over into all other relationships in my life. The cause of unhealthy attachments and codependent relationships. No longer able to deny my truth, I can only SURRENDER to it.

“It’s not the wound that teaches, it’s the healing”

Having suffered the sting of loss many times before, I understand and appreciate that LOSS teaches us things that love alone cannot teach. Loss guides us towards the core of our own suffering, to the wounds that causes our pain.

I believe the abandonment wound is collective. A sense of disconnection from Mother Earth and the Divine Source of Creation. And a lack of self love and wholeness within ourselves.

So, today, I celebrate the LOVE that still flows between our parents. A love that will forever and always flow through us. I also feel our LOSS but I surrender to the lesson. Celebrating the healing of our deeper collective wounds ❤

I know I think and behave differently to most, but I am no longer afraid to STAND in the vulnerability of my truth. I release any shame or guilt that threatens to dim my light. I am no longer afraid of the dark because the more darkness we make conscious, the brighter our lights shine, guiding the way for others 🌟

Happy Anniversary Mam and Dad. I love you both so very much, FOREVER and ALWAYS ❤