I’m drinking my cuppa this morning, alone at Yam. Too many thoughts are racing through my mind, so I observe the flow and focus on …
How do I feel ?
My heart feels NOTHING …
NO emotion, NO anxiety, NO ache and NO pain.
I wonder, is this inner peace or am I numb ?
Then I notice that Dad’s chair is empty, the curtains are open and the blinds are up. The nothingness now feels like emptiness. As I sit in Mam’s empty chair, looking over to Dad’s empty chair, a sense of sadness begins to flow, and the waves of grief begin to lap the shore.
The tears begin to flow because I still struggle to accept that they’re both gone
Dad was a traditionalist, so he would want the curtains closed for a week after his passing. We sat and dwelled in the dark for days, weeks and months after Mam’s death, because it felt like the light had gone from our lives.
Yup, she was a shining star alrighty 🌟
Reluctantly, I honoured Dad’s tradition on the first day of his passing, but struggled. I didn’t want to dwell in the darkness one minute longer. After months of having the lounge room blinds rarely up and the curtains often drawn. I desperately needed the light and air to fill my BEing, before the darkness consumed me.
I no longer fear the dark, but I refuse to dwell in it. I don’t avoid the darkness because I know this is when my inner light shines the brightest.
I am the WISH BONE afterall 😊
I hung a crystal in our parents bedroom when Mam was dying. We surrounded ourselves with crystals because we embraced their healing energies. I intuitively need to bring the light into the dark, but light began to hurt Dad’s eyes. So the only time we could open up the curtains wide, was whenever he wasn’t in the room.
It became my morning routine to open up the bedroom blinds and watch as the sunlight shone through the crystal, creating rainbows that bounced all around the room. It was a little something, but it did shift the energy.
YES, the light does still shine through the darkest of times. Sharing the light isn’t hard to DO, it’s as easy as opening up the curtains, to allow the sun to shine IN 🌞
Mindful interaction ❤