How the fuck do we actually DO this ?
Is it even possible to stay positive while we’re in the midst of a negative experience ?
YES because like everything else, its a CHOICE that we make
But its far from easy because during our most challenging times we are usually confronting some of our biggest fears and sitting with our deepest despairs. During our negative experiences all of our defense mechanisms and coping styles will kick into gear.
Old habits die hard, but its important to challenge them
What am I thinking and doing ?
How do I feel and what am I avoiding to feel ?
These are the times when I have lit up the cigarette to ease my anxieties
Drank the whiskey to numb my overwhelming emotions
Scoffed the food to soothe and comfort myself
Fell into the arms of someone I love or into bed with someone I dont
I’m far from perfect and still DO some of those things during my most challenging moments, but the more mindful I become of myself, the less self destructive my habits are.
During our greatest challenges we will often DO anything but sit with the reality of what’s happening within US. We seek comfort and/or divert our attention elsewhere to soften the blow.
Yup, its hard enough to be completely present, let alone to stay fucking positive
Learning how to be fully present and maintaining our positivity during a negative experience is a mindful process. Its a habit Ive been trying to cultivate and I’m not always successful. During my biggest challenges I often fail in my attempts to be positive.
I dont like how I instantly jump and react to the worst possible case scenario whenever I’m delivered bad news. And it frustrates me how I’m fully aware when I’m avoiding myself because if I know better then I should be DOING it better. But I’m learning how to be a little more gentle with myself when I dont think, feel or behave positively.
This is the time I practice ultimate SELF LOVE ❤
How do I maintain a positive attitude during my emotional storms ?
I do my very best to keep it real because if it looks, smells and feels like shit, …
then IT IS SHIT !!!
Sometimes the most positive thing that we can DO is to fully accept the negative aspects of the situation, which comes down to how we THINK about the negative experience.
I understand and appreciate that any unexpected change that’s thrust upon us during a crisis, has the power to shatter our hearts into pieces and break us OPEN to something NEW. Breaking us OPEN to FEEL and to HEAL something WITHIN us.
These are the times when we are walking through FEAR
Its important to note that the purpose of fear is to sharpen our senses and energize us during times of great stress. Facing our fear is dealing with negative thoughts and emotions as they flow. These are the times when we must TRUST that each step we take into our fear strengthens us and helps us to confront whatever lies ahead with courage and confidence. And the more willing we are to stare fear in the face, the more FAITH and LOVE within ourselves grows. Allowing the next steps of healing and growth to be a little easier.
I strongly believe that maintaining a “positive” attitude is essential, but if we don’t fully privilege the “negative” then we experience a false positive, which is self destructive.
So PLEASE dont ask me to stay positive or to be strong when I need to fall down, break open and fully FEEL the experience as it flows. In those moments I am supposed to be feeling raw and vulnerable.
Ask yourself WHY do you want me to be positive and strong ?
And you may find that its about YOUR discomfort with the situation
HOW the fuck do we positively experience a negative experience ?
By changing the way we “think” about our “negative” experiences
Its true what they say …
” When we cannot control something then we are forced to change how we think about it”
When my heart breaks open and I’m shattered, its because the world as I know it is changing. I’m in the midst of chaos and I’m struggling to make sense of it.
During my biggest challenges I AM the storm
And just like Nature, my moods are wild and unpredictable. My mind is either racing with a multitude of thoughts or a complete blank. I lack the ability to give a fuck about those who are watching from the safety of the shore. You are either in the boat with me or offering something of value that I need.
And what I need in MY storm may differ to what YOU may need
What do I need ?
I dont need your advice … unless I ask for it
I need you to trust that I can survive this
I need you to allow and encourage me to FEEL whatever flows
I need you to believe that something far bigger than you or I is at work
If I forget, I need you to remind me about the purpose of the storm
I need your love, your hope and your prayers
During crisis, its ESSENTIAL to maintain a positive attitude but its equally important to allow ALL thoughts and emotions to flow.
Our thoughts will be conflicting and we will feel uncomfortable. But accepting the storm is how we navigate more mindfully through it. And in time we may even begin to celebrate the storms
During YOUR storm allow the grief, the confusion, the fear, the anger and whatever the fuck else arises to flow freely.
Live it FULLY !!!
OBSERVE your thoughts and process the experience
Don’t believe every single thought that you think
FEEL every good, bad and ugly emotion that flows
TRUST the process and hold onto HOPE with every ounce of FAITH that you have
Stand up to your fears and say YES I see you
Ask yourself …
What am I most afraid of ? ? ?
Voice it … say it … SCREAM it !!!
I am afraid to fully feel this
I am afraid of loosing you
I am afraid to fully live this experience
Then notice how the fear begins to fade and welcome the RELEASE
SURRENDER and TRUST that Universe is SUPPORTING you
My note to self during surrender is …
Stay OPEN hearted and FEEL it because that’s how we HEAL it
Inhale and exhale DEEPLY because our BREATH helps us to stay fully PRESENT
NOTICE where the energy is FLOWING or blocked
Rise above the fear and embody the LOVE
Mindful interaction ❤