I ain’t afraid of no ghosts …

Although I have many conversations with spirit, can sometimes see and often feel spirit in Nature, sense the presence of ghosts and know I could tap into this sight, a fear of ghosts still lingers.

I had another unsettling dream that brought this fear to the surface to be seen. So, this dark moon I’ve been reflecting upon it.

When I was a young girl, I had a nightmare (or visit), who knows for sure. My parents told me I was afraid of the big woman and little man in my bedroom, which is the earliest memory I can recall that may have triggered a fear of ‘ghosts.’ Mam shared her experiences with spirit and Dad told us magical stories, that made me feel safer to explore Otherworldly possibilities. Then I started to watch horror movies and seen a darker side that scared me.

Our imaginations can either create a fantasy or a fear. To either explore our wildest dreams or our worst nightmares. We experience fantasy and fear stories in the movies we watch and the books we read. Or, we ourselves are having the experiences that can become the stories other people watch and read. As a writer, both life and death are a  source of inspiration.

So, why am I writing about ghosts?

We’re camping at Mary Kathleen, which is an abandoned mining community that’s now a ghost town. So, dreaming about ghosts isn’t all that surprising.

In the dream Stan was taking me to haunted places without me knowing, as part of a shamanic initiation. I was being tested, to see if I was able to tune into the negative energies and transcend the darkness into light. Although that’s not necessarily the reality of what is, dreams explore our conscious and unconscious mind, which is why our dreams can and do guide us in our waking life. It’s why psychoanalyst’s study dreams, Sharman’s experience altered states of consciousness, and I suppose it’s also why I descent deeper into my own psyche during dark moons.

I recall another unsettling dream I had while camping at another abandoned place. A stock man’s yard near Rainbow Valley. I’ve since been told that this place (like many others) is haunted because of what happened on the land in the past. Whether that’s true, who really knows for certain, but I have had afew interesting experiences.

My dream being one of them.

I can’t even be sure that I was asleep and dreaming that night because the fear began to surface while I was laying awake in bed. A paranoid thought popped into my head about being in an unknown place with no phone reception, that triggered my fear. What was a beautiful vast and expansive valley of rocks and caves during the day, suddenly became something sinister and dangerous. As the wind blew through the night, I listened to the old windmill creaking in the distance. Imagining people with ill intent emerging from the deepest, darkest caves and descending the mountain towards us. While Stan slept soundly, I was preparing for our fateful demise, planning how I would begin the fight for our lives. Perhaps that’s when I drifted over to sleep and found myself at the abandoned stock man’s yard? Maybe it was just a dream? Perhaps I had an out of body experience and my spirit was exploring another reality?

I don’t know for certain if I was awake or asleep, but I do recall the dream.

I was at the abandoned stock man’s yard, standing in front of the (3) rusted single beds we had seen sitting on the bank of the dry riverbed, but they were no longer empty. Aboriginal women were laying on them, but they were tied up. I looked around and seen a group of white men sitting around the campfire drinking and noticed aboriginal men hiding out of sight. I was there, but only as an observer. So, I watched as the men fought and blood was shed because land had been taken and their women raped. I felt these negative energies flowing through me like a raging storm. The darkness threatening to consume me as I found myself surrounded by their shadows.

The word FORGIVENESS came to mind and although unspoken spirit responded. First, the women found forgiveness in their hearts and they transformed into light, then the aboriginal men found forgiveness in their hearts and they transformed into light. The white men struggled and had to dig much deeper to find forgiveness. It’s easier to forgive others, but much harder to forgive our own wrong doings. Eventually they found forgiveness in their hearts and also transformed into light.

A few days after this troubling dream, I sat naked on top of the mountain overlooking the valley as the sun was rising. Listening to “Amen, by Enigma.” The words touch something deep within me. I outstretched my arms and had a powerful vision of having rainbow wings. The following day Stan and I both felt ready to pack up and move on towards Uluru, that was calling to us both.

Now, that’s a story for another time …

Although I believe in spirit, I’m still afraid to see ghosts because it’s a fear that’s constantly fed by the scary movies I sometimes watch. Knowing what my fear feeds upon, is the key to rising above them, which is why I dive into the depths of my mind and look beyond myself. I knew illumination was the focus of this month’s dark moon when the glow from the Waning Moon woke me at 3am the other night. As the nights sky gets darker, the deeper I seem to descent into my psyche.

It’s been an interesting few days …

My initial response to Stan’s suggestion to walk in the dark the other night was “no thanks”. He invited me to take a walk without a torch and sit in the dry riverbed in the dark, alone. My overactive imagination was already having a field day, so I didn’t really want to encourage it? Then we talked some more about how our experiences of the dark provide us with valuable opportunities, to not only confront our deeper fears, but also the darker aspects of ourselves. So, I decided to accept his invitation, acknowledging I didn’t want to do it alone.

I shared how fear had paralyzed me the night I was alone on John’s property, during a blood full moon on a stormy night. How I had stayed in the tent like a scared rabbit, too afraid to step outside into the darkness and witness the beauty of Nature. I was lost deep inside my head, recalling every scary movie I had ever seen. Imagining all manner of evils lurking outside the tent, waiting to inflict pain and suffering.

This NEW MOON these are the questions that have surfaced for me …

What is my greatest challenge?
What is my biggest conflict?
Where does the darkness take me?
What am I afraid to see, feel, release?
What fear is feeding the shadows?
How am I inspiring a better world?

My beliefs and perceptions are no longer limited, but constantly shifting in response to new experiences that challenge my sense of reality. So, I can explore the possibility of creating NEW story lines, which the Indigenous describe as the New Dreaming.

My greatest challenge is learning how to live in a constant state of movement and flow. My biggest conflict is how old stories can and do still influence my thoughts and feelings. But I know that the darkness takes me to whatever demands to be seen, felt or released. So I can release what no longer serves my highest good or the greater good of all.

I no longer believe that ghosts and spirits are the same thing, I believe there’s a difference between the two. I understand spirit to be the essence of who we are, which is an energy that never dies. The word “ghost” has a different feel to it. I wonder if a ghost haunts places and people because it’s a spirit unable to fully transition into the essence of what they truly are? I wonder if the past haunts us in the same way because we’re unable to accept and flow with the natural changes and transformations of life?

Maybe that’s why it makes me think about our relationship with grief and loss? Perhaps holding onto the past is why we suffer from the death of our loved ones? Maybe our lesson is to become one with spirit, so we don’t experience the disconnection?

What if that connection can change how we experience death?

All I know for certain is that it’s changing my own experience for the better, which is why I’m sharing it with you.

Having acknowledged that I’m not afraid of heights, but of falling. I conquered my fear of heights by climbing mountains. Having acknowledged that I’m not afraid of death, but of living without those I love. I’m rising above the fear by learning how to live with my parents in spirit. Having acknowledged that I’m not afraid of the dark, but of what I “think” is hiding in it. I’m rising above the fear by exploring the darkness. I acknowledge that I’m less afraid of ghosts because I’m releasing myself from the past. Stepping into an unknown future that’s full of limitless possibilities. Although there’s no security or certainty in that truth, there’s plenty of magick to be found, which is why I continue to trust the process, believe in myself, have faith in the path and find the courage to shine a light upon the darkness.

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