I had a message in my inbox this morning from my daughter. She was feeling sick and needed Mumma hugs. Not being able to reach out and embrace her in my arms when she needs it, is something that causes me great discomfort.

As Mothers, we are supposed to be there …

(or) are we ? ? ?

What if our absence is just as important as our presence ? What if we become more aware of our Mother’s presence when she’s absent from our life ? What if we become more aware of ourselves and more present in our own lives ?

I suppose it sounds like I’m talking in riddles and perhaps my words appear foolish ? Maybe grief has distorted my perceptions or perhaps I’m beginning to see clearer than ever before ?

As a Daughter, I feel the loss of my Mother and as a Mother, I can appreciate how my Daughter feels. So, you may wonder, why then am I here?

It’s a question, I often ask myself and answers I don’t always have. It’s just a knowing that it’s somewhere I must be and something I must do

Our paths don’t always make sense to us

Maybe that’s because the answers can only be discovered, if we’re willing to take the journey?

Perhaps flowing with life and drifting between worlds is how the story unfolds?

Maybe this is MY own healing journey?

Perhaps that’s the magic I’m here to share?

Hmmmmmmmm 🤔

One thing I am certain of, is that time and distance is irrelevant when it comes to love ❤

I was the curious and confident kid. The one who didn’t give a rats arse what people thought of me. There was an openess about me that not everyone was comfortable with. I was told that I challenged people, just by being myself.

Apparently, I had no shame !!!

Hmmmmm 🤔

Funny how life experiences then shook my confidence and introduced me to shame. I suppose its of no great surprise that my path then led me down roads, that challenged me.

The very same challenges that reignited my curiosities and slowly rebuilt my confidence.

The journey back to myself hasn’t been easy, but it’s a journey that continues to teach me so much. The more bullshit I peel away, the less shame and guilt I feel about sharing who I am.

My family often laugh at me because when we recall memories from the past, my perception is often very different to theirs. They joke about how I’ve lived a very different reality to them.

In truth, I have and still DO 😊

My recollections of the past are based on what experiences were considered meaningful for me. And its those differences that continue to guide me towards my own life purpose.

The moral of this story is to celebrate whatever makes YOU different and share that magic with the world 🌟

According to the star gazers, this upcoming full moon is in Scorpio, which represents death, rebirth and unconditional love. Plus, for the first time in 20 years, Beltane is falling on a full moon. Beltane marks the beginning of Summer and is a time when the veil between worlds is thin.

So, this full moon is a good time for healing and communications with spirit will be so much clearer.

TRANSFORMATIONAL juicy goodness

Oh, how I love the energy of full moon because it’s the best time to get rid of whatever’s holding us back. This could be anything, from a thought, a belief, an emotion, a habit, a job, a person, a place, a circumstance or a situation.

So, pay close attention to what insights, thoughts and feelings are surfacing because NOW is the time to RELEASE and LET GO of what no longer serves us.

Ask yourself the tough questions …

What am I holding onto ?

What uncomfortable thoughts and feelings are coming up for me ?

What do I need to release, so that I can feel unconditional love within myself ?

We keep being asked to dig DEEPER, to peel back the layers and reach the core of our being … towards LOVE ❤

Loving, even though we’ve been hurt
Loving, even though we have lost
Loving, even though we witness heartache and destruction

Truth be told, I can tick ALL of the above

Universe continues to challenge me to sit with and ACCEPT the uncomfortable aspects of my reality. But the loss, the fear, the grief, the hurt, the unknown and the wounds are all opportunities to rise above our fear and choose love.

This IS the sweetest SURRENDER to the flow of life, in all its beauty and tragedy.

This full moon can help us to transcend our greatest fears, heal our deepest wounds and support us to achieve our wildest dreams.

Full moon in Scorpio wants us to ACCEPT the uncomfortable parts of ourselves. To face our fears and anxieties, so that we can transcend them

Its asking …

Are YOU ready to co-create with Universe ?

This is the time I love to evoke and feel the Dark Goddess energy of Kali. She is the powerful force that clears our path.

Kali is the Hindu Goddess of destruction.

But don’t be fooled by her warrior like appearance, nor fear her presence when she shows up because she flows with the fiercer forms of grace, coming to liberate us from our inner demons (ego).

I’ve experienced her energy before and it’s intense. Like Lilith, she is primal and relentless in her pursuit for truth. When I feel this energy rising within me, I’m intuitively drawn to the sound of tribal drums and a need to dance.

Whenever I flow with this energy, I’ve had some extraordinary experiences. It was how mindful masturbation first emerged, which I now understand to be a Kundalini awakening.

It’s an intense energy flow that I’m yet to fully experience within relationship with another, but I’m forever hopeful.

Kali symbolizes the death of ego as we strive towards spiritual enlightenment. She is anger, she is fierce, she is wild and she is fucking powerful. Everything we’ve been taught the feminine is not. These are considered to be the shadow aspects of woman, that we’ve been taught to fear, deny, reject and ignore.

If we’ve been buying into the old stories that a relationship with another completes us, then it’s no wonder we feel incomplete. The truth is, both men and women are realizing the need to balance their own inner masculine and feminine energies, to become whole.

Perhaps this is why more of us are yearning for something more from relationships. We want to come together in sacred union, with a divine purpose that serves our greater good on the spiritual path to enlightenment.

Kali comes to break us free from conditioned roles and those limiting stories, that hold us back from experiencing our truest potential.

I’m learning, as we peel back the layers, parts of us must die, so another aspect of self can be reborn. Suddenly, death takes on a complete new meaning and serves a completely different purpose.

I believe, that as beings of light and energy, we do not die, we transcend.

I wonder …

What if in death, we transcend into love in its purest form ?

What if we embraced this transition more than grieved over it ?

This full moon …

Why not dive deeper into your psyche and discover your own kinda magic 🌟

I’m always blown away whenever I feel the flow of Universal energy moving through me.

Yesterday, there was alot of energy flowing, which made me feel both anxious and excited. It’s an energy that brings any lingering fears up to the surface to be looked at, which I did. I was guided to ground my emotional self and get my body moving, which helped. My writing and the contracts haven’t flowed as easily while Mercury was in retrograde.

Mercury is the planet that influences our mind, which is why it influences our direction when it’s in motion. When a planet is in retrograde it has the same effect on us. We can feel stuck because we’re being directed inwards, to clarify our direction. It’s a good time to explore our inner most thoughts, feelings, desires and dreams.

When Mercury is in retrograde, it’s not a good time to sign contracts or make commitments. Perhaps that’s why the contracts fell through  and the words for my story weren’t flowing ?

I believe, understanding how Universe flows, is essential to better understanding our own flow.

Today, the energy has shifted !!!

Realizations and ideas have all been written down and the story and my direction is clearer.

When Mercury is in retrograde we can feel like we’re in a deep rest. Often labelled as a state of depression, but what if this is a neccesssary dream time, where we come to deeper understandings and higher perspectives ?

When Mercury goes direct it’s like waking up from a deep sleep. If we’ve explored our inner world, then we hopefully have a clearer vision.

Mercury and my mind has its mojo back

This NEW MOON in Aries is all about NEW beginnings, BIG changes, growth and expansion. Mercury going direct has the energy we need to move our plans and ideas forward.

It’s asking us …

What will you risk to get what you want ?

I’ll be honest, my first thought to this question was WTF else can I release and let go of ?

A thought that brought anger to the surface because I’m here, risking it ALL. Then I cried, as I thought about my family in Australia and Mam in spirit. But then my perspective shifted.

PRIDE and HUMILITY came to mind, as I reflected over recent experiences. Learning how to recieve support and be more humble.

The more I wrote, the more I discovered that my choices are often considered to be risky and daring. That my discomfort is a natural response to being out of my zones of comfort.

Taking those leaps of faith is what makes the difference between living an ordinary life and living an extraordinary life. So, I ask again …

What am I willing to risk to get what I want ?

I am willing to risk FAILURE !!!

Strip me bare of my labels
and let me just BE
I am so much more than being
someones mother, daughter or wife
My roles and responsibilities
do not define who I am
Those experiences only shape
the woman I become
I am neither constant
nor consistent in my being
For I am forever changing
My heart beats to the rhythm
of Universe
I am a force of Nature
Just as the constellations shift
and the planets are in constant motion
So am I
Just as the tides turn and the oceans
flow with the energy of the moon
So do I
My moods are as unpredictable
as the weather
and my cycles change with the seasons
Life inspires me
and love sustains me
I am the kind of magic
you’re soul yearns for
I AM woman ❤

When I arrived here, there was mail waiting for me and another unexpected surprise. I posted these pay it forward keys to my sons when I was last in the UK. But the address was wrong and I thought the package was lost forever.

Today, I’m reminded …. BELIEVE !!!

But in what ? ? ?

Well, walking a road less travelled and going with the flow isn’t without it’s challenges, but I believe that those challenges are opportunities for us to experiment and explore with new ways of being and doing.

When I opened up my emails and seen the messages from care managers, I assumed it would be client details. Instead, they were apologizing for those contracts falling through.

I’ll admit, my initial reaction was “shit, bugger, fuck.” Because I’ve been back in the UK for over a month and only had a weeks work. So, I’ve spent more than earned, which isn’t my plan !!!

Hence why these days I’m borrowing the term “sketch” instead of plan. Because learning how to be more flexible on a flowing path is essential to the flow, which makes sense.

I’ve contemplated looking for other work and spoken to other carers about private care. But I choose to stay with OA because I want the security and need the support they provide.

Fortunately, they understand and appreciate my concerns. I’ve been offered a weekly retainer to help with costs, and I’ll be on call incase emergency relief care is needed, until a long term contract comes my way.

My colleague and dear friend was here when I opened up the email, who reminded me that these contracts have fallen through because a much better contract is on its way. I love how she thinks. I also love how she reassured me that as my friend, she has a room if needed.

But her reassurance didn’t seem to stop those nagging anxieties from surfacing. So, I did what I do best and picked up my pen and asked myself the right questions …

What am I worried about ?
What am I afraid of ?

I’m worried about running out of money.
I’m afraid of flowing on this path and failing.
I’m worried about making the wrong choice.
I’m afraid of not achieving my bigger dreams.

Rational worries and fears ?

Perhaps, but those thoughts limit me more than serve me. So, I acknowledge the limiting beliefs driving the thoughts and that’s how I feel less anxious and change my experience.

Today, I’m reminded to BELIEVE that we are supported on our paths, and I’m sharing this story with you because someone else may benefit from this message.

Paying it forward ❤

Life was totally amazing, then it was fucking awful and there’s been plenty of ordinary moments inbetween. But after everything I’ve been through, YES I still believe in magic 🌟

As I wandered down Woodstock road towards the centre of Oxford, I felt the familiar sense of contentment, knowing I am walking MY path.

Within the space of 5 minutes I seen 3 white feathers. The first caught my eye as it blew across the road to the left of me. The second blew infront of my feet and the third blew down from a tree, dancing in the breeze.

I believe it was a reminder from spirit, that I am supported on the road less travelled. Universe keeps showing me the magic of connection.

Strangers touch my life in ways that strengthen my believe, that this truly is a wonderful world.

Truth is, some of us aren’t meant to stay in one place, but not all who wander are lost. For now, I flow wherever the path wants to take me.

I am a seeker and an explorer, so I thrive from new experiences. Maybe my soul is destined to wander because the journey is my gift to you ?