As Mothers I’m sure we’ve all asked ourselves this question at some stage, if not frequently. Therefore our self doubting can often become a habit. I’ve been parenting now for 20 years and I can honestly say that those doubts have not reduced because the more I learn, the more there is to learn … its like the NEVER ENDING story (gasp)

The part we play as Mothers may change over the years as the needs of our children change, but the unconditional love remains ALWAYS and FOREVER. Its the adjustments to those changing needs that are often our biggest challenge, especially as we confront our own personal challenges.

Over the years Motherhood has taken me on a wild and wonderful ride but DIVORCE and HORMONES (my teenagers and my own) have certainly been the wildest. And I’m not sure we can EVER really be fully prepared for those kinds of challenges, but its because of those challenges and conflicts that Motherhood now holds a much deeper meaning for me.

The choices I’ve made over the years have taught me valuable lessons, but those lessons often came at a cost. At times I have failed my children and many times I still feel like a failure. I’ve taken lots of guilt trips, played many a blame game and I continue to have doubts and uncertainties as a Mother ¿¿¿¿ … But I think THATS what makes us a good Mother, because our need to BE better motivates us to DO better.

There is NO right or wrong way of being a good Mother. We just love our children and do the very best we can, learning along the way. I open my mouth and my Mother often comes out, her words `I’m learning how to be a Mother just as you are learning how to be an adult`, are often spoken to my cubs as they grow and mature. I always appreciate that kind of honesty from my Mam and her wise words continue to support and guide me on my own journey as a Mother.

Having good support systems in place is ESSENTIAL no matter who we are or what we are doing, but the support and understanding of other Mothers benefits us all. So appreciate the experience and wisdom of your own Mother, seek out Sisterhood support and know that you are NEVER alone in your struggles.

Being a Mother to my 3 young adults has been and continues to be my biggest challenge but also my biggest joy in life. Teaching me so much about love, life and myself. Hindsight being a wonderful thing (wink) … but when we know better we hopefully DO better.

ENJOY the journey because Motherhood is the best ride of LOVE we will EVER decide to take !!

 

SELF LOVE … is a regard for your own well being and happiness. It influences the partner we choose, the relationships we have and how we cope with problems. Its a state of appreciation for ourselves and it grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.

HOW can we learn to self love ?

BE MINDFUL … about your thoughts, feelings, wants, needs and expectations. The more self aware we are the more we can avoid those self harming behaviours that turn into bad habits.

ACT ON WHAT YOU NEED INSTEAD OF WHAT YOU WANT … love yourself enough to turn away from something that feels good but pulls you back. Love yourself enough to stay strong and centered to what moves you forward. The more self aware we are the more we can avoid automatic behavior patterns that keep us stuck in the past and impede self love.

PRACTICE SELF CARE … take better care of your own basic needs by nourishing yourself daily. Focusing on nutrition, exercise, sleep, intimacy and social interactions. The more self aware we are the better choices we make.

SET BOUNDARIES … know your limits and say NO to anything that may cause you physical, emotional or spiritual harm. Its not only OK to prioritize your own needs, its ESSENTIAL. The more self aware we are the more we avoid situations that bring us unnecessary conflict and discomfort.

PROTECT YOURSELF … rid yourself of ´frenemies´, those friends who take pleasure in your pain and loss rather than your happiness and success. The more self aware we are the better friendship choices we make.

FORGIVE YOURSELF …when we take personal responsibility for our actions we can often punish ourselves. But we must accept our humanness and understand that there are no failures when we learn and grow from our mistakes, and there are no mistakes when we realize that we are given choices to learn and grown from. The more self aware we are the more gentle we become with ourselves.

LIVE INTENTIONALLY … when our intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life then our decisions will support this intention. The more self aware we are the more we move through life with a sense of purpose.

Cultivate the habit of self love and become all you can be !!!

  

A few days on the internet dating playground and it soon became obvious that my game had changed …

After 7 months of celibacy and a broken heart, I thought I just needed to get back out there and have a good time. I thought I needed to satisfy my sexual desires to liberate myself as a woman, instead of feeling like a wounded animal. I thought to move on I needed to let go of the man I love and move forward with a man I want … NOTE TO SELF – Don’t believe everything you think !!!

I like to think of the brain as a complex computer system with its excitable neurons transmitting action potential through the cells of our body, not so different to the electricity that feeds our computers. During my heartbreak there was more feeling than thinking going on, so old programs wired into my brain´s hard drive automatically starting to run previous thoughts that drove and motivated my behavior in the past. However, those belief systems were now out dated, no longer serving me …

SO … time to reboot the system and update the new software.

My heart is much stronger than I had ever imagined because I now have the courage to sit in the depths of my hurting heart and privilege the experience as much as I do my joys. My ego is in no need of rubbing because I know my own worth, it was this knowing that motivated me to walk away from the man I love.

I’m no longer interested in engaging in meaningless superficial chat with men only interested in connecting for a quick fix or escape because my life has depth I no longer wish to escape. I have no interest in rubbing egos with anyone else because my heart now leads the way. I stand in my truth and acknowledge that although my body desires and craves the touch of a man, I want to share this experience with someone I truly connect with …

“A man who does not play games for he holds all others as equal to himself. A man who is open and honest in speaking his truth for he knows to hide his voice is to veil his purpose. A man who has no shame for the love in his heart for he knows to feel is sacred. A man who owns his mistakes and his past, but is not a prisoner to its chain.“

Does this man exist ?   …. not on a dating site (insert wink)