I created this blog with intentions of sharing my own process of change because it’s part of my own personal and professional development
“GROWTH”

I made a conscious choice to become more authentic and transparent in my helping role because I want to inspire and support others to stand more comfortably in their own truths, with less fear, shame and guilt
“TRUTH”

I share my own thoughts, feelings and experiences as part of my healing process because I want to support others as they acknowledge their own hurts, confront their own fears, challenge their own realities, change their own habits and transform their own lives
“HEALING”

As I step into the new year I have an overwhelming sense of pride …

Life didn’t go as planned … but I flowed with each and every wave

I’m far from perfect … but I embrace all that makes me human

I don’t have all the answers … but I’m asking the right questions

I’m not where I thought I was going …

but I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be !!!

Come walk with me and let me show you what it is that I see …

I see a new day is dawning

I see a new chapter is beginning

I see a new year full of opportunities and possibilities that await us

I see wide open seas and a vast ocean of flowing tides, with waves that lap up against the shore and invite us to dip our toes

I see the sun casting an amazing show of light and shadow, as she reflects her brightness down upon us

I see contemplators quietly seated on the sands, reflecting over what was

I see hopeful hearts meandering closely to the waters edge, wondering if what they wish for … could be ?

I see lovers embraced warm and tenderly in each others arms, lingering in the moments, as they stand drenched in feelings of love

I see runners in music worlds, moving to the beat of their determination

I see bodies laying in sands, nursing headaches and hangovers

I see gatherings of people sharing in conversation, greeting passers by with a smile and a nod, while gazing upon the horizon

I see birds gracefully swooping and insects busily buzzing around

I see the ever changing cloud formations, that consistently create a variety of different shapes and patterns

I see an orb of light energized by the light of the sun, that keeps playfully appearing within my view

I see a beautiful and wonderful world before me, full of endless other world magic and limitless opportunity and possibility

I see another wonderful journey beginning to unfold …

As one year comes to an end, another year of possibilities await us

I farewell 2015 with mixed emotions, as I reflect over my experiences

This time last year I was conflicted between what was happening in my life and what I wanted to happen. It was New Years eve 2014 and I hadn’t long returned back to Australia from the UK, after spending time with the man I was still in love with, to determine if we were going to gain closure or begin a life together in the UK. The man who claimed to love me too, yet he kept giving me reasons why he couldn’t yet tell his wife that his marriage was over because he was in love with another woman, excuses that continued until April. As the months passed by it became painfully clear that he either doubted our love or was still in love with his wife. So, I decided that I was no longer willing to feel like an option in his life and I certainly didn’t want to continue being the “other woman” …

My heart shattered into pieces when he let me walk away AGAIN, knowing very well how deeply I loved him

Another heartbreak to recover from
Another broken dream
Another hard lesson learned

But I have no regrets because I will always choose to follow my heart and believe in LOVE ♡ regardless of what others may think is best for me …

WHY ?

Because I believe that my heart always guides me towards experiences that serve an important purpose in my growth. The more I trust the process of change, the more I understand that sometimes the things I want, aren’t always what I need, however difficult it is to accept …

Does that make it easier to let go ? … NO

2015 has been another challenging year. I allowed love back into my life, even though I was still recovering from a broken heart. So, another heartbreak literally broke me wide open, but this time I made a different choice. Instead of focusing on mending the broken pieces of my heart, I decided to spend time exploring my truths and looked deeper inside of myself, which brought me towards a completely different experience …

Instead of recovering I was healing ♡

Healer’s outstretched open hand surrounded by random wise healing words on a rustic stone effect background

Reflecting over the year coming to an end, I can’t help but smile, because I understand that sometimes we must experience a loss to gain something much more valuable in its place …

My journal entries highlighted my goals for 2015 …

• To loose weight and get fit (an ongoing battle)
• To move over to the UK and start a new life with the man I love
• To become a Wellness Coach by 2016
• To be a Counselor in Aged Care
• To be a Writer
• To increase my income

What DID I successfully achieve ???

• I got fatter
• I walked away from the man I love
• I focused on my own well being
• I became more frustrated with Aged Care
• I started writing
• I worked less and so earned less

Hmmmmm … things rarely go as planned (wink) hahahaha

“Where our focus goes our energy will flow”

My time and energy was spent on comforting myself through emotional times and regaining a new sense of direction. Writing has become a very important part of my healing process, which has led me towards living a more creative and conscious life and is guiding me in another direction, towards my wildest fantasies and greatest dreams ~~~☆☆☆

I’ve experienced some profound spiritual movements and energetic shifts that have shaken up my world. The more truths I expose, the more hurts I acknowledge and the more fears I confront …

the more OPEN I become to RECEIVE …

“What’s NEW about what I do” ?
What INGREDIENT tastes like me” ?
What’s my FLAVOUR” ?

I think it’s …. the JOURNEY 

My professional and personal development has been an important process of pragmatic thinking and inquiry based learning, which has led me towards experiences that hopefully provide me with a more holistic perspective …

CARING – compassion of HEART
NURSING – physiology of BODY
PSYCHOLOGY – philosophy of MIND
COUNSELLING – communication of EMOTION
MOON / NATURE – flow of ENERGY
and my recent interest …

METAPHYSICAL – experience of CONNECTION

What does this mean for my future 2016 goals ?

… that the JOURNEY continues !!!

As the year comes to an end and I reflect over …

what WAS, what IS and what WILL BE …

I find myself sitting in a familiar place of PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE … but after a past life reading a few days ago, I also find myself in a strange and unfamiliar place of seeking connection to unknown parts of myself

I consider myself fortunate to be surrounded by many women of wisdom, some of which are psychics and mystics, many who are moving away blockages and reopening channels to spirit energies …

So, I excitedly asked a dear and wonderful friend of mine “What can you see for me” ? … which led us towards an unexpected jump to the past and some exciting insights into the future …

She confirmed many of my own knowings about having lived many lives in the UK, where I still have a strong heart connection to the land. It was 17th century self that came through: a woman with long curly auburn hair, green eyes, slimmer than I am now with a well proportioned body (a similar image I’ve had of myself living in another life)

I was from a middle class family, happily married, very much in love, had 2 children (one died), a justice fighter and school teacher, with a strong desire to see the world through different eyes and have different experiences … which is why my eyes changed to the colour blue

I didn’t full fill my life purpose in that life time, hence why she came through … maybe “she” has unfinished business ?

I was told that she walks with me during this lifetime …

Now, there’s a concept that spins me out, if I hold onto the belief that our soul can only be in one place, at one time …

but WHAT IF we can and do exist in other dimensions and therefore be living different realities at the same time ?

Some serious mind blowing WTF possibilities !!!

Keeping my mind open … I listened attentively as she described the images coming to her. My 17th century self, walking through a market square alone, smiling to passers by and feeling happy and content … then my future self walking on a white sandy beach on an island somewhere, feeling the same way … a pivotal moment in time …

As if both parts of myself are walking on an exact parallel

What it means or what message it gives, I guess time will tell ?

Which brings me to some of the future images that came to her …

Traveling to somewhere with snowy mountains soon

A book, spirit suggested I read “Scarlet Fever”

Pretty much going in the same direction and dabbling in similar things for a few more years yet to come

Writing my book about “Love”, which is part of my healing process … I will confront some knock backs and rejections but I wont GIVE UP … and it will eventually be recognized (most likely internationally) … she had an image of a book launch in front of the Sydney opera house. A tall grey haired gent standing proudly beside me

  I will meet the “one” once my book has been written and published at a formal function … I’m wearing a black gown and hes wearing a black suit. Hes tall, dark and handsome and I will know as soon as our eyes meet …

She’s not the first person to tell me that …

Another psychic told me that my “soul mate” won’t come into my life until I am in my late 40s, that my path will lead me towards other men before then because of my need for experience

  Not too long ago, Frenchy had an image of a tall, dark and handsome man coming into my life … and although I can’t picture his face, I do sense this man coming into my life in the future …

But first, I have important work to do myself …

Our conversation opens up some VERY interesting possibilities …

but as I regress over past experiences and work towards the future …

Life … its all about the journey !!!

Me too …

The how, why and when our friendship ended caused me alot of heart hurt. Suffering exaggerated and prolonged by her continued connection with my family & friends …

But just as some relationships come to an end … so do some friendships …

Seasons ♡ Reasons ♡ Life times ♡

I learned many valuable lessons from the unfortunate experience …

I learned how to stand in MY truth, regardless of what other people thought or felt about me.

I learned how to drop the masks and live with more integrity, no matter how uncomfortable it felt.

I learned how to be more authentic in my interactions, regardless of how much it upset the status quo.

But most importantly I learned how to face up to my own BULL SHIT !!!

I may have lost her friendship but I gained so much more in my life because I now see and experience life very differently …

I believe that sometimes we outgrow people, and that’s not only OK, its often necessary.

I think the role people play in our lives needs to change as we do.

I understand that the universe connects and disconnects us on purpose.

I accept that some changes are often not wanted but are always needed.

I believe conflict and tensions occur when we refuse to let go and move on.

I trust the process of change and growth … even though at times I may not always like or want it ♡

“Somewhere over the rainbow”

Once upon a time there was a young girl named Illumine …

She lived in the woodlands with her parents and was known by the villagers as being a wild and wonderful free spirit, who danced with the fairy folk. One blue eye, one green, white porcelain skin, blush pink cheeks and blood red lips. She had long flowing rainbow hair, that she rarely brushed and she never wore shoes because she loved how the earth felt beneath her feet, and how the grass tickled between her toes.

She had a very special gift … that she wasn’t yet aware of

Illumines heart was warm and she loved easily, which attracted both people and animals a like. Her mind was filled with many curiosities and wonderings as she continually questioned the world in which she lived in. She couldn’t understand the anger and the sadness of the world, which is why she preferred to spend time in the forest with the fairy folk. Her soul seemed old and of another time because she had a sense of knowing that guided her through life.

She had a very special gift … that she wasn’t yet aware of

Illumines favourite place to be was outdoors in nature, where the trees grew tall and the waters ran free. She paddled and swam in the streams with the fishes under the night sky, watching the twinkling stars … and she fell in love with the moon. She danced in the wide open meadows as the rains fell from the sky, watching the sun shine through the clouds … and she fell in love with the rainbows. She stood on the mountain tops feeling the wind blowing her wild hair, watching the birds take flight … and she fell in love with their wings. She screamed with each roar of thunder, watching how the lightning bolts lit up the skies … and she fell in love with the heavens.

She had a very special gift … that she wasn’t yet aware of

Something changed when she turned 13 years old, she became aware of the darkness, which seemed to follow her. Colour began to drain from her hair, she lost the sparkle in her eyes and her mood became gloomy. Shadows lurked in the corners of her mind, causing her to lose all sense of reality. Her body soon became infected with the darkness and life began to slowly drain from her. Illumine spoke about how her heart ached with an overwhelming sense of sadness, as if she carried the grief of the world in her heart. She said the fairies had told her that it was her time to show the world why she was here and that she need not be afraid.

She had a very special gift … that she wasn’t yet aware of

Family, friends and fairies surrounded her, each shining a light onto the darkness that was taking her away from this world. Love filled the room as lights shone brighter and brighter around her. She smiled and took her last breath … then something magical happened. Her spirit levitated from the bed and she BECAME the light. The entire room was filled with a warm glow that drifted down onto each and every person, making everyone’s light shine even brighter.

She had a very special gift … that she gave to us

Illumines message was that of LOVE and LIGHT. She showed us that we are more than the body in which we inhabit, that our energy continues to live on in each and every one of us. She showed us that the darkness was the sadness and anger of the world and that it can be healed by our love and light. She reminded us that her energy forever lives on in the stars that sparkle, the moon that glows, the fish that swim, the rains that fall, the rainbows that shine, the wind that blows, the birds that fly, the thunder that roars and the lightening that flashes.

Share YOUR love and light with the world

WHAT is creativity ?

and HOW can I become more inspired to be creative ?

By definition creativity is …

“The ability to transform traditional ideas & create meaningful new ideas”

To live a creative life … I need to feel inspired

To feel inspired … I need to have new experiences

To have new experiences … I need to be willing to do something different

To do something different … I need to change how I think

To change how I think … I need to challenge myself

To challenge myself … I need to get out of the comfort zone

To get out of the comfort zone … I need to take risks

1 ) Listen to your heart because that is your truth

2) Trust your instincts because it guides you

3) Focus on your strengths because it makes it easier to be creative

4) Open up your mind and explore new ideas because it will inspire you

5) Follow your passion because it energizes your creativity

6) Challenge yourself because it opens up new perspectives

7) Surround yourself with inspirational greatness because it inspires you

8) Experiment because trying new things stimulates your creative mind

9) Play and have fun because it liberates your self expression

10) Don’t compare yourself with others because it is YOUR journey

” The Watchful Souls “

The building is dark and the mood is somber …

As I walk quickly down the hallway I have a strong sense of suffocation, so I seek out the exit. There are windows all the way down the hallway. The windows frame each room, as if advertising the contents and enticing me to enter. Turning to my left, I notice a large framed window and I see a dark room filled with soft, cuddly toys. In the middle of them I see the outline of a young male. He’s sitting in the dark among the pile, motionless and gazing directly ahead without any expression. The vision unnerves me a little, yet I’m unsure why I’m compelled to enter the room where he sits.

Reaching down to the handle, I open the door and walk inside. I see the young man hasn’t moved. As I quickly sweep my glance over the room, I also see a young girl standing in the corner. Neither of them speak out loud but I can hear voices. I’m confused and a little frightened.

I wonder …

WHERE are the voices coming from ?

WHAT are they saying ?

HOW am I able to hear them ?

WHY is possible ?

HOW is it happening ?

My questions drown out the voices until I hear a loud shout … STOP !!!

Startled, I look up and notice the young man is watching the young girl who is now walking towards me. As she approaches there is an uncomfortable silence. I want to run but my legs won’t move, I want to speak but my mouth won’t open …

Transfixed, I’m hypnotized by her presence.

At a guess she is around 12 years old. Her hair cut short to the scalp as if she has cut it herself. Wearing a dirty grey set of pajamas that were at one time white with pink fluffy bunnies on them. Bare feet and black toe nails. Although her body is malnourished and she appears weak, she glides easily towards me as if standing on a moving floor. As she gets closer I see her facial features becoming clearer. Dark brown glassy eyes that have sunken deep into her skull. Skin that is colourless and without life. Lips dry and cracked … then she smiles at me and reaches out her hand.

I take her hand and like a jolt of lightening her story unfolds ….

She and her older brother have been stuck in this inbetween world for several decades, unable to live but not yet dead. A tortured past keeping them both trapped together in a place of darkness. Watchful souls, who can only look through the window and watch as others pass them by. Watching as people gaze inside and look at the scene, but with no real interest to understand what it is that they see.

This was a room where she had felt safe as a child. A place where she would hide whenever she was afraid. Glancing over to the young man, I notice that he still hasn’t moved but that he’s now looking at me with a look of desperation … I’m confused ?

She tells me that he did things to her, things that no one should ever do. I feel uncomfortable and unsure as to why I am here. My thoughts don’t need to be said out loud because she can hear them, her brother too, but why can’t I hear his voice ?

She tells me that she needs me to help her …

I want to, but WHAT can I do ?

A sudden sharp pain in my head causes some disturbance between our conversation and I hear a softly spoken male voice. I see the young man struggling as he tries to move out from the pile of toys. His sister cries out “PLEASE don’t let him get me”, as she tightly squeezes my hands. She is afraid, but WHY ? … I don’t understand what is happening and I feel a strong sense of conflict, as I also hear the young man saying over and over again … “I forgive you” … “I forgive you.”

The more I tune into what he is saying, the quieter she becomes. The more I hear what he is saying, the more he is able to move. The more he moves the tighter she squeezes my hand. Energy in the room is shifting and we are all feeling uneasy.

I see the young man moving towards us. At a guess he is around 17 years old. He is tall and very thin. Messy black hair and wearing a torn black jumper. He has no limbs ? Yet he moves towards us with no arms or legs. How is this possible ? … as he gets closer I see his face becoming clearer. Bright blue eyes that pierce through to my soul. Blood stained skin and soft red lips that smile at me.

He softly kisses my cheek and like a jolt of lightening his story unfolds ….

A scared little girl is sitting in among her soft toys, crying. He approaches to comfort his little sister by leaning down to hug her, because he knows that she is carrying a heavy burden in her heart. He knows that she is in pain. He knows that someone has hurt her. But she hits him on the head with a hammer that she was holding. Blood runs down his face as life leaves him. His sister cuts off his arms and legs, wraps rope around his body and drags him outside, over the hill, down the embankment and towards the woodland.

I’m horrified by the images that are flashing before me !!!

I don’t understand ???

The young girl has fallen to her knees and is sobbing. She tells us that she had mistaken her brother for the man who had raped her over and over again. She told us that fear took her to a place she couldn’t escape. She begged for her brother’s forgiveness because she loved him so very much. Her brother kneeled down beside her, with arms that could now embrace her. As they hugged each other tightly a light filled the room and the watchful souls were set free …

…. then I woke !!!!

“Expressing LOVE and suspending judgment … takes mindful consideration in our interactions”

Our changing truths are sometimes difficult for us to understand, more challenging for us to express and takes immense courage to share  …
Take heed … when our changing truths fall upon judgmental ears, it can damage fragile new growth pushing up beneath the surface …

Judgments poke at old wounds that are still healing,
Assumptions cause self-doubt that bring us back not forward,
Sharpness of tongue kills without drawing blood,
Critical perceptions that lack depth of understanding deliver harsh truths,
Punishment serves to feed guilt, shame and fear,
Discrimination separates you from me and us from them.

“Expressing LOVE and suspending judgment … takes mindful consideration in our interactions”

Seek to understand and support those who reveal their truth.
Nurture and nourish new growth with tenderness and warmth,
Be gentle and let the truth fall upon compassionate ears and kind heart,
An open sinner or false saint is only a matter of perception,
With the focus of our attention bringing us closer towards our own truth,
Allowing conflicting truths to be an opportunity for mutual understanding
Sets our vibrational frequency to LOVE

“Expressing LOVE and suspending judgment … takes mindful consideration in our interactions”

It arks me how easily medications are prescribed and how easily we often take them without actually thinking it through for ourselves …

Yesterday I decided NOT to take the stemetil or the panadols and instead focused my attention on the possible cause instead of the symptoms … I may have been right, I may have been wrong, but it was right for ME ♡

Whether it was a viral infection or an energetic shift, who really knows for certain ? But instead of accepting the doctors truth I listened to my own by tapping into my instincts and curiosities

Taking the medication and sleeping it off was something old Tracey would do, but I think differently now. Instead, I paid attention to how my body was feeling and what thoughts I was thinking, which in itself changed things. Because being more aware of myself as a passive witness, rather than an active participatant helped me to flow rather than control the experience …

PLEASE NOTE that I don’t suggest nor recommend that everyone stops taking medication because sometimes its needed alongside other treatments. My advice is listen to your body and seek professional advice. I am a nurse and so I’m well aware of medical risks, which is why I always get checked by a doctor first … but thinking holistically often takes me away from the medical model

So, what did I do ? … I meditated and asked my angel guides to work with me and the crystals, drank plenty of water, nourished my body with vitamins and minerals, kept my brain activity to a minimum, did more things that made it easier to be present, like soaking in the bath tub and writing down my thoughts

It wasn’t all that comfortable because I had a head full of pressure, which panadols would have eased. A nauseated tummy, dizziness when I moved too quicky, racing thoughts and anxiety … all of which would have gone away by taking that little magic stemetil pill …

Hmmmm … do you see how tempting and easy it is to not flow with our experience and instead control it ? … who has the time and energy to heal ? … when we have responsibilities and commitments. My method was a slow process of discomfort. I took time off work to prioritize my own needs, knowing I have no sick leave … but for me, my health and wellbeing is more important ♡

Today, I still don’t feel 100% but after 24 hours of no medication I’m a healthier 90% 🙂 The nausea has gone, the pressure in my head has relieved, no more vision disturbances. But I still have a heavy headache so I’ll continue doing today what I did yesterday and I’m feeling well enough to do some exercise that will help shift some energy around

The biggest shift of all has been in my mental clarity and emotional balance during an intense new moon phase. In matters of the heart and career plans this helps me to stand in my truth 🙂

Trust the process of healing ♡