I fear confronting that what I already know almost as much as I fear seeing that what I don’t want to see.

But as my fears rumbled in the dark, spirit whispered into my ear.
“The truth has always been known, but your heart needed to realize it”.

Although the truth was delivered with love, the voices made me feel uneasy as the shadows began to lean in closer.

Unable to run and hide, I confronted my fear and consoled my hopeful heart

The truth gutted me because I loved him with both heart and soul

But no matter how much I was willing to give, I could never give him what he truly needed

Not before, not now and perhaps never

My heart refused to believe it until I had exhausted every possible option

Unable to bare the what ifs rolling around in my mind forever

Whether we loved each other had never been the question because its love that kept pulling us back together again and again. But its a love that never seemed to flow in the way we had hoped, nor in the way we had imagined.

A connection that didn’t seem to make any sense

Cruel to tempt us with such possibilities if not promised to be

So I asked

Why did fear keep holding us back from each other?

Was this a soul contract?

Have we been dancing with Karma?

I wondered

What if this is how it was always meant to be?

What if the purpose was to liberate us both from the fantasy?

What if we needed to be released from the past so we can create a better future?

Will I be a better woman for healing my wounds and surrendering to that what calls me and will he be a better man for letting me go and accepting the life that he has chosen?

I still don’t have all the answers and perhaps I never will

But of one thing I am certain

When things don’t go to plan, our mind will try to convince us that it was all wrong, while our hearts will forever and always remind us that love is always right.

An inner conflict rich with insight

Even though the love may be true, the stories we often tell ourselves can be the very lies that we comfort our hurting hearts with, which continues to feed our hungry fears.

So, here I am

No longer the story waiting to be written

A soul no longer tortured because Ive been liberated from my fear

I hold the pen between my trembling fingertips and begin to write my own story

Forever hopeful for the fairy tale but refusing to live in a fantasy

Because I will forever and always believe that love has the power to transform us into something more

Mindful interaction ❤

Like you,
I’m not always full of positive vibes and smiles.

My eyes don’t always see the beauty and so my heart struggles to flow with love.

Sometimes my mood turns towards the darker shades of my personality.

Where my thoughts become distorted,
and my heart drifts away to alternate realities.

To the place where my actions are sinfully disgraceful and my behaviour blissfully immoral.

Where the shadiest parts of my soul continue to tempt me towards the darker side.

To the place where all my wrongs are righteous and my mistakes are celebrated.

Part of my character that holds the complete truth and nothing but the ugly truth.

Once upon a time, the darker shades of myself brought nothing but shame and suffering.

But the more of me I share, the more I liberate myself from all that I am most afraid of.

For beauty lies in our ability to dance naked as we burn in the passions of who we really are.

Fearless in our pursuit for the kind of love that liberates us from ourselves

Mindful interaction ❤

We only need switch on the TV or turn on our computer to see the evidence of how much FEAR is vibrating in our world. Fear that gives energy to the kind of anger that motivates hate, which causes suffering for all of us.

YES … it concerns me to know that people are hating on Muslims

YES … it concerns me to know that people are angry about the state of our world

YES … it concerns me to know that people are feeding their fears

But, fear doesn’t only lead to hate, it also leads to HURT, which is the biggest cause of our suffering. Something that motivates me to dig deeper and explore further because like you, I have hurts in need of healing. And I’m willing to do anything I can to make sure I live a life motivated by love, so that future generations can live in a world with less fear. Because like you, I want my children’s children to live in a world with more LOVE ❤

I keep talking about how our hurts are often attached to our fears, and how confronting them is the only way we over come them.

So, HOW do we do this you may well ask ?

For me, the more self-aware I’m becoming, the more I recognize the discomfort arising whenever a fear begins to surface. However, because our fears are generally attached to a heart hurt, we not only begin to feel anxious about the experience we are having now, but we will most likely be pulled back into painful past memories. To a time when something happened that caused us physical, emotional, psychological or spiritual pain and suffering.

Hence the importance of flowing completely with our experiences as they occur.

Because when we dont fully feel, process, learn and grow from a painful experience, then we will continue to attract the same experience into our lives. Repeating the same patterns and going through the same old cycles until we do fully feel, process, learn and grow from it. Then and only then will we be ready to LET GO and move forward.

But it’s important to note that our fears serve a very important purpose, to guide and protect us. Most of our fears are created by our minds to make sure that whatever has hurt us in the past doesn’t happen again, or to make sure something that may hurt us, wont.

However, this process isn’t always logical because sometimes our fear is guiding us towards the very thing that’s preventing us from moving forwards. And sometimes our fear is irrational and can be the very thing that keeps holding us back in a state of constant suffering.

Our mind will always try to convince us that whatever we are doing is the right thing for us to do, which of course, isn’t always true.

Hence the importance of not always believing everything we think.

Truth is, when we believe everything we think then our heart is forced to step in. The voice of our heart will get louder and louder until we are eventually forced to listen and pay closer attention to our truth. But when we choose to ignore this internal conflict then our hurts transform into much deeper wounds, which continues to feed our fear.

Indeed, our brains are magnificent creations, but it helps me to remember that my mind is like a computer, which requires the same kind of management. Just like a computer, it needs to constantly upgrade the software, because new experiences continue to change how we think. Updates to the “system” ensures that we are not running on any outdated belief systems that are no longer serving us. And just like a computer, it needs to run frequent spy ware and antivirus protection. To ensure there are no irrational thoughts feeding those hungry fears.

Hence the importance of understanding how our own mind works.

In the past, as my fears began to surface I would typically respond to the feeling of discomfort in the same typical way. Firstly, I would usually start chewing on my finger nails as my anxiety increased. Soon followed by seeking out mood altering substances to relieve my feelings of stress (cigarettes, booze, food or sex). Once feeling a little calmer, I would then look for someone to talk to because I struggled to sit with my fears alone.

Hence the importance of exploring our unhealthy “bad” habits.

So, what has changed for me ?

Fuck loads !!!

Now, even if I haven’t recognized the fear, I am aware of my behavioural change. I notice myself chewing on my fingernails, which is the first prompt to STOP and pay attention to what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling. At this point how I respond will depend on how irrational the fear or how deep the heart wound.

Although I successfully kicked the smoking habit, have less need to escape reality, so drink less booze and am learning to love and respect myself more, so having less sex out of relationship, I do still seek comfort in food. Even more so now that I’m not smoking cigarettes, drinking booze and having sex.

Arrghhhhhhh !!!

This has brought up those deeper heart wounds, which has required some serious attention as I noticed myself repeating the same old patterns in love.

The biggest change in my life has been my desire to pull back from others during these times, which is largely related to my need to trust and allow myself to fully feel, process, learn and grow from the experience.

This has had the biggest impact on my life and is changing how I think, feel and experience both fear and hurt. Because the truth is fear leads us towards our own darkest side.

Mindful interaction ❤

No matter what,
just keep on …

Shining in your beauty,
roaring in your anger,
howling in your madness,
burning in your passions and
rising in your power.

Because you are the wild ones,
women of contradiction.

Dancing between the extremes,
of your polarities,
while exploring the grey areas of life.

You are the truth seekers,
the dream chasers,
the magic makers,
the fairy whispers,
the moon worshippers,
the potion mixers,
the star gazers,
the heart healers.

You are the ones
bathing under the moonlight,
sparkling in the sunlight,
dancing with your shadows,
and standing in your storms.

You are the ones
walking barefoot,
diving into oceans,
climbing mountains,
and chasing rainbows.

Learning to balance inbetween worlds,
as you create new realities.

You are the ones
refusing to settle,
seeking an extraordinary love.

Releasing unhealthy attachments,
and deepening your connections.

No longer willing to fall,
because you are RISING in love.

Mindful interaction ❤

What is fear ?

“An unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain or harm”

I began delving into my fears when I started looking deeper into my bad habits

As I explored why I bit my nails, smoked cigarettes, over indulged in alcohol, comforted myself with food and had sex with men who didn’t love me, I eventually realized that at the core of my unhealthy behaviour was either hurt or fear, and usually both.

Explorations that continued to take me deeper and deeper into myself

First making me more self aware, which at times was frustrating as fuck because there’s nothing worse than knowing why you’re doing something that isn’t good for you. It sucks the enjoyment right out of it, raising all those feelings of shame, guilt and self loathing.

Its true, the more you look, the more you find, which is usually why we stop looking. But what if we keep looking ?

Well, that’s exactly what I did and it made all the difference

Its why I’m here doing what I’m doing, going where I’m going

But not without the presence of fear

Last night as I lay in bed, listening to the strange noises stirring through the house, my fear began to rumble. But instead of freezing or fleeing by either hiding under my blanket or staying where I was with the light on, I faced it. I wandered down stairs and explored the house, confronting what I was afraid of. That there was something or someone lurking in a dark corner, waiting for an opportunity to frighten or harm me.

Feeling very brave I was, but I still slept with the lamp on 😊 hahaha

Because I’m far from being the fearless warrior woman that I like to believe that I am. Most of the time I’m freaking the fuck out before I decide to confront whatever it is that I am afraid of. But I do it anyways.

I guess that IS courage

I do believe that our greatest fears are our biggest opportunities for growth

A belief that’s been the biggest game changer, which is altering my experiences in new and profound ways. Because the more fears I confront and the more hurts I heal, the more my reality begins to change.

😊😊😊 Exciting hey 😊😊😊

The thing is, we dont attract our hearts desire, create our dreams or live the life we imagine without fear. Quite the contrary. Our fears actually lead the way forward because whatever it is we are most afraid of, is the very same thing that will lead us towards our success.

If this is so, then why are we afraid of fear ?

Because that is the story we have been told and the very same story we keep telling ourselves

But what if we have the ability to change the story ?

So lets take a closer look at fear

It stems from our innate need to survive

To stay away from those things that could hurt us: falling from great heights, drowning in rough seas or getting bitten or eaten by dangerous creatures.

But as our world has progressed, so have our fears

If we take a closer look at our fears, we will find that many of them are irrational and stand in the way of our progress. Holding us back, keeping us stuck in the same realities, repeating the same patterns of behaviour and experiencing the same cycles of uncomfortable emotions, that continues to provoke our bad habits.

Hmmmmmm she ponders

The reality of fear is …

We dont really fear the dark, we are afraid of what we cannot see

We dont really fear heights, we are afraid of falling

We dont really fear people, we are afraid to trust

We dont really fear falling in love, we are afraid of not being loved back

We dont really fear letting go, we are afraid to accept the reality of what is

We dont really fear the risk, we are afraid of failing

The deeper we look into our fear, the more we see how they reflect how we are thinking, feeling and are experiencing life. When our thinking is motivated by fear we start thinking that the world is a dangerous place, people are not to be trusted and our safety is under threat, which impacts not only on our own experiences, but also influences every other person we come into contact with. Thinking that causes more heart hurts and creates deeper wounds for everyone.

So, ask yourself …

Are you feeding fear or are you sharing love ?

What am I afraid of ?
What am I holding onto ?
What am I scared of loosing ?
What would I do if I wasn’t afraid ?

Accepting that fear lives with us just as much as love, is a challenging concept to grasp. We usually avoid what ever it is we are most afraid of and we certainly wouldn’t want to openly share our fears with other people.

Why  ?

Because it exposes our vulnerabilities and our weaknesses

Something we ALL have, yet we all hide behind masks, avoiding the truth of who we really are, which is beautiful complex creatures full of wonderful contradictions. Ravishing creations of both positive and negative, light and dark, masculine and feminine.

Each one of us learning how to balance our polarities, maintain healthy relationships, live a meaningful life and love those who matter most to us.

Mindful interaction ❤

“The first step to solving any problem is first acknowledging that there is one”.

We are witnessing an increase in tensions and conflicts that are creating chaos because a NEED FOR CHANGE is upon us.

I think its safe to say that we all agree that things need to change in our world. And if we’re paying close attention, then we are feeling the shifts happening within and around us.

But ask yourself …

Are you adding to the problem?
Or are you part of the solution?

Whether it be about ourselves, our relationships, our communities or the world at large. It’s got very little to do with which political party we support. Because when shit comes to shove, it all comes down to this …

Are you feeding the fear?
Are you stroking ego?
Are you opening your heart?
Are you choosing love?
Are you pointing fingers?
Are you blaming others?
Are you taking responsibility?
Are you diving deeper into yourself?

The truth is, if we want to change the world then we must first be willing to change ourselves 😊

Mindfulinteraction ❤

Sometimes I not only embrace the solitude,
I crave it.
While other times its endured.
Feeling the need to reach out,
because I struggle with being alone.
Yet compelled to pull back,
deeper into myself.
And I wonder,
Why the fuck must I travel this journey alone,
while others share life with their others?
Love forever guides me,
yet never lingers long enough to grow.
Why does my path twist & turn in roundabouts,
while others seem to know the way home?
Deeper truths discovered,
but I’m forever spiralling down.
Into an abyss of ever expanding spaces,
that seek experiences to keep filling the gaps.
But I wonder,
Am I destined to be forever the lone wolf lover,
or am I fated to live life with my other?
The passion within me keeps rising,
relentless in its need for release.
Yet here I am,
alone with my desires.
What the fuck am I to do with this fire,
that keeps burning deep inside of me?
I fear the flame may become a raging inferno,
and cause mass destruction to all in its path.
What if it all burns down in a blaze of glory?
The Goddess tells us to RISE UP and SHINE !!!
But what if we stand too tall,
and burn to brightly?
Hush now,
say the whisperings of my soul.
Listen to the silence

Mindful interaction ❤

As I read these words,
I contemplate over my own journey.
Working in Aged Care,
death has been a constant companion.
Opening up to the fall in love,
has broken me open to deeper truths.
My fears lessening over the years,
death and loss becoming teachers.
Aware of deaths ever powerful presence,
whenever it enters the room.
Sometimes rushing in suddenly,
while other times it lingers in the shadows.
For days, weeks, months or even years,
before carrying a soul to the other side.
But its not death we fear,
its fear itself.
For when the moment of death finally arrives,
there is often relief, silence and peace.
Transformation occuring before our very eyes,
yet our fear blinds us.
Tears fall from the ducts of loved ones,
because they sense their own loss.
But those with minds open to other possibility,
see more than a lifeless body before them.
The open hearted feel the rush of energy,
when breath transforms into spirit.
Like birth,
the experience can be beautiful.
A moment in time,
to be cherished forever.
Yet we struggle to witness the beauty,
because we connect to the body.
Our focus on the flesh,
instead of feeling the warmth of energy.
That radiates from the soul,
forever through all space and time.
As death dances closer towards those I love,
I can’t help but wonder.
What if we didn’t fear you?
How would it alter our experience of life?
If we knew when death comes for us,
would we choose to live a different life?
If we fear the loss,
then are we choosing to live in fear?
If we’re open to live in a deeper sense of love,
how do we let go of what we fear to loose?
Hmmmmmmm, she ponders.
Many nights I’ve laid down in my bed,
alone with such thoughts in the darkness.
My own fears lurking in the shadows,
threatening to distinguish my own inner flame.
If I dare to stay in the depths of my mind too long.
But to let go of all we fear to loose,
we must first acknowledge the fear itself.
Something that has the ability to break us,
opening up our tender loving hearts to feel it.
We ask ourselves,
How do I loosen my grip on what I fear to loose,
when my fear causes me to hold on tighter?
Then we sit in the silence,
and listen to the answer we already know.
Release it and surrender,
because LOVE forever flows through YOU

Mindful interaction ❤

They say to avoid disappointment then don’t expect too much from others, but I disagree because I am the TOO much kinda woman 😊

How can we ever live the kinda life we imagine if we keep lowering our expectations of others?

I want YOU to rise up and be ALL you can be ❤

But your choices DO impact on my experiences and therefore determine my choices

So, we must ask ourselves …

Do we want to linger in feelings of resentment because someone isn’t living up to our expectations (or) are we willing to take complete responsibility for our own experiences ?

This has been a BIG switch in my thinking that’s making all the difference to my experiences 😊

TRUTH is disappointment is a big part of our lives because we ALL want and need things from each other. Therefore, to gain insight into our feelings of disappointment we must first look at our own wants and needs.

Ask yourself …

What do I want?
What do I need?
Have I communicated my wants and needs?
Can the other person fullfill my wants?
Are they satisfying my needs?

Truth is our disappointments are all about US and present themselves to teach US something

By holding another person responsible for our experience, we are giving someone else power over our experience. So, how can we RISE in our own power if we keep giving it away ?

Sure, we could waste precious time and energy with our internal conflicts that motivate us to be in conflict with other (or) we can ACCEPT that our wants and needs change as we do 😊

And this my friends, is how we respect each others choices and move forward with LOVE in our hearts

Mindful interaction ❤

Valentines DAY (or) Single Awareness DAY

Hmmmmmm … she ponders 🤔

As I scroll through the newsfeeds, I realize that it’s a day that reflects how we truly think, feel and experience intimate LOVE ❤

Some are all loved up with their “other halves,”
while others are wishing they weren’t alone.

Some are hoping for more from their partners,
while others are waiting for love to find them.

Some are burning in the passions of new love,
while others are growing in deeper connections.

Like many of you, I’ve experienced this day both in and out of relationship. So its another day that brought alot of reflection for me …

So I thought I’d share 😊

I BELIEVE …

When we choose to flow with love EVERY DAY then Valentines day becomes just another day to share the love, whether we’re in or out of relationship with another ❤

But I haven’t always “believed” this

There was a time when I was the other half in relationship. A woman who felt incomplete without the presence of a man she loved. Creating unhealthy attachments & dependencies, that intensified my feelings of grief & loss when a relationship came to an end.

There was a time when I was the single woman seeking or avoiding male company. A woman who felt alone in her own company, which increased my feelings of loneliness and a sense of longing to share my life with another.

There was a time when my relationship lacked the romance and passion I desired. A woman who yearned for a lover to fan my innner flame, which increased my feelings of frustration as I struggled to settle for less than in relationship.

ALL experiences rich in lessons of SELF LOVE ❤

Today, as a much wiser 43 year old woman, I feel open to the love that flows from WITHIN myself, which is making all the difference to how I think, feel and experience this day and every other day that follows because I’ve finally fallen in love with ME 😀

Mindful interaction ❤