I fear confronting that what I already know almost as much as I fear seeing that what I don’t want to see.
But as my fears rumbled in the dark, spirit whispered into my ear.
“The truth has always been known, but your heart needed to realize it”.
Although the truth was delivered with love, the voices made me feel uneasy as the shadows began to lean in closer.
Unable to run and hide, I confronted my fear and consoled my hopeful heart
The truth gutted me because I loved him with both heart and soul
But no matter how much I was willing to give, I could never give him what he truly needed
Not before, not now and perhaps never
My heart refused to believe it until I had exhausted every possible option
Unable to bare the what ifs rolling around in my mind forever
Whether we loved each other had never been the question because its love that kept pulling us back together again and again. But its a love that never seemed to flow in the way we had hoped, nor in the way we had imagined.
A connection that didn’t seem to make any sense
Cruel to tempt us with such possibilities if not promised to be
So I asked
Why did fear keep holding us back from each other?
Was this a soul contract?
Have we been dancing with Karma?
What if this is how it was always meant to be?
What if the purpose was to liberate us both from the fantasy?
What if we needed to be released from the past so we can create a better future?
Will I be a better woman for healing my wounds and surrendering to that what calls me and will he be a better man for letting me go and accepting the life that he has chosen?
I still don’t have all the answers and perhaps I never will
But of one thing I am certain
When things don’t go to plan, our mind will try to convince us that it was all wrong, while our hearts will forever and always remind us that love is always right.
An inner conflict rich with insight
Even though the love may be true, the stories we often tell ourselves can be the very lies that we comfort our hurting hearts with, which continues to feed our hungry fears.
So, here I am
No longer the story waiting to be written
A soul no longer tortured because Ive been liberated from my fear
I hold the pen between my trembling fingertips and begin to write my own story
Forever hopeful for the fairy tale but refusing to live in a fantasy
Because I will forever and always believe that love has the power to transform us into something more
Mindful interaction ❤