Tag: writing

Why don’t we want to stay present with the discomfort?

On By mindfulinteractionLeave a comment

I shared a blog about staying present in the moment, and in reflection I over intellectualized the discomfort by focusing on the process, but discomfort is NOT a problem to be solved, it’s an experience to be felt, so I’m going to share my thoughts and feelings about staying present in the moment with discomfort.

Although there’s a simple answer to the question …

We don’t want to stay present with discomfort because it’s uncomfortable

Becoming comfortable with discomfort is a complex process …

My discomfort usually involves an interaction with someone else, and although I’m open to share my experiences, I understand why most people are not. Vulnerability drops the defences to expose our true self (good, bad, ugly), and that also leaves us open to judgement, rejection and manipulation.

I struggle with those reactions myself, but my struggles with vulnerability keeps teaching me how to feel my BIG emotions more deeply, so I can learn how to regulate, build resilience, and actively grow from my challenges. Teaching me how to maintain healthier boundaries, and protect my energy, so I can say NO more confidently when something no longer fits (or) aligns with my truth.

New experiences are catalysts for our personal growth

Sharing my struggles more openly is how I experience genuine in-to-me-see because it invites others to share more openly too, but not everyone is ready for that kind of honesty. Exposing my flaws, faults, failures and fuck ups without projecting the blame onto another, is how I become more accepting of my SELF, so I can realize my own worth, and feel more compassion for the struggle

… but the struggle is real, and it still challenges me.

Lots of things make me uncomfortable, but not everything triggers my defences.

Recent challenges triggered BIG e-motions, and because they operate in the deeper parts of my psyche, they create the BIGGEST reaction within me, and that’s what I want to reflect upon.

GUILT – is often triggered because more open and honest conversations bring uncomfortable truths to our attention, but something is shifting because I no longer feel an intense need to fix my mistakes (or) punish myself to restore balance, because I’ve integrated my shadow. We ALL make mistakes when we are learning and growing, but that’s an important part of our healing.

SHAME – often triggers a deep fear of being unlovable, unworthy, and rejected, but by releasing myself from the guilt of what I (or others) believed I did wrong, changes the inner dialogue. Being open to learn from my experiences makes me more curious, and less judgemental. Increasing my capacity for love, and compassion for SELF and others who are struggling. The more I realize my intrinsic value without needing external validation, the more worthy I feel.

FEAR – triggers many defences for different reasons, and the stories vary, but recently someone reached out to reconnect, and although they are not a bad person, they haven’t been good for me. That’s why I sensed a threat to my mental health, my emotional well-being.

Trauma isn’t defined by an event itself …

… but by the lasting internal impact it has on our mind and body.

Even when we’ve cultivated a growth mindset, and have healed from our most challenging experiences of loss, it doesn’t stop the triggers, but it does influence how we will react and/or respond. When my survival fight/flight/freeze response triggers an automatic reaction in my nervous system, I notice the hypervigilance, flashbacks, and cognitive distortions.

We break this cycle (trauma loop) by rewiring the neural pathway.

I’ve been consciously doing this by learning how to feel safe and secure within the present moment, by being conscious of my resistance to it, making better choices, grounding my energy, and focusing on my senses.

  • Focusing on BE-ing rather than DO-ing
  • Taking deeper breaths to anchor my energy into the present
  • Tuning into my senses to ground my attention into the moment
  • Becoming aware of the tension in my body
  • Acknowledging the resistance so I can release it
  • ACCEPTING the present moment for what it is
  • Observing my thoughts, feelings and stories without judgement
  • Becoming more curious of my reactions
  • LETTING GO of my need to control
  • Fully surrendering to the experience of NOW

Realizing that the power for change lies within the present moment

My openness, and curious nature often triggers the defences in others, but if people understand (or) misunderstand me isn’t my responsibility.

Human beings are conditioned (biologically and socially) to avoid discomfort, distress and pain, but we live in a world that’s full of conflicting truths, and some of those experiences can be a catalyst for our growth. That’s why I often feel called to share my experiences, but the way I write is a prime example of one of my own habitual defence mechanisms, and I’m open to explore that so I can improve my craft as a writer.

I write to make sense of my challenges, but I want to write something worth reading. For me, writing has helped me to understand my SELF better, and writing my story has been a catalyst for my personal growth and development.

I share my thoughts and feelings to support others on a healing journey.

NEW MOON in Aries

On By mindfulinteractionLeave a comment
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According to star gazers, the fiery energy of an Aries New Moon (17th) will feel like it’s pushing us forward, even if we’ve been sitting in the same place for a while, because of it’s conjunction with other planets.

  • Chiron (the wounded healer – healing)
  • Eris (the disruptor of norms – change)
  • Mercury (the messenger – communication)
  • Mars (the warrior of action – desire)
  • Saturn (the task master and boundary keeper – discipline)
  • Neptune (the dreamer and mystic – vision)

This month’s planetary alignment acts as a catalyst for deep spiritual reflection, radical self honesty, the release of old patterns, and the end of a karmic cycle because we’ve already stepped into a new timeline. It’s the initiation of a new chapter in self-assertion, personal value, and emotional courage.

The FIRE HORSE is making it’s presence known …

Activating what we’ve been through, and what we’ve healed from so we can see ourselves in a new light because we have grown.

  • What was unfolding for YOU as NEW MOON approached?
  • What is Universe showing you?
  • What stories are coming up to be acknowledged?
  • What thoughts are arising to be processed?
  • What e-motions are flowing to be felt?
  • What energy is shifting for YOU?

For me, its been challenging me to see beyond the projections, but unresolved conflict, unhealed wounds and sacred rage wants to be witnessed.

“Seeing beyond projection is an invitation, to move from reacting to the mirror of the outside world, to witness the inner landscape of the self, but it requires courage to look at the shadow.” because even if it’s within another, we will still see ourselves looking back.

On the 15th, I woke with a runny nose, sinus congestion, headache, and fatigue.

The changing of seasons, and fluctuation in temperature trigger changes that allow viruses to flourish, and spread more easily, but symptoms are our body’s way of communicating with us, so I lean IN with a little more curiosity.

Metaphysically, cold and flu symptoms represent a need to slow down, so we can process emotional and mental congestion, and clear energetic blocks.

  • Congestion – too much going on at once (mentally and emotionally)
  • Headache – tension, overthinking, a call to reconnect with the body
  • Runny nose/eyes – processing sadness, grief, unmet need for comfort
  • Fever – burning off negativity, anger, invasion of our energetic space
  • Cough/sore throat – unspoken words, supressed emotion, awakening of the spirit, and the clearing of energy
  • Aches/chills – mental contraction, resisting change, overwhelm
  • Fatigue – profound soul level reconstructuring

We live in a world that expects us to push through, regardless of how we feel.

The “soldier on with codral” is reflective of more than symptom management, it’s a systemic issue that prioritizes productivity over our individual health and well being. Ignoring and disregarding our own physical, mental and/or emotional needs to meet external demands, keep the peace, and maintain harmony is basically telling ourselves that our health and wellbeing doesn’t matter … but it should matter the most to us.

The stresses of life are constant, but when we are feeling unwell …

  • Our body is forcing us to REST, and break the cycle of doing
  • Asking us to detox – emotional processing of mind/body/spirit
  • To surrender control, accept care, and renew our personal values

Instead of managing my symptoms to maintain work responsibilities, I called in sick because I don’t want to share the bug with those I care for, and although it will have a financial impact, my priorities are right for me.

TRUE WEALTH … IS OUR HEALTH AND WELL-BEING !!!

Like most accomplished women (perceive that as you will), I’ve often pushed myself too hard to prove the value of my worth. I’ve learned many of my lessons the hard way, but I’ve grown the most from those experiences challenging me to change, because I’m here to learn about healing, and my growth game is strong.

“Maybe you don’t notice your progress because you’re always raising your bar.”

Yesterday morning (16th) I awoke from sleep thinking …

Since settling down and being more honest with myself, I’ve acknowledged the projections I’ve unconsciously internalized from others, and how and why it’s had an impact on my confidence and self worth.

Internalized projection happens when we absorb, and accept another person’s unwanted emotions, insecurities, judgments, or self-doubts as our own truth.

I recall …

  • How many times I’ve been told that I want and expect TOO much, by those settling for less because of their resistance to change.
  • How often I’ve been judged and criticised, by those who misunderstand me because they don’t accept their fears, faults, and flaws.
  • How many ways I’ve been told that I am not enough, by those reflecting their own limitations and insecurities.
  • How often I’ve been told I am crazy and foolish, by those denying their own shortcomings and failings.

“Projection is an unconscious defence mechanism to protect the ego, but it can also be a unconscious or conscious manipulation tactic to control the narrative,” 

… but we don’t reclaim our power by fighting shadows.

We change the narrative by turning on the light, and becoming conscious.

I can forgive others for projecting their truth onto me, but I’ll never forget how it made me feel, and forgiving ourselves for projecting onto others (especially those we love and value) is more challenging because it triggers the guilt, blame and shame stories, that trigger a deeper memory.

“The collective memory is a shared, often unconscious, psychological archive holding onto systemic stories, historical trauma, moral failures, and structural injustices. A memory that shapes the collective identity, influencing how we perceive our worth and our relationship to others.“

It’s a silent dialogue between the past and present I’m often aware of.

People project onto others to protect themselves from uncomfortable emotions, negative thoughts, or undesirable traits they can’t accept in themselves (the shadow), but we are ALL mirrors and reflections for each other.

What you see in me is a reflection of you ..

Because what we judge or appreciate in another already exists within us.

After witnessing the thoughts upon awakening from my sleep yesterday morning, I got out bed, put the kettle on, rubbed some more vicks on my chest, and I made a cuppa. While putting the cream back into the fridge it slipped from my hand, spilt onto the floor, and the thought popped into my mind.

“Don’t cry over spilt milk” …

A proverb: dwelling on our mis-takes and mis-fortunes is pointless because it’s already happened, and can’t be reversed. Reminding us to focus on the present and future, rather than wasting our energy on unchangeable past events.

I couldn’t help but smile when Lilith wandered over to lick up the cream

“Like the cat that got the cream” …

A proverb: the satisfaction of being pleased with ourselves because we’ve been validated in some way, shape or form, success has been achieved, we got what we wanted, or we’ve done something that we are proud of.

No, I’m not feeling smug, but I no longer doubt the value of my worth. I am grateful for my conversations with spirit because it’s triggered a much deeper NEW MOON reflection. I haven’t and don’t always get what I want, but I am proud of myself because my intentions are in alignment with my higher self, and that’s for the Greater Good of ALL, but I won’t abandon my SELF.

This NEW MOON is intense and transformative …

  • Start something you’ve been putting off
  • Choose yourself without overthinking it
  • Take action towards something you feel pulled towards
  • Let go of hesitation and doubt

This NEW MOON is a potent time for shadow work …

  • Where have you been overcommitting or over compromising?
  • Where have you been self editing to keep the peace?
  • Where have you been prioritizing harmony over your own truth?

Every NEW MOON is an opportunity to plant the seeds of our intention …

  • What are you no longer carrying forward from the past?
  • What are you calling in from the future?
  • Who are you on the other side?

I’ve been RESTING, and I feel healthier for it, but I’ve also been reflecting because that’s the inner work I value, and I share my insights for those who are open to see themselves, and their experiences differently.

Under this NEW MOON I declare who I am, and why I have grown, what is mine, and what is no more because what we meet within ourselves during this time will shape what comes next …

A reflection about writing my story

On By mindfulinteractionLeave a comment
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After sharing my first draft with others, I’ve been procrastinating for months, and a writing mentor suggested I reflect, and journal about my writing process.

… but WHY ?

“Writing about your writing process transforms writing from a chaotic act into a manageable craft, fostering creativity, consistency, and self-awareness. It acts as a mirror, revealing what techniques actually work, helping to overcome writer’s block, and separating the creative act from the self-critic.” (McGoogle)

… but HOW ?

“It involves reflecting on how you generate ideas, structure your work, and refine your drafts. Exploring not just what you wrote, but how you wrote it, documenting the journey from initial inspiration.” (McGoogle)

… WHAT inspires me to write ?

Over the years, many elderly people have shared their regrets about not writing and/or sharing their stories, and I’m passionately curious about the human experience. I write to make sense of my thoughts, feelings, and challenges, so I can find deeper meaning and a higher purpose for my struggles.

… WHEN did I begin to write my story ?

Before my call OUT to adventure in 2016, I knew I was going to write a story about love that mattered, and I had the vision of that story being made into a movie, but nothing could have prepared me for what came next …

  • A family crisis after heeding the call OUT to adventure, and making plans to explore work in the UK
  • The death of my BE-loved mother and our matriarch
  • The death of my BE-loved father and our patriarch
  • The death of a close friend and my soul sister
  • A global crisis that created chaos in the world

Those were the trauma’s and tragedies of loss, but being separated from my children, and intimate relationship challenges contributed to my struggles, and no-one can go through those kind of experiences unchanged.

I acknowledge, I’ve already achieved something by writing my story, but like any other goal I’ve achieved (or) dream I’ve actualized, writing the final chapters of my story is not THE END …

Unsure which direction to go next …

  • Do I just self publish it as it is?
  • Do I pay the big money for editing support?
  • Do I look around for more affordable options?

  • What is the value of my work?
  • What are my words worth?
  • What is my relationship with money?

  • Should I keep it as a non fiction story to keep it real?
  • Should I rewrite it as fiction to expand upon the challenges?
  • Should I give up and just write another story?

Sharing my first draft has been more challenging than I had expected, but the experience has been enlightening. I’ve received some positive, and constructive feedback from those who support and encourage me to keep going, but I’ve also felt the uncomfortable triggery reactions, and the discomforts of silence.

So, I’ve been feeling a little disheartened and unmotivated.

Although I appreciate that not everyone will resonate, or necessarily agree with my healing journey (and they don’t have to because it’s my experience), I do hope that readers will understand what motivates me to write, and why I share the experiences that have challenged me to learn, heal, change and grow.

I’m aware that it’s normal to feel disheartened whenever we confront obstacles and/or challenges, and I’ve needed to PAUSE so I can process the feedback, but I never give up on what matters most to me.

Apparently, there are (7) stages of writing …

  • DISCOVERY – the vision: dream, ideas, plan, purpose, audience
  • RESEARCH – the preparation: notes, outline, structure, experiences
  • WRITING – the draft: adding flesh to the bones of a story
  • FEEDBACK – the sharing: reactions and perspectives from others
  • REVISION – the review: rethink, rearrange, remove, rework
  • EDITING – the refining: clarifying the message for more impact
  • PUBLICATION – the promotion: printing, pitches, sharing

Clearly, I’ve reached the (5th) stage in writing my story …

As I process the feedback, and use it to revise my words, and clarify my message, I notice how the ego reacts defensively to negative feedback, how my heart responds to judgement and misunderstandings with more compassion, and curiosity because it accepts conflicting truths, and seeks deeper connection, and how the gut acts decisively, to cut through the distraction of overthinking and overwhelm, because my head over analyses and my heart feels too much.

I’m becoming more conscious of all (3) internal processors …

EGO – defends, analyses, reasons, rationalises, and plans

HEART – empathizes by feeling emotion to determine what feels “right” according to our core values, acting as the bridge between the head and gut.

GUT – is both our intuitive knowing (the insight from learning how to recognize the patterns of behaviour), and our survival instincts (the conditioned fight/flight/freeze responses).

Learning how to trust my gut has been challenging because I’ve often confused my instinct (survival) with my intuition (growth), but those hard lessons have taught me so much more about my SELF, and that’s why I’m always grateful for the experiences that are challenging me to learn, change, heal and grow.

EVERY loss is an opportunity to learn !!!

I’m grateful for ALL the feedback, regardless of how it’s made me feel because it’s part of the process, and I will use it in the next stage of writing.

BELIEVE in the visions of your dreams …

… because they are the previews to life’s coming attractions.

Detaching from an intimate connection when the relationship ends …

On By mindfulinteraction2 Comments
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Falling in love creates a bond of attachment, but it’s not always secure, and the detachment can challenge us. When we disconnect from someone we love, there’s a sudden change that creates physical distance, but detaching is a gradual mental & emotional release.

If we don’t emotionally detach from a partner from the past (or) a challenging experience, then it creates baggage we carry forward into the future. Manifesting into unresolved trauma that creates drama, and unrealistic expectations that creates conflict. Becoming conscious of that is part of the release, and that’s my understanding of letting go so we can heal and grow.

Detaching from the influence of others physically, mentally, emotionally, and energetically is critical for our healing, especially when we are recovering from a traumatic experience, toxic dynamics, and the intensity of emotionally over investing in something or someone. Those are the experiences I’ve been learning and healing from.

Setting boundaries is essential to protect our energy and regain personal equilibrium, but being on the receiving end of those who need space and distance from us, naturally triggers a reaction. It’s those reactions that I’m most curious about because I understand that triggers are messages, that helps us to discover where we still need to learn, heal and grow.

This is what boundaries can look like …

  • Limiting contact and communication to reduce the triggers while we’re healing, so we can regain a sense of self
  • Observing how we react when we are triggered, so we can practise how to respond more consciously
  • Focusing on what we can control by taking accountability, and full responsibility for our experience
  • Accepting others as they are without needing to change them
  • Focusing on the present moment, by interrupting the rumination of thought about the past or future
  • Processing our feelings without judgement

Maintaining boundaries can be the most loving thing we can do, not just for ourselves, but for each other because it creates the space we need to learn, heal and grow from the challenges of our own personal experiences.

Becoming conscious of this has shifted me into the action stage of change 🌀

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I chose this model of change from google on a site called Expert Program Management, written by Denis G, because I like how it reflects change as the process I believe it to be. How we are still learning during the relapse, because whether we are recovering from an addiction (or) healing from a challenging experience, regression is an important part of our healing journey.

When we are exploring a NEW way of being, then we are experimenting with who we are. Part of the learning is becoming more comfortable with failure, which is a part of our success, because we learn from our openness to experience and explore other way, and some ways won’t work for us.

So, don’t fall into the trap of berating or belittling yourself whenever you feel like you’ve failed or are fucking up, because you may be learning something valuable, that you are ready to learn. It’s easy to get caught up in the judgements, and we are usually our own biggest critic, I know I am, but I’m learning how to be gentle with myself, and feel more compassion for the struggle.

For me, that’s the true source of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE