After sharing my first draft with others, I’ve been procrastinating for months, and a writing mentor suggested I reflect, and journal about my writing process.

… but WHY ?

“Writing about your writing process transforms writing from a chaotic act into a manageable craft, fostering creativity, consistency, and self-awareness. It acts as a mirror, revealing what techniques actually work, helping to overcome writer’s block, and separating the creative act from the self-critic.” (McGoogle)

… but HOW ?

“It involves reflecting on how you generate ideas, structure your work, and refine your drafts. Exploring not just what you wrote, but how you wrote it, documenting the journey from initial inspiration.” (McGoogle)

… WHAT inspires me to write ?

Over the years, many elderly people have shared their regrets about not writing and/or sharing their stories, and I’m passionately curious about the human experience. I write to make sense of my thoughts, feelings, and challenges, so I can find deeper meaning and a higher purpose for my struggles.

… WHEN did I begin to write my story ?

Before my call OUT to adventure in 2016, I knew I was going to write a story about love that mattered, and I had the vision of that story being made into a movie, but nothing could have prepared me for what came next …

• A family crisis after heeding the call OUT to adventure, and making plans to explore work in the UK
• The death of my BE-loved mother and our matriarch
• The death of my BE-loved father and our patriarch
• The death of a close friend and my soul sister
• A global crisis that created chaos in the world

Those were the trauma’s and tragedies of loss, but being separated from my children, and intimate relationship challenges contributed to my struggles, and no-one can go through those kind of experiences unchanged.

I acknowledge, I’ve already achieved something by writing my story, but like any other goal I’ve achieved (or) dream I’ve actualized, writing the final chapters of my story is not THE END …

Unsure which direction to go next …

• Do I just self publish it as it is?
• Do I pay the big money for editing support?
• Do I look around for more affordable options?

• What is the value of my work?
• What are my words worth?
• What is my relationship with money?

• Should I keep it as a non fiction story to keep it real?
• Should I rewrite it as fiction to expand upon the challenges?
• Should I give up and just write another story?

Sharing my first draft has been more challenging than I had expected, but the experience has been enlightening. I’ve received some positive, and constructive feedback from those who support and encourage me to keep going, but I’ve also felt the uncomfortable triggery reactions, and the discomforts of silence.

So, I’ve been feeling a little disheartened and unmotivated.

Although I appreciate that not everyone will resonate, or necessarily agree with my healing journey (and they don’t have to because it’s my experience), I do hope that readers will understand what motivates me to write, and why I share the experiences that have challenged me to learn, heal, change and grow.

I’m aware that it’s normal to feel disheartened whenever we confront obstacles and/or challenges, and I’ve needed to PAUSE so I can process the feedback, but I never give up on what matters most to me.

Apparently, there are (7) stages of writing …

• DISCOVERY – the vision: dream, ideas, plan, purpose, audience
• RESEARCH – the preparation: notes, outline, structure, experiences
• WRITING – the draft: adding flesh to the bones of a story
• FEEDBACK – the sharing: reactions and perspectives from others
• REVISION – the review: rethink, rearrange, remove, rework
• EDITING – the refining: clarifying the message for more impact
• PUBLICATION – the promotion: printing, pitches, sharing

Clearly, I’ve reached the (5th) stage in writing my story …

As I process the feedback, and use it to revise my words, and clarify my message, I notice how the ego reacts defensively to negative feedback, how my heart responds to judgement and misunderstandings with more compassion, and curiosity because it accepts conflicting truths, and seeks deeper connection, and how the gut acts decisively, to cut through the distraction of overthinking and overwhelm, because my head over analyses and my heart feels too much.

I’m becoming more conscious of all (3) internal processors …

EGO – defends, analyses, reasons, rationalises, and plans

HEART – empathizes by feeling emotion to determine what feels “right” according to our core values, acting as the bridge between the head and gut.

GUT – is both our intuitive knowing (the insight from learning how to recognize the patterns of behaviour), and our survival instincts (the conditioned fight/flight/freeze responses).

Learning how to trust my gut has been challenging because I’ve often confused my instinct (survival) with my intuition (growth), but those hard lessons have taught me so much more about my SELF, and that’s why I’m always grateful for the experiences that are challenging me to learn, change, heal and grow.

EVERY loss is an opportunity to learn !!!

I’m grateful for ALL the feedback, regardless of how it’s made me feel because it’s part of the process, and I will use it in the next stage of my writing.

BELIEVE in the visions of your dreams …

… because they are the previews to life’s coming attractions.