A few days on the internet dating playground and it soon became obvious that my game had changed …

After 7 months of celibacy and a broken heart, I thought I just needed to get back out there and have a good time. I thought I needed to satisfy my sexual desires to liberate myself as a woman, instead of feeling like a wounded animal. I thought to move on I needed to let go of the man I love and move forward with a man I want … NOTE TO SELF – Don’t believe everything you think !!!

I like to think of the brain as a complex computer system with its excitable neurons transmitting action potential through the cells of our body, not so different to the electricity that feeds our computers. During my heartbreak there was more feeling than thinking going on, so old programs wired into my brain´s hard drive automatically starting to run previous thoughts that drove and motivated my behavior in the past. However, those belief systems were now out dated, no longer serving me …

SO … time to reboot the system and update the new software.

My heart is much stronger than I had ever imagined because I now have the courage to sit in the depths of my hurting heart and privilege the experience as much as I do my joys. My ego is in no need of rubbing because I know my own worth, it was this knowing that motivated me to walk away from the man I love.

I’m no longer interested in engaging in meaningless superficial chat with men only interested in connecting for a quick fix or escape because my life has depth I no longer wish to escape. I have no interest in rubbing egos with anyone else because my heart now leads the way. I stand in my truth and acknowledge that although my body desires and craves the touch of a man, I want to share this experience with someone I truly connect with …

“A man who does not play games for he holds all others as equal to himself. A man who is open and honest in speaking his truth for he knows to hide his voice is to veil his purpose. A man who has no shame for the love in his heart for he knows to feel is sacred. A man who owns his mistakes and his past, but is not a prisoner to its chain.“

Does this man exist ?   …. not on a dating site (insert wink)