Living with an open heart

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I used to think I was an empath because of my highly sensitive nature. I now know myself better. I’m not an empath … I’m just learning how to function in the world with an open heart πŸ’”

Empathy is seeing, listening and feeling another … but we cannot truly embody this way of being until we first see, listen and feel our own experiences.

As a child I was in my head far more than I was in my heart. As a teen I was introduced to the kind of change that shakes your world upside down. Literally, by emigrating from the UK to Australia. As a young woman I was thrown out of my mind and into my heart by multiple heart breaks. And now, as a maturing woman I’m learning how to balance my head and heart … alone

When the scales tip and I feel overwhelmed, I feel the most vulnerable. My emotional triggers are more exposed and I become more reactive and less responsive. My primal urges are activated and I can fall back into old habits. My thoughts become scattered and unfocused. My emotions intensify and flow rapidly into each other. It kinda feels like I’m drowning on the inside and like a tap, my heart wants to shut off the feelings because she becomes too uncomfortable in her vulnerability.

But a whisper tells me that I must stay open and FEEL it, however much it may hurt, confuse and unsettle me. I’m learning to listen to those whispers because they seem to know more than I do. I’m learning to trust my inner voice.

But during those times of overwhelming change and increased stress, I find it harder to be around people. I need those around me who understand my messy mind and hurting heart. Those who dont challenge or question my experience. Those who are willing to listen to my irrational thoughts and allow me to ramble. Those who hold space for the flood of emotions, allowing them to flow without restriction. Those who dont fear the darkness of the unknown. Those who let me BE whatever the fuck I am in that moment. Those I trust. Those who celebrate and support my ever changing self.

When my head and heart are unbalanced I become more empathic because my emotional self is on higher alert. The world becomes too peopley and I struggle to stay open. If I fail to listen to myself and respond to my own needs, then one of two things can happen. Either I will shut down and function on auto pilot, becoming numb to myself and others. Or I will stay open and start freaking the fuck out as multiple energies hit me at once. And because I’m a work in progress l struggle to maintain a sense of self in the midst of chaos.

Now I know WHY the spiritual guru seeks out solitude

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I seem to be calling TIME OUT and seeking solitude more and more lately.

My reality is in the midst of change and I can feel the dream coming to life

So … WHY am I experiencing so much more tension and conflict ?

In the space of a few days, Ive been confronted with multiple challenges …

I’m packing up house and closing another chapter, which stirs up a variety of emotions as I more consciously move through the process of change. I’m moving back in with my parents to save some serious dollars, which stirs up feelings of going backwards, rather than moving forwards. My daughter expressed feelings of abandonment, which stirs up feelings of guilt. My heart has reconnected with my uncomfortable truth, which stirs up feelings of fear. I was pushed past my limit within my professional role, which stirred up feelings of frustration. And to top it off my sexual libido has been stirred to its peak ….. and I’m abstaining

Arghhhh !!!!

The more I feel pulled back into previous mindsets, the more my changing reality is challenged. Although at times it may feel like I’m being pushed back into a corner, the Universe is actually blessing me with the experiences I need to become more focused about my direction.

Why do I believe this ?

Because I believe the Universe is always talking to us … we just need to pay more attention to what is being said

After pushing myself way past my limits, I decided to wave the white flag and call for a much needed TIME OUT so I can process and release all the crap and shit. I was feeling a little guilty about calling in sick and thinking about the uncomfortable stings of misinformed judgements, that I was already feeling by those who dont understand my journey.

Then I opened up my email and found this sitting in my inbox

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Another reminder from Universe that I am moving in the right direction

Another reminder from Universe that I am following the right path

Another reminder from Universe that I am making the right choices

Mindful Interaction ❀

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