Dear diary

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I’m sitting in the lounge room with my parents, writing as they sleep ❤

Listening to the humming sound as the oxygen concentrator pumps air into Mam’s lungs and the wheeze that she exhales as she sleeps. Looking at Dad curled up on the couch, asleep.

My younger sister’s in the spare room cuddled up with her hubby and I’m awake. Because I chuffed of to bed much earlier in the night. For some much needed sleep and rest catch up.

Mam’s been sleeping for both England and Australia lately, but last night she had some broken sleep. Pushing her body a little too far and she suffered for it. A woman who once walked for miles and miles, now struggles to walk afew metres.

Its distressing to see her suffer 💔

But as she sleeps peacefully beside me, I smile as I think about the warrior woman she is. A fighting spirit that still shines through. And I reflect over those little things that she said and did during the few hours of wakefulness.

Like shaking her head at me being a silly bugger. Grabbing her phone, fumbling with the camera to take a photo of me wearing cheezles on my fingers like rings. Ever so cheekily demanding a massage and sharing whatever pops into her mind without a social filter ☺

We had a big day of visitors yesterday and it brought many a smile to her dial. But it also takes alot of energy for her to present her best self to you all. That’s why we ask that people be mindful of their visits, for all of our sakes.

As a family, we ride a roller coaster of emotions that can become overwhelming.

It’s wonderful to have her home ❤

We’re blessed with the love and support of family, friends and community services. But none of that stops the fear from surfacing and the sadness in our hearts from hurting. However, it does ease some of our anxieties and for that we are ever so grateful ❤

The nurse in me sees things that the daughter doesn’t want to see, which can cause me alot of inner conflict. Some of those words I shared with you yesterday.

As a woman who chooses to be open, it feels right to share parts of my inner most experiences with you. But I’m a litte more mindful about my sharings these days.

Because these are trying times for us all. So I want my words to touch your hearts gently, as I express my truth with as much honesty as I can.

Mindful interaction ❤

4 thoughts on “Dear diary

  1. Clare

    Oh Tracey, you write so honestly, respectfully and beautifly, I feel everything you write, both the nurse in me and my life experience feels everything you say, I think that is why I feel so helpless, I feel so much but know there is nothing I can do to pause this. If you ever need someone to just sit while you go climb a mountain, I can do that, but I know spontaneity is your thing but I need a days notice, but the offer is there always, take care and look after you

    Like

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