Dear Diary,

Yesterday was a rough day …

Today, I reflect 🤔

Whilst grieving the loss of someone we love, life already feels hard. Throw in unexpected challenges and life can become all TOO hard !!!

These are the times when we can easily loose our grip, fall into the darkness of our minds, drown in the abyss of our emotions and loose ourselves in a state of suffering.

Yesterday, I struggled to get out of bed because my mind was consumed by dark thoughts and my open heart gave rise to some very uncomfortable feelings.

I was hurt, disappointed and fucking angry !!!

I was angry with others, myself and Universe

And I felt like an epic FAILURE 😔

It took me all day to drag my weary ass out of bed and it was an effort to get dressed.

Somewhere Ive been several times before …

ROCK BOTTOM !!!

To be honest, I needed to flee but I was a little afraid of my own company because some of my thoughts scared me. I didn’t want to burden my grieving family and I was far too emotional to drive too far … I felt alone and lost 😓

But I reached out to a friend, who welcomed me with open arms, mind and heart. A woman who helped me to process my messy thoughts and held space for the rise and fall of emotion.

Thankyou … I LOVE YOU ❤

Today, I still have a heavy heart but my mind was clear enough to take steps out of the pit.

I focused on ONE of my challenges …

I’m taking a little pressure off myself by signing on the dole and made an appointment to see the Doctor, to request afew months to grieve.

To be honest I’m not emotionally ready to jump back into my work. End of life care is full of too many triggers. And I’m not emotionally ready to look for work in another direction.

Admitting that is hard, but neccessry.

Tonight, I sat on the beach with my sister. Indulging in the beauty of sunset. Sharing our inner most thoughts and feelings.

Thankyou … I LOVE YOU ❤