Its the first FULL MOON of 2020 and Im a little restless. As I get ready to step into a new experience, Im feeling nervously excited. In a few days I begin a work exchange program at the Chenrezig Institute, working as a volunteer in a Buddhist Monastery. Although I know its only a small step in the right direction, it kinda feels like a giant step into the unknown. I suppose having taken many of those smaller steps before, I realize how many have been giant leaps of faith.

This Full Moon feels like a significant ending, which is a little strange considering its occurring at the beginning of a NEW Year.

During a Full Moon the Moon is fully illuminated by the light of the Sun because its sitting directly opposite. The lunar and solar are in natural harmonic balance.

It can either be an intensely challenging time for us (or) it can hold potent potential. Because the Moon represents our inner world, our experiences during a Full Moon will be determined by the shadow, which is our hidden emotions, desires, fears, worries and dreams.

I get excited as a Full Moon approaches because I embrace her energy.

Its the New Moon that challenges me the most because its during the dark moon, that I experience a strong desire to dive into myself (especially when menstruating). To explore my inner most thoughts and feelings. Its a time of deep reflection, so I can be clearer about my intentions. During the New Moon I confront the hidden and suppressed parts of my self. Ghosts from the past that haunt my memories. Inner demons that taunt and torment me. The monsters in my own mind that feeds upon my doubts, worries and fears, holding me back from attracting my hearts desire and achieving my big dreams.

Our hidden truths becomes the darkness within us, that creates the shadow that follows us. Its why I observe my thoughts, express my emotions and identify any limited beliefs. Its what motivates me to learn how to shine a light on my shadow and LOVE it for what it really is.

As an energetic BEing my shadow influences my aura, which is why understanding my chakra is so very important. Im learning to recognize when and why a chakra is blocked or overactive, then experimenting with ways to unblock and balance the flow of energy. Its an ongoing process, a NEW habit Im cultivating and a NEW skill Im developing.

During a FULL MOON I gain the rewards of those descents into the darker depths of myself, which is why I welcome it. Whatever needs to be RELEASED will surface to be seen. The Full Moon shines a light upon my soul, which is why her energy feels so very healing. When something has risen from my unconscious mind, it kinda feels like that first delicious breath of air when you surface after being under water too long (or) feeling the warmth of the Sun on your skin for the first time after a long, cold winter (or) the first glimmer of light that shines into your eyes after being lost in a dark cave.

Many of my crazier beliefs have been reaffirmed during the ordeals of 2019.

I look upon the SUN as a sacred masculine energy (Father) and the MOON as a sacred feminine energy (Mother). I believe these are a connection to the Source of ALL Creation. To the God and Goddess archetypes that reside within us all. I believe this is the BALANCE we seek. And the RE-CONNECTION that expands our consciousness, opens our heart, liberates our spirit, unlocks our creativity and expresses the true essence of who we are.

According to the Star Gazers, this Full Moon on the 10th January is a rare Wolf Moon eclipse. The eclipse is in Cancer (my moon sign), and the Sun is in Capricorn (my Sun sign). The axis is that of family, foundational love and our connection to life. Oh yes, these are the kinda spookyliscious synchronicities that let me know Im aligned with those juicy Universal energies. Reminding me that Im not as crazy as I think I am, which is reassuring because sometimes I do question my own sanity.

This Full Moon can be a heavy, dark and strange energy because its the final wave of what defined 2019, so we cant breathe easy just yet. This Full Moon will be nudging us to look back, to shine a light on what needs to be seen. It may help to ask yourself …

What was challenging YOU most in 2019 ?
What was YOUR greatest struggle ?
What brought rise to YOUR sufferings ?
What was it teaching YOU ?
What were YOU refusing to let go of ?
What are YOU ready to release with this Full Moon ?

Our hard times and struggles haven’t been in vain. This Full Moon brings an energetic shift to those of us who do the inner work. An opportunity to cleanse our minds, purify our spirit, open our hearts and replenish our energy.

THANK FUCK !!!

Because 2019 challenged me in ways I could never be fully prepared for.

It was an accumulation of a series of significant events. A very challenging (3) years, that began with my plans to set off on a wonderful adventure to the UK, which was soon followed by the unexpected cancer diagnosis of our beloved Father, then Mother and then my best friend. In between family crisis, I still felt called to pursue my path in the UK, so work continued to challenge me. I kept my heart open to love, so relationship continued to challenge me.  There were so many challenges and battles fought during those (3) years, but my hardest battles were fought in 2019.

The last 4 months of 2019 took me to a very dark place, but it was somewhere I couldn’t avoid going. I needed to process and feel my way through the challenges and battles of the last (3) years, to gain a deeper understanding.

I needed to understand WHY the ground had to shatter beneath me?
I needed to understand WHY the sky had to fall in on top of me?
I needed to understand WHY my supports had to be taken away from me?
I needed to understand WHY I was alone during the worst time of my life?
I needed to understand WHY I had to be completely destroyed?

I was seeking meaning and purpose …

There is only one word to describes those (3) years, APOCALYPTIC because we confronted catastrophe after catastrophe. It was the destruction of life as we knew it and the ongoing struggle between what was and what will be.

As 2019 came to an end, another series of events led me towards my 46th birthday on December 27th. Rejection, that triggered my insecurities, that took me to the depths of my despair. Another synchronicity full of meaning and purpose.

It was the climactic ending of those (3) years.

The ghosts, demons and monsters all standing before me, demanding to be seen and loved for who and what they really were. They are no longer the dark distorted images projected from the fears in my mind, but visions of light, illuminating a deeper truth of love. Is this the releasing of OLD stories, in preparation for the NEW?

Experience is the teacher of all things (Julius Caeser)

Learning is experience, everything else is just information

(Albert Einstein)

I understand that life can be a struggle, which inevitably can lead to suffering. Like the Buddhists, I believe the root of all suffering is attachment. A belief that continues to guide me through life. Towards taking a small step in the right direction and another giant leap into my FAITH.