Staying present in the moment sounds easy, but not all moments are pleasant.

Those are the opportunities to practice, and it will challenge us because the mind automatically wants to deflect discomfort, but REFLECTION is how we transform our pain into healing, growth, and deeper self awareness.

That’s why I blog my journal process with more intention. To look at my challenges from a higher perspective, and gain deeper meaning.

My mental health has been a little fragile this week because of too many challenges, and too much stress, but it’s been an opportunity for a powerful mental re-frame, that’s been fuel for my focus, motivation and growth.

We can ALL get stuck in the loop of our unhelpful thoughts, especially during times of stress, and that’s why I’m so very grateful for the supports I have, and the conversations that reflect the change and growth within those moments.

“Authentic conversations are open, honest, and respectful dialogues that foster deep connections by sharing our true thoughts and feelings, rather than relying on superficial small talk or transactional communication. They require vulnerability, active listening, and the courage to be one’s true self, which boosts psychological safety, trust, and collaboration in relationships.” (based on research by David Bradford and Carole Robin – Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues.)

We ALL want to have deeper connections, and healthier relationships, but tension and conflict can create misunderstandings that initiate disconnection …

… but detachment can be our deepest expression of LOVE

Detaching from others allows us to maintain healthier boundaries, emotional balance, and personal peace, but withdrawing defensively can ruin relationships because it shuts down communication, and enhances conflict.

I’ve been confronted with both experiences …

Shifting between a state of emotional reactivity to objective observation has allowed me to witness the opposite poles of my own experience, and to understand the reactions of others. Neither good nor bad, but complementary forces within to balance, and that inner conflict is the most challenging of all.

Conflict, like CHANGE is inevitable, and it’s a natural part of life because we won’t always see things in the same way, we don’t always agree, we all make mistakes, and no matter how good our intentions may be, sometimes we will hurt each other, but that’s why conflict is our greatest opportunity for growth.

• When we make a mistake … own it
• When we fuck up … acknowledge it
• When we fail … learn from it
• When we hurt someone … be humble enough to apologize for it
• When someone hurts us … have thd courage to express it

Forgive the flaws of our humanity, but don’t forget the lessons we’ve learned because that’s how we improve the relationship with our SELF, and that enables us to respond with a little more compassion for others.

Recognizing the difference between disconnection and detachment empowers us to make healthier choices, but the realities of life can challenge us.

Sometimes it’s challenging to stay fully present in reality

We avoid reality and escape our truth to cope with stressful experiences, and our overwhelming emotions, but we rarely even notice that we are doing it …

• We pour another drink and get lost in the void
• We partake in gossip and get lost in the drama
• We have sex and get lost in the distraction
• We light up another cigarette and get lost in the cycle
• We eat our feelings and get lost in the pattern
• We login to Netflix and get lost in another story
• We read a book and get lost in other realities
• We switch on the TV and get lost in the matrix
• We engage in gaming and get lost in other worlds
• We pick up our phone and get lost in the scrolling

We ALL escape reality in some way, shape or form, and sometimes we do it to maintain a sense of sanity, because being human in a world full of conflict, crisis, chaos, triggers, tragedy and trauma is fucking hard sometimes.

Symptoms of depression and anxiety are effecting millions of people, and that’s WHY we need to be talking more openly about our mental health challenges.

We are ALL struggling in some way, and the more conscious we become, the harder it is to avoid ourselves because we are aware of unconscious defence mechanisms, which ironically, makes it even more challenging to stay present.

• PROJECTION – feeling insecure and accusing others of it
• DENIAL – refusing to acknowledge there’s a problem
• RATIONALIZATION – justifying bad behaviour
• REGRESSION – child-like behaviour (silent treatment/tantrum)
• INTELLECTUALIZATION – using logic to avoid uncomfortable e-motions
• REPRESSION – pushing painful thoughts and memories deep down
• SUBLIMATION – channelling our anger towards intense exercise
• DISPLACEMENT – shouting at our kids instead of dealing with our stress
• REACTION FORMATION – acting friendly to someone we don’t like

We ALL engage in these behaviours when our defences are triggered, and it can lead to so many of our unhealthy behaviours (bad habits), as well as impacting negatively upon our relationships, and our interactions with others.

An important part of our healing journey is acknowledging this about ourselves, because until we take accountability for our actions, then we will be a slave to our reactions, instead of a proactive participant in our healing process.

Taking accountability is challenging because it triggers our shame, but it’s not about taking the blame. It’s about taking ownership of our experience so we can reclaim our power, and make healthier choices. Shifting from the woe is me victim mentality, to an empowered growth mindset means taking full responsibility for our unconscious behaviours, patterns and choices.

Taking full responsibility for how we react to the experiences that are challenging us to change is extremely challenging, because it’s challenging us to fucking CHANGE, and that’s a vital part of our inner transformations.

So, if YOU want to become conscious of your own patterns?

• Journal – to know your SELF, and notice the reoccurring themes
• Identify your triggers – what makes you feel defensive, anxious, guilty?
• Notice your reactions – know your assumptions and judgements
• Be OPEN to feedback – ask those you trust to tell you what they see

When we know our SELF better, then we can make better choices

Making better choices will change our experience, but life will still challenge us to confront the opposing forces, and we will either keep repeating the same patterns (or) breakthrough to become a mirror of reflection for others.

I’ve shared this quote before, and I’ll share it again …

“Your perception of me is a reflection of you, and my response to you is an awareness of me.”(Bobbi Chegwyn)

How can we stay more present in the uncomfortable moments?

• Focus on BE-ing rather than DO-ing
• Take deeper breaths to anchor you into the present
• Tune into your senses to ground you into the moment
• Become aware of the tension in your body
• Acknowledging the resistance helps to release it
• ACCEPT the present moment for what it is
• Observe your thoughts, feelings and stories without judgement
• Become more curious about your reactions
• LET GO of your need for control
• Fully surrender to the experience of NOW

Realize that the power for change lies within the present moment