There was a time when I thought that finding my soul mate would make me feel whole and complete, because I held the belief that our soul mates were our other half … but WHY did I hold this belief ? ? ?

Because growing up I heard people introduce their partners by saying things like … “this is my other half” … or say things in jest like … “I’m his better half” … I’ve lived in a society that promotes the romance and unrealistic expectations of relationships … and as human beings we are often hard wired to connect, attach and depend upon other people … hence MY belief.

But this belief and thinking reflects that we are less than, that we are not whole. It confines us and holds us back from being all that we can be. So, is it any wonder why we then attract other halves ? … Is it really a surprise why we then connect with those who don’t feel worthy of love ? … Does it really shock us then that our partners seem to be emotionally unavailable ?

After my own experiences and reflections on love I now think very differently about soul mates. I now think that soul mates are MIRRORS that REFLECT our souls. I think they are people who AWAKEN us, providing us with an opportunity to look deeper into ourselves. And I think that we can find such reflections within ALL of our relationships, connections and interactions. A pretty huge shift in thinking that created a NEW belief.

I NOW believe that our soul is attracted to what needs to be discovered within ourselves. An awareness of any subconscious blockages to our own flow and expression of love and light. An experience that exposes our deepest truths … which are our wounds, hurts, fears and scars in need of healing.

In reflection I can now appreciate how my previous relationships reflected how I was feeling about myself, as I found myself confronted with my deepest hurts, fears and insecurities. I’m slowly learning the art of gratitude for those not so wonderful experiences and reflections, but it’s certainly NOT an easy habit to maintain … WHY ? … Because whenever we find ourselves confronted with an ugly truth or a dark shadow that’s been lurking in the depths of our subconscious, we automatically click into survival auto pilot mode … we FIGHT, FLIGHT or FREEZE !!!

When we FIGHT we become defensive, we may feel angry or frustrated, we engage in conflict and we aim to win and conquer those who threaten us …

When we FLIGHT we become anxious, we may feel hurt or upset, we avoid conflict and we aim to escape, run and hide from those who threaten us …

When we FREEZE we become numb, we may feel fearful or overwhelmed, we shut down and we close off to avoid how we think and feel about what threatens us …

So … WHY is it important to become more aware of our automatic responses ? … because that’s often where and how our BAD HABITS are formed. Being more mindful in our interactions we can begin to practice with different responses. So instead of jumping to our defenses in FIGHT MODE and engaging in behaviours that increase conflict, we can focus more on conflict resolution by learning how to communicate our thoughts, feelings, needs, wants and expectations more effectively. Instead of feeding our anxieties in FLIGHT MODE and avoiding conflict by engaging in self destructive behaviours, we can learn how to sit more comfortably with our discomforts. And instead of avoiding ourselves in FREEZE MODE by building up walls to protect ourselves, we can learn how to face our fears with more courage and confidence.

I strongly believe that when we start to take complete responsibility for our own experiences, we start to focus our attention on our own healing and then become more proactive in our own growth.

“Healing ourselves is the ultimate environmental activism, it’s a political act” (Ben Ralston)