There is NO shame in loving thy self



We live in a world where SEX sells but MASTURBATION shames … something I can’t quite wrap my head around … because masturbation is a common behaviour and a popular habit enjoyed by many, regardless of age or relationship status … yet it’s something that many people are not all that comfortable talking about


I was raised in a loving home by loving parents, but whenever the topic of masturbation or sex came up (usually initiated by yours truly) then tensions in the room certainly increased, and it STILL causes discomforts whenever the topic is raised … heavens forbid if I can bring up the topic of conversation around my 3 children (now aged 18, 19 , 20) … and who wants to imagine older people in nursing homes with any form of sexual need

Hmmmmm … sex is considered to be a basic human need, essential for the survival of our species and pleasure is something we ALL seek … so WHY does it cause so much embarrassment and discomfort and WHY don’t we talk more openly and honestly about it ? … Our teenagers are most likely surfing the net for sexual content to satisfy their curiosities and wonderings … because its just TOO darn uncomfortable to talk about … and not ALL old people have been raised under the strict restrictions of Catholic guilt and shame … many acknowledge and identify with their sexual needs … but they are often shamed and guilted into silence and submission by those who find the topic uncomfortable


As professional helpers can you see the importance of understanding WHY we may prefer to avoid this subject ? … understanding our own attitudes and beliefs is imperative to ensure that we don’t deny the needs of others, based on our own discomforts

 I’ve had many honest and open conversations with people, including the elderly about sex, masturbation, libido and intimacy … conversations that not too many people are willing to engage in, let alone initiate

WHY do people masturbate ? ? ?

HELLO !!! … because it feels good of course … it relieves tensions, supports relaxation, improves mood, helps us to become more familiar with our own bodies, increases sexual pleasure and it can improve relationships


Is it shameful to touch yourself ?

Do you feel guilty for giving yourself sexual pleasure ?

Do you feel uncomfortable talking about masturbation ?

Answers to those questions will give some insight into your own beliefs and attitudes towards sex and masturbation, which will influence your own thoughts, feelings and therefore experiences

But I pose another question …How can we truly love ourselves if we feel negatively about satisfying our own intimacy needs ?

Yes … I AM a masturbating, sexually active woman … who has experienced feelings of shame and guilt

Anyone else ? ? ? … then lets see a show of hands (insert wink)


My experiences of masturbation have been somewhat interesting to say the least, memories that would make me blush with embarrassment whenever my parents brought up funny stories at family gatherings (insert snigger) … I was the kid with ALOT of questions and far TOO many curiosities and wonderings … accidentally stumbling across a place that gave me a tingly sensation at a very young age

Yes, I was that kid rocking back and forth happily in the shopping trolley and on her chair during class and assembly, getting all tingly … at primary school for fooksakes (insert gasp) hahaha … Oh yes, many an embarrassing moment for my parents … so I soon learned that it was NOT something to be done in public, and so I secretly indulged in my tinglings in private, feeling like I was doing something very naughty … which was where the feelings of shame and guilt began

I refer to them as “tinglings” because I never experienced the intensity of a true orgasm until I was 19 years old … which will probably surprise those who know me well, considering I was a child hood rocker (insert snigger n snort)


Have you ever experienced an intensely emotional or energetic shift during love-making ?

Have you ever sobbed during an orgasm ?

Have you ever avoided or denied yourself sexual intimacy to gain a sense of control ?

Have you ever engaged in casual sex to either gain or lose control ?

Have you ever completely let go of all inhibitions and allowed yourself complete sexual liberation ?

Yup … the child with ALOT of questions and TOO many curiosities and wonderings grew up to be a woman with ALOT more questions and many MORE curiosities and wonderings (insert smile)

For me, masturbation now holds a much deeper meaning without the subconscious experiences of shame and guilt attached to it … the energy around self love has shifted and my experiences are changing … masturbation and sex have both become a source of healing as I choose to keep my heart open to new and different experiences


The theory of how the universe was created with the bursting of atoms suddenly takes on a whole new meaning … having recently experienced an orgasm so profoundly intense that I felt it literally changing the cellular structure of my mind … like a burst of light to my conscience and a shot of love delivered directly to the centre of my heart … I held my eyes tightly closed because I was so completely overwhelmed with what was occurring inside of my body … WOWZERS !!!

Then as the orgasm subsided the tears flowed from a place so deep that I had an unnerving drowning sensation … as if I was breathing under water … I laid there for a few moments, alone, with a feeling of complete surrender … and was compelled to LOOK at myself because I felt “different”… so I stood in front of the mirror naked and gazed into my eyes


I seen a softness and vulnerability … I SEEN myself for the person I truly am, instead of being distracted by the imperfections of my body … I witnessed my soul … and as tears ran down my face and love filled my heart I said the words out loud …


It was probably the most profound heart healing Ive had to date


There is no shame in loving yourself

3 thoughts on “There is NO shame in loving thy self

  1. Mam

    There is so much truth in these statements truth many of us are hesitant to admit due to our generation, our up bringing or any other factor which influences our sexual behaviour, we were brought up that Private life is so called because it is “Private” Yet is it a bad thing to discuss such matter openly? I am the Mam who witnessed the actions of a young girl who innocently had found something she enjoyed and didn’t care where she did it (much to our embarrassment lol ) we would distract her try to explain that it was not a thing to be done in public but how much detail can you give to a 5 year old? I was often criticised for being to open with my 3 girls from older siblings who were even more prudish than me, yet that was merely because of the way we were brought up, it was okay to cuddle and kiss to show affection for each other but anything else was a no go area something which was rarely discussed even though our household was always open for debate especially when Dad would come in from the Pub looking for someone to challenge him with questions, and yes I was also that child, eager to learn about life and behaviour, rather ironic that now I am the parent who is witnessing my own daughter being so open about her sexuality yet oddly enough even though there are times I still find this embarrassing (probably more so because she is my daughter) I am proud of the fact that she has the courage to talk about such subjects that many fear discussing for many reason’s. She receives criticism also but believes that by writing these things about such controversial topics she is opening up debates for people to voice their own opinion’s. So wether you agree with what she says or disagree thats fine, everyone has the right to their opinion!! But I must say as embarrassing as it can be reading such open detail’s about your daughter I brought all my girls up to be confident women who care about others and I am proud of them all they are all different (which often makes me wonder about the life long debate about nature nurture, especially when her sisters roll their eyes at some of her comments which luckily we all find very amusing as we all are blessed with a brilliant if sometimes sick sense of humour which helps us cope with any situation !!) so I hope you continue to read the sometimes controversial writings of my daughter and who knows you might even learn something about your self in the process !!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Mindful Masturbation – Breaking the Habitz

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