Exploring how our definitions and expectations can cause resistance


Our understanding of something will generally relate to how we DEFINE it, because our definitions attach meaning that helps us to make sense of something

 How we define something will influence how we THINK about it …

… and how we think about it will impact on how we EXPERIENCE it

After my recent conversations about the conflict and challenges I’ve been experiencing in my life, I decided to look a little deeper into the possibility that my feelings of being stuck could be related to my own resistance

So, I slipped into my Dora the Explorer shoes and explored my own definitions …


As I looked at some of my own understandings and experiences, I realized that perhaps it was my expectations that were causing some resistance and keeping me stuck ?


 Expectations are like our fears, we ALL have them, but they often lie just beneath the surface, influencing our automatic responses. If we mindlessly move through our days, we are often oblivious to the impact they are having on our everyday choices and experiences. So, lets look at our expectations …

Have you ever attended a show and been disappointed by the performance ?

Have you ever been rejected for a job you were sure you would get ?

Have you ever hoped for more and received less ?

Have you ever had a plan of action that failed ?

Have you ever imagined a future with someone you loved but lost them ?

Have you ever fallen in love but had to let them go ?


It’s a natural response to be disappointed or hurt when things don’t go to plan … but is it a realistic expectation to move through life without having any expectations ?

We may avoid disappointment and hurt if we don’t expect anything … but can we achieve great things without raising the level of our expectations ?

Not everyone will live up to our expectations … but if we don’t expect to be treated with respect will we be respected ?

How can we achieve our wildest dreams if we don’t expect them to come true ?

expectations 3

I can see how our expectations can prevent us from accepting and appreciating WHAT IS … but it’s not so easy to accept the unexpected or be prepared to accept those things that hurt or disappoint us

“Grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change. COURAGE to change the things I can. WISDOM to know the difference” (Serenity pray)

We are not always going to get it right. Ultimately, we are going to suffer consequences of any choice we make. Our expectations will change as we do. Change and growth is therefore an ongoing learning process

expect growth

As a woman I have very high expectations of myself and I’m my own biggest critic, but I’m learning how to become my own best friend and biggest supporter, instead of beating myself up with the critic stick whenever things go wrong or change direction … it’s a process

As a single woman I’ve often compared my experiences of love to those who appear to be in satisfying relationships, with an expectation that true love lasts forever, but I’m learning that not everyone grows in love together … it’s a process

As a divorced mother I often allow myself to be influenced by how others understand and experience motherhood, instead of trusting the flow of my own change and growth. I’ve carried my mothers guilt as a form of self punishment for not living up to mine or others expectations, which is a mighty heavy burden to carry, but I’m learning how to be more gentle with myself as I change and grow … it’s a process

As a nurse with a dream of improving lived experiences and empowering the elderly in Nursing Homes, I continue to confront obstacles and challenges that cause me discomfort, but I’m learning how to become part of the solution instead of being consumed by the problem … it’s a process


Everything happens for a reason …

… even our disappointments, failures, rejections, heart breaks and losses ALL serve a very important purpose in our life experience and our souls quest for growth

WHAT IF our lives don’t turn out the way we had hoped because life has MORE to teach and offer us ?

 I believe our plans constantly change because WE DO

Follow your HEART

and so the journey of LOVE continues …






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