I had full intentions of starting off the New Year feeling refreshed and motivated … but here I am feeling like total crap !!!

Coming off a run of night shifts I didn’t feel particularly sociable and so wasn’t really in the “party” mood. I declined several offers of New Years Eve celebrations, deciding that I needed to stay home, reflect, write and set some intentions. I really wanted to indulge in a quiet evening in the arms of a lover, but alas I neither got what I needed nor wanted …

Time with my family is always enjoyed, but I foolishly helped to gobble up the remaining Christmas treats and had a few too many whiskeys before the early firework display. Combined with not enough sleep and finally bringing in the New Year alone … well I’m sure you get the picture

My relationship with booze has been changing and my tolerance is low. So, I went to sleep feeling sad & sorry and woke feeling tired & weary

BUT … I dragged my sorrowful bum out of bed at 4am and took myself down to the beach in search for some INSPIRATION …

I wandered down onto the sand and started walking. Allowing my thoughts to flow in and feel whatever came out, without judgement …

… then I sat and mindfully became present by observing “What I could see”

… and I was INSPIRED !!!

I came home and reflected some more about my process …

The start of last year I was motivated and making some positive changes in my life. I finally felt like I was going to be successful on my weight loss journey. I finally believed that I was transforming myself …

I was following the Harcombe diet principles, gaining more energy, becoming more and more active and shedding the weight …

I was inspiring others to get up and get out …

… and I was feeling FANFOOKINTASTIC !!!

As my habits changed … so did I

“a woman who cuts her hair, is about to change her life”

I got BRAVER

I got STRONGER

I got BOLDER

I got more FEARLESS

I decided that I was WORTHY of the kind of love that I gave

I decided to LOVE myself in the same way I have loved others

And even though it hurt … it was also liberating and empowering

But … then it all started to go down hill

I began to comfort myself more and more with food, which reduced my energy levels and activity …

“Old habits die hard”

The more hurts I acknowledge …

The more fears I confront …

The more truths I expose …

The more conscious I become …

The more cognitive dissonance I experience …

The more changes I need …

The more healing I want …

The more growth I do …

But, its not always pretty … it gets mighty MESSY !!!

Sharing my process of healing has been challenging because it has and is such a personal experience … but I believe there is power in our willingness to be vulnerable

So, as I stand more comfortably in my own truth, the more comfortable I begin to stand in my own skin

The process of weight loss in the past was about disliking what I see

It was about hating my body and not loving myself

TODAY …

I not only gaze upon my own body with less hatred …

I share my naked body with a lover, with less feelings of shame …

I feel brave enough to expose the woman beneath the clothes …

I am beginning to embrace the god damn Goddess that I am !!!

Yes … my body isn’t perfect

Yes … I am perfectly flawed

But the more I LOVE and ACCEPT who I am …

… the more lovingly I speak to myself and the better choices I make

Enjoy the process … that is YOUR journey