I had full intentions of starting off the New Year feeling refreshed and motivated … but here I am feeling like total crap !!!
Coming off a run of night shifts I didn’t feel particularly sociable and so wasn’t really in the “party” mood. I declined several offers of New Years Eve celebrations, deciding that I needed to stay home, reflect, write and set some intentions. I really wanted to indulge in a quiet evening in the arms of a lover, but alas I neither got what I needed nor wanted …
Time with my family is always enjoyed, but I foolishly helped to gobble up the remaining Christmas treats and had a few too many whiskeys before the early firework display. Combined with not enough sleep and finally bringing in the New Year alone … well I’m sure you get the picture
My relationship with booze has been changing and my tolerance is low. So, I went to sleep feeling sad & sorry and woke feeling tired & weary
BUT … I dragged my sorrowful bum out of bed at 4am and took myself down to the beach in search for some INSPIRATION …
I wandered down onto the sand and started walking. Allowing my thoughts to flow in and feel whatever came out, without judgement …
… then I sat and mindfully became present by observing “What I could see”
… and I was INSPIRED !!!
I came home and reflected some more about my process …
The start of last year I was motivated and making some positive changes in my life. I finally felt like I was going to be successful on my weight loss journey. I finally believed that I was transforming myself …
I was following the Harcombe diet principles, gaining more energy, becoming more and more active and shedding the weight …
I was inspiring others to get up and get out …
… and I was feeling FANFOOKINTASTIC !!!
As my habits changed … so did I
“a woman who cuts her hair, is about to change her life”
I got BRAVER
I got STRONGER
I got BOLDER
I got more FEARLESS
I decided that I was WORTHY of the kind of love that I gave
I decided to LOVE myself in the same way I have loved others
And even though it hurt … it was also liberating and empowering
But … then it all started to go down hill
I began to comfort myself more and more with food, which reduced my energy levels and activity …
“Old habits die hard”
The more hurts I acknowledge …
The more fears I confront …
The more truths I expose …
The more conscious I become …
The more cognitive dissonance I experience …
The more changes I need …
The more healing I want …
The more growth I do …
But, its not always pretty … it gets mighty MESSY !!!
Sharing my process of healing has been challenging because it has and is such a personal experience … but I believe there is power in our willingness to be vulnerable
So, as I stand more comfortably in my own truth, the more comfortable I begin to stand in my own skin
The process of weight loss in the past was about disliking what I see
It was about hating my body and not loving myself
TODAY …
I not only gaze upon my own body with less hatred …
I share my naked body with a lover, with less feelings of shame …
I feel brave enough to expose the woman beneath the clothes …
I am beginning to embrace the god damn Goddess that I am !!!
Yes … my body isn’t perfect
Yes … I am perfectly flawed
But the more I LOVE and ACCEPT who I am …
… the more lovingly I speak to myself and the better choices I make
Enjoy the process … that is YOUR journey
