Whether we are 17, 39, 60 or 93 years old, life rarely goes to plan and regardless of what decade we are in, most of us already know that truth. So, why then do we get our knickers in a knot when things dont unfold in the way we had hoped or expected them to ?
I think its the stories that we are told and believe in …
Most of us have been brought up to believe that we grow up, we get a job, we fall in love, we get married, we have kids, we work hard and we raise a family
Its what I did … but life doesn’t always go to plan
Not everyone wants to grow up, while others need to grow, jobs can be difficult to find, money can be hard to come by, love can be lost or not found at all, tragedies can strike, death can be sudden, families can be separated and not all relationships are meant to last forever
My life certainly hasn’t gone as planned
When I got married, I didn’t plan on getting divorced
When we had children, I didn’t plan on breaking our family apart
When I finished uni, I didn’t plan on being in the same role
When I fell in love, I didn’t plan on it being with men who hurt me
… but, do we really plan for life or does it just happen as its meant to ?
If our choices determine our reality, then why do we choose to struggle ?
What does the struggle teach us ?
Hmmmmmm she ponders
I’ve always followed my heart and so my brain often lags behind, which is something that can cause both myself and other people frustration, whenever I start to wander down a path that looks to be a little too familiar, bumpy and overgrown
Ive had multiple heated discussions with family and friends about this very same topic. Concerned loved ones sharing their opinions and trying their hardest to steer me in a different direction to avoid the disappointment and hurt. But I strongly believe that there are valuable lessons to learn from going down those paths and having those experiences, which is why my heart guides me there in the first place … isn’t it ?
What if going the wrong way can actually lead us in the right direction ?
What if we find our passion and purpose by wandering down a no through road ?
What if the u turn leads us back towards our wildest dreams ?
What if trail blazing our own path inspires others to follow their own ?
I usually have a general idea of where I want to go, but my direction seems to keep changing as I do, which makes sense I suppose but it can get very confusing. I’m learning to flow with a little more ease than I used to, but it hasn’t been an easy lesson to learn. Life can still get messy as I continue to confront my own ugly truths, heal my own hurts and overcome my own fears. And even now, with this new understanding about myself, I still hold on a little longer than I should
So, I asked myself … WHY do I hold on when I know its time to let go ?
I think perhaps it has something to do with being the kind of woman who flows with how I feel more than how I think. So, if I’m feeling good and my needs are being met, then there is no problem to think about. It doesn’t matter then how other people perceive my situation to be because my mind doesn’t really start to process until I start to feel the tension. And usually by then my heart is already invested and so I consider more than just my own needs … and that’s when the tensions start to turn into conflict
However, conflict is the fuel for change and so it’s an essential part of our growth
So, why would I choose to avoid it ?
The more we focus on creating change in our lives, then yes the more conflicts we are going to have, because they provide us with an opportunity to explore our experience and communicate our needs. Unfortunately, it’s also when we may identify that our needs have changed and therefore we are choosing a different path, which is something we dont really want to know if we are in love someone or we have a specific goal in mind
It then takes time for our minds to process this new information and it takes time for our hearts to accept this new truth. A time when we can either resist and get messy or flow and change. Yes, we always have a choice, but we can often fall back into bad habits when we are in those in between spaces of who we once were and who we are becoming
Learning how to be gentler with ourselves during this process of change is when we may need a little extra support and a reminder, that what we are feeling and how we choose to move through the change is OK … because there is no right or wrong way. What is right for me, may not be for you and what is right for you, may not be for me
When I start stepping out of my heart and focus my attention on how my thoughts are shaping my reality, I start to dig a little deeper into my belief systems, which is where I find the stories that influence my choices
What stories do you need to rewrite to change your experience ?