I wrote the guts of this poem 10 years ago, but decided to breathe new life into it.
When I first wrote it, I was sitting in a motel room, alone, feeling very lost and unsure of my future. Separated from my husband of 11 years, I was focusing on creating a new life for my 3 kids and I. So when an opportunity for an Enrolled Nursing scholarship presented itself through work, I took it.
All the trainee nurses were placed in the hospitals for work experience, all except two of us. We were placed in Mental Health, which I was thrilled about. Because I had already decided that it was my focus of interest.
It was a very challenging 2 weeks because my colleague and I sat in on multiple Group Therapy sessions with clients, that stirred up all kinds of stuff. During the day I was the student, learning the process. But when alone in my motel room, I was the woman dealing with her emotional shit. We joked about getting about 5 years worth of therapy, which is exactly how it felt by the end of our 2 weeks. When it was over, I was left feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted !!!
The ironic thing was, while I stayed down there, I woke every morning to a heavy fog on the horizon. And in some strange way I felt a sense of connection with Nature. I didn’t understand it, but the feeling brought me some comfort during those nights alone, in the dark.
There is absolutely no denying that my path has been guided and that destiny plays an important part in my direction. My desire to learn more about the lived experience in Residential Aged Care has taken me off the recommended educational pathway. And in the great words of Robert Frost …
” I took the road less traveled by, and that’s made all the difference”
Fog on the horizon
Like a whirlwind she lost all sense of direction,
as memories and questions continued to race through her mind,
seeking clarity and demanding answers.
Who ? .. What ? .. Where ? .. When ? .. Why ? .. How ?
Questions that kept getting louder and louder,
insistent upon a response,
until she couldn’t take it any more.
falling down onto the ground,
gasping for breath.
She desperately wanted to make sense of the chaos and turmoil,
and understand the purpose it served,
because she needed to find meaning in the mess.
But uncertainty overwhelmed her
when answers didn’t come,
so she surrendered to the flow of emotion.
Tears of frustration flowed,
and her hurting heart pulsated to the rhythm of fear,
as shadows lurked in the corners of her mind.
Each night, she danced in the darkness,
welcoming her descent into the abyss of solitude,
in the hopes of seeking absolution in the silence.
But each morning, fog lay heavy on the horizon,
unable to see what was ahead of her,
she braced herself for yet another day.
She opened up the door to a future unknown,
with hope in her heart,
and she just kept on walking.