Why am I angry about not staying angry ?

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I don’t particularly like feeling angry because it usually reflects a sense of not being in control.

A struggle that makes me feel uncomfortable because it reflects a resistance to the flow.

But our emotions communicate so much without words. Anger is a valid emotion that shouldn’t be surpressed, so don’t deny it. There is no shame in feeling any emotion that rises because ALL of our emotions serve a purpose. Anger can be and is a powerful energy that can motivate us forward towards change. 

What makes YOU angry ?

Even if its yourself asking the question, be prepared to be angry about being asked why you are angry. Because anger doesnt like to be questioned, it wants to be in control.

My anger falls as quickly as it rises, which in itself makes me fucking angry. Because I fall into those underlying feelings that bring me back into my truth, where I feel most vulnerable

Fuck it !!!

Dare I share what was making me angry ?

Initially, NO !!!

So, I took pen to paper and wrote about it. To better understand why anger arose, why it fell so quickly and why I was angry about that.

Why was I angry about not being angry ?

Because right now I feel somewhat like the defeated warrior. Life has broken me to the core of my being and I’m bleeding from my open wounds. Dramatic perhaps, but none the less it’s how I feel. Because the world as I knew it was shattered and it’s changed everything.

And I’m not glad about it, I’m fucking angry !!!

Why did cancer come to both of our parents ?
Why did Universe rip Mam from our lives ?
Why did I trust my heart while it was broken ?
Why do my lessons in love have to be so hard ?

Why ? Why ? Why ? Why ?

Questions that are not to be understood, only accepted. But how do I accept what I don’t yet understand ? The seeker in me often struggles to surrender to what IS when I don’t understand

So, I wrote about how I am dealing with the current situation I am in. Acknowledging any emotions, I haven’t fully processed. And sure enough my fear is feeding my feelings of frustration and insecurity. Instead of standing in my power, I am feeling utterly powerless.

Feeling angry about not being able to hold onto my anger, is reflective of my inability to control the situation, which ofcourse I can’t.

Life is unfolding and that IS the journey ❤

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