This FULL MOON in Pisces has been difficult for many of us, for different reasons …

No doubt, some of you are assuming I’m riding waves of grief and my struggle is with LOSS.

But GRIEF isn’t my only fight …

My struggle is with LIFE and my battle is with the PAST and the hold it has on me. My mind has been racing out of control this morning. I’m recognizing patterns and cycles. Feeling a little confused and conflicted, which is why I’m better off alone. Because whenever I do share, I seem to feel so very misunderstood. I need something but I don’t really know what the fuck it is. I’m feeling so many things at once. I need someone to help me make sense of all this, but I know that someone is ME.

Sometimes it seriously feels like I’m literally going out of my mind. I wish the monestary would reply, God knows I need it. Either that or a fucking straight jacket cos my mind’s racing with all kindsa stuff. I never cope well with massive downloads of information all at once. Yet when it comes, it always seems to come so fast and so much of it at once. I suppose that’s because I keep insisting on pushing my limits.

Anyhoo …

I’ve had a rough few days, so thought I’d see what the star gazers are sharing in their news feeds. After reading Tanishka’s Full Moon in Pisces post, maybe I “shudda” read it earlier, to avoid the misery and despair I suffered? Then again, perhaps I wouldn’t have felt the depths of those things if I had read it? Maybe I’m reading it at the right time because everything is as it should BE?

These last few days, I’ve been compelled to dive IN to my Mam’s thoughts and feelings. I’ve read journal after journal. Reliving the past and some not so good memories from Mam’s perspective. At times it kinda felt like a trainwreck I just couldn’t look away from.

As if that hasn’t been challenging enough in itself, I also recieved more bad news. Ironically it involves a male Piscean from my past, present and future (The Father of my kids).

I’m learning more about how the past has and does influence what’s happening NOW, and how the present impacts on what will and can happen in the future. This stuff matters to me because I care about how MY actions, both conscious and unconscious influences others. Specifically MY cubs and our future generations.

     PAST  🔁 PRESENT 🔁 FUTURE

This is the bridge that creates a connection in my mind, to drift between a variety of realities. To what was, what IS and what could BE.

So, what is the lesson of Pisces?

“It’s the most sensitive of all the signs, so it’s an energy that will heighten our sensitivities. It will increase our awareness of what needs to be healed in our psyche. When operating in shadow (unconscious) we drink, we seek to escape uncertainty through co-dependancy, we seek to escape from reality with fantasy and meditation. But when we operate consciously, then we will seek to heal our core wound, like the parable of The Fisher King”

Fuck !!!!

I failed to hear the King Fishers message the other day at the mountain. I failed to honour my own thoughts and feelings this full moon, by focusing on Mam’s instead. I failed to respond consciuosly because I drank far too much whiskey. And I failed to learn another fucking lesson … yet I don’t feel like a failure.

Why ???

Because there is NO right or wrong choice. We learn from ALL of our experiences. Each choice increasing our awareness of self and other.

This FULL MOON I was “taken deep into the murky depths of old past pain” (both my own and my Mothers). I consciously dove in to the messiness of Mam’s mind and willingly felt the heaviness of her heart. And I unconsciously responded in shadow, which is a pattern and cycle I’m ready, willing and able to SEE and therefore RELEASE, with the support of the divine energy of this Piscean FULL MOON.

As I read through Tanishka’s post, I got goosy bumps when I reached the last paragraph …

” Like the Frog Prince who goes to the bottom of the pond to retrieve the golden sphere of light and break the enchantment, he is unlovable. If we don’t believe we are loveable at the deepest level (because we haven’t faced the one who cast the spell) we won’t escape rejection; Or other tales of distorted perception like The Ugly Duckling or The Lion who Thought he was a Lamb that echoes rejection of the divine self who’s not truly seen and understood by those in their tribe of origin. These illustrate the futility of trying to be seen and understood by those unwilling to look within and see their greatness by exploring what makes them unique. Instead, they scapegoat those who are, mocking that which they don’t understand ”

A frog leaped across the fence the other night. I took a photo. Although I didn’t know what, I knew it was significant because he/she was sitting above the frog statue Mam bought me.

Perhaps I’m not so fucking crazy afterall 🤔