Exploring my struggle

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My parents are dead,
but I believe in spirit.
I still love them,
and know they’re still loving me.

So …

Why does it hurt to remember them ?
Why does it hurt to think about them ?

If love doesn’t hurt …
then why don’t I feel happy ?

If love doesn’t hurt …
then why does sadness still flow ?

If love doesn’t hurt …
then why do memories haunt me ?

If love doesn’t hurt …
then why do my tears choke me ?

Didn’t I love my parents ?
Didn’t they love me ?
Wasn’t our love unconditional ?
Isn’t it FOREVER and ALWAYS ?

If love doesn’t hurt …
then why do I feel like I’ve lost it ?

I sit with those thoughts for awhile,
then in the silence I hear …

My darling,
Love doesn’t hurt
Loss does

If this is true, then it’s not a lack of love that’s causing my suffering, then love isn’t to blame for my struggles …

I AM

And in that moment
I am empowered

Because to change my experience
I only need to own it

In my grief, I’ve noticed how my heart doesn’t ache because it’s OPEN to feel, without holding onto the emotion. I’ve learned how to flow, which is why I no longer fear my feelings. I surrender to the process, by welcoming my truth to rise and fall. Knowing that I can only RELEASE what I’m willing to fully feel.

Yet, I still struggle ?

Because my struggle is with myself. My thoughts are the cause of my suffering.

Now, I’m learning how to keep an OPEN mind. To think without holding onto the thought. To observe my thinking process, without fearing the irrational and distorted thoughts. To welcome my messy and conflicting truth. Knowing that I can only CHANGE what I’m willing to fully process.

Knowing, when I open my heart and mind, then emotion and thought will flow. And then I can BE who I truly AM without fear, which is a thinking, feeling and living BEing of love and light. Here to share my kinda magic with the world.

2 thoughts on “Exploring my struggle

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