Nature is constantly communicating with us, but we can often miss the messages. Although Im open to spirit and pay attention, I usually need 3 up close and personal interactions before I can fully appreciate it as being a message from spirit. Instead of seeing this as being a “slow to learn” thing, I understand that my relationship with Self, Nature, Spirit and Universe is a process that continues to improve, grow and strengthen with the effort I put into it.

The more receptive I am, the more fluid those communications will BEome.

I’ve been here since the 12th, but the horsefly didn’t fly into my awareness until the 27th, which was the day I had my first 1:1 with the Nun (its also the day of my birth). It had been persistently annoying me all day, which was agitating me because its a NO KILL zone here. The last thing I wanted to do was swat the bugger, but I also didn’t want to be bitten because they give a nasty sting. At one point she landed on the Nun, who patiently blew her away and she flew out of the window. I, on the other hand was trying my best to patiently swipe her away, but the more she persisted, the less patient I was becoming.

There was no interaction with the horsefly on the 28th because it was my rostered day off and I stayed indoors, having a pajama day. The 29th was yesterday and it was an odd kinda day. I was still feeling out of sorts, so I decided to go along to the morning Dharma Practice. I’ve been to a few of the evening sessions, but had yet to experience the morning one. There were 5 Nuns, but it was a Monk who led the morning session. As I listened and read the words they were chanting, I was overwhelmed with feelings of compassion that brought me to tears. I thought to myself, how wonderful that these people gather together with such devotion and loving intentions for the well-BEing of others.

As I looked around, my eyes were drawn to the Chenrezig statue directly ahead of me, that symbolizes compassion. She holds a turquoise jewel inbetween her hands, that are positioned infront of her heart. It captured my attention because the gem was glowing from the light bouncing from it. The Monk began to talk about how our suffering is connected to karma from our past lives. How our suffering allows us to purify karma and have a better rebirth. I began to have flashbacks of the suffering I had seen and began to feel upset. As memories flowed, so did the tears and I had to leave the session.

I couldn’t escape the images in my mind or the emotions that accompanied them.

Memories that were linked to conversations, concerns and conflicts I had with my Mam about her experiences of pain were surfacing to be seen, that triggered other memories. The suffering we witnessed Mam and Dad endure, and how it impacted upon my sisters and I. Recognition of the struggles, as my family, friends and I heal from our losses.

I was rejecting what the Monk was saying because I refused to believe that good people needed to suffer so much. The thought of it was hurting my heart and I couldn’t stop the tears. I wanted to scream and shout NO, you’re wrong !!!

My shift started in 10 minutes, so I locked myself in the toilet and cried. The last thing I wanted to do was go to work, but the cafe was closed and I was rostered on for a deep clean shift. So, I looked at it as a “cleansing” opportunity. I didn’t wait for instruction and decided I needed to focus on cleaning the main dining area, where people gather. I began with the windows because it was symbolic of allowing more light IN, then I swept and mopped the floors. Making a point of moving things aside and pulling things out, to reach any dirt hiding in dark corners. One of the vollies commented on how much work I was doing compared to others, so I explained how it was my need to cleanse today.

During the shift I was invited to a yoga session, so I went along after my shift. I struggled with some of the poses because my body isn’t very flexible, especially in my hip area. Although I struggled, it felt good to focus on breath and move my body into postures that facilitate connection and energy flow.

On the walk home the horsefly flew into my awareness again. I was walking back to the house trying to arrange a call with someone. She kept attacking my head in a manic frenzy, coming so close that it felt like she was gonna buzz right on into my ears. I tried to calmly swipe her away and asked her not to attack or bite me, but she persisted. I would usually wait for her to land, then swat her before she bit, but I didn’t want to kill her. So I ran up the path waving my hands and bag around like a mad woman trying to escape the voices in her head.

I knew she came with a message, but what was it?

This morning, I was sitting on the front deck getting ready to write in my journal, when she flew back into my awareness with the same aggressive persistence. One of the vollies heard me talking to her and was watching me getting annoyed. I was forced to come back inside, so she prompted me to look up the symbolism of a horsefly, so I did …

“Horse Fly teaches lesson of development in all areas. It’s the journey not the destinations that are important here. She helps ground oneself in nature by helping contemplate the earth, ground and mud will help. There is balance of emotions and the spiritual along with physical and mental. She demonstrates properties of spiritual healing and enlightenment with knowledge. She shows how to see with an earthly purity. She guides to opening up energy within the body to allow emotional – physical healing to take place. Meditating on the colors green and gold will aid in the connection to Horse Fly’s messages. She teaches balance in truthfulness, which may sting and bite but they are truths nonetheless. Horse Flies can show how a group of 1 or 2 will aid in your journey. She shows attraction to shiny objects, emphasis on metallics and gems will help connect with her medicine. Horse Fly will demonstrate adaptability while layers of the self are uncovered for much new and exciting potential. She shows change is coming.”

Other links talk about how the fly is a persistent presence that symbolizes a need to stay focused on our goals, regardless of how it may annoy others or seem selfish. Others mention about holding ourselves back from achieving our goals.

OK, I “think” I understand the message …

The horsefly showed up the day I met the nun (27^th), then while trying to talk to someone (29^th) and today when I began to write (30^th). The significance of the number 27 and the 3 interactions suggests spiritual significance. I already acknowledge that its the journey that matters most and that change is coming, but what am I missing? Why is the horsefly being so aggressive and persistent? What does she come to teach me? Is it patience and compassion? Is it to feel gratitude for ALL of my experiences, even being tormented? Is the message connected to those 2 people? Will they help or hinder me on my journey? Am I still holding myself back in some way?

Lets hope that spirit is satisfied I’ve received the message because I really dont fancy being bitten or stung by the horsefly.