I haven’t made a blog entry in a while, which is odd because I thought I would be blogging every day with all the experiences and changes that are happening in my world, which is the very reason why I haven’t of course.
There’s been less time to sit around and ponder over my writings because I’ve been far too busy indulging in new experiences, seeing new places, meeting new people and adjusting to a new life style.
But, yesterday I made time to reflect and decided to share my thoughts …
The decision to follow my heart and move over to the UK has been well over due, or perhaps its finally the right time 😊
Regardless of how right it feels, it’s been quite the emotional roller coaster, coming here only weeks after Dads cancer diagnosis and intensive care excitement. But as they say, there’s never going to be a good time for us to take those BIG life changing steps.
Truth is, we can always find reasons as to why we shouldn’t change our direction and follow the calling of our hearts. I’m certainly guilty of having done this for far too many years, but the scare we had with Dad only reinforced how precious love is and how short life can be.
So, instead of playing the role of dutiful, eldest daughter because that’s what I thought I “should do”, I decided it was time to follow my heart. So I had a conversation with my family, who all supported me to go ahead with my plans, which I’m extremely grateful for.
Thank YOU ❤
I fully appreciate how difficult it was for my family to let me go, because although I know in the depths of my heart that this is where I must be and what I need to do, I still found it extremely challenging to jump on a plane and fly over to the other side of the world away from my family. Its only been 6 weeks and although my days are full to the brim with everything new and exciting, there are times when I miss the familiar comforts of family so much, I sob.
Its true what they say … ” the root of suffering is attachment “
But having explored my attachments, Ive identified the beliefs that keep me holding on in fear and now have the ability to change how I think about my choices. After all, we can only change it when we first acknowledge it.
So, I asked myself …
Tracey, do you want to experience more FEAR or LOVE ?
Hmmmmmmm … she ponders 😊
By focusing on how my choice to follow my heart comes from a place of love, it changes my experience. And I believe it also has a more positive impact on those who matter most to me. Because love creates space for MORE love, just as fear creates space for MORE fear.
Even though the journey has been a little bumpy, especially over Christmas when Dad was rushed back into hospital with another infection and I was alone for those important days: Christmas eve, Christmas day, Boxing day and my birthday, with far too much time on my hands to think. I can say with complete confidence that I have no regrets.
Because I no longer feel a sense of responsibility for the experiences of other people, no matter how much I love them. I now feel a stronger sense of respect for our individual experiences, with less need to protect either of us from ourselves. And most of all I am being true to myself and following the calling of my heart, which is making all the difference to my experience.
In the past, my desire for different experiences was all about my need to gain deeper insights and understandings. But the journey is becoming more and more about TRUST.
Trust in myself,
Trust in the process of change,
Trust in the energetic flow of Universe,
Trust in the transformational power of LOVE.
The more I trust myself, the more open I am to change, the more I connect with my surroundings, the more I flow with the delicious energy flowing from Universe and the more LOVE is experienced, which increases all those spine tingling synchronicities that are full of possibility to create new realities.
This is the stuff that’s tickling my molecules, arousing my neurons and making me all giddy with excitement 😊
Wonderful things are happening more and more in my life because I’m finally opening myself up to receive it. LOVE is in the drivers seat and fear has become the passenger, instead of the other way around and its making all the difference.
However, its not always rainbows and lollypops. Sometimes fear grabs a hold of the steering wheel and takes us on a bit of joy ride. Those times when I’m triggered by something that propels me into the darkness.
I believe this happens because we are being guided inwards, so we can peel away the bullshit that’s getting in the way of us living our truth. All those limiting beliefs, fear driven thoughts and hurting hearts that have become a barrier, preventing the flow of energy between Universe and ourselves.
We usually know when we are resisting change because we start to feel it pulling and tugging on us from the inside. I certainly feel the internal conflict between my head and heart that causes me discontent and dis-EASE. And this is when my ” bad habits ” tend to surface, pulling me back into a space of fear. To a place where our dreams are doubted.
We all have wild and wonderful dreams, but how many of us are living them ?
” The distance between our dreams and reality, is ACTION “
Having been a deep self-diver for many years now, I’m learning the value of peeling away those layers. But don’t get me wrong, it’s not always easy nor comfortable. However, I’m finding that the more willing I am to dive into the depths of who I am, the more comfortable I’m becoming with the discomforts.
Whenever I begin to feel some resistance, I want to find the blockage that’s keeping me stuck and preventing the flow of energy. Because I want to experience more of that yummy neurological tickling and heart expanding magic. In fact, it’s more uncomfortable when I don’t sit and flow with my discomforts.
Because emotion is becoming neither good nor bad in my mind, so there’s less need to fear the feelings, which allows the emotion to flow much more freely through me. But just like we learn how to be observers of our own thoughts, we must also learn how to flow with our emotions with more ease.
Its a process of change …
Think about how many times men have been told to “toughen up”
Think about how many times women have been told to ” calm down “
Fuck that BULL SHIT !!!
I want to see MORE men opening up their hearts, flowing with their feelings
I want to see MORE women harnessing the rage of fire within their hearts
I want to see MORE people experiencing relationships so full of love and passion that their connection creates magic ❤
We live in a world where emotion has been misunderstood and suppressed for so long, that we are relearning how to BE true to ourselves, without feelings of guilt or shame. In the past we’ve been unconsciously feeding our fears and deepening our heart wounds. But thank fuck we are coming to NEW understandings
Acknowledging that our fears and hurts serve a very important purpose, guiding us towards the belief, the thought or the emotion that’s preventing energy flow and holding us back in a state of suffering.
As light and shadow aspects of our psyche become more balanced, there is less internal conflict and less dis-EASE inside of us, which in my mind means we may begin to experience less illness.
I believe that this has been the BIGGEST change in my life because I realize that I’m not avoiding myself as much as I used to. After all, it wasn’t so long ago I was indulging in numerous self-destructive behaviours, in attempts to avoid how I was truly feeling.
I smoked cigarettes to ease my feelings of anxiety,
I drank alcohol to ease my feelings of stress,
I had sex to ease my feelings of frustration,
I ate food to ease my feelings of sadness.
Basically, I wanted to ease the feelings instead of allowing them to flow. I now understand that my behaviours were guiding me towards my truth 😊
Exploring my ” bad habits ” has given me deeper insights into myself, which is helping me to make better choices. Mind you, I still went to bed with a jar of nutella the other night because I was feeling sad and frustrated. But instead of beating myself up about it, I now have a little giggle and ENJOY the moments 😊
Because life is forever teaching me and I am a beautiful work in progress
Mindful interaction ❤