Overcoming my fear

image

Fear,
it sits in my gut,
rumbling.

Its late at night,
and I lay on my bed.
Unable to sleep,
gazing upon the ceiling

A heavy feeling,
that tells me.
Something doesn’t feel right.

Doctors are planning.
Nurses are doing.
But in the silence there’s a sense,
that somethings coming.

A knowing that tells me to prepare.

But my heart holds onto hope,
and the grip tightens.
Causing an inner conflict,
that brings tension.

My thoughts are messy,
and my heart is racing.
So, I breath,
deeply.
To relax,

But my body tenses.
Bracing itself,
as the fear begins to move.,
up from my guts.
Slithering up my spine,
like a snake.

A darkness,
that spreads up the core of my being.
And a claw,
that reaches out to grip my heart. Squeezing.
Ripping it open.
As if my heart was a piece of fruit.

Releasing raw emotion.
And I FEEL,
the disabling pain of loss,
as I succumb to my grief.

I acknowledge the fear,
and allow the feelings to flow.
But its relentless,
and wants more.

The darkness shows me.

And I SEE,
flashes of images,

I’m in a hospital hallway,
my legs weaken,
and I’m falling.
Down to the ground,
onto my knees.
Crying unconsolable tears.

Then I see myself standing in a room,
surrounded by my family.
Feeling conflicted,
because I’m unable to comfort them all.
As each heart breaks open,
the pain in my heart intensifies.

A room full of broken hearts šŸ’”

OMG !!!

I dont want to see any of this.
I need to see the healing.
PLEASE let me see the healing !!!

A whisper …
This IS the healing.

But my mind screams,
NO … not like this !!!

I barter,
I beg,
I plead,
I pray.

Do you hear me ?
Are you listening ?

I will continue to serve.
For the greater good,
I SURRENDER !!!

Haven’t I released ?
Haven’t I dared ?
Haven’t I trusted ?

I only hold onto my dreams.
So take all I have to give.
It’s yours,
for her life.
I surrender it all !!!

A whisper …
This IS the dream.

NO !!!
I scream,
THIS is the fucking nightmare !!!

A whisper …
It asks,
What lies at the core of your fear ?
What bleeds from your heart ?

I know its LOVE,
but this is TOO much.
My family deserves none of this !!!

A whisper …
The great dreams of dreamers,
are always transcended.
So rise above the fear.
Let your family’s love lead the way.
For its in the darkest of times,
that light shines the brightest.

Truth that resonates,
As reflections of my own healings,
run through my mind.
An understanding,
that we must feel to heal.

I breath,
deeply.
My heart beats.
Da dum da dum da dum da dum.

A sense of calmness sweeps over me.

I visualize fear,
no longer within me.
But as a dark figure,
that stands in the shadows.

And I notice,
the light radiating from my core.
Warmth,
and an overwhelming feeling of love.

The figure bows its head,
in respect.
Acknowledging defeat.

Overcoming my fear,
doesn’t feel like I thought it would.
Instead of standing victorious,
it humbles me.

A knowing that fear is not my enemy,
but an ally in the battle within myself.
Guiding me deeper into the darkness,
where I’m able to confront myself.

A whisper …
We close our eyes when we feel afraid,
but open them and you’ll see.

A sense of gratitude,
for what fear came to give me.
I bow my head,
in respect.

A gasp,
escapes me.
As I awaken.

Was this a dream ?

Mindful interaction ā¤

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s