Feeling a tad chuffed with myself for finally getting my ass into a size 18 jean. But instead of showing off with a flattering photo, I decided to keep it real. Because my marshmallow tummy still needs my oh so sexy bridget with handles knickers to give me less rolls. Instead of several, I have one mega muffin top. And when I sit down, I fear the button may pop off and someone could loose an eye.

Jokes aside, my weight gain and loss is never just about what I put into my mouth. It’s also about why I’m eating and how I’m feeling when I’m eating it. As a comfort eater, I either eat my emotions and suppress them (or) shovel in the food in attempts to soothe my woeful self.

Ain’t nothing healthy about that !!!

My eating habits have been changing over the years, but challenges are my biggest setbacks. As creatures of habit, we often fall back into unhealthier habits during stressful times. I’m learning how to be a little gentler with myself, but I still get annoyed when I go backwards. 

I refuse to jump on the scales because it only feeds my misery. But I guesstimate I gained around 10kg during those challenging months. Additional weight I couldn’t really afford to gain because I already had so much to loose. And before Mam’s diagnosis, I was loosing it and feeling so much better for it. Hence why I felt so shitful as the weight began to creep back on again.

My focus is how I’m feeling more than what I weigh. Mind you, I am looking forward to the day I jump onto the scales and see a number that makes me smile, instead of cringe.

YES, my body is soft and squishy, but I feel less ashamed of my body these days. I’m inspired by those who share their truth and I want to inspire others to do the same. I’ve always been able to see the beauty in others, and I’m finally beginning to see my own beautiful truth.

YES, the weight has been slowly coming off, but as it does, so do the emotions attached. And I notice how the more I release, the lighter I feel within myself. And the better I feel, the more self loving my choices are. It’s not really rocket science, but it’s so easy to get stuck.

Hence why I’m sharing this with you.