I woke after a vivid dream about Mam this morning. We were at John St in our home town, but our situation was the same as it is now.
The house was full of family and she came to visit us. She said she was here all the time and would never leave us alone (almost sounds stalkerish hey) 🤣 Mam hugged the kids and said she missed being in the flesh, which is why her spirit had taken form. In the dream we all left Mam at the house after awhile, cos we had “life” stuff to do. In the dream I was aware that part of myself was thinking.
WTF ??? you’re leaving her ? ya daft buggers !!!
A little time later I returned to find Mam still in physical form, asleep on a single bed that was in the lounge room. She woke when I opened the door and said she didn’t want to go back to being a spirit. She wanted to stay. I told her that I wanted her to stay too because although I could feel her spiritual presence, I couldn’t see or hug her when she was in spirit form.
We were interupted because visitors dropped in, who were shocked to see Mam in the flesh. Then I woke up to the sound of my metal chimes tinkling in the wind outside the cabin.
I smiled 😊
When our loved ones are in spirit we accept visits in any which way they come. We love it when they show up in our lives in some way.
Is a dream only a dream ???
Alhough I believe the essence of her BEing is spirit, which is an energy that never dies. I still miss Mam’s physical form so damn much. So much so, I’ve actually held her ashes in my hands just to feel a sense of her physical form.
My thoughts began to wander …
I thought about the reality of what is and how it still feels somewhat surreal. Memories of her end of life flashed through my mind (as they do sometimes). There’s still so much emotion attached to these memories, so the tears flow.
Sometimes I cry into my pillow, other times I talk out loud to her. To say anything that needs to be said and feel anything that needs to be felt. It usually leads to something I’m holding onto, that needs to be seen, processed, felt and released. This morning it took me to one of my regrets, which still pops up now and then.
I notice that although I cry openly, my heart doesn’t hurt like it used to. I know it’s not numb because I feel so intensely. So, I keep trusting the process. Understanding and accepting that this is how I must flow through life now …
Staying OPEN to it ALL 💗
Its hard not to think about loss during this time.
The religious aspects of Easter is all about death, sacrifice and rebirth. Many of us are in isolation, separated from our families and friends. We’re all going through a global crisis that’s changing our world, which also involves death, sacrifice and rebirth. Life’s in a constant state of change (as are we). Whether we like it or not we will all loose someone we think we can’t live without. Life will never be the same again, but we will keep on living without them.
Every ending is a NEW beginning 🌟
I write and share my thoughts and feelings to shine a light on my inner world. It helps me to process, feel and release what I hold onto.
Not everyone gives a fuck … and that’s OK
Those who want to read it … will read it
Those who need to see it … will see it
From me and Mam with LOVE 💗