I woke from a dream reflecting a shift within myself, so it’s a good time to reflect and share some of my thoughts on relationship …
Since my divorce, I’ve resisted needing men.
Apart from seeking a sense of independence, I’ve also experienced many disappointments.
Men haven’t always been all that “dependable.”
I’ve experienced a sense of abandonment when I’ve needed the man I loved. Forced to fight many battles and confront the darkest forces of myself alone … on purpose.
Because ultimately, this is MY journey ❤
A journey full of ongoing lessons. Learning to accept that I choose to begin, stay in and have also contributed towards ending a relationship. Acknowledging how our individual challenges, not neccessarily a lack of love, has limited our ability to learn and grow in togetherness.
I don’t blame the men who have disappointed me, nor do I love them any less for hurting me. Because I can fully appreciate how we are ALL learning, healing and growing from every “good and bad” experience of love that we share.
Even our heart breaks are … on purpose 💔
An inner strength comes from confronting our deepest and darkest self alone, but we can also learn unhealthy habits. In attempts to protect ourselves from being disappointed or hurt, we can unconsciously respond from fear.
“To love is to risk loss, the price of loss is grief”
After a loss we either remain stuck in our suffering (or) numb ourselves from feeling anything at all (or) punish ourselves/others by denying love (or) seek love from others, depending on them to make us feel better (or) consciously flow in a state of love, allowing experiences of both love and loss to teach us.
Our choices will reflect what WE need to FEEL (or not feel). There is no right or wrong choice because our journey is unique to US.
Like love, I believe that grief has the capacity to guide us towards our inner most truth. I believe that grief has the power to liberate us from our greatest fears and heal our deepest wounds. I believe that loss can also be considered a gift.
Not everyone believes this … and that’s OK 😊
This post is about intimate LOVE but having lost people I love, I appreciate how we cannot fully love without also accepting loss. I’m learning that love isn’t something to hold onto and loss isn’t something to fear. Love and loss are equal sides of a polarity, neither one better or worse than the other because BOTH offer valuable experiences that serve our growth.
LIFE IS an accumulation of experiences that lead us to transitions and transformations 🌟
Which is why I pay closer attention …
I notice how I feel when my partner’s haven’t been emotionally available. I notice when and why I don’t feel safe and secure. I notice what triggers my fear and pokes my wounds. And I’m well aware of how I pull back or push people away when I’m struggling the most. Sometimes I “need” to pull back to clarify my own inner conflict, when not feeling secure within myself. And I push people away when not feeling a sense of safety in the relationship.
Becoming more aware of ourselves is the first step towards taking FULL responsibility for our own experiences. We can then distinguish our wants from our needs, communicate ourselves more openly and honestly, improve the quality of our relationships and create the kind of sustainable changes that LIFT us up towards a higher state of BEING and DOING 🌟
Truth is, I love openly and freely but my growth game is strong because my dreams are BIG, so I’m mindful of how and where my energy flows.
I want to RISE in love, not fall, which is probably why intimate relationship forces me to go deeper. But I totally appreciate and accept that not everyone wants to dive in so deeply 😜
Relationship wants and needs vary depending upon our own wants and needs, which is why holding others accountable for our hurts and responsible for our happiness, is not only a waste of our own time and energy, but its also detrimental to everyone’s growth and healing.
My resistence to “need” a man isn’t because I don’t need him, because I DO. My resistance either reflects tension within the relationship or it guides me towards an inner conflict ….
A fear that limits or a hurt that’s rewounding ?
This is how I maintain personal responsibility for my inner most thoughts and feelings. It’s how I balance my energy and feel a sense of wholeness regardless of my relationship status
This is my HEALING process ❤