I am sending LOVE to my family, but its not from me, its from my client 😊

This morning she said to me …. “Please send my love to your family because you are the most important person in my life and I need you here”

Now, I’ll be honest with you, I have mixed emotions when my client says things like that, because although it reflects the trust and bond between client and carer. The very thing that’s pivotal to improving the lived experience of an elderly person during the most vulnerable stage of life. It also poses to be my biggest challenge because it also raises concerns of dependency and reliance, which is an ongoing challenge when caring for those who do depend on others.

How do we overcome experiences of learned helplessness ?

“Learned helplessness … When people feel that they have no control over their situation, they may also begin to behave in a helpless manner. This inaction can lead people to overlook opportunities for relief or change”.

I strongly believe that its essential to focus on those higher order needs

Because when our focus is primarily on responding to the lower needs (which is generally done in Nursing Homes), then we are failing to fully support our clients sense of personal empowerment.

Reigniting feelings of worth and value into the hearts of the elderly isn’t an easy process, because its not just a personal thing, its cultural and its collective. We are striving to change how we think, feel and experience frailty. But I’m learning that it makes all the difference to improving the lived experience during the final stage of life. Therefore, its absolutely essential to be on the look out for limiting beliefs expressed in emotion or behaviour.

Whenever I re-frame a thought connected to a limited belief, that makes my client feel less than or lacking in some way, I see her eyes light up from the realization of her own worth. When I reflect back her own beauty, courage, strength, wisdom, achievements and love, I see her eyes light up from the realization of her own value. These are the experiences I live for because it makes EVERYTHING worth while.

Unfortunately, in our culture we’ve been led to believe that growing old is all about loss and a lack of value, which is total and utter BULL SHIT !!!

So, how do we CHANGE this limiting belief ?

One step at a time 😊

For example, someone with memory loss often experiences feelings of frustration, which can increase feelings of anxiety because of their confusion. When I first said to both my client and caring collegue that confusion was a good thing, they both looked at me like I was crazy. Then I explained how confusion gives us an opportunity to check in and clarify what she needs in that moment. It reminds us as carers, not to assume that what our client wanted yesterday, is the same thing that’s needed today.

This is just one example of an opportunity to re-frame how we think, feel and experience the aging process.

Ive been fortunate to have been blessed with the ability to see the beauty in the elderly. Even as a young girl I felt an overwhelming sense of love and appreciation for their presence in our world, no matter how frail or tortured with dementia they were.

The challenges and the learning continues but the light burns brighter

Mindful interaction ❤

Allow me to introduce you to the face of stress and resistance

Now, there’s a photo to put up on the mantelpiece to scare away the kids

Hopefully it hasn’t scared you off from opening up the blog and reading it

I talk a lot about healing our heart hurts and overcoming our fears because its a process that I’m actively working on myself. I openly share my personal thoughts, feelings and experiences, in the hopes of offering something of value.

Today, I feel compelled to write about our willingness to feel our emotional pain

As some of you know, my heart has been broken open on several occasions and it hasn’t always been pretty. In fact, at times its been down right ugly.

Don’t be fooled by the happy go lucky exterior

Like you, there are times when I loose my shit and fall apart

And as you can see, I’m the odd ball who takes pictures when I do

So, let me tell you about when I took these photos and why I took them

I took them while in Australia, when I first started to write about Mindful Masturbation. During one of my mindful masturbation experiences, I decided to take a photo before, during and after as a sort of visual experiment I suppose.

During this time, I was feeling stuck because I knew it was time to make some BIG changes, but the choices seemed so very challenging. Stress was starting to take its toll because I was feeling very frustrated for several reasons.

My nest was empty because my daughter decided to move out and go live with her best friends parents. I was rarely hearing from or seeing my sons. I was STILL working in the same role because there was little interest or support in my visions to reduce Depression. Turned out that my French lover was a married man and yes, I was STILL in love with another married man.

Basically, I was miserable as fuck

A mood that motivates bad habits, so I was comfort eating and wanking A LOT !!!

I was scoffing food in attempts to eat my feelings and feeling horny, which turns out is a very interesting combination.

Living alone, I was able to fully indulge in whatever mood surfaced. So, I would eat and masturbate whatever and whenever I felt like it. Of course, none of it was really giving me any pleasure because my mind was set on SELF DESTRUCTION mode. Sure, I wasn’t smoking cigarettes, drinking booze or having sex with strangers anymore. But it was self destructive none the less … or was it ?

One day, I was laying on my bed with a full and very uncomfortable belly, after scoffing an entire bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk chocolate. As usual, I was far too lazy to take the time and effort to pleasure myself. So I took the vibrator out of the bottom drawer, for a quick sense of relief. As orgasm came, so did the tears.

Yup, there I was laying naked on the bed, legs spread, vibrator hanging out of my vagina and crying my heart out.

Not my sexiest, nor my most proudest moment in life that’s for sure !!!

So, this is how Mindful Masturbation emerged

Because something shifted in my mind that day, after the tears were released

I acknowledged how I was literally “fucking myself”

My masturbation practice wasn’t the SELF LOVING, respectful, honorable and spiritual experience I wanted. So, why then would my relationships be any different ?

Ouch !!!

So, why on earth am I sharing such a disgracefully embarrassing story ?

Because I wanted to share the beauty of RELEASE and HEALING with you

When I first seen my own face after an experience of healing, I was in complete and utter awe. I stood in front of the mirror, gazing deeply into my own eyes, feeling nothing but love for myself. That was the precise moment when I fell in love with ME

Since then, Ive become more mindful in my masturbation practice

I now acknowledge the difference between when I need physical relief, emotional intimacy, spiritual connection or love, which is having a HUGE and positive impact upon my choices.

My choices are becoming more and more SELF LOVING

Mindful interaction ❤

Maria was having nightmares almost every night now and they were starting to disturb the rest of the household. She wasn’t entirely sure why or how they started because they seemed to just come out of nowhere, for no apparent reason. It made no sense to her because she never watched scary movies, because she already had an overactive imagination, without any of that nonsense running through her mind as well. She hadn’t been through any kind of trauma and she wasn’t experiencing any challenges, apart from the nightmares. In fact she lived a very fortunate and blessed life.

So, why was she having nightmares?

Maria was the eldest of three daughters, her two younger sisters, Amanda and Dawn annoyed her incessantly, but she adored them none the less. Their parents, Marj and Kev were childhood sweethearts who were happily married, and as deeply in love now as they were on their wedding day. They lived in a little fishing town in Britain, on the North West Coast, always surrounded by lots of family and friends and never short on love.

Just a regular girl from a regular family, living a normal life … or so she thought.

She had turned 13 years old 1 month ago. It should have been an exciting time, transitioning into her teens, but it had been quite challenging. She experienced her first night terror within days of turning 13. Her usual happy go lucky self suddenly changing into a moody teenager overnight, which was worrying and as far as she knew, it certainly wasn’t normal.

So why didn’t it worry her parents?

As darkness fell her world had changed and she no longer felt safe. She tried ever so hard to focus her attention on everything that she was grateful for. She played outside in the fresh air with her friends, she ate healthy foods, she swam in the near by stream, she watched feel good TV programs, she listened to soothing music, she read beautiful stories, she laughed with her sisters, she cuddled her soft toys and now she even slept with the bedroom door open and the landing light on. But no matter what she did, she kept falling asleep feeling very afraid. Often waking in the middle of the night, screaming and terrified, after having the same reoccurring nightmare. She kept asking herself, what’s happening to me and why am I so afraid of the things that go bump in the night?

For the last 3 weeks she lay in bed, watching the shadows on the walls and listening to the creeks of the house as it settled. Feeling safe enough while her parents were still watching TV in the lounge room, but as soon as they went to bed and the house fell silent, the fear began to stir. Her imagination carrying her away, towards Monsters who lived under the bed, the Boogy man who was hiding in the closet and god knows what else that lurked in the dark.

Every night she hid under the blanket, surrounding herself with every cuddly toy in her room. Eventually drifting off to sleep, but no longer falling into restful slumber. Instead she drifted off into a dark and frightening world. First, she noticed the air becoming cold and her skin getting hot and prickly. Although she was sound asleep and her eyes were closed, she could see the bedroom as clearly as though her eyes were open. She noticed the shadows on the walls beginning to dance around the room, morphing into what can only be described as creatures from the depths of hell. Twisted, contorted bodies, pointy horns on their heads and long limbs that threatened to snatch her very soul.

As the fear grew, the figures got bigger and bigger, surrounding her on every wall and growing up onto the ceiling above her head. She dared not look under the bed because she feared what else may be dwelling in the darkness. Then she would hear the screams, as the creatures scratched on the walls, excited and thrilled that her fear was bringing them to life. Somehow, she knew that the shadows were feeding from the fear, but she couldn’t shake it and she didn’t feel strong enough to fight them.

After all, she was only a little girl. All she could do was close her eyes tighter and scream. Hoping that she would eventually wake up from the nightmare. But the deeper she slept, the harder it was to escape the things that go bump in the night.

She woke screaming from yet another one of her night terrors. It was the fifth one that week, so everyone in the household was exhausted. Mother tried to soothe and comfort her with cuddles, while Father tried to offer assurance, by checking under the bed, looking in the wardrobe and adjusting the curtains. But she was inconsolable that night and becoming more and more distressed. She felt so stupid because she’d never been afraid of the dark before. She wanted so much to be the big brave older sister, but instead she felt like a frightened door mouse.

Mother cradled Maria in her arms, rocking back and forth, offering comfort with loving words and tender touch, while her Father anxiously paced back and forth in the bedroom. Her two younger sisters stood in the doorway, giggling nervously. Marie felt like a big cry baby and she didn’t like it one little bit.

“There’s no such thing as the boogie man and monsters sweetheart,” said Father. “They’re only made up stories to scare little kids. You know I will always protect you girls and keep you all safe.” Maria sobbed “Then why do these horrible things lurk in the darkness of my mind?” Maria pleaded. “And what if they are real?  What if I can’t wake up?  And what if you can’t keep me safe Daddy?

Mother noticed the look of concern on Fathers face, so she quickly intervened. “Kev, I think it’s time to call on Tinkerbell.” He smiled and said “Yes, I agree Marj.” Maria, Amanda and Dawn all looked confused and their ears pricked up as their curiosity was tickled. “Who is Tinkerbell”? they all said in unison. Mother smiled and glanced over to Father. “Do you want to tell them honey, or should I”?

Tell us !!! Tell us !!! Tell us !!! … they all insisted.

Maria wiped away her tears, blew her snotty nose into the handkerchief that her Father had handed to her from his pajama pocket, and she gave a big sniff. Amanda and Dawn had already jumped onto the bed and were now under the blanket with Maria, awaiting eagerly to hear all about Tinkerbell.

Mother continued to tell her three daughters about Tinkerbell, who was a tiny little fairy from the Other World, who had been helping their family for generations. She was a guardian and protector and she wasn’t the only one. Apparently they also had a white unicorn with wings called Sebastian, who lived in the forest and a dragon called George, who lived in one of the caves down by the old light house. The girls were flabbergasted to say the least. What the heck had our parents been smoking? Maria thought to herself.

It all sounded like some kind of fairy tale, as Mother continued to explain how she had also suffered from the same reoccurring nightmares during her transition into a teenager. Apparently, it happens a lot to people like us. People like us? Maria wondered. What on earth does that even mean?

“My darling girls, we are light bearers”

Huh?

She continued to tell her daughters how they were from a long line of women, who could turn darkness into light. Here to assist people to overcome their worst fears and step into the their own brilliant light. But first they had to overcome their own darkness. Well, that could explain the nightmares, but it all seemed far too extraordinary to believe.

“You’re just telling stories” Maria said.

“Would we lie to you sweetheart” Father said with a grin.

Something Marj and Kev were really good at, was story time. They had read all kinds of fantasy fairy tale stories to their daughters, but this was different. This story wasn’t being read out of a book for starters and this story was way more exciting, because it felt strangely real.

Mother continued to tell Maria that the only way to overcome her fears was to focus on the magic, which is where Tinkerbell could help. All she had to do to manifest Tinkerbell, was to say “I believe” and she would appear from the lamp shade. Tinkerbell would then grow ten times her size and shine her radiance in the room, which would shed light onto the shadows, given them less and less power, until they disappeared completely.

“Where will they go?” asked Maria.

“To another dimension my darling, to a place where they can never hurt anyone again,” said Father. “But for Tinkerbell to manifest into our world, she needs to use a special kind of magic, that is only as strong as the belief we have in her. So the stronger you believe, the stronger she becomes” said Mother.

“My darlings, do you believe in magic?”

WE DO !!! WE DO !!! WE DO !!!

 

 

 

 

 

Today, is a good day to reflect …

I was raised as a Christian and although I still maintain many of those core beliefs, my truth aligns more with spirit than religion. Because the more I see how religion separates people, the more inner conflict Ive had with my own religious beliefs.

Nature is now my church and love is my religion

My own fears and hurts around death and loss continues to be some of my greatest challenges, which has led to some deeper understandings. But I still have so many more curiosities about love, life and death. And the more I learn, the more questions I have.

“The more we learn, the less we know”

Our spiritual journey is a life long quest and we are forever a work in progress

As a grown woman, I acknowledge that religious texts are documented accounts of history, based on peoples perceptions of an experience they’ve either personally had themselves, or based on the experience of someone else. These are stories told and passed down to us, but they are not the absolute truth.

They are only versions of the truth

Something that concerns me is that the majority of religious and intellectual texts and stories of all kinds have been written by men. A concern that drives many women like myself, to write and share our own thoughts, feelings, experiences and stories. In the hopes of inspiring others to do the same because this is how we are reconnecting and healing ourselves, others and our world.

However, no matter who wrote it, the story of Jesus Christ is one that touches us all in some way. I remember the first time I watched a movie that retold the story of his crucifixion, and how confronting it was to see. As a child I had heard the very same story being told by our Sunday school teachers and had read various books about it. But there was something more powerful about seeing it come to life on the big screen.

Maybe that’s why I want to see my stories shared on the big screen ?

This morning, as I reflected over the meaning of the day “Good Friday”, I felt overwhelmed with emotion and started sobbing my heart out.

What the actual fuck? … I thought to myself

Where the heck is all this coming from? … I wondered

I was thinking about how this man was treated with such cruelty, for offering nothing but love, light and healing to the world. Then I got to thinking about how fear still drives so many people to act in cruel ways, and I cried some more.

I cry A LOT lately !!!

Today is another family celebration I’m missing out on, and as I look through the photos shared on facebook, the tears just kept on flowing.

I cry because I miss them all. I cry because I want to hug my kids. I cry because I see how cancer effects our Dad. I cry because I feel guilty about not being there to support my parents and sisters. I cry because I feel left out and I cry because why the heck do I always feel like the odd one out ?

I am the daughter and the mother who has made bad choices, and continues to throw herself into experiences that challenges the very core of who she is

WHY ?

Feeling so very unlucky in love, frustrated with the Aged Care system and fed up of feeling like the family failure. I got to a point with my moon manifesting, that I no longer wanted to sit and make endless lists about what I wanted to release or what I wanted to manifest. I recall standing on the balcony of my unit in Australia, over looking the silvery ocean, under the glorious full moon and I …

SURRENDERED

I soon realized that the Universe is listening and knows exactly whats in our hearts, which is reassuring but its also a little unnerving. Because something inside of me keeps saying  OPEN, RELEASE, LET GO and HEAL

And believe me, none of that shit comes naturally

My hearts call to come back to the UK was an overwhelming desire to live my truth and my need to connect with myself on a much deeper level. Everything about this journey is becoming spiritual, which is something I’m so very grateful for, but its challenging. Because its an experience that brings so many thoughts, emotions and limiting beliefs to the surface, for healing on a personal and a collective level.

Something that I struggle to understand at times, because although I knew that this was a path I must walk, I certainly wasn’t prepared to be living a life of service. In fact, Ive lost my shit over it on several occasions.

During my 3rd contract I was definitely strategically placed with both a pilgrim and a family of Christian missionaries. Working alongside women who lived a life of service, in the name of the Lord. Women who had denied themselves of the experience of love, sex and pleasure, was something that challenged me. There were several conversations that left me feeling like I was being forced to live my worst nightmare.

Before coming over to the UK, I joked about seeking solitude in a monastery and living as a nun in the mountains somewhere. After all, my love life was one big disastrous tragedy and my sex life was pretty much none existent.

Geeeez, I wasn’t actually serious about it !!!

As I felt the pull to work as a live in carer on a longer term contract, knowing it would limit my sense of freedom. As I felt the overwhelming pull to fully release myself from the man I shared a soul connection with. And as I felt the pull to not actively date. Well, Ill be honest with you, I started to freak the fuck out.

Did Universe truly want me to surrender my need for intimacy too ?

Dude, none of this shit is funny

Arghhhhhhhh !!!!

So after lots of inner turmoil and many tears, I eventually took a deep breath IN

Hey, LISTEN up I said, as Lilith energy stirred up my spine like a serpent

I CAN live my purpose and be of service, while also living life fully as a woman

I CAN have it ALL

I AM worthy of love and abundance

And I WILL achieve my goals for the greater good

MIND REBOOTING … was successfully achieved !!!

Another limiting belief no longer holding me back from living the life I imagine

Thank fuck !!!

 In reflection, I now appreciate how those challenges helped me to clarify what I wanted, why I wanted it and how serious I am about receiving it.

So, what now ?

Well, the journey continues … of course 😊 　　

Mindful interaction ❤

Strip me bare of my labels,
and let me just BE.

Neither being someones daughter,
sister, mother or lover.

Nor my roles and responsibilities
define who I am.

Those experiences only shape
the woman I become.

I am neither constant,
nor consistent in my being.

Because my heart beats
to the rhythm of the universe.

Just as the constellations
are forever changing.

And the planets are
in constant motion.

So am I

Just as the tides turn
and oceans flow
with the energy of the moon.

So do I

For I AM woman

Mindful interaction ❤

Today is NEW MOON, so if you haven’t done so already, its the perfect time to hit PAUSE and go within to rest, reflect and release. Its the perfect time to clear away anything that no longer serves us or our greater good, so that intentions can be set for the new monthly cycle ahead.

Our reflections take us into the past on purpose, so we can better understand the present, which then enables us to set clearer intentions for our future.

“The PAST is behind us, learn from it
The FUTURE is ahead of us, prepare for it
The PRESENT is here, live it”

As a writer, its a constant state of being because our stories are created from our own lived experiences, as well as from our wildest imaginations. That place within our hearts, that yearns to set sail into Other worlds, where alternate realities can be created. Oh how I love that place.

As a writer, my reality is wonderful (mostly) because my world is magical

Yes, I am a writer

 I may not (yet) be a published author, but the possibility is closer than it was yesterday because I take action towards it EVERY DAY

The choice not to write is no longer an option because the deeper I go, the more demanding the need to express, release and share my words becomes. In truth, Ive also known that “I would write one day, it was just a matter of living enough, healing enough, avoiding it for long enough until the moment was right”
(Jeff Brown)

After years of wanting and wishing for the kind of life that allows me to feel a sense of freedom to write, I finally am, which is making all the difference to my life NOW and I’m very excited about the possibilities of tomorrow.

My life is changing direction because I made a choice and took a chance

But, nothing about it has been or is easy, because although I follow the calling of my heart, its a call that takes me away from those I love most. And in all honesty, there’s no guarantee that my wildest dreams will actually come true, but I do believe that its becoming a stronger possibility.

Many moon cycles ago, I surrendered

Setting intention to serve the greater good, to open my heart completely, to actively heal and love myself, to realize my souls true purpose and to trust the process as it unfolds. A seed that Universe has been nurturing as my experiences continue to help me grow into my dreams.

You see, being a writer is the process of becoming

As a writer, we not only express ourselves with the written word. We are constantly overcoming internal obstacles that hold us back in the past. We are constantly discovering hidden aspects of ourselves, which brings new perspectives into our present. And we are constantly exploring alternate realities as we experiment with our lives and shape our future.

The world of a writer is one of a great adventure

We each awaken our senses and stumble upon our truths in different ways. For many the journey of self discovery begins with a curiosity about the meaning of life. For some, its trauma that throws us into the endless abyss of self discovery.  And for others a broken heart shatters the world in which we live, forcing us to recreate ourselves.

Regardless of how our journey begins, we all become explorers

Exploring the thoughts in our minds, the emotions in our bodies, the love in our hearts and how the energy within and around us influences our choices and experiences. Explorations that eventually lead us towards our awakening.

As a deep thinker, I first recognized it as a shift in my consciousness

An awareness of an expansion in my mind that was endless, accompanied with a feeling of an expansion in my heart as it beat to the rhythm of everything around me. A change in thinking that brought many more curiosities, which Ive been exploring and experimenting with over the years. Diving in deeper and connecting with Universe and spirit energy. Learning more about how we can flow together and create new realities.

Manifesting the experiences that I need to be on purpose

For far too long I struggled because in all honesty, I didn’t like where my path was taking me. It seemed to keep wanting to lead me away from those things I wanted most, so I resisted. Fear kept holding me back and influencing my choices. So, I kept repeating the same patterns and experiencing the same challenges in all aspects of my life, until eventually the frustrations began to overpower the fear.

 A liberating, but challenging time

Since then the path unfolds with a little more ease because I’m starting to flow with a little less resistance. I have less need to feel in control of my life because I have more trust in Universe and more belief in myself.

Coming to the UK has enabled me to fully surrender to the flow of my writing, but it doesn’t come easily. I suffer the consequences of my choices as much as I celebrate them. Waves of emotion flow in and sometimes linger a little too long for my liking, which is all part of the process.

“Forgive yourself for not being what everyone else needed”

As unpleasant memories surface, this is what sits deep within my heart. The need to forgive myself for not always being the Mother, the wife, the daughter, the sister, the friend, the nurse, the lover and the woman that other people needed me to be.

Oh yes, standing in our own truth can feel uncomfortable at times. Our insecurities are far from pretty, but our shadow just wants to be seen because whether we like it or not, it IS very much a part of who we are.

Is it easy to share our shadows ?  

FUCK NO !!!

That’s why very few people do 

The spirits of those deemed as “witch” still live on within our own hearts

She’s the fierce voice of truth that challenges your reality. Threatening to burn down everything that you know and the very world in which you live in.

The fire that once caused her death is now the very same fire that Goddess arises from. Women who hear the whisperings of the ancestors, heeding the calling of their hearts and returning home.

Alas, women are still being burned for their radical ways that challenge the norm. But they no longer burn on the fiery stake, surrounded by angry mobs and cheering crowds. Those who stand in fear of what she stands for. Now, she is being burnt by love itself and left alone to confront her own fears.

With a promise of rebirth, if she accepts the hand of death and chooses to walk through the shadow lands, where she will learn her deepest truths. Towards experiences that serve a far greater purpose, that she may not yet fully understand.

Heart breaks that serve to break her heart open

Break downs that serve to break her mind open

Shedding old skin, she steps away from any outdated beliefs that hold her back. Liberating herself from the grasp of those who feel challenged by her self determination.

She becomes the mighty warrior and goes to war within herself. As ego and fear try to silence the truth within her heart. In a constant state of unrest, she desperately digs deeper and deeper. Peeling away years, decades and centuries of programmed bullshit.

Because as women, we have lived according to the stories that have been primarily written by the hand of man. Stories that have influenced our choices and continue to shape our experiences. But those experiences are becoming the very stories that we are writing ourselves. Stories that give women a voice and will become our legacy for future generations.

My darlings, the witch never dies, she is forever reborn

Which is why people fear the spirit of this kind of woman

People fear her because she is the voice of virtue. Living her life with integrity and an honesty, that not everyone can appreciate. She dares to speak with an air of righteousness because she no longer shy’s away from her own short comings, she welcomes them. Basking in the glory of her beautiful complex contradictions and many imperfections.

People fear her because she uses the pain of both loss and death as fuel for our growth. She dares to stand up to the patriarchal systems that seek to silence and suppress her because she no longer stands alone. She senses the presence of a silent army that grows stronger, an energy that surrounds and supports her.

People fear her because she threatens to destroy the institutions that continue to oppress our healing and empowerment. She dares to challenge you and refuses to back down from the fight for our greater good. Standing stronger in her own beliefs and more flexible in her thinking.

The flames will never silence the voice of such women

Because the fire in their belly’s will continue to burn down any out dated thinking that hinders the journey. If you choose to stand in her way, then she will burn you to the ground too.

For she IS the storm

A soul with purpose and she comes to create the change that we seek

She’s here to remind us that the Source of Creation beats to the very same beat of our own hearts. To remind us that the energy of Universe is responsive to and flows through our very own bodies. To remind us that Mother Nature is a part of who we are. To remind us that we are the love that we seek from others. To remind us that regardless of our sex, culture or religion, we are ONE.

She comes to destroy all that no longer serves human kind

Here to set us free from our own hurts and fears, that hold us back in a constant state of suffering. Here to show us the way towards experiencing our own magic. Here to support us in our healing and re-connection to divine love.

She is not a witch, she is WOMAN

Mindful interaction ❤

Today, I had a conversation with my work colleague about rape

She told me about men who had raped young women in the neighbourhood not so long ago. Sharing her feelings of fear and concerns for her daughters safety when walking home alone.

But as a Mother, my RAGE was much louder than my fear.

It was interesting then, how our conversation progressed

I NOTICED my collegues fear and concern,
I NOTICED our differing opinions,
I NOTICED my emotions flowing from my gut,
I NOTICED the energy exchange within and between US,
I NOTICED the shift from fear to POWER.

HELLO SOLAR PLEXUS !!!

Fanfookintastic to feel your free flowing energy radiating through me

It was a fine example of how women are RISING in their power

No longer lowering our heads and stepping back in fear, as the weaker sex. Instead, we are standing tall, fists clenched ready to fight any fucker who DARE disrespect us and our body in any way.

ENOUGH !!! … she roars

Then I realized, that THIS is the gift we give each other when we decide to heal the deeper wounds in our own hearts and dare to confront our biggest programmed fears. Because the less our hurts and fears hold us back, the more able we are to STAND in our TRUTH, which is our ULTIMATE expression of LOVE and experience of EMPOWERMENT

And ladies and gents, THAT kind of powerful shit is contagious

However, as women WE also NEED men to be accountable for their own behaviour and actions. Because its not just “bad” men DOING bad things. Too many “good”men are also not DOING the right thing.

Men with good intentions pointing the finger towards the wrong doing of “other men” while failing to be accountable for their own actions.

I NOTICE this happening a lot … Do you ?

Something that triggered a memory

A conversation with my parents many years ago comes to my mind

A story about young men bragging about their weekend conquests, including the rape of a young drunken woman on a bridge. It was a conversation that was raised with intentions of alerting 3 young daughters of the dangers in this world. And a reminder that even “nice” young men can act like total dicks while under the influence of substance or when egged on by even dickier mates.

A memory that reminded me that even back then, at the tender age of around 13 years old, I had FURY in my belly and many questions to ask.

How could those young men think that it was OK to behave in such a way?
How could other men (and fathers) listen, encourage and condone such behaviour?

Why aren’t such men being held fully accountable?
Why aren’t all men standing up and stopping these kinds of conversations?
Why aren’t all men seeking justice for every young woman?

Questions that are STILL very relevant today

Because I could give you so many more examples of both men and women who are not yet standing in their complete truth, struggling to speak from their hearts and challenged with ongoing social expectations.

Good men and women who are oblivious to how their own action (or lack there of) reinforces the harmful behaviour of others.

A challenging concept I know

YES, I see what the “bad” men have done and are STILL doing in this world. But I also NOTICE the behaviour and actions of “good” fathers, husbands and men.

I NOTICE the “good fathers” drooling over the big breasted young woman like a dog on heat, while expecting his own daughter to be treated with respect by other men.

I NOTICE the “good husbands” indulging in porn to satisfy his sexual hunger, instead of focusing his attention on how he can gain more intimacy with his wife.

Sure, its not rape but is it respectful behaviour towards women?

I believe that its not only what we DO but also what we DON’T do, for which we are accountable. And the more accountable we are for our own behaviour, the more ability we have to respond in a more responsible manner for ALL.

Mindful interaction ❤

This isn’t just another tragic love story,
its a story about love ❤

Never able to fully comprehend what lies ahead of her,
she still chooses to follow her heart.

Always heeding the call of love,
no matter where it leads her.

But time after time love has continued to hurt her.
Breaking her heart open,
again and again.

Her demands for more growth, more intimacy and more honesty,
met with abandonment and rejection.

Left to gather up the pieces of her broken heart and face her darkest fears alone.

Yet, she still loves the men who broke her heart

Why ?

Because they each led her deeper

Deeper towards new understandings of herself,

and about the kind of love that she wants to experience.

But, it wasn’t always so

In the past she walked away,
falling into an abyss of despair,
and into the arms of other men.
Sharing her body,
while guarding her heart.

Then love got complicated when her heart connected with his

A connection that knew no time, distance or reason

Although she remained in the shadows of his life,
her heart remained true to him.

Trusting in the truth of their love

A feeling that kept pulling them back together,
again and again.

But, while she was willing to give her all,
he was conflicted with his choices.
And, while she crossed oceans,
he struggled to jump puddles.

A pattern repeated,
time after time.

Until she broke open to the truth

As the final pieces of the impossible dream fall away,
she still holds love in her heart.
Because she no longer questions the love,
and finally appreciates the lesson.

You see,
The woman she once was,
would step back and lower her head in defeat.
Lick her wounds,
and feel a sense of betrayal.

A hopeful heart forever holding on,
refusing to let go of the possibility of more.

But that woman has gone,
burned down to the ground in ceremonial passage through the shadow lands.

The loss no longer hurting her heart,
but changing her forever.

She woke up to her truth

Awakened

Perhaps that was always the purpose?
To destroy the woman she once was,
so she could become all that she was meant to be.

She smiles to herself

Because she no longer blames any of the men who have hurt her,
nor does she expect anything from them.
In fact she has offered thanks,
for breaking her open to love.

Grateful for the gift

Taking full responsibility for her own choices,
accountable for her own actions.
OWNING IT !!!
Because its hers,
not theirs.

Forgiveness that heals her heart and cleanses her soul

Yet she still feels a sense of discomfort inside of her

What is she still holding onto?

“Get into your body,
it has the answers that you seek”.

The whisperings keep telling her.

“Its time to share how the shit fertilizes our growth”

She starts walking,
faster and faster.
As her heart rate increases,
the realizations soon begin to flow.

In the past YOU have used men,
to escape yourself.
Seeking men for comfort, for pleasure, for balance.

For the love that YOU struggled to give yourself

Your body
Your heart
Your choices
Your lessons

No shame
No regrets
No guilt
No remorse

Tears begin to flow,
as she suddenly acknowledges that her soul was free.

Wandering aimlessly

Lost

Afraid to be this free,
with nothing left to hold her back.

No anchor

She feels herself drifting,
seeking something to hold onto.

Her grandparents come to mind

A vision of the devoted and forgiving wife.
Dutiful but unfaithful husband.
And in the distance,
a hopeful woman waiting in the shadows.

A reflection

Their hearts,
her heart.

ONEness ?

A strong sense of spirit surrounds her,
as she falls deeper and deeper into heart space.

Overwhelming emotion pulsating through her veins

Someone hold me !!!
she crys,
as her legs grow tired and knees begin to weaken.

The lyrics of a song plays in the background,
“baby let the light shine through you.”

Words that resonate with her heart,
but thoughts tell her.

“You’re not good enough to stand among the greats”
“Who do you think you are to believe that you can achieve great things?”
“You’re not worthy of the life you want”
“Why do you believe that you are deserving of success?”
“You’ve been a fool in love, so what wisdom do you have to offer others?”

Falling to her knees,
her sobs become more desperate.

No matter how afraid she is,
she still follows the guidance of her heart.
No matter how much it hurts,
she still opens up to the flow of love.

Blind faith guides her

But why must she walk alone?

Does she have a bigger purpose?

or is it true …

Is she just a foolish dreamer?

Lowering her head,
sweat and tears fall onto the ground.
Her body crippled with grief.

Thoughts of,
Dishonest men,
Wanting women,
Cheating husbands,
Compromising wives,
Emotionally detached men,
Needy women.

So many hurting hearts

Then a voice whispers,
“THIS is what you write”

NO !!
she pleads.
“my words would bleed all over the page”
she cries.

Which is why you MUST write !!

Mindful interaction ❤