Come dip your toes in the depth of my mind 😊

These are the 7 stages of spiritual alchemy, which is the process I keep trusting. I dive in and do the inner work because its how I give depth to my stories. Challenging experiences become opportunities to hone my craft of writing because I know the alchemy of words.

1) CALCINATION

The breaking down parts of self, to explore what’s beneath our ego, self doubt, pride, self sabotage, stubbornness and arrogance etc.

2) DISSOLUTION

Once we acknowledge the + and – aspects of self, we free ourselves from a false sense of self. We realize how our inability to take full responsibility for our flaws and faults, tensions and conflicts have effected us and others.

3) SEPARATION

We become more aware of what we’re doing  (avoidance patterns, habits and behviours). We become more authentic, honestly experiencing our anger, frustrations and disappointments of self and other … This is our shadow work.

4) CONJUNCTION

All of our unconscious thoughts and feelings come to the surface. From the darkness into the light of our awareness. We begin to truly accept ALL parts of our authentic self.

5) FERMENTATION

The process of rebirth as parts of our old personality decomposes and we begin to experience moments of a more refined self. This is the dark night of our soul, when symptoms of depression can be experienced. A deep rest as we dive IN to acknowledge our inner changes. We let go of aspects of self that no longer serve the way we now see the world.

6) DISTILLATION

We integrate our spiritual realizations into our lives. The more we practice the process of death and rebirth in the present moment without reverting back into old habits, we begin to experience profound transformation.

7) COAGULATION

We free ourselves from the confines of our mind and allow our consciousness (our soul) to connect with spirit. A connection between opposites (life/death, (+)/(-), heaven/hell, light/dark), where existance becomes self aware. The physical Universe is no longer seperate from mind or spirit, but a reflection of it.

Alchemy’s greatest achievement is to create an interrelationship between mind and matter.

An Alchemist is the bridge between worlds

Alchemy is science of the heart ❤

This week’s been a rollercoaster ride 😜

Dad’s doing GOOD 👍😊 but I’ve been struggling with myself because I confronted afew challenges, that triggered my fear.

So, what has been coming up for me ?

• Reliving Mam’s end of life process
• Afraid of loosing Dad
• Long distance relationship challenges
• Unexpected breast lump
• Nursing Home frustrations resurfaced
• Feeling unwell with cold & flu symptoms

So, I choose to explore the limitations that were keeping me stuck in the struggle. Seeking the opportunity to learn and grow from my challenges. This weekend I worked through Kyle Cease’s “The Limitation Game: Interactive,” which was created from a 2 day workshop.

The aim: to release ourselves from the old stories based on our limiting beliefs, that pull us back into our head (thoughts), preventing us from fully living & creating from heart (feeling)

Approximately 12 hours of video footage, guided meditations and lotsa self reflection, which has been intense and INSIGHTFUL 💡

… and FUN 👍😁

It’s amazing what SHIFTS when we choose to dive IN during our challenging circumstances.

Staying open hearted and communicating from that space changes EVERYTHING ❤

There’s something rising within me 🌟

Sometimes the struggle is very real
Sometimes we fail and loose the battle
Sometimes we stress and burn out
Sometimes we fall apart and break open
Sometimes we are forced to REST

We are human BEINGS who can and will experience ALL of this …

BE completely honest with yourself
BE gentle with yourself & others
Take time out for YOU
Pay attention to your thoughts
Express yourself
Release your emotions
Be mindful about what you’re doing
Nourish and rest your mind, body & soul
Do something creative
Meditate more often
Get outside in Nature … she heals ❤
Seek out support
Maintain healthy boundaries
Trust your heart
Follow your passion
Live YOUR truth
Say NO !!! without apology
Say YES !!! without fear
Learn new skills to cope with change
See challenges as opportunities to grow
Share your experiences with others
Help others to get unstuck
Support each others healing

How do YOU seek balance ?

Growth is like birthing …

We can either resist what IS by fighting to hold onto something/one that wants to be released, which creates more suffering (or) we can surrender to what IS, let go, breathe into the pain and OPEN up our hearts like a lotus flower

Truth is, nothing that anyone does or doesn’t do is just about you. We’re all overcoming our fears, battling our demons, balancing our polarities and healing our wounds, so we can truly love ourselves and each other.

So, I let that thought open up my heart to feel compassion and forgive those who hurt me

Because that is what LOVE would do ❤

Today, my party tit (aka my left breast) has been poked, prodded and pressed …

Last week, I was told a change in density was found in my left breast from the mammogram. So further investigatation is routine procedure.

My sister joined me at the Breast Clinic for moral support, because I was feeling a tad anxious (thanks sis ❤). As usual we found plenty to giggle about though. Choosing which gown to wear was highly amusing. Exposing too much cleavage in one and afraid to lift my arms in another. When set free from a bra, my boobs tend to have a mind of their own 🤣

An ultrasound found x2 8mm cysts and a 7mm lump. So they drained the cysts and took a biopsy of the lump. A titanium clip has been placed in my breast, as a marker incase any surgerys needed in the future. I go back to the clinic on Thursday for the biopsy results.

Worst case scenario it’s cancer and they’ll book me in for surgery to remove it. Best case scenario it’s benign and annual mammograms will monitor it. So, as usual, I’m preparing myself for the worst, while hoping for the best.

Having gone through what we did with Mam and going what we’re going through with Dad, its easy to dismiss my own experience as being a minor hiccup. After all, the lumps only the size of a pea and its not life threatening.

However, I’d be lying to myself if I said, that the possibility of cancer being present in my body doesn’t bother me, however small it is.

My breast feels bloody sore from all the needle poking, ultrasound prodding and mammogram  pressing. But glad I listened to my instinct to ask for a mammogram and grateful they’ve found it early 🙏

YES, my heart fucking frets because I’m going through challenging times !!!

YES, its not fucking easy supporting our Dad through chemo so soon after loosing Mam !!!

YES, I’m annoyed about going back into a system that frustrates the fuck out of me !!!

YES, I’m fucking freaking out about going for more tests on my breast on Friday !!!

YES, I’m hurt because the man I love has told me, I want more than he can fucking give me !!!

YES, I want to scream and fucking shout !!!

YES, I’m absofrigginfookinbloodylooty feeling the fucking struggle to surrender to what IS !!!

But deep down in my guts, I know Universe is supporting my growth. So, if I need to burn to the fucking ground, then I’ll fucking burn !!!

Then watch me fucking RISE up !!!!!!!!

NO !!!

I’m not gonna fall into a whimpering fucking mess because I’m not a fucking damsel in distress. I’m gonna get ready for orientation and get the fuck on with my life !!!

I’m a god damn warrior of fucking LOVE 💔

Sometimes I struggle with what IS …

It was wonderful being surrounded by family yesterday, but those few hours wore Dad out. Since chemo his appetite has gone and its a struggle to keep him nourished and hydrated. Yesterday he managed to eat a little and paid for it last night. He’s struggling to keep food down, his tummys sore from contractions, he’s suffering from acid reflux and he’s tired.

Its great when we all get together, but we miss Mam. Inbetween emptying the vomit bucket at 3am, I distracted myself with facebook and memories from last Father’s Day popped up. Mam and I had what was to be our final sunrise walk together. Fond memories of sitting on the beach, talking about life and love.

Afew days later the cancer in Mam’s hip bone burst. Knowing Dad’s cancer has burst in his spine and seeing Dad’s struggle, triggers me.

When my sisters go home to be with their families, I’m reminded how different my life is.

I’m feeling a strong sense of restriction and limitation that I’ve been struggling with. I can’t drive myself anywhere atm because my UK liscence is in the post. So I haven’t been able to go to the beach and watch a sunrise, I can’t pop in to talk with my friends, I don’t see my cubs as often as I’d like to and I can’t lean into the man I love because he’s in the UK.

Different time zones make it challenging for us and I miss being with him so damn much. 

This week I have orientation for a job and I have mixed feelings. Although grateful for the job because I want to earn money while I’m here, I feel like I’m being pulled backwards.

Processing my thoughts and feelings takes time and energy, which is why I’m so very tired.

This is MY reality behind the smiles

Sometimes I struggle being alone

Sometimes my thoughts want to be heard
Sometimes my emotions need to be seen
Sometimes my body yearns to be held

Sometimes the night feels lonely

Sometimes my fears want to be shared
Sometimes my wounds need witnessed
Sometimes my pain yearns to be soothed

Sometimes loneliness lingers a little longer

Sometimes I want to cry a little louder
Sometimes I need to dig a little deeper
Sometimes I have to open a little wider

Sometimes being alone with myself is hard
Sometimes I don’t like how I think and feel
Sometimes my struggle is to self love ❤

Porridge, is my morning goodness 👍😁

I’ve been reflecting and thought I’d share …

During my first week back in Australia, I noticed myself falling back into some of my unhealthy habits. I was biting my nails, wanting to drink more booze, scoffing Dad’s chocolate stash, gobbling carbs and I wasn’t feeling good at all.

Sure, I was smiley, but my mind was far from clear and focused. My thoughts were messy, my emotions were draining my energy and I had very little motivation to get shit done.

The frustrating thing was, I knew exactly why I was doing those things. I knew why I was feeling so shit. And I even knew why it was so damn hard to stop myself from doing them.

My sugar addiction had a hold of me !!!

So, I decided to take control, make different choices and change my experience. My period was approaching, so I struggled with myself for afew days, but I’m so glad I persisted.

CHANGING OUR HABITS IS A PROCESS

Being aware of our habits is the only way we can change them. Hence why I pay attention to what I’m doing and why I’m doing it …

I notice how I bite my nails whenever I feel anxious. I notice the difference between: wanting a drink to relax, enjoying afew social drinks and using drink to escape when reality is challenging me. I notice how I comfort eat to self soothe and use food to avoid some of my uncomfortable thoughts and emotions.

As I make better food choices, I’m better able to focus my attention on the anxiety, the challege and the discomfort with a clear mind

I notice how I’m making other healthier choices

Meditating, sitting in the Sun, gazing up at the Moon, contemplating the Universe and the stars. Taking deeper breaths. Relaxing in the tub. Listening to music. Burning candles. Using my crystals. Wanting to walk and reconnect with myself and Nature. Acknowledging my challenges and openly talking and/or writing about the concerns, worrys and fears that feed my anxiety. Allowing my truth to surface and fully feeling the emotions as they rise and fall.

As I flow more openly and honestly with my thoughts and feelings, I feel much calmer within myself. I notice how I begin to enjoy my healthier food choices and I’m feeling good.

I used to say that food was my biggest demon because I struggled to loose weight, but as I better understand myself, there’s less struggle.

CHANGING OUR HABITS IS A PROCESS ❤

SYNCHRONICITY by definition is …
                         “A meaningful coincidence”
 
This morning when I woke at 7.20am, I decided to meditate. Since arriving, its the first morning there’s been no sunshine, its cloudy and rainy so didn’t go outdoors. I decided to move the table and meditate on Mam and Dad’s lounge room mat, which as you can see is a sacred geometric symbol. The precise time of FULL MOON was 7.58am … (1st synchronicity)

I quickly browsed through the music list on my phone, a Pisces Full Moon meditation I had saved instantly caught my eye. Full Moon is in Pisces now. The meditation guided me through a chakra clearing and talked about “the inner work” I reflected over, wrote about and shared with you yesterday … (2nd synchronicity)

I opened my eyes after the meditation and seen the word “Granda” on a handmade card, that one of the kids have made for Dad. I had an instant vision of my Granda and I felt the love as my heart chakra opened. My Granda died February 2000 and it was this loss that began my journey “home”. It was my first spiritual experience. A recognition that I’ve been “doing the work” for 18 years. And an acknowledgement of how much I’ve learned and have grown … (3rd synchronicity)

My Mam came into my mind and a sadness arose from within my heart. I cried as I felt both the love and the loss. Then an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the energy flowing. An emotional release, while my body is in full menstral flow, in the moments the MOON was at her fullest … (4rd synchronicity)

Synchronicity is …
         a conversation with Universe ❤