I woke from a dream reflecting a shift within myself, so it’s a good time to reflect and share some of my thoughts on relationship …

Since my divorce, I’ve resisted needing men.

Why ?

Apart from seeking a sense of independence, I’ve also experienced many disappointments.

Men haven’t always been all that “dependable.”

I’ve experienced a sense of abandonment when I’ve needed the man I loved. Forced to fight many battles and confront the darkest forces of myself alone … on purpose.

Because ultimately, this is MY journey ❤

A journey full of ongoing lessons. Learning to accept that I choose to begin, stay in and have also contributed towards ending a relationship. Acknowledging how our individual challenges, not neccessarily a lack of love, has limited our ability to learn and grow in togetherness.

I don’t blame the men who have disappointed me, nor do I love them any less for hurting me. Because I can fully appreciate how we are ALL learning, healing and growing from every “good and bad” experience of love that we share.

Even our heart breaks are … on purpose 💔

An inner strength comes from confronting our deepest and darkest self alone, but we can also learn unhealthy habits. In attempts to protect ourselves from being disappointed or hurt, we can unconsciously respond from fear.

“To love is to risk loss, the price of loss is grief”

After a loss we either remain stuck in our suffering (or) numb ourselves from feeling anything at all (or) punish ourselves/others by denying love (or) seek love from others, depending on them to make us feel better (or) consciously flow in a state of love, allowing experiences of both love and loss to teach us.

Our choices will reflect what WE need to FEEL (or not feel). There is no right or wrong choice because our journey is unique to US.

Like love, I believe that grief has the capacity to guide us towards our inner most truth. I believe that grief has the power to liberate us from our greatest fears and heal our deepest wounds. I believe that loss can also be considered a gift.

Not everyone believes this … and that’s OK 😊

This post is about intimate LOVE but having lost people I love, I appreciate how we cannot fully love without also accepting loss. I’m learning that love isn’t something to hold onto and loss isn’t something to fear. Love and loss are equal sides of a polarity, neither one better or worse than the other because BOTH offer valuable experiences that serve our growth.

LIFE IS an accumulation of experiences that lead us to transitions and transformations 🌟

Which is why I pay closer attention …

I notice how I feel when my partner’s haven’t been emotionally available. I notice when and why I don’t feel safe and secure. I notice what triggers my fear and pokes my wounds. And I’m well aware of how I pull back or push people away when I’m struggling the most. Sometimes I “need” to pull back to clarify my own inner conflict, when not feeling secure within myself. And I push people away when not feeling a sense of safety in the relationship.

Becoming more aware of ourselves is the first step towards taking FULL responsibility for our own experiences. We can then distinguish our wants from our needs, communicate ourselves more openly and honestly, improve the quality of our relationships and create the kind of sustainable changes that LIFT us up towards a higher state of BEING and DOING 🌟

Truth is, I love openly and freely but my growth game is strong because my dreams are BIG, so I’m mindful of how and where my energy flows.

I want to RISE in love, not fall, which is probably why intimate relationship forces me to go deeper. But I totally appreciate and accept that not everyone wants to dive in so deeply 😜

Relationship wants and needs vary depending upon our own wants and needs, which is why holding others accountable for our hurts and responsible for our happiness, is not only a waste of our own time and energy, but its also detrimental to everyone’s growth and healing.

My resistence to “need” a man isn’t because I don’t need him, because I DO. My resistance either reflects tension within the relationship or it guides me towards an inner conflict ….

A fear that limits or a hurt that’s rewounding ?

This is how I maintain personal responsibility for my inner most thoughts and feelings. It’s how I balance my energy and feel a sense of wholeness regardless of my relationship status

This is my HEALING process ❤

July 8th 1972 was the day our parents wed. So today is their 46th Wedding Anniversary. They fell in love 50 years ago and no matter what, their love flows stronger than ever. So, today like every other day I celebrate the LOVE ❤

… but my heart weeps because we cannot celebrate the love, without also acknowledging our loss 💔 No matter how much we believe that you’re with us in spirit, my heart still feels the sorrow in our grieving hearts. Because we can’t see, hear, smell or touch you in the same way. You were the one who taught us about spirit, but learning how to live in a world without your physical presence, is proving to be more challenging to do because damn it, there’s so much of you to miss 😔

But my grief guides me deeper into myself, to the core of my wound. I visualize my inner child, alone in the world without her Mother, feeling lost and abandoned. A wound I was oblivious to in the past, but I can now see how it has bled over into all other relationships in my life. The cause of unhealthy attachments and codependent relationships. No longer able to deny my truth, I can only SURRENDER to it.

“It’s not the wound that teaches, it’s the healing”

Having suffered the sting of loss many times before, I understand and appreciate that LOSS teaches us things that love alone cannot teach. Loss guides us towards the core of our own suffering, to the wounds that causes our pain.

I believe the abandonment wound is collective. A sense of disconnection from Mother Earth and the Divine Source of Creation. And a lack of self love and wholeness within ourselves.

So, today, I celebrate the LOVE that still flows between our parents. A love that will forever and always flow through us. I also feel our LOSS but I surrender to the lesson. Celebrating the healing of our deeper collective wounds ❤

I know I think and behave differently to most, but I am no longer afraid to STAND in the vulnerability of my truth. I release any shame or guilt that threatens to dim my light. I am no longer afraid of the dark because the more darkness we make conscious, the brighter our lights shine, guiding the way for others 🌟

Happy Anniversary Mam and Dad. I love you both so very much, FOREVER and ALWAYS ❤

I had reiki yesterday avo, to help balance my overwhelming energy and calm my mind. During the session, I felt the usual benefits on my busy brain. Afterwards she said she could literally feel my head pulsating (no surprise).

I noticed some of my darker thoughts rising to the surface, which made me think to myself, thankgod people can’t read my mind. I drifted on/off inbetween worlds and felt my mind and body relax. When I turned over onto my belly, I noticed a need to take deeper breaths, as if my lungs needed to be reinflated with air.

According to Traditional Chinese Medicine and Metaphysics, different emotions affect certain organs. Grief being associated to the lungs, so its no surprise that she felt heat there and I intuitively felt the need to deepen my breath.

After the session I had a walk, which got some energy moving around. Meeting the gang at the pub for a Friday sesh (not very wise after reike)

I got a little too drunk on whiskey 😜

Left my glass on the table and wandered off without telling anyone. Emotions were flowing, so I let them go while walking under the luminescent light of the Moon. Then decided to lay myself down on a patch of grass on the roadside, listen to music and star gaze.

To be honest, I was happily blissing out, but had caused a bit of worry back at the pub and concern when they didn’t find me on the road or at home (me bad). I was fine and dandy but poor Dave fell into nettles on his walk back down the road to find me. Fortunately he was a little too drunk on cider, so lessened the sting.

The moral of the story is, I shouldn’t have drank so much whiskey if I wanted to gain the full benefits from reike. But, forever the opportunist I see it as a perfect opportunity to share the after glow of reike and the after math of booze. Dave, you are one lucky bastard waking up to this Troll Goddess in the morning 🤣

What if I told you there was so much more to your menstral cycle than you realize.

Our menstral cycle flows with the ebb and flow of the moon for a reason. Women are innately connected to the Source of all Creation by our ability to create life. During dark moon we are naturally guided inwards, to reflect and work on our shadow. To make the unconscious known.

I strongly believe that PMS is not something to be suffered. Our symptoms is how our body is communicating with us. Our experiences are ALL influenced by the thoughts we are thinking, the emotions we are/aren’t feeling and the energy that is/isn’t flowing through our bodies.

That’s why the power is within YOU 🌟

Just as light and shadow is within us all, so is Dark Goddess energy. Anyone diving in with intention to change, shift, transform and heal will naturally evoke these darker energies.

The voice you hear inside your mind saying that Dark Goddess is evil, isn’t your own. It’s the conditioned mind warning you away from these powerful energies because in the not so distant past, men have feared the innate power women have to co-CREATE with Universe.

Sometimes I’m not conscious of which energy is flowing, but I am aware of a “source” of energy. So it’s something I’m called to explore and relearn. I say relearn because alot of what I learn, stirs a deeper sense of knowing.

No, I’m not crazy 😜

Well, not any crazier than I usually am 🤣

The energy of different Dark Goddess helps us to release our minds from limiting beliefs, to rise and transcend from our greatest fears and to heal our deepest wounds. When we OPEN up to this energy we notice the changes within.

It’s why I dive in and explore the darker corners of my mind. It’s why I FEEL the deepest hurts in my heart. It’s why I’m open to flow with life.

Because it’s how we experience more LOVE ❤ and it’s how our LIGHT shines brighter 🌟THIS is the journey home for ALL women 😊

I’m learning so much by consciously and intentionally going with the flow. Becoming more aware of my thoughts, feelings, energy, behaviour, intentions, interactions and my influence on others. I continue to learn how to better understand myself. Learning how to listen to my body. Noticing how I crave for certain things, how I choose to comfort myself and how it then effects me. Noticing how Universe is constantly communicating with us.

The Solar Plexus is considered to be our power centre, so this chakra can become blocked and unbalanced whenever we feel powerless. So, its of no great surprise that while in the midst of turmoil, I noticed changes around my guts.

During our family ordeal, I noticed how I put alot of weight on my stomach. And as I slowly loose the weight, I’m noticing how memories, thoughts and emotions flow to the surface.

…. for HEALING ❤

During the moon cycles, I notice how certain themes come into my focus. And as I strive towards my BIGGER dreams, I notice how I’m guided inwards towards energetic blockages.

…. for RELEASING 🌟

Those baked beans last night did more than give me stinky farts 🤣 it brought me to my own attention. As memories, thoughts and feelings rise to the surface. I notice my usual “bad habits,” which are my cravings for sugar, scotch, sex and my soul mate, carbs 😜

Although, at times I still respond to those cravings, I’ve noticed other “healthier” cravings. For example, this week, I’ve fancied lemon and ginger (I’ve never liked ginger) and a strong desire to expose my skin to the SUNSHINE 🌞

My unhappy guts got me thinking 🤔

So, I explored the metaphysical mind-body  connection. Just as I thought, my physical manifestations suggest that my Solar Plexus has been activated. A realization that brings new meaning to my experience.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself because I feel unwell. I’m more mindful and empowered by the internal SHIFT. Knowing this enables me to better support the energetic process.

I can work with the appropriate crystals during meditation, reflect and journal. For me (as an expressive person open to share), writing and talking about my experiences is how I make the unconscious known, which helps with the reprogramming of my mind. It also helps to identify the limiting belief, making the shift from fear to love more tangible.

DIVINE timing as usual because NEW MOON is all about diving in, to reflect on our shadow during the dark moon. And as we get closer to the Summer Solstice, NOW is the time to be OPENING up to those juicy Universal energies.

Gratitude for the baked beans 🙏 🤣

Although I DO enjoy my work, I’ll be honest, I’ve been struggling to settle into this long contract and look forward to my time off. Yesterday I was struggling to be here and wanted to be elsewhere. But I was here, alone and forced to confront myself. I wrote about my challenges in my journal and don’t feel the need to share it. But I will say that I’m feeling the intense energy of this months NEW MOON 😜

Frustrations around not being where I want to be and uncertainty about the future, triggered some of my fears, poked at the sensitivities of my healing wounds and made me FEEL things.

Things that upset me
Things that hurt me
Things that I’m afraid of
Things that make me angry
Things that confuse me
Things that challenge me
Things that confront me
Things that are CHANGING me

I’m not always OK …Sometimes I’m a mess and I feel so very alone on my journey. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night and sometimes I need to howl at the moon …. and that’s OK !!!

For too long we’ve been silenced
Our truth has been hushed
We have hidden parts of ourselves
Shame and guilt eating us from the inside

Sit down
Shut up
Don’t make a fuss
Keep the peace
Be polite
Mind your manners
Think positive
Look for the good

NO !!!

It’s time to take FULL responsibility for our experiences. To OWN what we think and how we feel. To allow our tears to flow from the heart and our screams to bellow from the guts.

Don’t hide it
Don’t avoid it
Don’t fear it
And don’t you dare be ashamed of it !!!

FLOW with whatever rises for YOU because …

It’s how we shine light on our shadow.
It’s how we RELEASE what no longer serves us. It’s how we transcend the fear and RISE in love. It’s how we BALANCE our inner polarities
It’s how we HEAL ourselves ❤

On the journey there are times …

Times when we want to give up
Times when our hearts yearn for what and who’s missing from our lives
Times when we doubt ourselves
Times when our fears scream in the darkness
Times when we wonder if we’ll ever make it
Times when our uncertainties paralyze us
Times when we fall into the abyss of despair

But those are the times that keep moving us forward towards achieving our goals. Those are the times that strengthen our will and increase our determination. Those are the times when we communicate loudest with Universe. Those are the times when we hold the faith and keep BELIEVING in our dreams.

Embrace the journey ❤

I have no shame in admitting I enjoy both masturbation and sex. So, I'm always open to learn new skills and techniques to enhance pleasure. When this first popped up in my newsfeeds a couple of years ago. I had plans to explore it then, but was distracted by multiple other projects. So, when it popped up in my newsfeeds yesterday, I clicked, paid and started on the first technique last night.

What is it ?

It's a modern interactive learning tool, that teaches different masturbation techniques to enhance sexual pleasure for women. It's useful for both women and men, either single or in relationships. It's a great way to learn from the privacy of your own home …. and it's affordable !!!

£29 gives you information on 12 different masturbation techniques. You probably already use some of them, but the variations may offer a new and improved experience.

Each technique has a reading to describe it and 3 short videos from 3 different women, who share a variation on the same technique. The women then demonstrate it for you and their vagina is simulated, to give you the opportunity to virtually practice the technique. Then you try it out on yourself or together with your partner.

I like the way they've put this learning tool together. It's refreshing to see women openly talking about sexual pleasure. But for some, it may be a little confronting to look at and to virtually stimulate another woman's clitoras.

As a nurse I've lost count of how many genitalia I've seen, so it's just another learning tool. But as a women, I have and do fantasize. So the sexual component of this learning tool is arousing, so be prepared to feel stuff.

I believe we NEED more of this and less porn. Because this offers a much more realistic and loving approach to sex, which enhances pleasure, deepens intimacy and improves the quality of our relationships.

I'm sharing because I hope women want to explore their own bodies and learn how to increase their own pleasure without shame.

I'm sharing because I hope men want to learn and explore how to pleasure their lover, which ultimately increases pleasure for both.

I'm sharing because not everyone is comfortable talking about sex. So it's a non confrontational approach and it can be your own private journey to explore.

https://www.omgyes.com/login

You're welcome 😊 …. and ENJOY ❤

Sometimes I feel abit like a wild animal. A woman held captive by the limitations of her own mind for too long. So, the new found sense of freedom to explore and create can frighten me. As I step out of a familiar way of thinking, into the unknown parts of my consciousness.

What is freedom ?

For me, it’s breaking away from the old story, so I can flow towards creating a new one. It’s being totally unashamedly ME. It’s heeding the call to serve the greater good and realizing my fullest potential. It’s listening to the whisperings of sprit and my soul. It’s opening up my mind to different perspectives. It’s coming to deeper understandings and expanding my consciousness. It’s following my heart and staying open to love, even when it’s uncomfortable to do so. It’s being true to my own healing and growth. It’s sharing my kinda magic with the world. It’s creating new and wonderful realties. It’s trusting the process of change. It’s a journey I don’t always understand, but one I must take.

Truth is, when it comes to matters of the heart, I don’t always feel so bold and brave. There’s always a degree of fear and doubt whenever I walk the path, open up my heart and share my uglier, messier, conflicting and sometimes challenging truths. Yet, I do it anyways because I’m learning to trust the flow, as I drift a little more purposefully through life.

As I become more observant of my thoughts and more aware of my feelings as they flow. I notice how I’m often triggered into a state of fear, and how that then makes me feel and behave. Sometimes I don’t communicate my truth so well because like you, I’m an ongoing work in progress and forever learning about love and life.

My greatest challenge is flowing with my own truth, without falling into the despair of collective truth. This is the old story, that limits us and keeps us stuck in our grief and suffering because we focus on the loss. It’s a place where we “MISS” so more than the ones we love. It’s a state of mind that holds others and circumstance responsible for our own happiness. I believe this to be the source of our suffering and where we give our power to flow and create magic away.

As I flow a little more mindfully through my days, I acknowledge that in every moment, I have a choice to either feed my fears (or) shine my light and BE love. I accept that sometimes I choose fear because I need to go there. Appreciating thay my most challenging days have more to teach me than my good days.

Dad’s cancer diagnosis and the loss of Mam shattered my world and changed life as I once knew it. Living the life I am is changing how I experience myself in the world. How I think, percieve, feel and experience life is changing. As I release myself from the old story, a new one is guiding me. I’m learning to TRUST in love and life again and have more FAITH in Universe and the greater good.

As I sit in the garden with my client, reflecting over my life choices, my relationships and the conversations I have. I’m soaking up the sunshine, listening to the music playing, noticing my client’s light shining a little brighter every day and I’m reminded how our freedom to just BE who we are can influence others.

Mindful interaction ❤

Whatever it is thats holding you back LET that shit GO and fall into the abyss of the unknown. Embrace uncertainty for what it is, because when we SURRENDER to what IS happening and BECOME more present in the wonderfuls of NOW, we begin to truly LIVE in our moments. It’s in THAT space where anything and everything is possible 🌟 The MAGIC happens only when we leave our comfort zones. Our wildest dreams, greatest imaginations and deepest desires need SPACE to grow. Its TIME to walk away from the what was, the has been, the what ifs, the if onlys, the coulda, woulda, shoulda and the always will be. It’s TIME to step out and create YOUR own kinda magic …
          … What are YOU waiting for ?