Trusting this process without hanging on is how we flow with change, which isn’t always easy. Especially when someone else is involved and especially when it means walking away from something or someone we thought we wanted
The liberation of truth is the process of freeing ourselves from someone elses control or freeing someone else from our control
My recent blog about letting go of a past love caused a reaction with my current lover, which then woke me up to my own truth. A lover who also claims to love me deeply, yet also loves me with limitations and restrictions based on his situation and choices. Although I wasn’t aware of his situation in its entirety until he eventually shared his truth some months later, I still chose to maintain our intimate connection and was settling for less than what I truly wanted and deserved
In truth, the tensions began niggling at me early on but I trusted what he told me more than I trusted those niggles of tension. Even when others voiced those niggles out loud, I didn’t really listen … WHY ? … because I believed I was getting what I wanted, which was an extraordinary energy connection that was blowing my entire being wide open
Being the kinda woman who will always explore something that she has never experienced before, I told myself that although he wasn’t able to give me everything I wanted, I didn’t really see a future with him anyways, so it was OK. I told myself that so long as we were both being open and honest with each other, then it was OK
Hmmmmm … how easy it is to lie to ourselves
Our tensions increase conflict, which are ALWAYS valuable opportunities to hopefully communicate our truths and increase understandings. However, not everyone can appreciate that and so we must also acknowledge when to say enough is enough
But how do we know when enough is enough ?
How do we say it in a loving way ?
How do we walk away from someone knowing how much our departure is hurting them ?
We listen to those niggles and we share our truth, however difficult it is
We acknowledge that our tensions and discomforts are communicating an internal conflict, which if ignored will only cause us unnecessary suffering
Yes, it takes courage to walk away and let go of those somethings and someones that we once wanted, but YOU are worth it. Yes, we still feel the experience of loss, but YOU can do it. Yes, we may endure those emotional messages or painful silences from the ones we are hurting, but YOU can change it …
In the past I would reply to the begs and pleadings because I hate hurting someone I love and care for (I still do) but it only prolongs both of our suffering. When its time for a reason or season to end, I want so desperately to come to a sense of closure that leaves both of our hearts still in a space of love, instead of hurt. In the past I would become consumed by our pain and struggle to accept the truth, which would continually pull me back into the fantasy of what was, instead of allowing us both to accept the reality and move forward. I would then lose all sense of control over my emotions and become consumed by the hurt, which would set off all those self defenses that projected anger, disappointment and frustration
SELF destruction mode then being activated … BOOM !!!
A place that holds very little space for love because its motivated by the fear of letting go. A place where conflict thrives and suffering persists
But the lesson has been learned
So, its easier … right ?
Not entirely, because it still takes courage to express our truth, knowing that it hurts both ourselves and someone else. It still takes strength to walk away from something we want, knowing its not what we need. It still takes acceptance to flow with our own feelings and so it can still get messy because we are not perfect and we are all learning as we go
Trust the process of liberation and step into freedom