The mountain was calling a little louder today. Because I was feeling extra sensitive and felt the need to temporarily pull myself away from everyone. To process my conflicting thoughts and walk with overwhelming emotions. I needed to be in Nature and reconnect with Source.

My soul heeded the call and off I went.

As I wandered slowly but steadily up the track, I was overwhelmed by the beauty. Each time I climb this mountain my senses are tickled. But when I’m alone, it seems to speak to me. Tis why she calls to me most on these rainy days. Because not many people climb in the rain, so there’s less distraction and more opportunity for my energy to deeply connect with her.

The air was fresh and the rain drops were ever so cool. I’m definitly a woman who feels the rain, because I love how the rain falls upon my head and kisses my skin.

A mist with a haunting beauty danced inbetween the trees and I sensed the presence of spirit walking with me.

The fairy wrens flew across my path and the robin came into sight as I expressed gratitude for the connection.

The trees greeted me like old friends, some of which invited me to step closer. As I wrapped my arms around the trunk, in loving embrace. I felt the life force beating between us. Gently pressing my heart and brow against the tree, I asked my mind and heart to be cleared of any lingering negative energy.

As I carried on walking, I reflected over many of my past experiences.

My sisters and I have been talking about our childhood alot lately. Yesterday we talked about what we wanted to do when we grew up. I remembered, that as a young girl, I enjoyed playing with my imagination and wanted to be a teacher.

I suppose nothing much has changed because I still drift between worlds and often get lost in my wild imagination. Something that keeps opening me up to new experiences that stirs the writer.

But my understanding of teacher has changed. I now believe that I’m no wiser than any other. I can only live my life in the best way that I know how.

A whisper tells me …

“Be gentle with yourself” ❤

It’s OK to admit when we’re struggling.

I don’t believe that any of us should feel the need to prove that everythings going well all of the time.

Truth is,

We DO struggle with our challenges.

It’s the reason WHY it is a challenge.

I believe,

That strength isn’t pretending to be strong when we feel the most afraid. It’s having the courage to fully flow with our experience. To open up our hearts and sit with the rawness of our feelings.

Allowing emotion to rise and fall.

Sometimes we DON’T feel OK

Truth is,

It’s scary to confront our fears, it hurts to feel the agonizing grief of our losses and it’s painful when our hearts break.

And nothing about that feels OK

But I do believe,

That our greatest challenges are opportunities for transformation, which requires complete honesty.

Although its difficult to accept what is and SURRENDER to the flow. It’s essential to acknowledge that our tensions and struggles are a neccessary part of our souls growth.

Appreciating that my triggers and conflicts are rarely about the surface issue, and more about my own unhealed wounds. Guides me through those times when I struggle most with my challenges.

Truth is,

I’m not always OK and that’s OK

Mindful interaction ❤

Life … its all about the journey

Full of experiences to be enjoyed, lessons to learn, problems to solve, love and laughter to share and challenges to overcome.

Although my family and I have been on one hell of a rollercoaster ride. Ever since Dad’s cancer diagnosis a year ago. As a family, we continue to flow through life with a sense of gratitude that often amazes people.

So, I wondered to myself 🤔

Where do we get the strength from ?

I believe …

That as a family we are stronger TOGETHER

Because …

First and foremost, we all appreciate and celebrate our differences. We understand that neither of us are perfect, nor expect each other to be. We are forgiving of one anothers stumbles because we understand the need to learn and grow. We are brutally honest with ourselves and each other because we value truth. We look upon life as a blessing. But most of all we LOVE one another deeply ❤

As I reflect, a beautiful story begins to emerge

The Mother, who is the heart of family and the COMPASS that guides us home, as we strive to balance our inner feminine energy.

The Father, who is the mind of the family and the THINKER that keeps us grounded, as we strive to balance our inner masculine energy.

And the Sisters, who are the bones 😊

Each one an important part of the individual

The back bone, who encompasses the strength that is the LOVE within us.

The wish bone, who encompasses the hope that is the LIGHT within us.

The funny bone, who encompasses the humor that is the LAUGHTER within us.

I believe …

That as a family, we come to offer something of value to YOU ☺

A reminder of how each and everyone of us brings something of value to one another. That even during our biggest fears, deepest wounds and greatest challenges, we ALL have the ability to RISE, HEAL and SHINE.

I strongly believe …

That there’s beauty in ALL of life experiences

YES,

Sometimes we need to look a little harder to see the BEAUTY in the midst of chaos.

Sometimes we need to dig a little deeper to find the BLESSING during our challenges.

Sometimes we need to break open a little more to feel the LOVE when it hurts to breath.

Sometimes we need to think very differently to be GRATEFUL for the struggle.

But I believe …

That the more we fully SURRENDER to life, the less resistance we have to the flow. Afterall, we are a part of Nature and the energy of Universe flows through our very being. We are the LIGHT and LOVE with an ability to CREATE the change that we seek ❤

A question that pops up alot, but I wonder 🤔

Do you really want to know how I REALLY am?
Can you listen without feeling uncomfortable?
Are you willing to see the real me?
Will you remove your mask if I drop mine?
Can you hear my truth without judgement?
Do you have the courage to explore my fears?
Are you strong enough to see my pain?
Will you see the beauty of my vulnerability?
Can you refrain from wanting to fix me?
Are you able to sit with me in the darkness?

Truth is, not everyone is ready for honesty ❤

Depression, Dis-ease, Dememtia & Death,
are the dreaded D’s of DOOM.

That stir up our deepest fears,
lurking in the darkness.

Making the unconscious CONSCIOUS

Where we fight our inner demons,
in the shadows of our own minds.

Struggling to find the balance,
between our dark and light nature.

To harmonize the energy within …

Into a state of being that reconnects us,
with self and the Source of all Creation.

I give it no name, only describe what it IS.
The life force that IS our energy.

A sense of ONEness,
where we are FREE to fully flow with life.

A place where …

Our heart beats with the pulse of Nature
And our soul vibrates with Universe

The place of ULTIMATE LOVE ❤

When we vibrate with this frequency,
our life force flows with love, not fear.

We have an appreciation of who we are.
And an acceptance of what IS.

A state of being that radiates beauty,
when our light shines the brightest.

A sense of wholeness from within,
when our happiness comes from self.

An equilibrium that harmonizes us,
with our environment.

A truth that we live as one with all,
because we are ONE.

What if we truly BELIEVED this as truth?
Would we better understand the fight?

What if we TRUSTED the process?
Could we navigate through the storm?

What if we REFLECT upon it?
And see DOOM for the MOOD it is …
A temporary state of being.

Would our experience change?

What if there’s purpose for the storm?
Could it become meaningful?

What if our suffering is a state of mind?
Would we transcend our pain?

What if we RISE above our darkest fear?
Could we activate our power centre?

What if we HEAL our deepest hurts?
Would we be the medicine we seek?

Hmmmmm I wonder 🤔

Mindful interaction ❤

This is for the fallen ones …

Those who allow life to touch them 💔

The one’s who open themselves up fully to experience life in its entirity.

The truth seekers, the mind explorers, the star gazers, the heart healers, the moon worshippers, the fairy whisperers and the magic makers.

I believe in YOU ❤

Our world needs you to show us what IS possible when we begin to awaken to our truth on this planet. So, please don’t hang your head in shame or suffer in silence. Lead us into the darkness with the light that flickers brightly inside of you. Share the love that radiates warmly from you and be our guiding star.

I believe …

That everytime we open up our hearts to love, we dare to pay the price of loss and risk feeling the deepest of our hurts. But the more our hearts break open, the more wounds we expose, hurts we heal and the more love we feel for self and others.

I believe …

That everytime we open up our minds to think, we dare to confront the hidden parts of ourselves and risk feeling the darkest of our fears. But the more we expand our consciousness, the more fears we rise above, fearless we feel and more powerful we become.

I believe …

That those who dare to open up their hearts and minds are the warriors of love and light. Who undergo a daily internal battle of integrating the darkness and conquering their inner demons. Releasing themselves from any limiting beliefs that hold them back. Letting go of what no longer serves the greater good. Surrendering to something far greater than you or I.

I believe …

That the natural vibration of life energy is neither positive nor negative, but a combination of both, which creates WHOLENESS

I believe …

That positive & negative, light & dark, good & bad, masculine & feminine and night & day are all polarities of the same life energy, which we constantly strive to balance within. Therefore negativity reflects a resistance to this balance, which acts as our inner compass that navigates us well through life

I believe …

That balancing our individuality with the collective can create harmony within ourselves and the world around us.

So, my darling, if you have fallen into the darkness or are paralyzed by your own fear, then know this. You are a warrior of love and light …

and I believe in YOU ❤

A trip to the hairdressers can be one of two things. It can be a wonderful experience that improves your mood, increases your self esteem and makes you feel fanfookintastic (or) it does the complete opposite.

I wonder …

Why does our hair mean so much to us ?
Why does a bad hair day effect our mood ?
Why does a tragic hair style devastate us ?

Today, is the perfect day to explore this because I now have a hair cut that makes me look like Lloyd Christmas (Dumb and Dumber) and Bubbles de Vere’s (Little Britain) love child. I’m sure my trauma will bring you all a giggle. 

Feeling fat, frumpy and frizzy, I decided to treat myself to a new hair doo. Fairly confident that I was gonna walk out feeling like a new woman.

Instead, I felt a little agitated from the get go. As the young lass began to tell me all about the date she was going on. With a nice young man who was gonna pamper her with love. She hit a soft spot because I miss spending time with the man I love.

But I listened attentively, praising her for not settling for anything less than she deserved. Then watched as she proceeded to chop the length of my hair off, without even blinking an eye.

Gulp !!!

I asked for the funky spiked look with feathery lengths down my neck. I even showed her a photo of the style I wanted

Now what ???

“No need to panic Tracey, you were contemplating a shorter style anyways, so just flow with it ” I told myself.

So, I browsed through some images to find a shorter hairstyle that appealed to me. And found this sexy Stone number.

Although the hairdresser started to focus a little more attention on what she was doing and what I wanted. She continued to tell me a little more about herself, which was starting to annoy me because I was making no further enquiries.

To be honest, I haven’t been in a very sociable mood lately and didn’t want to engage in conversation, especially small talk. I just wanted to sit in silence.

“Why won’t she just shut the fuck up” I thought to myself. “Don’t be so rude, she’s just being friendly” I rebuttled.

Gazing into the mirror, I watched as she created a hair style that looked nothing like the picture I had shown her AGAIN, which only annoyed me more.

And it went from bad to worse !!!

The blow dry made me look like a fuzzy wuzzy troll, which I’m sure my sisters would have found amusing. Because not so long ago they introduced me to Bridget from the “Troll” movie. A character with whom I share a few things in common … apparently 🤔

But all this was doing absolutely nothing for my self esteem. I felt worse than I did before I went in, which began to upset me. Throughout the entire hair cut I had openly expressed my displeasure and concerns. Doing my very best to flow with the fuck ups, but when the ordeal was finally over, it all became TOO much.

Yup, I was that over sensitive woman tearing up in the salon. But not wanting to make a scene, I fought back the tears and said that I needed to get out of there. So the lass in charge told me I didn’t have to pay today. Suggesting we make another appointment for next week to fix it up. “Just let me get out of here before I make a complete fool of myself.” I thought.

Once out of there, the flood gates starting to come down. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. Standing on the escalator, the tears began to flow.

Fuck !!!  Fuck !!!  Fuck !!!

For the love of God I’m crying in public AGAIN and I look like a fat fuzzy troll.

All the way home in the car, I cried and cried and cried. The kinda tears that come from the guts. Heart wrenching wailing that felt like I was birthing something … the RELEASE !!!

Hmmmmm … I thought to myself 🤔

It was only a friggin hair cut !!!

Why the heck did it feel so traumatic ?
Was my upset really about the hair cut ?
What if it was a catalyst for the release ?
What had I learned from this experience ?

As I pondered over the questions, I soaked my sorrowful self in the tub. My very own pity party in the bubbles as I wallowed in the depths of my emotions.

Allowing what ever flowed to surface

Truth is, it’s all about the growth: Releasing some more unhealthy attachments, having a good soulful cry and giving birth to new aspects of self.

So, I got out, stood infront of the mirror and assessed the damage. Not sure I wanted to go back to the salon and “fix” the mess. I wondered if I could just avoid mirrors for the next 3 months.

Don’t be daft ya fool 😂😂😂

So, how can I funk up the doo ?

I had a play around with some hair products and straighteners. And as usual, it’s not as bad as it seemed. I’m adjusting to the new look and thinking about getting some of those funky feather clips, to lay down my neck ☺

Note to self …

I’m making it my mission in life “to not merely survive, but to thrive: And to do so with some passion, compassion, humour and style” (Maya Angelou)

Mindful interaction ❤

Sometimes I ask myself
Is it OK to feel how I feel?
And I wonder,
Why do I need permission to feel?
Why do I devalue my own feelings?

Sometimes I ask myself
Is it OK to believe what I think?
And I wonder,
Why do I feel the need to challenge my beliefs?
Why do I constantly question my thoughts?

Sometimes I ask myself
Is it OK to do what I do?
And I wonder,
Why do I believe that my actions are wrong?
Why do I doubt myself?

Sometimes I need to give myself permission
To BE whatever the fuck feels right for me
And flow with whatever shows up for me
Without feeling the need to justify myself

Why should I be someone I’m not?
Why do I struggle to stay true to me?

I don’t want to do what’s wrong
But I don’t want to do what’s right either
I want to be fully in the reality of what IS

I wonder …

What if the polarity is an illusion?

Positive/Negative 
Good/Bad
Hope/Fear
Love/Loss
Light/Dark

Aren’t they all part of the whole?
An experience to be had in its entirety
To live life fully is to embrace ALL of it

Yet we struggle

Truth is,
We fight to be all of who we truly are
It’s an ongoing battle within ourselves
As our light struggles to shine
During our darkest of times

Those are the times we must dig deeper
Those are the times we must hold tighter
Those are the times we must open wider

During the storm
Nothing is as it seems

While I try to stay strong for you
I feel weary

While I try to stay positive for you
I feel defeated

While I try to offer you reassurance
I feel unsure

While I try to be of support to you
I feel shakey

Sometimes I ask myself
Is it OK to drop the mask?
And I wonder,
Why am I afraid to show you?
What are you afraid to see?

My energy moves in ebbs and flows
My thoughts aren’t always useful
My emotions aren’t always pleasant

But they are real !!!

The days come and go
Rolling into each other
Time seems irrelevant
Yet so very important

Sometimes I feel so very alone in my struggle

I know who I am
But why is this happening?
What is it teaching me?

Just when I think I get it
Universe delivers more
The challenges seem relentless

Sometimes the fear gets a firm grip
And I’m propelled back into the depths
Into my mind
Where the shadows lurk
Falling into an abyss of darkness

What is to be found here?

Sometimes the anxiety takes hold
And I’m suspended in panic
My breath becomes my focus
A reminder
That we control nothing

I surrender !!!

Life just keeps on happening around us
As we are tossed around inside of our bubble
Life is so very wonderful
But it can also be so fucking cruel

The fun fair isn’t much fun
When we can’t get off the roller coaster

Mindful interaction ❤

Yesterday, I dropped Dad home after another big day at the hospital with Mam. Both of us ready for an early night and a good sleep. But I needed to go check in on my daughter who had sent me a message, letting me know that she was feeling unwell again. “But don’t rush me to emergency,” she said … Hmmmmmm 🤔

Turned up to find her with a raging fever of 39.9, feeling aggitated, with fluctuating obs. A pulse spiking 131 and blood pressure that jumped to 134/116 within 10 minutes … Hmmmmm 🤔

“Get in the car Missy,” I said

NO, it wasn’t Mumma intuition.

Because just as before it was my daughter who prompted me by her own intuition. She knew herself that she didn’t feel right. But was seeking validation from her Mumma to ACT upon it.

My darling girl had been suffering for afew days before sending me the message, which makes me wonder 🤔

Why don’t we trust our own knowing ?
Why do we choose to suffer ?

She was admitted overnight again, with the same course of action to treat this lingering infection (chronic tonsilitis). IV antibiotics, fluids and steroids. Another followup app with the GP tomorrow and referral to see the ENT  docs to hopefully get the tonsils out ASAP !!

My daughter doesn’t comfortably or easily communicate. So it’s no surprise to me that this has physically manifested itself. Because blocked energy begins a process of events that occur at a cellular level. And this is how our body communicates with us. I believe that we are guided towards our own healing.

Yup, I know there are many of you reacting to what I’ve just said. And in truth it bothers me a little that even my family roll their eyes at some of my thoughts and feelings 😜 hahahaha

But, I believe that deep down you already know this truth yourself. An inner knowing that many of us are relearning how to reconnect with.

Truth is, I care a little less about how crazy you think I am. And I care a little more about how my own inner knowing is better serving me. And I strive to help YOU to better trust YOURSELF ☺

Mindful interaction ❤

During our challenges
We instinctively step back
But I step forward
Out of the crowd
I want to be seen
For ALL of who I am
The pain
The confusion
The doubt
The fear
But I’m censored
Because all of my experiences
Are influenced by others
My sharing is mine
But its yours too
We are ONE in the same
I feel resistance
Surrounded by fear
I drown in my truth
Mindful of your discomfort
Tension that stifles us both
I breathe into this space
Exploring the energy
Where is the blockage ?
Why doesn’t it flow ?
How am I resisting ?
What am I holding onto ?
I fear being seen
Because you may not like what you see

Mindful interaction ❤