Jean Rhys image ~ Pinterest

Lets indulge in some moon talk and reflect over what it means for us

Tonight’s full moon occurs in Libra, which is the sign of relationships
“This full moon will be a penumbral lunar eclipse. This occurs when the Sun, Earth and Moon align in an almost straight line. When this happens, the Earth blocks some of the Sun’s light from directly reaching the Moon’s surface, and covers a small part of the Moon with the outer part of its shadow, known as the penumbra. That’s quite significant when you think about the symbolic meaning of the Moon being partially cast within the Earth’s shadow… so what are the kind of shadow traits we’re likely to experience this week ? (Tanishka)

Have you been experiencing conflicts and tensions in your relationships ?

If you’re anything like me, it generally happens when we share our thoughts and feelings with little regard for the other person, because we are too absorbed in our own experience
Sounds very unlike me … (insert giggle, grin and snort)

Have you been experiencing feelings of frustration about doing or giving more than you are getting back ? Do you feel like there is unbalance in your relationship ?
Are you upset or angry about the state of our world ?

If we have been affected by this moon cycle then we are experiencing our shadow self. Therefore its time to refocus our attention from what other people are/aren’t doing and whats happening around us … and instead go WITHIN ourselves

Because the universe is providing us with an opportunity for an inner shift

“ALLOW yourself to be eclipsed, to fully enter into your state of feeling, knowing that this embodiment will transform you” (Tanishka)

The main lesson of Libra is to challenge us to choose love or war ?

I choose LOVE ❤

” We must be the change we want to see in the world”

Are we choosing peace in our thoughts, words and actions or are we suffering ?

Are we choosing to avoid the reflections or are we acknowledging them ?

Are we choosing to take the actions of others personally or are we accepting their truth ?

Are we choosing to listen how we are thinking about others or are we denying how it reflects how we think and feel about ourselves ?

Libra is the sign of BALANCE and so it challenges us to temper our emotions with a logic mind, while avoiding the need to rationalize our emotions

According to astrologers this full moon is also significant in the 20 year cycle of Jupiter and Saturn, which began in the year 2000

So, reflect back to what changed in your life during that time

For me, it was a pivotal part of my journey because it was during my trip back to the UK in February 2000, that I started to question my truth
It was the end of my life as I knew it
It was the beginning of my awakening

In 2000 what hopes and dreams ended for you ?
What was clearing away to make way for the new ?
What happened as a result of those changes ?
Where are you NOW ?
Where do you want to be in 5 years time on this journey ?

Important questions to ask ourselves during this cycle because this is a major turning point in our process of change and growth, which will take almost a year to complete. So, its a good time to check in with our goals and reaffirm any inspirations that motivated us to begin with 5 years ago

What was happening in your world 5 years ago ?

For me, there were several important changes occurring …

I changed direction from psychology to counseling, which was a HUGE shift in perception and changed how I experienced the world from then on

The truth came out about the man I loved and I disconnect from him, which broke my heart open and led me closer towards my own truth

I hosted my first full moon gathering, which was the beginning of working with the energy of other women and the universe

I was starting to experience more conflict with my teenage boys, which was the first of many transitions and adjustments as a mother

My relationship with money was changing, which has changed my thinking about money and is hopefully leading me towards living a life of abundance

The next 5 years of this 20 year cycle of Jupiter and Saturn is about committing more consciously to achieving our goals. If we do, then it will successfully manifest into our reality and we WILL be CREATING the future we imagine

VERY EXCITING TIMES !!!

Now, we ask ourselves …
What needs to be adjusted or changed in our lives ?
Whats holding us back from taking the next step towards the life we want ?
What dreams, inspirations, knowledge, perspective, faith, optimism can carry us forward ?
What must we do to stay on track ?

So, take some time out today to reflect over the goals you want to achieve, the experiences you want to have, the things you want to release and what reality you wish to manifest

Because the energy around this full moon is powerful

Together with the universe, its time to work your magic 🌟

Love ❤ … we talk about it, we write about it, we fantasize about it, we avoid it, we celebrate it, we suffer at the hands of it and we can’t live without it.

The experience of love can bring us so much joy when our hearts are full and yet cause us so much pain and anguish when things don’t go as planned or as expected … but why?

Why do we sometimes struggle with allowing love to flow in the direction it wants to take us? and how can we embrace the flow with more acceptance and appreciation? These are questions I often ask myself.

When love is true then why should it matter how, when or where it flows ? Because love forever fills our hearts, regardless of how far away someone lives, if a relationship ends or if a life is lost. The love remains but its the loss that hurts and prolongs our suffering.

I believe that our experience of loss are our biggest teachers on attachment. From personal experience love and loss continue to highlight any of my insecurities and fears. My experiences bring my shadow and dependencies to the surface, that reflect any unhealthy attachments, which have been the cause of most of my suffering when it comes to love, in both my meaningful relationships and intimate connections.

I’m compelled to write about how our attachments influence our experience of both love and loss because I find myself in a familiar space that has triggered some familiar feelings. Only this time I catch myself suspended in this space, experiencing a tension between an old belief system and a new way of being, which has a very different energy to it.

Reflecting over our past experiences is a great way to monitor our growth and development as we mature. Reflecting over how we are thinking, feeling and experiencing our present is a great way to become more aware of ourselves.

We are all here to learn our own lessons in love. Each path leading us in different directions, yet we all arrive at the same destination. Whether we are married, divorced, engaged, single, heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, lesbian, young or old we all experience love. Love is at the very core of all of our relationships with ourselves, our lovers, our family, our friends, our pets, our work, our hopes and our dreams.

I believe this to be true, yet sometimes I still find myself comparing my journey to others. And at times I still feel like I’m being judged for doing it wrong. But maybe our lesson in love is to accept love for what it is and just let it flow, regardless of how, when or where it flows ? Perhaps plans and expectations are nul in void in matters of love ?

I am here to loosen my attachments and deepen my connections ❤

What is your addiction ???

I think I might be addicted to LOVE ❤

Ive explored and researched addiction a lot over the years during my quest of self discovery because of my own bad habits. Learning how a bad habit is formed and why it becomes an addiction has been a very confronting but beneficial experience. (An addiction is a pattern of compulsive behaviour that can have negative impacts on our health and well being).

But it was only the beginning of understanding who I am …

We are so much more than what we think, how we feel and why we do things. We are also wonderful beings of energy and light. Each given the privilege of living a human life, equipped with a mind, a heart and intuition to help us create the opportunities and experiences that we personally need to learn and grow from. But sometimes we can get stuck and fall into bad habits because we loose sight of who we really are and what we are here for.

As we move through our every day lives, we can become mindless in our interactions and habitual in our routines. As we confront our challenges in love, we forget that love isn’t something that we have, it is who we are. When we confront death, we focus on the loss and forget that energy doesn’t die, it goes back to the source of creation (whatever that may be) and continues to influence our life here on Earth.

I believe in magic and that each and every one of us are walking miracles, with the ability to heal and create the life we imagine. Our purpose to find meaning, follow our passions and share it with the world.

To find both purpose and meaning we need to connect with ourselves, others, nature and the source. But our bad habits can sometimes become addictions that disconnect us from ourselves, others, our purpose and the source. Holding us back from living our full potential.

The first and most challenging step in changing our habits is to acknowledge them. To be accountable for ourselves isn’t always easy because its difficult for us to admit our downfalls because we feel less than. But remember that we are neither right nor wrong because there are only choices that bring different experiences and consequences, which we learn from … there are no “mistakes”. We are neither good nor bad because we are all perfectly flawed and we are all beautiful in those imperfections ❤

“Don’t judge someone just because they sin differently to you”

My goal for this lifetime is not to be perfect, but to learn and grow from my experiences. To then share any new insights and understandings with others and hopefully leave the world a better place because of my presence.

“STRESS is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness” … a very interesting point of view that Richard Carlson shares, don’t ya think?

I believe that our challenges, tensions, discomforts and times of stress are generally indications that we’ve outgrown something or that something in our life needs to change. I believe that its an opportunity for GROWTH.

What is YOUR something ?

When we start to BELIEVE that stress has purpose, we have less interest in seeking quick fixes to ease our discomforts and instead we embrace our adversities as wonderful gifts. We dive into those spaces to fully explore them … to find our pearls.

What is YOUR response to stress ?

Do you shut down?
Do you seek out medications?
Do you self medicate with cigs/booze?
Do you soothe with comfort foods/sex?
Do you avoid the discomfort?

I’ve done ALL of the above because I didn’t know any better. But stress management is a habitual process, so we CAN change things . By being more mindful of our automatic responses, which is the key to changing our relationship with discomfort, which then changes our experience of stress.

My advice is …
Take the TIME OUT and prioritize and privelage the experience for what it is.

Be more aware of our NEEDS and have the courage to identify and fullfill our deeper needs, which Rivka Levy (Jewish emotional health: 2015) describes as being our energy centres. According to Rivka wellness is determined upon fullfillment of our 8 deeper needs …

1. Our ability to just “BE” … our faith based foundation for everything

2. Our ability to “FEEL” … our sense of gratitude for everything as it is

3. Our ability to “THINK” … our state of ego that determines our truth

4. Our ability to “LOVE” … our belief in unique goodness

5. Our ability to “SPEAK” … our purpose of self expression and actualization

6. Our ability to “SEE” … our insight into limitations that hinder change and self improvement

7. Our ability to “ASPIRE” … our transcendence of self and relationships towards unconditional love ❤

8. Our ability to “TRANSFORM” … our courage to develop, evolve and grow

When we start to break it down stress management involves much more than we realize. But the more we understand the more effective our monitoring and management of stress will be 😊

Engaging in unhealthy habits as a way of coping with stress doesn’t get rid of the source of stress, it only surpresses it. The source of tension will continue to bubble underneath the surface until we explode. Or we will suffer disease and illness. Sometimes identifying the source of tension is a challenge of its own, especially when we struggle to live our truths.

So a good starting point is to explore alternative activities that we associate with relaxation, especially during times of stress. Maybe like me, your something is to create NEW healthier habits that will improve your overall health and wellbing ?

So here’s some healthier responses to stress that I’ve been doing myself …

SLOWING DOWN and becoming more aware of my deeper needs, by noticing what’s going on within and around me.

SEEKING SUPPORT and knowing that I’m not alone. Utilizing my support networks and the bountiful information & resources that we have at our fingertips.

Taking PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY because blaming external causes only gives away my power for change.

NOURISHING my body with more healthy goodness and less processed foods and drinking more water. Because basic self care strategies also nourishes my mind with healthier and more productive thoughts.

SLEEP & RESTING because its not only OK to take time out, sometimes its ESSENTIAL for my healing.

Increasing EXERCISE & physical activity because it helps to process the messy mind and shifts blocked energy.

Spending more time in NATURE because it grounds and connects me with the flow of universal energies.

Being more CREATIVE and PLAYFUL because it taps into my self expression and imagination. I do more things I enjoy and experiment with other things I haven’t yet done and I have FUN doing it 😊

MEDITATING because it helps me to become more aware of my connection to self and the source of divine truth ❤

And for the seekers I EXPLORE the space of stress by asking …
What is causing me discomfort?
What is or has changed in my life?
How am I thinking about it?
How does it make me feel?
What am I avoiding and Why?
What am I afraid of?
What is hurting me?
How does the change support my growth?

Our lessons in love come in many different shapes and forms. Not always appearing in the way we had expected or at a time that we intended.

Sometimes we can miss opportunities for love because we convince ourselves that its not the right person, not the right time or not the right situation.

Those of us who have been hurt by love in the past can often confuse our fears with valid reasons, that make more sense than the unplanned connection.

But the truth is …

LOVE is the only thing that sets us free from the confinements of our own minds. Love takes us beyond rational thought and logic, towards a place where anything is possible.

Its difficult to define what love is because it varies for us all, depending upon who and where we are. But our souls recognize love by the way it makes us feel in its presence or absence.

We experience love on a frequency that we don’t always understand, which can be unsettling for those of us who struggle to flow with what is, without rational explanations.

But there’s always something of value and importance to learn when it comes to our experience of love. There’s always a purpose for our connections.

Sometimes we don’t understand why we are attracted to someone or why our hearts fall in love. Sometimes we need to recognize what holds us back. Sometimes we are resistive to love because it’s not packaged in the way we had expected it to be delivered.

This doesn’t mean settling nor accepting less than we deserve. Neither does it mean walking into something without healthy boundaries. Its about trusting that our paths unfold and connect with others for an important reason. A reason we may not yet know or understand.

But if our connection is based on honesty and mutual respect then it will serve our growth. If the love in our hearts is true then its meant for YOU ❤

The only way to avoid the feeling of loneliness is to embrace our solitude. We do this by being fully aware of our own presence, rather than the absence of others. Recent changes in my life are placing me in a temporary state of TIME OUT from parenting responsibilities and intimate relationships. A place I am NOT comfortable with being

I am not comfortable because its a place that triggers my fears of abandonment, lack of belonging and purpose. But we can either experience the discomfort of being alone or we can embrace our solitude and dance with our shadow

Are you ready to take the lead ?

We know when our shadow wants to dance with us because we feel restless and uncomfortable. Our motivation and energy fluctuates and reduces. Our thoughts and attitude around ourselves, others, love, work etc become negative and distorted. Our walls, guards and defenses go up. We crave substances (food, cigarettes, booze, drugs). We either want to withdraw or attach to others and we have a strong desire to flee from the life we live. These are all signs that our shadow has something to show us. She wants us to become more aware of ourselves and she will become more relentless in her demands for attention

We may feel her presence as a nagging thought in our minds

We may feel her presence as a sense of knowing in our guts

We may feel her presence as a constant ache in our hearts

We may feel her presence as a persistent twitch in our groins

We may feel her presence as a sense of restlessness in our soul

We may feel her presence as an itch under our skin

She knows where and how to tempt us and she will persist until we heed her call

There was a time when I could easily avoid this part of myself in a variety of different ways. Substance abuse to block out the thoughts. Eat to comfort the uncomfortable feelings. Sleep to avoid thinking and feeling. Have sex and masturbate to ease the twitching groin. Seek out love and support from others to soothe the aching heart. Exercise to ease the restlessness and I used to believe that it was more important to have a positive attitude than it was to just BE

At times I still engage in some those behaviours because I am a perfectly flawed human being, but I do struggle to avoid myself in the same way. In truth some of those behaviours can also be a positive response. But as I drink the wine, eat the food, have the sex, seek the love, take to my bed or exercise, I am more aware of myself than I used to be

“ignorance is bliss” … but only for the ignorant

Most people dont want to hear the truth because they dont want their illusions of truth to be destroyed

Its impossible to believe that we can be positive ALL of the time. Its unrealistic to believe that we only consist of love and light. We ALL have our dark shadows that lurk in the corners and they serve a very important purpose in our growth

Our shadows consist of all our fears, doubts, anger, guilt, shame, self absorption, jealousy and ungratefulness. But the purpose of shadow is NOT to bring us down, her purpose is to bring us to our own attention and help us to face our ugly truths

There will come a time on our journey of self discovery when we will meet our shadow self and we will learn that she is a gift to be cherished

She brings our attention to unhealthy attachments, patterns and behaviours. She shows us what it feels like to loose everything that matters most. She tears down our walls and breaks us wide open. She makes us feel everything we want to run away from and although at times it may feel like we are dying inside, we are actually shedding our skins

How do we dance with our shadow ?

We seek support

We say the thoughts out loud and challenge the nonsense

We express the emotions and stroke them gently with each release

We meditate and sit with the discomfort

We stay open to love

We risk exposing our darkness to the light

Shadow serves our highest purpose by shining light on our darkness

She supports our growth

Trust the process and LETS DANCE

In the past my efforts to loose weight was all about the LOSS

It was all about the sacrifices to gain results

It was all about loosing the weight that was weighing me down

Perhaps this is why Ive never succeeded ?

“Getting results, or losing weight isn’t actually about losing anything. It’s all about what you gain. The confidence you gain, the self-esteem you gain, the improved body-image you gain. You’ll be more confident to put yourself out there and really experience what life has to offer. You’ll build deeper relationships, you’ll be confident shopping for new clothes. The strength and pleasure you’ll gain from knowing you achieved what you use to dream about. You deserve to live the happiest life you possibly can”(Drew Baird: personal trainer/motivator)

Sometimes all it takes is a shift in perception

We can either focus on what we are loosing or we can focus on what we are gaining, the choice is ours. My choice to be car less really has been the best decision Ive made because sometimes we just need a little push in the right direction.

I may have lost my car but I’m gaining more opportunities to exercise, which is not only increasing my motivation to do more. Its also increasing my fitness, enhancing my coping skills and improving my overall well being.

This time is not about being so hard on myself and its not about denying myself of those things I want because life’s too fucking short not to eat dessert
If I fancy something tasty … I have it

Ive ditched the shame and guilt … and I ENJOY it

But because of my increased physical activity, I still see results. Those results being more than dropping in a dress size. I’m noticing that my thoughts are much kinder. My internal dialogue is speaking in a more loving tone. I’m being gentler with myself and for the majority of the time enjoying the process.

Pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone and getting out there is about confronting our fears. Its about facing up to all the bullshit that has held us back over the years
I look at these images and I SMILE …

I smile because the first bike ride to work was a terrifying and uncomfortable experience and I felt every bit of awkward. But only 4 weeks on and Ive already halved the time it takes me to ride to/from work and I’m getting a real buzz out of zooming down the hills and pushing a little harder up them

WELL DONE ME !!!

My goal to transform my body is not going to be a quick fix because its about more than changing the shape of my body. Its about changing how I think and feel about my body.

Let me share a story …

Imagine if you will … I was riding along the road on Mary Poppins when suddenly I found myself in the midst of a pro biker group. I was surrounded by an abundance of male thighs in tight pants. Speeding along beside me, in front of me and behind me. For a few seconds I felt like I was part of the group. I felt the speed, the exhilaration and the energy, which made me giggle out loud … then as soon as they appeared, they were gone and Mary Poppins and I carried on cruising along at our usual slow pace with a smile on my dial

” Behold the turtle because he makes progress only when he sticks his head out “

The more motivated I become the more I want to push my limits. But don’t think that its all rainbows and lollipops because its not. The more I challenge myself the more discomforts I feel. But working through our discomforts is how we overcome the obstacles that hold us back. Those negative thoughts that pop into our mind and make us feel less than. The big difference now is I dont believe them. I allow them to flow out as easily as they flow in. I dont attach to them. I re-frame them, which then changes my experience. Some days I do it with minimal effort and other days I need to encourage myself a little more … but I AM worth the effort and so are YOU

Do you remember when our relationship status was this simple ? The good old days when women were courted, engagements were celebrated, marriages were for life, sex wasn’t discussed, a womans place was at home tending to the needs of her family, while men worked long hours and affairs were discreet rendevous, that were carried out in smokey rooms and dark corners.

Hmmmmm … I’m a romantic at heart so the old fashioned courtship is missed, but I for one am relieved that times have changed. Because in the “good old days” far too many women lived a life that focused primarily on everyone elses needs. So gratitudes and appreciations for all those who worked damn hard for the liberation of women because we are no longer reliant upon men. However we now find ourselves confronting a different kind of problem. High rates of unfullfilled relationships and middle aged women struggling to find a satisfying partnership. Women focused on personal growth, who seek a like minded mate to grow in love with. But why are such mates difficult to find?

I believe that the liberation of women plays a part. Both men and women have been somewhat challenged as we determine and adjust to our new relationships and roles. Establishing a state of equilibrium within ourselves and our relationships is an ongoing process that takes time, patience, alot of self reflection and plenty of open dialogue.

Technology also plays a substantial part in our problem because the online dating scene offers us a quick fix to our intimacy needs. Enticing us into a virtual world of opportunity and choice, where intimacy is superficial and shallow. A forum where we can be anyone we want to be. A place where “complication” thrives.

So, lets talk about the “its complicated” status because I feel its begging for some air space and it certainly needs some clarification, so we can wake up to the reality of our complicated situations and hopefully begin to start simplifying our lives somewhat.

The ” its complicated ” has various levels and YES Ive ticked them ALL

If we are flirting with the idea of being in a relationship then we fall into the FLIRTATIONSHIP category. This complication involves seeking the benefits of a relationship, while not being fully committed to a relationship. They typically define themselves as “friends with benefits.” If I’m being honest I kinda like this complication because with the friendship comes respect. And when there is open communication, there’s no reason why this couple can’t transition from lovers into platonic friendship. But conflict will arise when one person wants and needs more than the other is able to give. Hence the importance of honest communication because that’s the only way this kind of connection can work. This is considered to be the safe zone that we fall back into inbetween relationships with other people.

COURTSHIP is only a complication if one person isn’t interested in pursuing a commited relationship, but they enjoy the old fashioned romance. Yes, I have indulged in the romance of courtship with no intentions of pursuing a relationship. One man even took it to another level by conversing with me in the language of love. Shakespeare. It was a refreshing and delightful experience, but unfortunately it was a brief encounter because he was genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship and I wasn’t. Otherwise I would have indulged and explored the potential of a wonderful romance for a little longer. But for a courtship to flow naturally there must be a genuine interest to commit to each other. If not then you’re being a dick because you’re playing with someones heart.

TEXTATIONSHIPS are very common for online daters, whose intimacy needs are met by communicating via the phone and computer. In my early days of being single, this was enough for me because I didn’t have the confidence to meet men but I enjoyed the conversations. But this kind of complication can soon become a very bad habit, which denies us of human touch. Lack of confidence and a fear of commitment usually plays a big part in this kind of complication. But BEWARE of lies and bullshit because this is an easy way to connect while already in a relationship with someone else.

The SITUATIONSHIP is a complication that often involves a third party. Yes, been there, done that and graduated. Couples can often find themselves in a situation where their relationship is no longer satisfying but they choose neither to work at it or leave it. Instead they choose to exist together, living as room mates. One or both people often seeking sex, love or emotional intimacy from another person. This complication causes all kinds of conflict for everyone concerned. But in my experience Ive found that its usually the 3rd party who causes the most tensions, while the couple are often resistive to change because of what they may risk to loose. A very frustrating situation to find yourself in, especially when genuine feelings of love are shared.

You’de be surprised how many people are engaging in SEXTATIONSHIPS these days, and its not just the singles doing it. Its the safer sex option for anyone looking for cheap thrills and quick fixes, which is why it also appeals to the unfaithful husband or wife. But this is dangerous territory to roam, as it leads to the complicated situationship.

A question Ive often asked myself over the years. I don’t claim to have all the answers but I do have more questions. If its complicated then what bullshit are we telling ourselves? What’s holding us back from comitting to a relationship?

Those of you who have been blessed in finding the right mate to grow in love with have your own challenges, but I have not walked your path. My lessons in love have involved very different experiences, which you may or may not relate to. But regardless of our relationship status I’m learning the importance of focusing on whats missing within ourselves before we seek out someone else to fill in the empty spaces for us. Maybe then us singles and those in relationships will all enjoy healthier connections, without depending on our partners for our happiness. Just two individuals who are open to grow in love together ❤

Yes ❤ … but understand that this means loving the one you’re with !!!

I’m gonna share some thoughts and a concern of mine. So brace yourself if you are one of my critics or judgers 😊

YES, Im far from perfect and YES, Ive made some bad choices in my life when it comes to love. I acknowledge that and believe Im learning and growing in love because of those choices. But it really rattles my chain when those choosing to stay in unsatisfying and loveless relationships either play victim or blame the 3rd party, instead of claiming personal responsibility for their own choices. Choosing to carry on living the lie instead of facing up to the uncomfortable truths

Just because you are “happily married” or “blissfully celibate”, doesnt mean that this is none of your concern either. Not everyone is blessed in love or choose to deny themselves of sex and unfortunately circumstances change. So you may also find yourself or someone you love in an unforeseen conflicting situation, which is why Im choosing to open this discussion

Its no secret that I fell in love with a married man, so perhaps Im a little biased. But my story, like many others is not the story most of you have constructed in your own minds. Im just a woman who fell in love and trusted the man who fell in love with me to do the right thing, but he couldn’t for a multitude of reasons

Having found myself in yet another conflicting situation with Frenchy. I’ve been reflecting ALOT over my own part in the equation to better understand my own choices, and trying my hardest to understand his choices too

But I keep hearing the same thing over and over again. “I love you … but its not as simple as that” or “I want you … but its just TOO complicated” or “I thought you were more open minded than that ” … which ofcourse is all complete and utter BULLSHIT !!!

The thing is Im no stranger to the complications of love because I ended an 11 year marriage that effected everyone in my family. I’ve walked away from several unhealthy relationships and Ive chosen to be single. Choices that have all brought a multitude of challenging consequences, but I regret none of them because the simple part is … I choose to live MY truth, however messy it gets because Im not afraid to follow my heart

But Im a little confused as to why men and woman stay in these kind of unhealthy relationships, but think its then OK to seek out another person to fullfill their intimacy needs or accepting your partner doing so ? Im a little confused as to how they then get upset when tensions and conflict arise ? Is it really because they want the best of both worlds ? Or is it because they are too afraid to step out of the comforts of familiarity and into the space of uncertainty ? Are they motivated by love or fear ?

I’m a little fed up with this kind of bullshit to be honest and believe me there’s alot more of it going on than you realize. As a single woman Ive been hit on by countless men in marriages and relationship. Men in “complicated” situations seeking sex, love or emotional intimacy and some of those men playing the part of being in so called “happy marriages”. Ive counselled more than dated whenever Ive been on the online dating scene, which has been a great learning experience but it concerns me

Why are there so many people living in unfullfilled relationships ? Why are there so many men and women looking for sex, love and intimacy ?

I believe its because we are ALL on the same journey back to ourselves. I’ve had conversations with players and I too have played. The game is all about sex and power but the underlying truth is that we ALL seek LOVE ❤

But let me put it simply, just incase you still believe the whole complication bullshit … IF you have fallen out of love. IF you are miserable. IF you live an unfullfilled life. IF you dont want to fix the problems in your relationship. IF you no longer want to share love with the one you are with … then its not OK to bring another person into the equation. IF you are looking for another person then its time to leave the one you’re with

Its a simple choice that YES may bring challenges but it will also lead you towards living the life your heart wants, which is to BE living a life of LOVE, regardless of your relationship status

In the process of living MY truth I’m teaching my kids that its not OK to live in an unhappy relationship. Im teaching my kids that its OK to want more from life. Im teaching my kids that THEY matter. Im teaching my kids that its not OK to compromise yourself in love. Im teaching my kids that being in love with themselves is much more important ❤

So, instead of casting judgments on other peoples choices. Instead of partaking in idle gossip. How about we ALL stand in our truths and extend more love and understanding to one another. How about we drop the bullshit and encourage one another to live and love with more integrity and LOVE the one who will always and forever be with you ….

YOU 😊

Ive never been really good at the whole “tough love” thing because in truth it probably hurts me more than it hurts the other person

WHAT IS tough love ?

By definition its … “promotion of a persons welfare, especially that of an addict, child or criminal by enforcing certain constraints on them, or requiring them to take responsibility for their actions”

Obviously this is why Ive struggled with tough love in the past because in truth Ive often struggled to do the right thing for myself, let alone for other people

But why is wanting the best for ourselves and others considered to be tough love ?

Most likely because when we enforce constraints and set clear boundaries we limit a persons choice. This will then either be the beginning of a positive change OR all hell will break loose, which is when the going can start to get a little rough

Sometimes our tensions and conflicts are a result of our own internal bullshit

Other times its because of someone elses bullshit

The tricky part is determining whose bullshit we are actually dealing with

When it comes to my maturing KIDS …

Tough love has been needed to reinforce respect and responsibility. My triggers being the guilt trips and blame games of divorce. A choice that still haunts me, causing self doubt and over the years has shattered my confidence as both a mother and a woman. My hurts being based around my fear of loosing my children and watching them choose the harder path

When it comes to my FAMILY & FRIENDS …

Tough love has been needed to reinforce my boundaries. My triggers being uncomfortable reflections of my own unhealthy habits or patterns. A choice that can cause more self doubt and chip away at my confidence some more. My hurts being based around criticism, judgements and lost connections when Ive spoken or lived my truth

When it comes to my LOVE LIFE …

Tough love has been needed to reinforce my self respect, self dignity, self worth and self love. My triggers being those uncomfortable feelings of rejection and being of less importance in their order of priorities. Walking away from men who declare love, while their actions express otherwise is a choice that still challenges me. Over the years its caused even more self doubt and destroyed what little confidence I had left. My hurts being based around my thoughts of not being enough and my fear of being alone and unloved

YES … at the heart of ALL my hurts are my own fears

YES … I’m much tougher on myself than I am on you

People often tell me that I think TOO much, but in truth if I’m unable to identify my own triggers, hurts and fears then I would be oblivious to my own thoughts, feelings and actions and therefore unaware of how my choices shape my experiences

HOW can we then change something we dont understand ?

Does having insight and being self aware make tough love any easier ?

Fuck NO !!!

Being consciously aware can seriously suck balls because once we have awoken, we can no longer escape ourselves. We no longer gain satisfaction from avoiding or denying our truth because we are only satisfied when we are living it

The truth is I am a woman with a soft heart who sometimes has to do tough things, but I am far from being a tough woman. The truth is I am not always a strong woman who has the courage to do what needs to be done with confidence. The truth is I am a woman who still confronts her own challenges and dances with her own demons. The truth is I am a woman who chooses to free herself from any hurts and fears that hold her back

But I believe as a woman, I am strong and courageous in my softness

I believe that a woman committed to her own personal growth and development will make sacrifices far greater than her expectations because she embraces the lessons

So, WHAT are my lessons ?

I’m learning that my change and growth effects everyone else around me

I’m learning that when we change for the better other people will be inspired to change too, but only after challenging us to stop growing

I’m learning that understanding my hurts helps me to appreciate the value of hurtful experiences, which is changing how I experience it

“When we dont allow others to suffer the consequences of their actions, we cripple them emotionally. We deprive them of the ability to learn from their mistakes. We also take away their ability to overcome their problems and change their life for the better” (Randi G Fine)

Is it easy choosing not to protect those we love from experiences that may hurt ?

Is it easy choosing to take a step back and allow others to learn their lessons ?

Is it easy choosing to let go of something we want ?

Is it easy choosing to walk away from something we need ?

Fuck NO !!!

Tough love hurts my foot as much as it hurts your ass

Its an unbearable feeling to be the one who kicks our children out of the nest because it goes against everything we are as loving and supportive mothers. Its an uncomfortable feeling to be the one who decides that her growth is more important than maintaining unhealthy friendships and relationships

But take heed …

There is nothing tough about choosing LOVE

Its only tough when we are motivated by our FEARS

When we choose to love and respect ourselves we are not only showing others how to treat us, but we also support others to love and respect themselves

When we maintain healthy boundaries we are not only choosing to communicate that we value ourselves, but we also show others how to live and love with more integrity

When we take complete responsibility for ourselves, we also encourage others to take personal responsibility for themselves

When we stand confidently in our truth we support others to do the same

LOVE and SUPPORT is not just about our willingness to listen and give good advice or walk with others through troubles

It is about who WE are and how WE choose to live our own lives