If my truth is different to your truth and their truth is different to our truth … then WTF is the truth ?

Poses an interesting question … dont ya think ?

I BELIEVE that to be true …

Something I appreciate most about my university education is how the experience taught me how to truly think for myself. It gave me the opportunity to learn the importance and benefits of questioning, reflecting and challenging everything … including MYSELF !!!

IF this is true … then TRUTH as we know it is forever changing as our experiences continue to shape us, which then changes the meaning as well as the purpose of truth. This has been a HUGE change of thinking in my life, which has caused a MASSIVE shift in my entire being

This is a GREAT image to reflect what I’m trying to say, which is …

If my truth is different to your truth then we are going to waste precious time and energy arguing about who is right or wrong. Because that is NOT the problem. The problem is how we are perceiving our reality, and how we understand the experience depends upon how much we understand ourselves … which brings it back to YOU !!!

Let me share a recent dilemma that caused me some discomforts …

My lover told me that he had lied to me. He admitted to have fallen deeply in love with me and could no longer hide nor deny his truth, which was that he lived with his “girlfriend” … OUCH !!!

YOU BETCHA !!! … it certainly got a reaction from me, but not quite the reaction I had expected. Instead of ranting and raving, instead of pointing blame and playing woe is me, instead of disconnecting and running away, I pulled back and told him that I needed time and space to digest what he had just shared with me because I acknowledged that it changed EVERYTHING between us … and it DID

I responded instead of reacting, which suggests some emotional maturity and FINALLY some growth I can work with

When we seek TRUTH then we cannot forget his/her partner … LIE

Both exist on opposite sides of the spectrum. Just as light cannot be present without dark and love cannot be lived without the experience of loss … Therefore, can the truth exist without the presence of a lie ?

Hmmmmm (she ponders)

Do you ever find yourself with holding in your relationship ?

Have you ever compromised your own needs to keep the peace ?

Are you afraid to rock the boat of comfort ?

Do you prefer to sail your ship on smooth seas ?

 Sometimes … the lie is unintentional because the truth is hidden from our sense of awareness. Those times when we avoid or deny our own truths because we are not yet ready to acknowledge or accept it

The truth bubbling away beneath the surface of our consciousness

When my lover shared his truth with me, I wasn’t expecting to forgive him so easily and I certainly wasn’t expecting it to bring my own hidden truth to the surface … that was a little unsettling

HONESTY … the fundamental truth that is the foundation for trust

As my lover shared the details of his truth, I found myself conflicted with my own truth … DAMN IT !!!

Although my truth may be different to your truth and their truth may be different to our truth … how we perceive it, will ultimately determine how we EXPERIENCE it … and if the experience we seek is related to the lesson we need

WHAT are we learning and HOW does it support our growth ?

Maybe I’m talking in nonsensical riddles ?

But how YOU perceive my words will depend upon YOUR own truth

I feel most alive in those moments of sexual pleasure when my mind, body and spirit are opening up. The pleasure zone brings an overwhelming sense of connection, relief and release. It’s when we LET GO and it’s where we can BE completely present in the moment … but it requires TRUST

As the waves of climax flow through our bodies we become more and more aware of our energy. Where ever the energy flows, stops or circulates tells us where we are holding back and blocking ourselves … but it requires HONESTY

Sometimes my orgasm pulsates through every part of my body and my energy flows freely. Sometimes my orgasm intensifies in one or several specific parts of my body. Sometimes I feel pain, discomforts or heaviness. Sometimes waves of climax flow but orgasm doesnt happen

 But only when I am alone, naked, vulnerable and exposed

Ripped open of all my defenses

Safe …

can I release whatever energy surfaces

Sometimes after I have climaxed, thoughts drift into my mind about past loves, hurts and longings. Allowing them to drift without attaching to them is becoming easier, which enables me to be completely present with what is

Accepting that moments of pleasure can also bring us closer towards our pain allows us to flow more freely with what is, which is a beautiful combination of light and shadow

Do you avoid sex and intimacy ?

How do you express your sexual and sensual energy ?

Can you identify the difference between sex and love ?

Do you seek out sex to satisfy your need for love ?

Important questions I often ask myself as a sexual active woman and my answers vary depending upon my wants, needs and my level of conscious awareness

Therefore my truth is FOREVER CHANGING …

Have you ever cried during sex ?

Have you ever cried after an intense orgasm ?

Tears are the words our hearts are not yet able to speak

Ive only ever cried  during orgasm with one partner in my life, my ex-husband, during a time when our connection was breaking. Since then, although I have experienced those overwhelming feelings of disconnection during intimacy, I’ve never felt safe enough to completely let go in the same way with any other sexual partner

But I sometimes cry after an orgasm when I’m alone, especially during those heart aches and hurts when I feel most disconnected. A disconnection I now understand as being from myself

Having a healthy sexual appetite, loving heart and passionate spirit means that sexual energy has a huge influence in my life. But it can also impact negatively on my experiences when I either try to deny that part of myself or when I confuse sex with love

 In the past my choice of intimate partners hasn’t always served me well, but they always bring me closer to my truth and for that I am GRATEFUL

My sexual energy holds a lot of power for change. So the more I heal, love and trust in myself … the more I embrace my own divine feminine energy and the more authenticity I seek

I am a work in progress

I’m not just interested in REST and RECOVERY …

I want to HEAL …

 

Recovery from a tuber ligation hasn’t been the usual straight forward process for me, which isn’t a surprise, considering I made a conscious choice to work on myself energetically. I wanted to identify any blocks that are preventing me from letting go, releasing, moving onwards, forwards, inwards and upwards

… so the universe DELIVERED

I knew WHY I was experiencing increased pain and discomfort, but if I didn’t want to avoid, numb, escape or fight it … then, I needed to explore WHAT it meant and HOW I could heal from it ?

The surgery is only keyhole but it involves sticking 3 large metal prods into your abdomen, filling it up with a gas and fiddling around with your parts, which of course has an energetic influence on our body, mind and spirit. Then to add some intensity to the pot, because we all know how much I like to experience those extreme high and lows to strengthen my understanding. I asked the Doc if I could stop taking the pill post op and she said “YES”, so I did, but on day 2 of my recovery an early period presented itself in full force. I’ve never experienced a cycle so intense, it certainly wasn’t a normal period for me, it felt like I was in labor, which told me that my uterus wasn’t very happy with me …

or was she trying to tell me something ?

When the shit started to get real I reacted from old ways of doing, as we all do during those times when we feel most fearful about our health and wellbeing. I admit the intense pains, pulsating uterus, excessive bleeding and clotting had me a little worried. But reassurance was given that there were no signs of infection or complication, it was “just” a period

Seriously ? It actually felt like there was a war happening inside of my uterus and there was an ongoing massacre in my panties. Although it was a little reassuring knowing that it wasnt anything more sinister, I certainly wasnt content with the comment “its just a period”

That comment delivered from Doctors, Nurses, Friends and Family kinda pissed me off actually !!!

I was told to keep going with the regular Panadol and prescribed some medication called “Ponstan” to relieve my period pains and was told to take it 3 times per day for 3 days, with an active ingredient of Mefenamic acid, the name alone had alarm bells sounding “TOXIC”, but pre conditioned Tracey took a dose anyways because Doc knows best … hmmmm … I soon gave myself a shake and thought to myself … “WTF are you doing” ? … here I am preaching about how our bodies communicate to us and I’m taking chemicals to shut her up

WAKEY WAKEY !!! … Miss Hypocrite at your service … Geeeez !!!

So, I threw the drugs away and decided to dive deeper than what I was experiencing physically and tap into the underlying emotions and energy that was manifesting the pain and discomfort. First, I dragged out some clay to help me express my inner experience because I love playing with it. But I did something a little left of center, something that even I felt a little squeamish about, until I actually did it and then I really got into it and ENJOYED it !!!

I collected some of my menstrual blood and poured it into a cup of water and used it to work with the clay. It was a little smelly but OMG the energy that poured out of me and into the clay was amazing, I expressed some very intense emotion and created some beautiful pieces of art, which was my ultimate goal

 

As I thought about my abortion I found myself wanting to sculpt a vagina and place a baby fetus inside of her. It was a very emotional and intense experience, which was a beautiful way to release and LET GO of something I’ve held onto energetically for far TOO many years. 24 years I’ve carried it inside of me, so the RELEASE was way overdue !!!

The other piece came as my energy shifted, she is my symbol of Lilith, our inner wild woman and she is my emerging Goddess. I’m currently working my way through an intense 7 month energy healing that focuses on how our chakras connect with different parts of our feminine psyche, because I want to learn MORE about how I experience myself. So, she represents the journey of my awakening …and I LOVE HER !!!

The next day after my clay activity I lay on my bed and consciously invited the soul of the baby I aborted to join me in meditation (it was suggested by a beautiful friend of mine who understood the hurt I still carried around this choice). I used to believe that I wasn’t very good at the whole meditation thing because it’s not something I do often, but the few times I have my experiences have been enlightening, which made me think to myself  “WTF aren’t you doing this more often” ???

 

Although I felt a presence I couldn’t visualize or see an image, which was a little frustrating because I really wanted to see how he or she looked. During our conversation some realizations surfaced that shifted some energy. One being that my decision to have a tuber ligation was about removing my CHOICE !!! … I no longer wanted to carry the fear with me of becoming pregnant and being in a position of having to choose how an unwanted pregnancy would impact on my life … WOW !!! … now there was my TRUTH smacking me in my face and it kinda stung a little and I cried

Then my circle changed, the presence of that soul left and I was standing alone with my 17 year old self and I stood there feeling a little awkward to be honest. During a conversation the previous day, my friend asked me “what would you tell your 17 year old self laying on the operating table about to have an abortion? ”

Emotions overcame me even being asked that question, let alone actually asking one to myself, because I didn’t know ??? … So standing there silently beside her I just allowed my mind to wander where it wanted, which took me to observing my 18 year old daughter, which then took me to thoughts of “well what the fuck do I know because no matter what I say or do its wrong anyways”. I didn’t attach to those thoughts but just let them flow

WOW, now there’s a first for me (insert wink)

 

My thoughts flowed to mundane things like “my backs itchy” and “I wish that outside noise would stop so I can concentrate” … but then an answer came. I would tell her that she was not alone and that I would be completely present with her in whatever moment she was in, with no need to fix it, just BE there with her. My answer made me cry AGAIN !!! … because even though I had my family support system, I remember feeling completely alone and isolated in my experience back then and even now sometimes during my ever changing experiences

Then my Mam entered the circle, the woman who has been my biggest support throughout my life. A woman I admire, love and respect. We stood holding hands and I cried AGAIN (oh yes ALOT of tears were shed). I told her how very sorry I was for causing her so much pain and suffering. Then her Mam entered and I giggled and cried because it was like a beautiful reunion of spirit. I had a strong sense of other generations of women being present. So I invited them all into the circle, there was a strange sense of knowing between us, about how times have changed and are changing and how we are all working together for the higher good, then my daughter stepped in beside me and took my hand … and YES I cried AGAIN because beside her was her child

WOWZWES !!! … talk about an intense family get together (insert giggle)

So … then I had to come back to reality with a bump having to get busy with the normal routines of life. My sisters and parents visited, I had a Doctor’s appointment, dropped off my sick note to work and my daughter returned home from her Dads. And I tell you what, I was well aware that EVERY interaction since my meditation had a different energy than usual. I felt and thought differently about certain things that were said or done …

Like the look of disgust on my sister’s face when I proudly showed her my clay sculpture. The comment that “you are weird” from my Mam. The eye roll and I don’t give a fuck attitude from my daughter. The advice to keep taking the toxic drug from my Doctor even though I had said I wasn’t comfortable taking it. I actually tried to tell her that I was also working on other levels of my discomfort, which was effectively reducing symptoms but she completely ignored it. I found myself not engaging or attaching emotionally, instead I accepted it and moved on doing my own weird and wonderful thing

That evening there was a very intense FULL MOON, the skies were stormy and I sat beneath it on the beach feeling VERY excited about how the universe was opening up for us. But after a few clashes of pink lightning, that were a little TOO close for comfort, I scurried back to my car like a timid little mousey (insert giggle). When I got home I decided to DIG DEEPER and explored my experience of constipation, lower back pain, menstrual cramps and bleeding and this is what I found …

The primary function of the BOWEL is to eliminate the crap we no longer need, so in metaphysical terms CONSTIPATION is experienced on an emotional level as the resistance to LET GO of anything that no longer serves us (ideas, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, material things, people or situations). Reflecting a mental block with our inability to RELEASE or EXPRESS

Our body is literally telling us that if we don’t LET GO of whatever crap we are holding onto then it will eventually poison us !!!

When we respond primarily on a physical level we are only dealing with the symptoms, not the cause. Upping the fiber and fluid intake, regular exercise and routine, taking stool softeners and aperients may help the crap come out easier, but without those interventions the body will continue to experience constipation as a chronic condition, until we address what needs to be expressed and released. I’ve often jokingly said to myself that I was dumping the shit whenever I’ve had the runs

Since my clay healing I’ve been shitting A LOT (insert giggle)

The primary function of our spine is to provide support for our physical bodies, so in metaphysical terms LOWER BACK PAIN is experienced on an emotional level as not feeling SUPPORTED or it can also be related to a fear of losing our freedom if we continue to help and support others

So when we respond primarily on a physical level we are again only dealing with the symptoms, not the cause. Taking pain relief medications, using heat packs, rubbing on ointments, resting and avoiding activities may reduce the discomfort, but without those interventions the body will continue to experience chronic back ache, until we address our thoughts, feelings and experience around support

Since my clay healing I stopped ALL pain relief and although there’s still some tenderness and back ache, Im consciously exploring my experience of support

The primary function of our uterus is reproduction so in metaphysical terms MENSTRUAL CRAMPS or DISORDERS is experienced on an emotional level as difficulty accepting our femaleness, which is our body’s way of telling us that our belief system concerning women is inaccurate in some way. So when we respond primarily on a physical level, once again we are only dealing with the symptoms, not the cause. Again, interventions will ease monthly discomforts but until we explore our thoughts, feelings and experiences as a woman then we will continue to experience intense PMS … this stuff is fucking brilliant but logical !!!

I now have minimal bleeding, a little back ache discomfort but still very tender around the belly button incision, which makes sense because the tummy is where we hold onto our emotions and I’m still in the process of HEALING as I set my status to rest and recover. New realizations and understandings are popping up into my consciousness as my awareness of self continues to expand

Another TWINGE I had this morning was how I’ve allowed men who held no love for me to penetrate my sacred being. In layman terms I’ve shagged men I didn’t love and who didn’t love me. Justifying my actions as me being a sexually liberated woman, when the TRUTH was I was disrespecting my self because I wasnt loving myself. Each lustful but loveless encounter has filled my body with negative energies, not to mention HEART HURTS

Now that shifted some interesting energy …

NO more tears … but I was a little cranky with myself

How times have changed (insert smile)

NO MORE cigarettes, booze, sex or food to comfort and avoid myself. NO MORE running to others for answers because I don’t trust myself

Instead I indulge in a variety of different creative art therapy techniques, I listen and believe in myself more and more, I attract the support I need, I attract the love I believe I deserve and if I don’t, you betcha sexy socks that I will walk away. I actively work with the energy of the universe, I keep my heart and mind open even when its challenging to do so, I invite my hurts and fears into my conscious experience and I continue to share even when I’m mocked

… because I TRUST the process of CHANGE

I keep getting asked WHY do I SHARE my personal experiences with so much detail ?

 

First and foremost, I have no shame about WHO I am …

Secondly, I LOVE to learn and I like to share what I learn …

Thirdly, I believe its how I can inspire, encourage and support others to HEAL

But lets face it … Some wont even bother reading my blogs. Some will read them and take away what they need from it. Some want to read them because we walk a similar journey. Some will stumble across them as part of the perfect divine plan and some will only read them to mock or criticize because it challenges their reality

HOWEVER my sharings reach you, its none of my business how you perceive or receive it. My intention is to CONNECT and HEAL with LOVE

Getting out of our comfort zones is sometimes a choice we make in the hopes of improving our quality of life in some way

As a 41-year-old sexually active woman I decided it was time to close the chapter, reduce my stress about unwanted pregnancy and opt for something more permanent. Having used various contraception over the years and never being completely happy with them, I wanted my body to flow more naturally through hormonal changes and I’ve never enjoyed the feeling of wearing condoms. So after many years of pondering a tuber ligation was the logical step to take

I’ve always been curious but it seems the more consciously aware I become, the more observant I am of my own experiences, which deepens my understandings and allows me to flow more consciously through my discomforts

But my “over thinking” is something I’m both admired and criticised for … I myself prefer to call it CONSTRUCTIVE THINKING (insert wink)

There were a number of discomforts before, during and after my tuber ligation procedure. Being aware of each and every one of them is essential for me to consciously flow through the experience. I believe this is how we reduce the need for healing further down the track because we may have held onto a thought, an emotion or a belief that may block the natural flow as it occurs

We can either choose to move mindlessly through our experiences or we can choose to flow mindfully with them … the choice is ours to make

I believe … being completely present and FLOWING with our discomforts is a habit worth cultivating and a skill worth learning

I believe … ALL of our experiences occur on multiple levels and by exploring those levels, it helps us to identify if we are flowing or resisting

Physical discomfort (body)

Our bodies experience pain and discomfort for many reasons. Increased physical activity, illness, disease, post op or manifested emotional pain (to name a few). How we respond to our discomforts will depend on our beliefs about pain and suffering, which will impact on how we experience it

Does the pain and discomfort exist or persist ? or does it flow and shift ?

Emotional upset (mind)

Our thoughts about an experience will impact on how we feel about it. So, if we believe pain is a negative experience to be avoided, then we will experience it as such. If we believe pain to be just another experience to be understood, then we will experience it in that way. Sometimes our emotional upset is triggered by past experiences, which have been previously blocked out or we may choose to avoid and deny our present experience of pain and discomfort

Does the emotional response match the situation ?

Is the emotional response extreme or is completely nil and void ?

Energetic disturbances (spirit)

After exploring my thoughts and expressing my feelings, I find myself working from this place more often as I become more aware of my own energy blocks. Our chakras are our energy centres that influence ALL of our experiences. If we are aware of any thoughts or emotions and still feel blocked in some way, you can bet ya bottom dollar that there’s an energy blockage somewhere in your being that’s preventing the flow and your healing

Spiritual distress (belief system)

Whenever our present experience is in conflict with our personal beliefs, we start to question and doubt ourselves, which disrupts our entire state of being. We may experience feelings of anger and fear during times of great uncertainty. Making sense of our lives, finding meaning and seeking purpose helps us cope and adjust with this kind of discomfort … this is GROWTH

So … let me walk you through some of my recent discomforts, which may help you with your own process of flowing with discomfort

A straight forward procedure that involves 3 small incisions. Gas is pumped into the belly to inflate the abdomen, which gives the surgeon a better view and more room to work. A narrow tube with a light and camera is inserted into the abdomen and a long thin instrument is inserted to locate and hold the fallopian tube, which are cut and clamped … sounds simple enough ?

A simple enough operation, but I still had a lot of nerves and anxieties. The last time I went under anesthesia was for an abortion when I was 17 y ears old. Some unpleasant memories and uncomfortable emotions that stirred during my pre op consult told me that there was still some energy around that choice. I was also told that being a larger woman there was a higher risk of complications, such as perpetrating the bowel … gulp !!!

Well … that would certainly put a damper on my sex life wouldn’t it !!!

For those living this reality, check out these creative and groovy ideas that will have you rocking the ostomy look

So … before even walking into the surgery I was already well aware of my past hurt that was triggered and my present fear, which were both acknowledged, hence the feelings and anxiety. Getting prepped for the operation the nurse gave it to me straight … “Youre going to be uncomfortable” … BRING IT ON !!!

I have dodgy veins and am overweight so I’m a real challenge with needles, so the first discomfort was being told they had to use a large IV needle … oh heck !!! … I’m well aware that I’m a sooky la la when it comes to pain, but I’m also the woman who will confront and challenge that reality

So when he asked if I wanted a local to numb the hand, I said “No, just don’t wriggle it around too much” … survived it !!!

The next discomfort was being told that because I was a heavy weight I had to hop onto a hover mat and use a ramp on the operating table to lower my head. Feelings of SHAME surfaced to add a nice flavour to the mix. Although I take complete responsibility for my choices and am actively working on reducing my weight … I still feel the shame everytime someone reminds me that I am FAT !!!

 

The hover mat turned out to be very cool and it was kinda fun. Air was blown into it until it enveloped me like a cradle and raised me up. The nurses only needed to push it in the right direction and I was hovered off the trolley and onto the operating table

Made me feel like I was travelling on a magic mat … LOVED it !!!

This was my biggest FEAR !!! … the last time I was in this position I had made another life changing choice during a time when I felt lost. A choice that shook my world and changed the direction of my life. Oh yes, I recall this moment so very clearly, even though it was 24 years ago. I remember feeling scared, vulnerable, confused, alone and like I was about to make a terrible mistake

I had lost my virginity and was having an abortion

 

Ironic … that after all those years, I choose to place myself back on the table ending the chapter as it had begun

I woke up from my abortion feeling very sore, sorry … and empty of life

In reflection … this was my first experience of depression and it was a black hole I avoided back then by drinking copious amounts of alcohol, smoking, comfort eating, nail-biting and casual sex. I lost all respect for myself and self punishment came in a variety of different costumes. A black hole that Ive since been exploring anxiously for years, looking for answers …

Where did it came from ?

Why cant I escape it during times of uncertainty ?

How does is serve to help me ?

What am I avoiding by falling into it ?

Ive been aware for some time now that the abortion was my first real trauma in life and it was my first experience of HEART BREAK …

… but until now I never really comprehended how it also relates to my inability to truly love myself. To love ourselves is to love ALL of who we are and ALL of who we are not  (tears fall and she sobs)

I’ve been feeling very alone in this experience because my usual support network(my Mam and 2 younger sisters) have been over seas and I’ve been pulling back and isolating myself from friends more and more, as I work through my process of healing. So any discomforts I’ve been feeling as I recover from the operation have been intensified, which ofcourse serves a very important purpose in my experience …

As I recover from my tuber ligation … I also heal the source of my heart hurts

We all have hopes and dreams

Many of us even cast our wishes out to the universe, but often become disheartened when those wishes don’t come true. Creating our dreams involves much more than casting out a wish. But manifesting our hearts desire is a process we can all learn

What if I told you that you have the ability to create the life you imagine

What if I told you that you have the ability to live your dreams

I believe this to be true … yet there are still times when I allow sudden changes in direction to knock me off balance. Times when I need to fall down because there is something to be found down there. Times when I need to fail because there is an important lesson to be learned. Times when I need to lose something because its time to let it go. Times when I need to change because I want to grow

Sometimes the change of direction just doesn’t make any sense to us, but in time it does. Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to adjust to those sudden changes, but in time it does. The more we seek to understand the reason for change, the easier it is to flow with it. With our new understandings our automatic response and way of being also changes … which has created a new habit

… but it’s a process and it takes time

Theres a sense of magic that motivates us to make a wish. As a young child I always believed in magic. I enjoyed watching fantasy movies about fairies, witches, werewolves, dragons and vampires (I still do) because I love how they take me to a familiar place where my imagination carries me away into other worlds where anything and everything is possible

As a grown woman I still believe in magic, but I believe that the magic exists inside of us all. I believe our energy flows with the universe and that’s how we are able to create the experiences we want and need in life

 

Whenever I doubt my ability to manifest my dreams I remind myself about some of the experiences I have already brought forward into reality

For example … I wanted to learn more about the lived and working experiences in Nursing Homes and with that intention my path began to unfold …

I was working in Aged Care as a carer when I decided that I wanted to have more influence in how older people were cared for. I was soon presented with an opportunity to do an Enrolled Nurse scholarship …

… it was the first scholarship offered by our organization

I was working in Aged Care as an EEN when I decided that I wanted to understand the behaviours of those I cared for. I was soon presented with an opportunity to do a Psychology undergraduate degree  …

… I was part of the first group to do this degree at that university

I was studying psychology when I decided that I wanted to expand upon my clinical knowledge and objective truths because I wanted to learn more about subjective realities. I was soon presented with an opportunity to do a Counselling postgraduate degree …

… I was part of the first group to do this degree at that university

I was studying counselling when I decided that I wanted to know how to better support older adults in Nursing homes so I wanted to know what they needed. I asked if I could volunteer my time to do Group therapy sessions  …

… it was the first time it had been done  in that facility

A coincidence ? .. Fate ? .. or did my intentions manifest the opportunities ?

 

Those of us with a hunger for experiences

Those of us with a thirst for knowledge

Those of us who continue to question what is

Those of us who challenge the norms

Those of us with a desire to do more

We are the trail blazers …

… and the universe wants us to dream big because that’s how we evolve. Its how we reach our full potential and that’s how our world changes

The first step in manifesting our hearts desire is to WRITE IT DOWN !!!

The writing process helps to identify what we think and how we feel. Writing helps to  clarify what we want and it directs our goal planning. Writing helps us to be clear about our intentions, which energizes the manifestation process

 Be CREATIVE and don’t hold back on your creative expression because that’s how we tap into our passion, which motivates and inspires us. When we believe in what we want so much, then it has no choice but to materialize

But what if you believe in your dream and yourself but it still isn’t manifesting ?

Sometimes the door isn’t what we expected it to be

Sometimes the door opening up to new possibilities is our own mind

Sometimes the door isn’t what others can do for us but what we can do for ourselves

We often believe that something external to ourselves is blocking us, when the truth is WE are often the obstacle because of how we think, feel and respond to the challenges or conflicts we confront

Obstacles  do not block the path because they ARE the path

Obstacles are put in our way to challenge us, to test us, to see how much we want the dream

Obstacles do not stop us because they are the stepping stones towards success

When it comes to manifesting our dreams we WILL confront many obstacles and the most challenging is ourselves. The biggest mistake we often make when manifesting our dreams, is not doing the inner work needed to clear out any blockages that may be preventing us from creating the dream

So … what internal experiences could be blocking the manifestation process ?

Our IMPATIENCE  and  EXPECTATIONS of when and how it happens can often be our biggest obstacle. It can become a little frustrating when we feel like our dreams are taking forever to manifest

 But be assured that when our mind and heart is set for creating something new and we follow that intention with love and passion …

… then it WILL manifest in its own time

Our THOUGHTS and BELIEF that once we create our dream that it will take away the uncomfortable feeling of not having it can be another obstacle we may confront. We experience this whenever we want something we believe we do not already have. So learning to be OK if our dreams do not manifest allows us to let go of having it, which activates a higher level of consciousness … this is a GIFT

Our EGO can often pull us off the path by questioning and doubting ourselves. During our wait we may experience feelings of disappointment, fear, anger and envy when what we want doesn’t happen when and how we expect it to

That is when our gift becomes our GUIDE towards living the life of our dreams

We begin to manifest our dreams easier by getting out of our own way

When we believe that whatever we have set our heart and mind to already exists and that it’s already here. We begin to LIVE the dream

 

Dream it .. Imagine it .. Believe it .. Action it .. Create it .. Live it

 

Have you ever wondered WHY we dream ?

I believe … our dreams are gifts given to us by something far greater than us

I believe … our dreams are previews into a future we are here to create

I believe … the universe conspires to breathe life into our dreams

But it wasnt so long ago that I was feeling stuck and it seemed like some of my dreams were not going to come to life. So, I reflected over the process to determine where I was holding myself back and to identify how I was standing in my own way

Did you DREAM it ? … then its YOURS to create

Can you IMAGINE it ? … then YOU have the vision to create

Do you BELIEVE it ? … then YOUR mind has accepted it as your truth to create

Are you ACTIONING it ? … then YOUR energy provides the motivation to create

Asking myself those questions, I determined that I didn’t believe in myself, which was blocking the energy needed to create my dreams. Life was challenging me and so my fears and doubts increased. While I was healing a hurting heart I allowed myself to be influenced by the opinions of others. I became overwhelmed by negativity, criticism, doubt, mockery and misunderstanding. I began to think that my dreams were something I was unable to achieve. I was feeling defeated

 How could I breathe life into my dreams when life had left me breathless ?

How could I believe in myself when others doubted me ?

Perhaps that was my lesson ? Maybe life was challenging me as a way to bring me to my own attention ? Was it possible to learn and grow if my heart had not been broken wide open ?  What if things needed to fall apart so I could rebuild myself ?

I believe … when we start to trust the process of change, our experience changes

I believe … our failure is just as important as our success

I believe … we learn most from our challenges and conflicts

I believe … our growth is only possible when we follow our heart

My heart has led me down some challenging paths. Sometimes the road has been bumpy and I’ve learned some very hard lessons through some very hurtful experiences, but those lessons have served me well. Because following my heart leads me closer towards my truth, which has always been and always will be essential to my own change and growth

I LIVE as passionately as I LOVE and that is my purpose

I want to inspire, encourage and support others to follow their DREAMS

I want to inspire, encourage and support others to IMAGINE how life could be

I want to inspire, encourage and support others to BELIEVE in themselves

I want to inspire, encourage and support others to take ACTION towards living and loving life for all it can be

I want to inspire, encourage and support others to CREATE a life with more love and less fear

Our dreams sometimes manifest in ways we don’t understand, but by asking these questions we can usually determine where we are blocking ourselves

Are we being clear about what we do and do not want ?

Do we have any thoughts, beliefs, emotions or energy blockages that need to be acknowledged and released ?

Are we resisting the necessary changes that are essential to allow our dreams to be manifested ?

Honour your own process of change and growth and be gentle with yourself

and NEVER give up on YOUR dreams

Our understanding of something will generally relate to how we DEFINE it, because our definitions attach meaning that helps us to make sense of something

 How we define something will influence how we THINK about it …

… and how we think about it will impact on how we EXPERIENCE it

After my recent conversations about the conflict and challenges I’ve been experiencing in my life, I decided to look a little deeper into the possibility that my feelings of being stuck could be related to my own resistance

So, I slipped into my Dora the Explorer shoes and explored my own definitions …

As I looked at some of my own understandings and experiences, I realized that perhaps it was my expectations that were causing some resistance and keeping me stuck ?

 

 Expectations are like our fears, we ALL have them, but they often lie just beneath the surface, influencing our automatic responses. If we mindlessly move through our days, we are often oblivious to the impact they are having on our everyday choices and experiences. So, lets look at our expectations …

Have you ever attended a show and been disappointed by the performance ?

Have you ever been rejected for a job you were sure you would get ?

Have you ever hoped for more and received less ?

Have you ever had a plan of action that failed ?

Have you ever imagined a future with someone you loved but lost them ?

Have you ever fallen in love but had to let them go ?

It’s a natural response to be disappointed or hurt when things don’t go to plan … but is it a realistic expectation to move through life without having any expectations ?

We may avoid disappointment and hurt if we don’t expect anything … but can we achieve great things without raising the level of our expectations ?

Not everyone will live up to our expectations … but if we don’t expect to be treated with respect will we be respected ?

How can we achieve our wildest dreams if we don’t expect them to come true ?

I can see how our expectations can prevent us from accepting and appreciating WHAT IS … but it’s not so easy to accept the unexpected or be prepared to accept those things that hurt or disappoint us

“Grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change. COURAGE to change the things I can. WISDOM to know the difference” (Serenity pray)

We are not always going to get it right. Ultimately, we are going to suffer consequences of any choice we make. Our expectations will change as we do. Change and growth is therefore an ongoing learning process

As a woman I have very high expectations of myself and I’m my own biggest critic, but I’m learning how to become my own best friend and biggest supporter, instead of beating myself up with the critic stick whenever things go wrong or change direction … it’s a process

As a single woman I’ve often compared my experiences of love to those who appear to be in satisfying relationships, with an expectation that true love lasts forever, but I’m learning that not everyone grows in love together … it’s a process

As a divorced mother I often allow myself to be influenced by how others understand and experience motherhood, instead of trusting the flow of my own change and growth. I’ve carried my mothers guilt as a form of self punishment for not living up to mine or others expectations, which is a mighty heavy burden to carry, but I’m learning how to be more gentle with myself as I change and grow … it’s a process

As a nurse with a dream of improving lived experiences and empowering the elderly in Nursing Homes, I continue to confront obstacles and challenges that cause me discomfort, but I’m learning how to become part of the solution instead of being consumed by the problem … it’s a process

Everything happens for a reason …

… even our disappointments, failures, rejections, heart breaks and losses ALL serve a very important purpose in our life experience and our souls quest for growth

WHAT IF our lives don’t turn out the way we had hoped because life has MORE to teach and offer us ?

 I believe our plans constantly change because WE DO

and so the journey of LOVE continues …

 

 

 

 

 

Do you ever feel like a duck treading water ?

Those times when we are confronting many or major challenges, when life is changing and times are stressful, when we feel completely overwhelmed. When we appear to have our shit together on the surface, yet people are totally oblivious to us paddling like fuck trying to keep our heads above the water

WHAT IF we stopped paddling ? …

… 1 of 3 things could happen and ALL depend upon OUR choice of action

we could TENSE up, sink to the bottom and DROWN

we could RESIST, splash around frantically and continue to STRUGGLE

or we could RELAX, float on our backs and ENJOY THE RIDE

Hmmmm … when it comes to my own experiences of fear, hurt, depression, anxiety, loss, rejection or failure it’s not so easy to RELAX into the thoughts and feelings that often accompany such experiences, hence my STRUGGLE

 Apparently, we privilege our experience of NOW by being more AWARE, whether it be of our feelings, our thoughts or our surroundings …

… but WHAT IF our experience of NOW is shitty and uncomfortable ?

It’s easy to flow and relax into positive experiences, while having the ability to think positive thoughts and being able to flow with positive feelings. But the real challenge is learning how to flow and relax into negative experiences WITHOUT tension, resistance, avoidance or denial …

It’s during times of discomfort that our HABITUAL RESPONSES will often surface. Our defense mechanisms and coping strategies reflected in our choice of action …

 WHAT DO WE DO ? … We light the cigarette, pour the drink, eat too much, don’t eat at all, pull back from people, seek out people, hide in our beds, become more social, sleep too much, don’t sleep at all, bite our nails, run, walk, write, read, draw, have sex, masturbate, blame others, blame ourselves, put things into perspective by comparing our experience with others …

We generally will DO whatever we can to shift the discomfort and feel better. But when we shift our discomfort without understanding it, it will only resurface with more intensity during another challenge or conflict

 Even with this understanding I’ve still been feeling stuck, blocked, restless and completely fucking FRUSTRATED !!!

? ? ? WHY ? ? ?

Hmmmm (she ponders) … is THIS my problem ?

I can relate to the quote being a woman who is striving to LIVE the life she IMAGINES. A woman constantly moving towards accomplishing her goals, while juggling multiple roles and responsibilities. A woman who BELIEVES that she deserves to LIVE her dreams, regardless of the obstacles

RESISTANCE is something I feel, so WHERE is coming from ?

 

I believe … ACCEPTING that our past experiences and future hopes impact upon our experience of NOW is the first step to CHANGING any discomforts or conflicts

I think … DENYING this truth only prevents us from understanding what influences our experience and therefore keeps us stuck in our discomforts or conflicts

Over the years I’ve been learning how to observe my thoughts and be more mindful of my thinking, in attempts to identify any beliefs that no longer align with my wants and needs. I’ve been focusing my attention on my own habits and behaviour in attempts to make better choices. I’ve been allowing my feelings to flow as I stand in and express my truth. I strive to keep myself open to change by focusing my time and energy on healing any hurts, that may be preventing me from moving forward

BUT I still feel stuck … WHY ? ? ?

I used to think that once we became comfortable sitting with our discomforts that something would change. But I found that the more I sat with my discomforts the more comfortable I became sitting with them. This kind of thinking didn’t remove my discomforts, it only increased my ability to be able to BE PRESENT with them

I now ask HOW do I move through and LET GO of my discomforts and conflicts

Something I love about women, is their willingness to SHARE their wisdom and SUPPORT others on their journey. A dear friend held space for me to help me explore some relationship challenges and conflicts. During our discussion I became aware of how the appraisal of my feelings were still reinforcing the belief that my feelings were wrong, not valid or justified. We also identified that I unconsciously attached to some feelings as a form of self punishment (insert gasp)

With this sudden new awareness now popping into my consciousness, it automatically CHANGES my experience as I become more mindful of my thoughts and more aware of my feelings, that may influence my behaviour. Of course this raises MORE discomfort as I begin to process and feel my way through this new realization. My dream state reflected a shift in consciousness, which I always find very exciting and extremely interesting …

My dream was about my teeth crumbling and falling out, followed by my jaw coming away from my face. I recall not feeling pain nor fear, but I was shocked and didn’t understand what was happening …

According to dream analysis a broken jaw reflects a sense of loosing a grip on life, reassessing plans because things aren’t going to plan. What I found VERY interesting was how the dream analyst spoke about how the chosen path taken for career growth suffers primarily due to poor economy, but that this must happen for my own mental and spiritual growth … WTF ? … serious goosey bump moment reading those words. Teeth falling out reflects state of anxiety during radical change, feelings of helplessness and a lack of control over life circumstance and experiences of loss. My dreams raised important questions …

Will I continue to maintain my direction long term, will I make small adjustments or will I take a totally different path ?

How willing or able am I to tolerate the discomfort and tension of the situation I’m in ?

What do I need TO DO to better align with my life and priorities ?

Reminding myself to be patient and compassionate with my changing self is something I need more support with. Learning how to truly love myself for ALL of who I have been, am and will be is sometimes no easy quest and can be quite the adventure …

I am a work in progress … and that is OK

With new realizations and insights I am able to consciously make different CHOICES, which then create opportunities for different experiences

A mind-blowing concept to grasp isn’t it … that WE are in complete control over our experiences, that WE have the ability to create any reality we can imagine, that WE only need identify our resistance to change, that WE just need to make a different choice to have a different experience, that WE are our only limitation

Are YOU open to receive what you want ?

I wrote this in my “CONNECTION” blog a few months ago … 

“To fully appreciate our connection with others we must first honestly identify our own wants and needs … because the more honest we are with ourselves the more we attract with energies that better satisfy our needs, better fulfill our wants and better serve our growth …The universe will connect us with those who are attracted to our energies and we will be attracted to others in the same way … some will connect to our body because they are attracted to how we look … some will connect to our mind because they are attracted to how we think … some will connect to our heart because they are attracted to how we love … some will connect to our soul because they are attracted to who we are … and some will connect to us on ALL levels because they are attracted to YOU for ALL of who you are”

… and I find myself pondering over CONNECTION again

WHAT IF … my feelings of unrest is related to my connection with myself and my experiences of love then being a reflection of that sense of connection ?

As I reflected over my previous intimate connections with men a pattern emerged …

WHO I was attracted to and WHY, which influenced HOW I experienced LOVE

 I learned a long time ago after lots of frustrations and many disappointments, that my happiness is not dependant upon anyone other than myself … Experience has taught me that conflicts within a relationship most certainly reflect our own internal conflicts … So, I created an image to clarify the different levels of love to help make sense of my connection to self and others and identify any experiences of internal conflict or disconnection …

My first “falling into love” experience was with my husband to be when I was 18 years old. I was physically attracted to him, so we connected intially on a sexual level. But he also made me feel safe and secure during a time when I was lost, due to emigration to Australia with my family that literally turned my world upside down and inside out. My love for him deepened over time as we raised our family together, but the more I started to find myself, the more we seemed to drift apart. I started to feel like my need for change and growth was being compromised and so our 11 year marriage eventually ended. Parenthood keeps us connected and its a love I’ve never fallen out of, it’s just changed …

Adjusting to those changes involve ALOT of ongoing self-reflection

After my divorce I was single for about 7 years and although I met many wonderful men and experienced love, I wasnt willing to fall into love with anything less than extraordinary … I wanted more than a sense of safety and I needed to feel more than the twitching in my loins

My second “falling into love” experience was unexpected, not to mention complicated. He was an old friend, in an unhappy marriage who lived at the other side of the world. The distance meant that we connected on an emotional level and my heart was awoken, but it was a long and winding road with far TOO many bumps. We disconnected and reconnected a few times over 7 years because of our unwillingness to let go. Eventually I walked away and am still moving through the process of letting go after a recent reconnection and yet another bumpy ride. TOO many complications and the recognition that he could never really love me in the way I deserved to be loved. A tragic tale of love, about two people destined to connect and awaken but who were never meant to be together. A love I havent yet fallen out of, but it’s changing …

Finding the lesson and healing my hurts is still an ongoing process … HOW do you let go of a love that never was yours to begin with … HOW do you gain closure from a relationship that never was ?

 

 My third “falling into love” experience was during a disconnection with my 2nd love, with a man who stimulated my mind. We connected on an intellectual level and I was attracted to how he expressed himself through the written word. He was a beautiful man with a childlike wonder, who helped me to see the world through a different lens, which opened up new and wonderful perspectives. An intriguing man with an unfortunate past that created walls and barriers, which I was unable to break through. I started to feel like my need for intimacy was being compromised and so our 18 month relationship eventually ended because I needed MORE than companionship

 

My fourth “falling into love” experience was a recent intense and brief encounter, during a time of healing. I was attracted to his energy and our chemistry was something I’ve never experienced before. It was a connection that shifted lots of emotion around during a time of intense heart hurt. But recent conflict has forced me to confront myself before I loose myself. I am a woman without inbetweens. I am either ALL in or not at all

I used to believe that true love was about meeting our soul mates and living happily ever after … but then LIFE happened and my experiences have certainly changed my beliefs about love. I now believe that WE are our own true love and that our life lessons are our soul mates. I believe that we are destined to connect with those who teach us something about ourselves because its our lesson to learn. I believe nothing lasts forever when our intention is to learn and grow. I believe that we connect with others to awaken or let go of something. I believe that finding the reasons for our connections, attractions, loves and losses is challenging because it forces us to confront ourself

 How do YOU think, feel, connect and love YOURSELF ?

WHAT IF our progressive spiritual growth depends upon our love connections ? ? ?

WHAT IF we opened ourselves up to love instead of closing our hearts in fear ? ? ?

WHAT IF we believed that what we need is what we deserve ? ? ?

WHAT IF we are destined to connect with many souls in our life time ? ? ?

If I had listened to others who cared for me, those who wanted to guide me in other directions to avoid hurts, instead of trusting my own instincts, then I certainly wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t have learned the lessons I have learned. I wouldn’t have the insights I can now see. I wouldn’t have the depth of understanding I now understand. I wouldn’t have the questions I now ask

I AM a woman who seeks experiences and so I will always be attracted to those connections that make me feel, think or see something I never have before …

I AM a woman who will compromise my wants for those I love but not if it means compromising what I need … because I am learning to trust, believe and LOVE myself enough to let go of anything that no longer serves my growth

I AM a woman falling into love with HERSELF

 

Today .. I’m feeling a little emotional as I physically LET GO of some emotional attachments to the past. I’ll be honest, I wasnt expecting to feel this way … I mean who cries over a book-case and a dismantled bed for fooksakes ? ? ?

        

Someone who appreciates the sentimental value of our belongings

Someone who remembers buying them with her husband as they began their life together and became a family

Someone who believes that our energies are transferred into those things we love

Someone who has many memories attached to them

I sat at my sisters place the other day. Her daughter in the chair fiddling with her phone, pretending not to be listening to what we were yakking on about. Her son in his bedroom chatting to my son about computer games. Her dogs sitting at the back door waiting patiently for their evening meal. Her cat prowling around the house being mischievous. Her husband busying himself in the back yard …

… and my heart ached a little

Dont get me wrong, I have no regrets about my life choices … but letting go of those final pieces of furniture, reminded me of how we can sometimes become attached to how we think our lives should be, instead of embracing ALL of what our life could be

I’ve been consciously moving through my own process of healing. Letting go of all the hurts and disappointments that keep pulling me back from living the life I want. And the more I do … the more I want to let go and free fall into life

When we focus our attention on our own thinking, feeling, being and doing … we begin to realize how our own thoughts, emotions, beliefs and behaviours influence our experiences … we begin to understand how we are holding ourselves back … and we begin to experience a sense of freedom when we LET GO

I imagine a life with less attachments and more connections

I imagine a life with less excuses not to and more reasons TO DO

I imagine a life with less baggage that holds me back and more freedom to let me go

I imagine a life with less unstimulating routines and more wonderful adventures

I imagine a life with less stress and more excitement

I imagine a life with less fear and more LOVE