Tag: life

Why don’t we want to stay present with the discomfort?

On By mindfulinteractionLeave a comment

I shared a blog about staying present in the moment, and in reflection I over intellectualized the discomfort by focusing on the process, but discomfort is NOT a problem to be solved, it’s an experience to be felt, so I’m going to share my thoughts and feelings about staying present in the moment with discomfort.

Although there’s a simple answer to the question …

We don’t want to stay present with discomfort because it’s uncomfortable

Becoming comfortable with discomfort is a complex process …

My discomfort usually involves an interaction with someone else, and although I’m open to share my experiences, I understand why most people are not. Vulnerability drops the defences to expose our true self (good, bad, ugly), and that also leaves us open to judgement, rejection and manipulation.

I struggle with those reactions myself, but my struggles with vulnerability keeps teaching me how to feel my BIG emotions more deeply, so I can learn how to regulate, build resilience, and actively grow from my challenges. Teaching me how to maintain healthier boundaries, and protect my energy, so I can say NO more confidently when something no longer fits (or) aligns with my truth.

New experiences are catalysts for our personal growth

Sharing my struggles more openly is how I experience genuine in-to-me-see because it invites others to share more openly too, but not everyone is ready for that kind of honesty. Exposing my flaws, faults, failures and fuck ups without projecting the blame onto another, is how I become more accepting of my SELF, so I can realize my own worth, and feel more compassion for the struggle

… but the struggle is real, and it still challenges me.

Lots of things make me uncomfortable, but not everything triggers my defences.

Recent challenges triggered BIG e-motions, and because they operate in the deeper parts of my psyche, they create the BIGGEST reaction within me, and that’s what I want to reflect upon.

GUILT – is often triggered because more open and honest conversations bring uncomfortable truths to our attention, but something is shifting because I no longer feel an intense need to fix my mistakes (or) punish myself to restore balance, because I’ve integrated my shadow. We ALL make mistakes when we are learning and growing, but that’s an important part of our healing.

SHAME – often triggers a deep fear of being unlovable, unworthy, and rejected, but by releasing myself from the guilt of what I (or others) believed I did wrong, changes the inner dialogue. Being open to learn from my experiences makes me more curious, and less judgemental. Increasing my capacity for love, and compassion for SELF and others who are struggling. The more I realize my intrinsic value without needing external validation, the more worthy I feel.

FEAR – triggers many defences for different reasons, and the stories vary, but recently someone reached out to reconnect, and although they are not a bad person, they haven’t been good for me. That’s why I sensed a threat to my mental health, my emotional well-being.

Trauma isn’t defined by an event itself …

… but by the lasting internal impact it has on our mind and body.

Even when we’ve cultivated a growth mindset, and have healed from our most challenging experiences of loss, it doesn’t stop the triggers, but it does influence how we will react and/or respond. When my survival fight/flight/freeze response triggers an automatic reaction in my nervous system, I notice the hypervigilance, flashbacks, and cognitive distortions.

We break this cycle (trauma loop) by rewiring the neural pathway.

I’ve been consciously doing this by learning how to feel safe and secure within the present moment, by being conscious of my resistance to it, making better choices, grounding my energy, and focusing on my senses.

  • Focusing on BE-ing rather than DO-ing
  • Taking deeper breaths to anchor my energy into the present
  • Tuning into my senses to ground my attention into the moment
  • Becoming aware of the tension in my body
  • Acknowledging the resistance so I can release it
  • ACCEPTING the present moment for what it is
  • Observing my thoughts, feelings and stories without judgement
  • Becoming more curious of my reactions
  • LETTING GO of my need to control
  • Fully surrendering to the experience of NOW

Realizing that the power for change lies within the present moment

My openness, and curious nature often triggers the defences in others, but if people understand (or) misunderstand me isn’t my responsibility.

Human beings are conditioned (biologically and socially) to avoid discomfort, distress and pain, but we live in a world that’s full of conflicting truths, and some of those experiences can be a catalyst for our growth. That’s why I often feel called to share my experiences, but the way I write is a prime example of one of my own habitual defence mechanisms, and I’m open to explore that so I can improve my craft as a writer.

I write to make sense of my challenges, but I want to write something worth reading. For me, writing has helped me to understand my SELF better, and writing my story has been a catalyst for my personal growth and development.

I share my thoughts and feelings to support others on a healing journey.

Staying present in the moment

On By mindfulinteractionLeave a comment
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Staying present in the moment sounds easy, but not all moments are pleasant.

Those are the opportunities to practice, and it will challenge us because the mind automatically wants to deflect discomfort, but REFLECTION is how we transform our pain into healing, growth, and deeper self awareness.

That’s why I blog my journal process with more intention. To look at my challenges from a higher perspective, and gain deeper meaning.

My mental health has been a little fragile this week because of too many challenges, and too much stress, but it’s been an opportunity for a powerful mental re-frame, that’s been fuel for my focus, motivation and growth.

We can ALL get stuck in the loop of our unhelpful thoughts, especially during times of stress, and that’s why I’m so very grateful for the supports I have, and the conversations that reflect the change and growth within those moments.

“Authentic conversations are open, honest, and respectful dialogues that foster deep connections by sharing our true thoughts and feelings, rather than relying on superficial small talk or transactional communication. They require vulnerability, active listening, and the courage to be one’s true self, which boosts psychological safety, trust, and collaboration in relationships.” (based on research by David Bradford and Carole Robin – Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues.)

We ALL want to have deeper connections, and healthier relationships, but tension and conflict can create misunderstandings that initiate disconnection …

… but detachment can be our deepest expression of LOVE

Detaching from others allows us to maintain healthier boundaries, emotional balance, and personal peace, but withdrawing defensively can ruin relationships because it shuts down communication, and enhances conflict.

I’ve been confronted with both experiences …

Shifting between a state of emotional reactivity to objective observation has allowed me to witness the opposite poles of my own experience, and to understand the reactions of others. Neither good nor bad, but complementary forces within to balance, and that inner conflict is the most challenging of all.

Conflict, like CHANGE is inevitable, and it’s a natural part of life because we won’t always see things in the same way, we don’t always agree, we all make mistakes, and no matter how good our intentions may be, sometimes we will hurt each other, but that’s why conflict is our greatest opportunity for growth.

  • When we make a mistake … own it
  • When we fuck up … acknowledge it
  • When we fail … learn from it
  • When we hurt someone … be humble enough to apologize for it
  • When someone hurts us … have thd courage to express it

Forgive the flaws of our humanity, but don’t forget the lessons we’ve learned because that’s how we improve the relationship with our SELF, and that enables us to respond with a little more compassion for others.

Recognizing the difference between disconnection and detachment empowers us to make healthier choices, but the realities of life can challenge us.

Sometimes it’s challenging to stay fully present in reality

We avoid reality and escape our truth to cope with stressful experiences, and our overwhelming emotions, but we rarely even notice that we are doing it …

  • We pour another drink and get lost in the void
  • We partake in gossip and get lost in the drama
  • We have sex and get lost in the distraction
  • We light up another cigarette and get lost in the cycle
  • We eat our feelings and get lost in the pattern
  • We login to Netflix and get lost in another story
  • We read a book and get lost in other realities
  • We switch on the TV and get lost in the matrix
  • We engage in gaming and get lost in other worlds
  • We pick up our phone and get lost in the scrolling

We ALL escape reality in some way, shape or form, and sometimes we do it to maintain a sense of sanity, because being human in a world full of conflict, crisis, chaos, triggers, tragedy and trauma is fucking hard sometimes.

Symptoms of depression and anxiety are effecting millions of people, and that’s WHY we need to be talking more openly about our mental health challenges.

We are ALL struggling in some way, and the more conscious we become, the harder it is to avoid ourselves because we are aware of unconscious defence mechanisms, which ironically, makes it even more challenging to stay present.

  • PROJECTION – feeling insecure and accusing others of it
  • DENIAL – refusing to acknowledge there’s a problem
  • RATIONALIZATION – justifying bad behaviour
  • REGRESSION – child-like behaviour (silent treatment/tantrum)
  • INTELLECTUALIZATION – using logic to avoid uncomfortable e-motions
  • REPRESSION – pushing painful thoughts and memories deep down
  • SUBLIMATION – channelling our anger towards intense exercise
  • DISPLACEMENT – shouting at our kids instead of dealing with our stress
  • REACTION FORMATION – acting friendly to someone we don’t like

We ALL engage in these behaviours when our defences are triggered, and it can lead to so many of our unhealthy behaviours (bad habits), as well as impacting negatively upon our relationships, and our interactions with others.

An important part of our healing journey is acknowledging this about ourselves, because until we take accountability for our actions, then we will be a slave to our reactions, instead of a proactive participant in our healing process.

Taking accountability is challenging because it triggers our shame, but it’s not about taking the blame. It’s about taking ownership of our experience so we can reclaim our power, and make healthier choices. Shifting from the woe is me victim mentality, to an empowered growth mindset means taking full responsibility for our unconscious behaviours, patterns and choices.

Taking full responsibility for how we react to the experiences that are challenging us to change is extremely challenging, because it’s challenging us to fucking CHANGE, and that’s a vital part of our inner transformations.

So, if YOU want to become conscious of your own patterns?

  • Journal – to know your SELF, and notice the reoccurring themes
  • Identify your triggers – what makes you feel defensive, anxious, guilty?
  • Notice your reactions – know your assumptions and judgements
  • Be OPEN to feedback – ask those you trust to tell you what they see

When we know our SELF better, then we can make better choices

Making better choices will change our experience, but life will still challenge us to confront the opposing forces, and we will either keep repeating the same patterns (or) breakthrough to become a mirror of reflection for others.

I’ve shared this quote before, and I’ll share it again …

“Your perception of me is a reflection of you, and my response to you is an awareness of me.”(Bobbi Chegwyn)

How can we stay more present in the uncomfortable moments?

  • Focus on BE-ing rather than DO-ing
  • Take deeper breaths to anchor you into the present
  • Tune into your senses to ground you into the moment
  • Become aware of the tension in your body
  • Acknowledging the resistance helps to release it
  • ACCEPT the present moment for what it is
  • Observe your thoughts, feelings and stories without judgement
  • Become more curious about your reactions
  • LET GO of your need for control
  • Fully surrender to the experience of NOW

Realize that the power for change lies within the present moment

NEW MOON in Aries

On By mindfulinteractionLeave a comment
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According to star gazers, the fiery energy of an Aries New Moon (17th) will feel like it’s pushing us forward, even if we’ve been sitting in the same place for a while, because of it’s conjunction with other planets.

  • Chiron (the wounded healer – healing)
  • Eris (the disruptor of norms – change)
  • Mercury (the messenger – communication)
  • Mars (the warrior of action – desire)
  • Saturn (the task master and boundary keeper – discipline)
  • Neptune (the dreamer and mystic – vision)

This month’s planetary alignment acts as a catalyst for deep spiritual reflection, radical self honesty, the release of old patterns, and the end of a karmic cycle because we’ve already stepped into a new timeline. It’s the initiation of a new chapter in self-assertion, personal value, and emotional courage.

The FIRE HORSE is making it’s presence known …

Activating what we’ve been through, and what we’ve healed from so we can see ourselves in a new light because we have grown.

  • What was unfolding for YOU as NEW MOON approached?
  • What is Universe showing you?
  • What stories are coming up to be acknowledged?
  • What thoughts are arising to be processed?
  • What e-motions are flowing to be felt?
  • What energy is shifting for YOU?

For me, its been challenging me to see beyond the projections, but unresolved conflict, unhealed wounds and sacred rage wants to be witnessed.

“Seeing beyond projection is an invitation, to move from reacting to the mirror of the outside world, to witness the inner landscape of the self, but it requires courage to look at the shadow.” because even if it’s within another, we will still see ourselves looking back.

On the 15th, I woke with a runny nose, sinus congestion, headache, and fatigue.

The changing of seasons, and fluctuation in temperature trigger changes that allow viruses to flourish, and spread more easily, but symptoms are our body’s way of communicating with us, so I lean IN with a little more curiosity.

Metaphysically, cold and flu symptoms represent a need to slow down, so we can process emotional and mental congestion, and clear energetic blocks.

  • Congestion – too much going on at once (mentally and emotionally)
  • Headache – tension, overthinking, a call to reconnect with the body
  • Runny nose/eyes – processing sadness, grief, unmet need for comfort
  • Fever – burning off negativity, anger, invasion of our energetic space
  • Cough/sore throat – unspoken words, supressed emotion, awakening of the spirit, and the clearing of energy
  • Aches/chills – mental contraction, resisting change, overwhelm
  • Fatigue – profound soul level reconstructuring

We live in a world that expects us to push through, regardless of how we feel.

The “soldier on with codral” is reflective of more than symptom management, it’s a systemic issue that prioritizes productivity over our individual health and well being. Ignoring and disregarding our own physical, mental and/or emotional needs to meet external demands, keep the peace, and maintain harmony is basically telling ourselves that our health and wellbeing doesn’t matter … but it should matter the most to us.

The stresses of life are constant, but when we are feeling unwell …

  • Our body is forcing us to REST, and break the cycle of doing
  • Asking us to detox – emotional processing of mind/body/spirit
  • To surrender control, accept care, and renew our personal values

Instead of managing my symptoms to maintain work responsibilities, I called in sick because I don’t want to share the bug with those I care for, and although it will have a financial impact, my priorities are right for me.

TRUE WEALTH … IS OUR HEALTH AND WELL-BEING !!!

Like most accomplished women (perceive that as you will), I’ve often pushed myself too hard to prove the value of my worth. I’ve learned many of my lessons the hard way, but I’ve grown the most from those experiences challenging me to change, because I’m here to learn about healing, and my growth game is strong.

“Maybe you don’t notice your progress because you’re always raising your bar.”

Yesterday morning (16th) I awoke from sleep thinking …

Since settling down and being more honest with myself, I’ve acknowledged the projections I’ve unconsciously internalized from others, and how and why it’s had an impact on my confidence and self worth.

Internalized projection happens when we absorb, and accept another person’s unwanted emotions, insecurities, judgments, or self-doubts as our own truth.

I recall …

  • How many times I’ve been told that I want and expect TOO much, by those settling for less because of their resistance to change.
  • How often I’ve been judged and criticised, by those who misunderstand me because they don’t accept their fears, faults, and flaws.
  • How many ways I’ve been told that I am not enough, by those reflecting their own limitations and insecurities.
  • How often I’ve been told I am crazy and foolish, by those denying their own shortcomings and failings.

“Projection is an unconscious defence mechanism to protect the ego, but it can also be a unconscious or conscious manipulation tactic to control the narrative,” 

… but we don’t reclaim our power by fighting shadows.

We change the narrative by turning on the light, and becoming conscious.

I can forgive others for projecting their truth onto me, but I’ll never forget how it made me feel, and forgiving ourselves for projecting onto others (especially those we love and value) is more challenging because it triggers the guilt, blame and shame stories, that trigger a deeper memory.

“The collective memory is a shared, often unconscious, psychological archive holding onto systemic stories, historical trauma, moral failures, and structural injustices. A memory that shapes the collective identity, influencing how we perceive our worth and our relationship to others.“

It’s a silent dialogue between the past and present I’m often aware of.

People project onto others to protect themselves from uncomfortable emotions, negative thoughts, or undesirable traits they can’t accept in themselves (the shadow), but we are ALL mirrors and reflections for each other.

What you see in me is a reflection of you ..

Because what we judge or appreciate in another already exists within us.

After witnessing the thoughts upon awakening from my sleep yesterday morning, I got out bed, put the kettle on, rubbed some more vicks on my chest, and I made a cuppa. While putting the cream back into the fridge it slipped from my hand, spilt onto the floor, and the thought popped into my mind.

“Don’t cry over spilt milk” …

A proverb: dwelling on our mis-takes and mis-fortunes is pointless because it’s already happened, and can’t be reversed. Reminding us to focus on the present and future, rather than wasting our energy on unchangeable past events.

I couldn’t help but smile when Lilith wandered over to lick up the cream

“Like the cat that got the cream” …

A proverb: the satisfaction of being pleased with ourselves because we’ve been validated in some way, shape or form, success has been achieved, we got what we wanted, or we’ve done something that we are proud of.

No, I’m not feeling smug, but I no longer doubt the value of my worth. I am grateful for my conversations with spirit because it’s triggered a much deeper NEW MOON reflection. I haven’t and don’t always get what I want, but I am proud of myself because my intentions are in alignment with my higher self, and that’s for the Greater Good of ALL, but I won’t abandon my SELF.

This NEW MOON is intense and transformative …

  • Start something you’ve been putting off
  • Choose yourself without overthinking it
  • Take action towards something you feel pulled towards
  • Let go of hesitation and doubt

This NEW MOON is a potent time for shadow work …

  • Where have you been overcommitting or over compromising?
  • Where have you been self editing to keep the peace?
  • Where have you been prioritizing harmony over your own truth?

Every NEW MOON is an opportunity to plant the seeds of our intention …

  • What are you no longer carrying forward from the past?
  • What are you calling in from the future?
  • Who are you on the other side?

I’ve been RESTING, and I feel healthier for it, but I’ve also been reflecting because that’s the inner work I value, and I share my insights for those who are open to see themselves, and their experiences differently.

Under this NEW MOON I declare who I am, and why I have grown, what is mine, and what is no more because what we meet within ourselves during this time will shape what comes next …

The influence of a NEW MOON in Pisces before the EQUINOX

On By mindfulinteractionLeave a comment
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We’ve just experienced the final NEW MOON of the astrological year (18th March) before yesterday’s EQUINOX (20th March), and Mercury is now out of retrograde … but what does this mean?

Planetary energies have been a little intense, shifting us from a state of confusion to clarity, and transitioning through our conflicting feelings has been challenging us to stay present, because holding opposing emotional states simultaneously causes mental tension, and makes us feel exhausted.

In psychology we call this COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.

This internal conflict triggers the ego (our sense of self) because the contradiction forces us to confront an inconsistency that feels threatening, but accepting the complexity of contradiction is a natural part of our humanity.

YES, we can feel both despair & hope, love & hate, sorrow & joy simultaneously because it’s two sides of the same coin, but learning how to accept the paradox without judgement is our biggest challenge.

Many of us are swinging between the darkness and light because the world is being thrown into a familiar “pandemic” story, and the threat of a crisis during a time of war is triggering the masses again, but we are moving beyond the trigger.

Are YOU feeling anxious because of global uncertainty?

  • Limit media exposure because this feeds anxiety
  • Reading the news activates less fear than watching video footage
  • Focus on what you can control and change
  • Prioritize self care to regulate your nervous system

What is the significance of an EQUINOX?

There are only two times of the year when the Earth’s axis is tilted neither toward, nor away from the sun, resulting in 12 hours of daylight and darkness in both the southern and the northern hemispheres. The equinox is a rare, fleeting moment of equilibrium in a world that is always tilting, and it reminds us that true balance involves constant, small adjustments to maintain stability, as we manage shifts in energy.

To feel balanced we need to embrace duality

The NEW MOON in Pisces invited us into the depths, so we could experience the balance of opposing forces within, and what that means for us will depend upon the stories we are telling ourselves.

  • Are you feeling the push and the pull?
  • Do you feel the urge to pursue, but need to be still?
  • Do you want to fight for what you believe in, but need to protect your peace?

Integrating the polarity is shifting from either/or thinking to a both/and mindset, by recognizing that interdependent pairs (poles) must be balanced over time, and not chosen between. Acknowledging that opposing forces are necessary for wholistic functioning is a well known Chinese concept.

The Yin and Yang perspective argues that true balance isn’t found in eliminating the tension of polarity, but integrating these complementary opposites to create a functional whole.

According to star gazers, the emotional depths of Pisces offered us an opportunity to release old patterns, heal old wounds, and set intentions based on our intuitive guidance, but sometimes it can feel like we’re going around and around in circles … but it’s all a matter of perspective.

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Healing resembles a spiral because we often return to old emotional ground with more insight, but unlearning our fear driven habits requires constant effort, and that’s why healing is a daily practice, and an ongoing process.

Truth is, most of our struggle is an internal experience, and we all get stuck in mental loops and repetitive cycles that don’t serve us because “the ego maintains these cycles by ruminating over past events (trauma re-enactment) or obsessing over future uncertainties to protect its fixed sense of identity.” 

The ego will always prioritize a sense of control, familiar patterns and self preservation over growth or peace.

That’s the patriarchal world we’ve been conditioned in, and it’s the crisis driven world we are currently living in, but the rise of the matriarch (divine feminine) is shaking things up … and she’s ON PURPOSE !!

This isn’t just about women because the sacred masculine and the divine feminine energies are the universal forces within us all, regardless of our gender

The brain has been hard wired for survival, and the ego clings to familiar patterns and cycles because it needs to protect our self image (to be right, strong, smart and successful), but this state of mind creates separation, inner conflict and resistance because it defends, blames, and rationalizes.

Our challenge is to acknowledge this inner struggle within us.

So, if YOU are feeling stuck in a mental loop (or) you find yourself repeating the same experiences because you’re not learning the lessons, then ask yourself …

  • What story am I telling myself?
  • Why do I believe this?
  • What has been triggering me IN?
  • What has been revealed and realized?
  • What am I learning from this?

For me, it’s been the same old conflict of holding on and letting, and an upsetting story about my value and worth, but each time I return to this story (whether it be in the past, present or future tense) something else is revealed. Every time I revisit the same emotional theme, I see it from a higher vantage point or with deeper awareness.

I’m learning how to live within the question …

To have patience with unresolved issues, and allow them to co-exist rather than seeking a resolution, but as I move between the stress of holding on and the peace of letting go, I’m also learning how to flow between both states of mind with less resistance, and I notice how strong emotion activates the mental loops of my negative thought patterns. Without my usual avoiding behaviours, it’s been taking me even deeper, and I notice how the survival state of mind activates the fight and flight response in my body, which releases those stress hormones that create feelings of anxiety, fear and sadness.

As I sit with those feelings, I notice the stories emerging, and I’ve been paying attention to the conversations because they’ve been giving me insight into my inner struggle. Acknowledging how traumatic experiences, significant loss, and life changing events have been challenging me to rewire my nervous system.

… but why?

Unconscious psychological and emotional trauma roots itself into the collective as a shared human experience, and it stems from our individual challenges of loss, and historical systemic ruptures, that shape our self worth. The trauma may be acute, chronic, complex or collective, and the story may be differ (neglect, abuse, domestic violence, assault, bullying, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, accident, stress, distress, slavery, genocide, racism, natural disaster, loss or separation to name a few), but the struggle is the same, and it has a lasting impact on the nervous system.

For me, the trauma is complex …

That’s why writing and sharing my story has been an important part of my healing process, but the vulnerability of my sensitivities, traumas, and desires have created a power imbalance.

In my solitude, I’m learning how to feel safe and secure …

  • Creating a safe environment and learning healthier ways to regulate my emotions
  • Processing memories and grieving the losses associated with the trauma
  • Rebuilding a new sense of self and restoring trust in others
  • Finding deeper meaning and higher purpose for my life

In my solitude, I’m also learning about the pattern …

How I still feel the need to reconnect and reconcile, and I’m conscious of how I’ve unconsciously RE-ENACTED the same experience over and over again with the same ending.

According to Shamanic theory …

  • Whoever comes … is the right person
  • Whenever it starts … is the right time
  • Wherever it happens … is the right place
  • Whatever happens … is the only thing that could have happened
  • When its over … it’s finished

There are NO wrong paths in life because everything happens as it should, so the shudda, cudda, wudda thinking is pointless.

“Nature chooses problem-solving over pleasure to keep us alive, making “peace” something that we must be actively be managing rather than a natural default state.” 

To break the mental loop of your unhelpful thoughts …

  • Be fully present in the moment … stop avoiding your SELF
  • Reconnect with your truth … we have to feel it to heal it
  • Label the unhelpful thought … and acknowledge it’s presence
  • Practice mindfulness … BE present by focusing on your senses
  • Self compassion … suspend judgement and be kind to yourself
  • Radical acceptance … stop fighting the reality of what IS
  • Move your body … to disrupt the mental loop

Most importantly know your worth and value yourself

RECLAIM the narrative and own your story ✨✍️

Our thoughts shape our reality

On By mindfulinteractionLeave a comment
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Inspiration to write is found everywhere, and this morning it was a post I read and shared on the book of face, because I related to what he wrote. I haven’t written in a diary for years either, because I’ve been using the book of face (or) my blog to openly share my thoughts and feelings too … but why?

For some, social media is a platform to share funny memes, family photos, and exciting adventures, but it can also become a stage to play out the fantasy, the illusion or the lie. It’s a space to share our personal experiences, have conversations, exchange creative ideas, express political views, share information, learn new things, and connect with each other, but it can also become a court room to justify our actions, plead our case, and vent our opinions to a jury of spectators, so they can deliver their final judgement with a push of a button. We all know the anticipation of a like that makes us feel seen, a love that makes us feel understood, and a care that makes us feel like someone gives a fuck. Those buttons are designed to trigger positive reinforcement by giving us a boost of dopamine, as the reward of social acceptance, and the instant gratification of accomplishment (or) it stirs a negative emotional response that triggers our anxious and competitive behaviours, that’s rooted in the addiction for external validation because we feel rejected by our tribe.

Human behaviour is absolutely fascinating … my own included !!

Social media can be all of the above, but we get to decide who we are, what we follow, and how we share. I don’t share my truth and talk about my life for attention, but my ego definitely responds to the triggers of those buttons. I share my truth because I am here to live my life as honestly as I can.

For me, journaling has become more than a book to dump my messy thoughts and unexpressed feelings, it’s an important part of my healing process, and that’s why I share. As an extrovert, who is open to experience, I often feel called to share the conflicts of my concerns, and the experiences that are challenging me to change because there is no shame in the struggle.

I know I am the healer in my own life, but first I usually need to suffer the consequences of my own choices, before I can share the magick of my own medicine with others.

Letting go of the guilt trips, the blame games and the shame stories is how we heal, but we are creatures of habit, and we fight to hold on, even if it’s making us bleed. I’ve been called OUT to experience the chaos of conflicting truths, and leaning IN to explore the tensions of my own resistance for years, to understand the struggles, and I’ve been learning plenty of hard lessons along the way.

As a witchy woo woo woman, I consider words to be my craft, and I often write to make sense of a world that doesn’t always make sense to me. To find meaning in what’s challenging me to change, so I can feel a sense of purpose in this crazy wonderful journey that is my life. Sometimes the written word can be like the weaving of a spell, as I challenge my thoughts, to break free from the limitations of my conditioned mind. Provoking and evoking emotion, to expose my deeper truth, so I can explore the possibilities and manifest new experiences, that will shape my reality in the future.

We are the creator of our own life and the narrator of our own story

Although we cannot control every experience that happens to us, we do have control over how we understand and respond to it. This perception shifts us out of a victim mentality, based on our need to survive, into an empowered growth mindset, so we can learn, heal and grow from the experience. That’s how we become an active participant in our own life, rather than a passive observer. As the narrator of our own story we can edit and rewrite the script as often as we want, and we are the one to decide who plays the significant roles in our lives.

Truth is, everyone of us struggles with our mental health, especially during challenging times of change, and that’s why our conversations matter. When I look back on my life, I could easily get caught up in the old stories I’ve outgrown, but I don’t believe everything I think. However, that doesn’t stop those thoughts from rising, and becoming conscious of this split in our thinking is how we become the bridge. We integrate the survival and growth mindset to become whole, so we can be a fuller expression of SELF.

Most of us believe we are being ourselves, but when we deny, defend, avoid, reject and project what’s perceived to be negative, it creates the shadow, which is all those unaccepted and unlovable parts of who we are are. To heal, we must learn how to accept and love ALL of who we are, shining a light on our shady behaviours. Holding ourselves accountable, and taking full responsibility for our experience inspires others to learn, heal, and grow from their challenges.

Imagine living in a world of evolving people, who are loving and accepting of each other because they are healing themselves, and therefore relating as their higher selves, instead of reacting to each others triggers.

What if that is possible for each and every one of us?

When we align our thoughts with our highest potential, then we can turn the vision of our dreams into reality

Language has a power …

To unite (or) separate, to protect (or) defend, to create (or) destroy.

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This image popped up in my Facebook newsfeed this morning from Spiritual Revelations, and it reflects the split in our thinking perfectly. How the ego wants to control the narrative, but the consciousness wants to understand our experiences. My words are always written with the intention to understand because I am passionately curious about the human experience, but my willingness to speak the truth, challenge reality, and question what is can often trigger a reaction in others. However, this isn’t wrong, negative or bad because the activation of a strong emotional response is an inevitable part of our human interaction, and our biggest opportunity for deeper reflection and growth.

Like it or not, the triggers of our mirrors and reflections are part of the human experience. Guiding us IN so we can resolve past experiences, and therefore they are a catalyst for our learning, healing, and growth.

To grow we must be willing to challenge our thinking, our limited beliefs and our assumptions, by questioning ourselves …

What story am I telling myself ?

Why do I believe that, and is it serving me?

What triggers me, and what is it revealing?

How can I learn and grow from this?

Do my choices align with my values?

Will this choice move me forward or keep me stuck?

Asking ourselves the right question interrupts the rumination of thought that makes us feel anxious, empowering us to deepen our self awareness so we can live a more conscious life.

I believe that’s the true source of our SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT ✨️

Detaching from an intimate connection when the relationship ends …

On By mindfulinteraction2 Comments
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Falling in love creates a bond of attachment, but it’s not always secure, and the detachment can challenge us. When we disconnect from someone we love, there’s a sudden change that creates physical distance, but detaching is a gradual mental & emotional release.

If we don’t emotionally detach from a partner from the past (or) a challenging experience, then it creates baggage we carry forward into the future. Manifesting into unresolved trauma that creates drama, and unrealistic expectations that creates conflict. Becoming conscious of that is part of the release, and that’s my understanding of letting go so we can heal and grow.

Detaching from the influence of others physically, mentally, emotionally, and energetically is critical for our healing, especially when we are recovering from a traumatic experience, toxic dynamics, and the intensity of emotionally over investing in something or someone. Those are the experiences I’ve been learning and healing from.

Setting boundaries is essential to protect our energy and regain personal equilibrium, but being on the receiving end of those who need space and distance from us, naturally triggers a reaction. It’s those reactions that I’m most curious about because I understand that triggers are messages, that helps us to discover where we still need to learn, heal and grow.

This is what boundaries can look like …

  • Limiting contact and communication to reduce the triggers while we’re healing, so we can regain a sense of self
  • Observing how we react when we are triggered, so we can practise how to respond more consciously
  • Focusing on what we can control by taking accountability, and full responsibility for our experience
  • Accepting others as they are without needing to change them
  • Focusing on the present moment, by interrupting the rumination of thought about the past or future
  • Processing our feelings without judgement

Maintaining boundaries can be the most loving thing we can do, not just for ourselves, but for each other because it creates the space we need to learn, heal and grow from the challenges of our own personal experiences.

Becoming conscious of this has shifted me into the action stage of change 🌀

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I chose this model of change from google on a site called Expert Program Management, written by Denis G, because I like how it reflects change as the process I believe it to be. How we are still learning during the relapse, because whether we are recovering from an addiction (or) healing from a challenging experience, regression is an important part of our healing journey.

When we are exploring a NEW way of being, then we are experimenting with who we are. Part of the learning is becoming more comfortable with failure, which is a part of our success, because we learn from our openness to experience and explore other way, and some ways won’t work for us.

So, don’t fall into the trap of berating or belittling yourself whenever you feel like you’ve failed or are fucking up, because you may be learning something valuable, that you are ready to learn. It’s easy to get caught up in the judgements, and we are usually our own biggest critic, I know I am, but I’m learning how to be gentle with myself, and feel more compassion for the struggle.

For me, that’s the true source of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE