Falling in love creates a bond of attachment, but it’s not always secure, and the detachment can challenge us. When we disconnect from someone we love, there’s a sudden change that creates physical distance, but detaching is a gradual mental & emotional release.

If we don’t emotionally detach from a partner from the past (or) a challenging experience, then it creates baggage we carry forward into the future. Manifesting into unresolved trauma that creates drama, and unrealistic expectations that creates conflict. Becoming conscious of that is part of the release, and that’s my understanding of letting go so we can heal and grow.

Detaching from the influence of others physically, mentally, emotionally, and energetically is critical for our healing, especially when we are recovering from a traumatic experience, toxic dynamics, and the intensity of emotionally over investing in something or someone. Those are the experiences I’ve been learning and healing from.

Setting boundaries is essential to protect our energy and regain personal equilibrium, but being on the receiving end of those who need space and distance from us, naturally triggers a reaction. It’s those reactions that I’m most curious about because I understand that triggers are messages, that helps us to discover where we still need to learn, heal and grow.

This is what boundaries can look like …

• Limiting contact and communication to reduce the triggers while we’re healing, so we can regain a sense of self
• Observing how we react when we are triggered, so we can practise how to respond more consciously
• Focusing on what we can control by taking accountability, and full responsibility for our experience
• Accepting others as they are without needing to change them
• Focusing on the present moment, by interrupting the rumination of thought about the past or future
• Processing our feelings without judgement

Maintaining boundaries can be the most loving thing we can do, not just for ourselves, but for each other because it creates the space we need to learn, heal and grow from the challenges of our own personal experiences.

Becoming conscious of this has shifted me into the action stage of change 🌀

I chose this model of change from google on a site called Expert Program Management, written by Denis G, because I like how it reflects change as the process I believe it to be. How we are still learning during the relapse, because whether we are recovering from an addiction (or) healing from a challenging experience, regression is an important part of our healing journey.

When we are exploring a NEW way of being, then we are experimenting with who we are. Part of the learning is becoming more comfortable with failure, which is a part of our success, because we learn from our openness to experience and explore other way, and some ways won’t work for us.

So, don’t fall into the trap of berating or belittling yourself whenever you feel like you’ve failed or are fucking up, because you may be learning something valuable, that you are ready to learn. It’s easy to get caught up in the judgements, and we are usually our own biggest critic, I know I am, but I’m learning how to be gentle with myself, and feel more compassion for the struggle.

For me, that’s the true source of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE