I choose to live MY life mindfully
Consciously aware of myself
Fully present in the moments
Aware of my thoughts as they flow
Identifying any limited beliefs that limit me
Aware of my emotions as they rise and fall
Allowing the full expression of their presence
Aware of the energy I bring to my interactions
Acknowledging any blockages to the flow
Aware of how I feel in the company of others
Taking full responsibility for my own feelings
Aware of how others trigger or comfort me
Taking full responsibility for my own thoughts
Aware of how I trigger or comfort others
Taking no ownership for their experience
Witessing the beauty of Nature
Noticing the synchronicities of spirit
Sharing the magic of Universe
I choose to live life more fully
By embracing both spectrums of the polarity
The light and the dark
Neither being defined as “good” nor “bad”
Every experience valued for what it is
This is how I live MY life mindfully ❤

I choose to live MY life mindfully
Consciously aware of myself
Fully present in the moments
Aware of my thoughts as they flow
Identifying any limited beliefs that limit me
Aware of my emotions as they rise and fall
Allowing the full expression of their presence
Aware of the energy I bring to my interactions
Acknowledging any blockages to the flow
Aware of how I feel in the company of others
Taking full responsibility for my own feelings
Aware of how others trigger or comfort me
Taking full responsibility for my own thoughts
Aware of how I trigger or comfort others
Taking no ownership for their experience
Witessing the beauty of Nature
Noticing the synchronicities of spirit
Sharing the magic of Universe
I choose to live life more fully
By embracing both spectrums of the polarity
The light and the dark
Neither being defined as “good” nor “bad”
Every experience valued for what it is
This is how I live MY life mindfully ❤

I am an open book and share many of my personal challenges. I openly share because by nature, I am an expressive woman. Both writing and conversation is how I process my own experiences, which deepens my understanding.

I have no shame in who I am, what I think, how I feel or what I do. I have nothing to hide, but like you, at times I hold parts of myself back

Some of my experiences are only mine …

Sometimes Iife takes me in new directions, that I must live before I’m ready to share with others. Sometimes I must sit alone with my discomforts, doubts, fears and uncertainties until they make a little more sense to me.

Some of my experiences are only mine …

Sometimes I reflect over my sweet moments in private. Sometimes I explore different depths and dimensions of myself with no need to share. Sometimes I feel called to explore alternative realities and drift between worlds. 

Some of my experiencs are only mine …

Sometimes thoughts run through my mind and words fall away into wide open spaces, holding no other purpose than to flow. Sometimes feelings rise and fall, loosing intensity because they have no further meaning. Sometimes my words have no thoughts or feelings attached to them because they have come from spirit.

Some of my experiences are only mine …

According to the star gazers, this Full Moon is the best time to focus on any new projects, plans and possibilities we’ve been flowing with.

So, we ask ourselves, what action can I take towards manifesting the dream into a reality?

I’m not the same woman I once was
Once upon a time
I mostly travelled in my dreamings
Creating vision boards
Imagining all the places I wanted to see
Pondering over all the things I wanted to do
My adventures were limited to a budget
Because I held onto a limited belief
“To be able to go SEE and DO
I needed to have plenty of money”
But the more I liberate myself
From the limitations of my mind
The less limited I feel
Although I’m still well aware of my limitations
I think very differently these days
I don’t need plenty of money to see or do
The only thing I need is COURAGE
And a sense of humour …
I checked my bank balance afew days ago
And seen a grand total of 6pence
Having spent the majority of life in Australia
My mind automatically seen it as 6cents
And recognized the reference to 6th sense
Instead of freaking out
I laughed out loud
As spirit communicates with me
Universe shares a joke
Truth is,
Not only did I take a leap of faith
To create a life in the UK
This is the 3rd time I’ve lept
And its had an impact
On me and my bank balance
Life has challenged my trust
Loss has tested my faith
Yet here I am
With 6p in the bank
Still living the dream
Why ?
Because I have the courage
To BELIEVE in something far greater than me
And as my thinking changes
So do my experiences
As my energy reflows, so does the money
Inspiration is flowing
Contracts are coming
New possibilities are presenting
I know in my heart
That I’m destined for great things 
Truth is,
We ALL are !!!
I’m not sharing this for pity nor praise
I share my experiences to inspire others
To break free from their own limitations
So we can all shine 🌟

I’m feeling a lack of authenticity because I wasn’t smiling when I posted “Keep smiling”

So, why did I post it ?

I posted it because I noticed how our smiles were the same. I posted it because no matter what Mam kept smiling. I posted it because no matter what I also keep smiling.

But I also keep it real !!!

I don’t want to impress by sharing only on the positives. I want to inspire you with the truth. I don’t want to comfort you with half truths. I want to challenge you to love the negatives.

Because if we’re truly embracing our TODAYS then we are living and loving ALL of it !!!

Although I believe that Mam is with us in spirit, I still flow with the waves of my grief. Although I trust the process of change, I sometimes struggle with the flow. Although I respond to the whisperings of my soul, I sometimes feel challenged. Although I follow my heart, I’m still balancing my energy and healing my wounds.

For me, writing is part of my healing process. I write to make sense of my world. I write to express and explore my inner most thoughts and feelings. I write to connect with myself and others. I write because I’m called to write.

So, how am I really feeling tonight ?

Tonight I’m not feeling as strong as I seem.

This contract has it’s challenges, as they all do, but I’m also flowing with memories as they pop up. Inbetween the professional, I acknowledge the personal. So, on my breaks, I write because it helps me to process my experiences.

As a sharer, I feel it’s important to be authentic with my offerings, so I drop the mask.

This afternoon, my insides were unsettled and I’ve been cramping. My periods are coming but they haven’t yet arrived. A hot bath usually soothes, but tonight the heat only increased my discomfort. So much so, that I had to get out.

Laying on the bathroom floor, I felt the blood flowing rapidly through my body. As I lay there I was aware of my life force pulsating, but my heart was pumping blood way too fast, so I focused on my breath. As I lay on the cold hard floor, a thought flowed through my mind.

I thought about Mam’s life force leaving her body, cold and lifeless. A thought that brought sadness to the surface. As I cried, I rolled into the foetal position and allowed myself to feel.

In that moment I felt far from strong.

In truth, I needed Dave. I wanted to feel the comfort of his presence, but we are apart and I’m missing him. To be honest, although I share my thoughts and feelings openly, I still struggle with my sense of vulnerability in relationship.

This is the kinda stuff I usually journal, but every now and then, I’m called to share my inner most thoughts and feelings because someone somewhere needs to read it. To know that they’re not alone in their struggle. Perhaps I share so I don’t feel so alone in mine?

As my body flows with the energy of Universe, I feel a deeper sense of connection and a stronger sense of purpose. I don’t fully understand but I trust the process and surrender to the flow. Knowing that all will be known in divine time. Until then, I allow my thoughts and emotions to rise and fall without resistance … and FEEL ❤

Today, is another significant day for my family. This time last year it was Mam’s funeral. I’m sorry to say that it wasn’t the celebration of life that she deserved. Alas, it wasn’t possible for us to celebrate her life when our hearts were so heavy with loss. Most of our family and alot of Mam’s friends live in the UK, so there were alot of people missing that day. We did the best we could, but it was far from easy.

Most of all we missed Mam’s ability to turn a funeral into a cause for celebration. You see, Mam had a gift of bringing love and laughter to any and all situations. She had an energy that infected the room with smiles. She had the ability to lighten the darkest of moods. Those of you who knew Mam know what I’m talking about. She was a blessing to our lives because she really was some kinda wonderful, which is why she’s missed by so many of you.

But I feel it important to remind you all, that she isn’t missing from our lives. Although I flow with waves of grief, having lost the physical presence of my beloved Mother, I still feel her.

Although I miss being able to talk with my Mam, our conversations continue. Although I miss my Mam’s hugs, I still feel the warmth of her love. Although I miss my Mam’s physical presence, her spirit is still here, there and everywhere. Although I miss my Mam, I focus on what’s changed, rather than what’s missing.

Today, is a significant day for someone else too. My cousin lost her beloved daughter the year before we lost Mam. A synchronicity that captures my attention. I’ve been writing about conversations with spirit. This morning I wrote my first outline for a book and spoke with my collegue about it. Having lost her beloved Dad some years ago, she resonated with my words.

Today, I read Mam’s words in my facebook memories and I share them with you. Truth is, Mam and I have always challenged each other. She continues to challenge me in spirit, and no doubt she still wants to censor me at times 🤣

Both of us unafraid to express and share our truth. Having had different life experiences we learned from each other, but she was my role model in life. She continues to teach me in spirit and I’m so very grateful for her presence.

Today, I got caught in the rain. As others were covered in hoods, huddled under umbrellas and hurrying for undercover, I took my time. As the rain poured down onto me, I laughed because the rain felt so damn good on my skin. I smiled because the joy in my heart made me feel happy to be alive.

Today, one year later, I still cry when I gaze upon your photos and read your words, but my heart feels able to celebrate you more than mourn you. I believe that death isn’t the end, it’s just another beginning. So I embrace TODAY

I love you ALWAYS and FOREVER ❤

Still feels like a bad dream to wake up from 😞

Perhaps that’s the point ? Maybe loosing someone awakens us to deeper truths ? Perhaps the purpose of loss is to learn the truth of unconditional love ? Maybe death comes to teach us how to overcome our sense of being seperate from each other ? Perhaps the gift is to connect us to spirit and Source ?

What if we didn’t fear death ?
What if we didn’t suffer loss ?

Are my questions foolish ?
Are my wonderings radical ?
Are my curiosities pointless ?

Do my questions make you think ?
Do my wonderings make you wonder ?
Do my curiosities make you curious ?

I hope so ❤

Browsing through my facebook memories this morning, I read a blog I wrote this time last year. Dad was sitting in the lounge room with me, so I read it out loud.

They are words that reflected my inner conflict at the time of Mam’s end of life. Words that triggered my inner tensions around saying goodbye to Dad soon. Words that brought emotions to the surface, providing another opportunity for us to talk openly about our conflicting thoughts and feelings about death and loss. Dad and I have had afew of these chats while I’ve been staying here.

On the drive to see my cubs, I cried all the way there. A release of emotion that helped lighten my heavy heart. I shared openly with my cubs and hugged them a little tighter today. 

Then I spent afew hours in my own company at the beach. I enjoyed a refreshing dip in the ocean, bathed my naked body under the sun, collected some shells because I was inspired to create a spiral. While gathering the shells, I noticed something silver in the sand …

It was a mother of pearl spiral pendant.

The Spiral is a universal sacred symbol that represents: the cosmic force and deeper understandings. A doorway to life, the cycles of time and nature, spiritual journey, evolution, birth and death. Taking a labyrinth-like passage that leads to the Source.

Our Beloved Mother

I wrote the words in the attached link last year, while confronting Mam’s end of life. I still feel like this sometimes, as I process, feel and heal from our loss 💔

https://breakingthehabitz.wordpress.com/2017/10/21/the-demons-of-my-own-mind/?preview=true

Scrolling through my facebook memories this morning, I reflect over what has been, what IS, what is unfolding and the uncertain future that lies ahead of us all. There have been so many challenges and changes over the last 2 years.

Individual and Collective

As a family we are still processing, feeling and adjusting to our challenges and changes. And as we approach Mam’s first year anniversary in spirit, we’re all having different experiences.

Although we have all endured the same loss, we each have our own personalities and life experiences, which influences how we individually experience and process our grief.

What I love most about my family, is our ability to be completely honest with each other. We value truth over comfort and never shy away from our tensions and conflicts. Majority of the time we talk openly, which helps us to better understand each other. Other times our inner tensions will build and our understandings come through our conflicting differences.

We continue to learn alot from each other

In the heaviness of my grief, I’m learning alot about myself and others. As I pull back to process, feel and heal, I notice the reactions to my sharings. I’ve been unfollowed, defriended, encouraged, avoided, supported, stalked, judged, misunderstood and celebrated.

Although unfollowings, defriendings and judgements cause me discomfort, I appreciate how such reactions are none of my business. I understand that others are confronting their own inner tensions and conflicts. A belief that helps me to reframe my own thoughts. Instead of wondering what’s wrong with me? Taunting myself for being too much or not enough, I can stand more confidently in my truth and feel love and compassion, for those who don’t fully see, support and love me or themselves.

I strongly believe that our individual journeys are essential to the collective experience. Because it’s our healings that are breaking us free from the limitations of our minds. Shifting the collective consciousness from fear, into a space of love. This is what continues to guide and motivate my sharings ❤

Only 10 days until I fly back to the UK.

The usual conflicting feelings because I never like, nor is it easy to say goodbye to my cubs, family and friends here in Australia, but I’m so looking forward to wrapping my arms n legs around Dave and saying hello to family and friends over there in the UK. In all honesty I love Australia and the UK, but my sense of home is connected to my heart, which belongs to no specific country. My heart continues to guide me to where she needs and wants to be.

Spending quality time with my family has been a blessing, regardless of our challenging circumstance, but I’m excited about getting back to the life that’s unfolding in the UK.

Time stands still for no one and the future isn’t promised to any of us, which is what continues to guide my own life choices. We are all here to follow the beat of our own drums, to trust our hearts and to live as fully as we possibly can.

NOW is the time to live the life YOU imagine ❤