The sanctity of marriage is supposed to be a sacred and safe space for 2 people to grow in love together. But we continue to see high rates of divorce and people living by principles based on outdated belief systems, which is causing higher rates of unhappiness …

So, I asked myself WHY ? … and did a little self reflection and research

A BRIEF HISTORY of Marriage in the Western Culture

• Marriage had very little importance in pre-historic times. Coupling was based on a biological desire to survive. According to historians, during the Stone Age, marriage became a way of controlling sexual behavior and providing a more stable structure for child rearing. 
• During the Dark Ages marriage was primarily based on alliances made for economic gain and protecting family bloodlines. The church power and influence became strong, which led to the creation of a legal document, based on customs that gave more power and control to men.
• Love had very little to do with marriage until the 17th Century, when “enlightened” thinkers pioneered the idea that life was about the pursuit of happiness. This led us towards divorce because people wanted to experience more happiness, so they took control over their love life.
  
• The concept of marriage changed dramatically during the 20th Century, with thanks to the Women’s Movement. Pioneers who fought for equal rights, a fight that continues today for same sex marriages. But as more women come into their own power, more men are struggling with their own sense of self, which is having a negative impact on relationships. 
• The 21st Century relationship has become even more challenging. The empowerment of women and technological advancement provides more choice and opportunity. Our world has opened up and we are connecting, reconnecting and disconnecting in ways unlike before.
  

We are hearing more and more about the “awakening”, which is a shift in consciousness that pioneers the idea of oneness. A spiritual belief that focuses on our connection rather than our separateness. This is the beginning of yet another important turning point in our evolution, which is influencing our experiences and changing life as we know it.

Acknowledging how our behavior, thoughts, feelings and beliefs are shaped by our social and cultural conditioning is essential for our spiritual growth. A process of clearing away the old to make way for the new. Dropping the ego and living from our hearts, which is changing how we experience the relationship with ourselves and may alter our perception of marriage in the future. Perhaps the sacredness of marriage will be truly embraced ? 

“Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” … 1 Corinthians 7: 1-40

A statement the wreaks of shame and guilt, based on a belief that our bodies do not belong to us. One of the reasons why I refuse to identify as being a religious woman and instead choose to live a life based on spirituality. A personal choice that has caused me many internal conflicts over the years, as my belief system undergoes the challenging process of deconstruction and reconstruction.

A rebooting of the mind

I was married to a man I loved very much for 11 years, but we grew apart as life took us in different directions. As a divorced woman Ive experienced the ups and downs of being single for almost 10 years. During which time Ive been deceived by many men who struggled with their own truth. I loved and lived with a man for a short time and I fell in love with a man from my past, who lived in an unhappy marriage. So, I believe I offer some valuable insights into this topic of conversation because over the years Ive had many in depth conversations, with both men and women who feel bound to stay in unhappy marriages, due to a sense of loyalty to their family, a need for financial security or a fear of change.

I have the utmost respect for marriage and in truth I am a little envious of those in loving relationships. I still believe in the sanctity of marriage, but its time to wake up to the bullshit we’ve been spoon fed for far too many years. Its time to drop the fucking shame and guilt about choosing to love ourselves first. It’s time to drop the preconceived notion that being married reflects that we are being more responsible in matters of love. Because the truth is some of us are doing it a damn site better as single men and women.

I was raised to believe that marriage and relationships are about love, respect, loyalty, commitment and honesty, which I still do believe. But I was also raised to believe that compromising our needs is an important aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship. A belief that kept me in a space of hurt for far longer than needed because my love of self became secondary to the relationship. But I no longer buy into the sacrificial compromise of marriage. I refuse to compromise my own needs until I become invisible, because that’s what it means to be considered a “good” woman, wife, lover, partner or girlfriend.

Yup… in other lifetimes I was one of those witches burned or drowned for flowing with the magic of nature and believing in universal energies. I’m probably considered to be one of those fiery sorts who has too many questions, challenges the status quo, refuses to conform and says fuck a lot. I am a wild woman, who is more in touch with my flow than ever before, unashamed of my passions and desires. I choose to experience life completely and express myself fully, regardless of what others think or have to say. I am slowly awakening to my truth and learning how to truly love myself, without validation from anyone else. And regardless of how many times I confront hurt, failure, rejection or dissappointment, I still believe that love is indeed, an extraordinary and beautiful thing to be cherished between a man and a woman.

The truth is … our world needs people like both you and me. Because those who are resistive to change provide us with a sense of stability that our world needs, while others challenge the norms and inspire the changes needed to ensure that we all progress, move forward and evolve into our fullest potential.

“Shot through the heart and you’re to blame. Darling, you give love a bad name”

I recall singing along to the words of Jon Bon Jovi as a teenager in the late 1980s, without having any real comprehension about what heart break was. Back then it was just a groovy song to rock out to with my friends. Then I recall listening to the same words as a woman, who had endured those nagging pains of heart ache, thinking about every man who had ever broken my tender loving heart.

But time has a way of altering our perceptions, because here I am today, as a much wiser woman, listening to the very same words. Only this time acknowledging the uncomfortable truth that … “I” give love a bad name.

Like you, I am a beautiful contradiction …

Sometimes struggling to sit in the spaces of in between:

Strong, yet tender .. Gentle, yet tough .. Independent, yet needy .. Intuitive, yet ignorant .. Wise, yet foolish .. Passionate, yet phlegmatic .. Dedicated, yet indifferent .. Consistent, yet ever changing

During those spaces of in between as we struggle to find our balance, our choices can then become confused

 Time after time I have confused my want for sex with my need for love, then wondered why my heart was broken. Too many times my heart has led me towards men who have struggled to love themselves, then wondered why they were unable to love me in the way I needed to be loved. Mirror images that have reflected back my own limitations. Soul mate connections that have brought me to my own attention. Men who have torn down my walls, crawled under my skin, fell into my heart, trampled through my mind and penetrated my ever wanting loins.

Irritations and tensions that have highlighted how my external desires and internal yearnings have deflected attention away from my deeper truths.

The truth … that I fear being completely alone.

The truth … that I fear being untouched.

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable but they are never weakness” (Brene Brown)

Truths that have influenced my choices and continue to shape my experiences

Tensions and conflicts increasing each time a choice is made based on fear

Such tension and conflict created a thorn in my heart. A presence that caused a constant ache. A feeling that propelled me to seek out love. Anything that may dissolve the thorn and ease the pain and suffering. But each choice made in fear only brings more hurt. The thorn burrows deeper and deeper causing more and more discomfort.

But the more we dig and the deeper we are willing to go, the more fears we confront. Fears that hold us back from experiencing love to its full potential. The thorn in our heart dislodges only when we finally surrender to our truth. In that moment the poison is released into our system, which will either paralyze or infuriate us.

“The truth will set us free … but only after its pissed us off”

We will either fall down in defeat, licking our wounds or fucking fury will bubble up towards the surface. The bitter venom no longer able to be digested will be spat out of our mouths. Harsh words unleashed as we step back into our power. But the truth is WE are the ones responsible for the abuse, the manipulations, the lies and the betrayal.

“I played MY part and you played YOUR game”

Taking responsibility and being accountable for our choices isn’t always easy, especially when we experience hurt at the hands of another. But the universe responds to our inner most desires, by bringing people into our lives that help us to answer our own questions. The soul purpose of some people is to disappoint, frustrate, lie, betray and hurt us. This understanding about such people is how we overcome our fears and move into a space of gratitude. Changing how we understand heart break is how we begin to change our experience of it. Acknowledging that we unconsciously invite people into our lives to teach us more about ourselves, is an experience that is rich in growth for the both of us

The new warrior is not going to war covered in armor … she is naked and ready to love

Her strength lies not in her ability to fight … but in her willingness to surrender

As the heart bleeds open, the hurt simmers beneath the surface …

… and the healing begins ❤

Whether we are 17, 39, 60 or 93 years old, life rarely goes to plan and regardless of what decade we are in, most of us already know that truth. So, why then do we get our knickers in a knot when things dont unfold in the way we had hoped or expected them to ?

I think its the stories that we are told and believe in …

Most of us have been brought up to believe that we grow up, we get a job, we fall in love, we get married, we have kids, we work hard and we raise a family

Its what I did … but life doesn’t always go to plan

Not everyone wants to grow up, while others need to grow, jobs can be difficult to find, money can be hard to come by, love can be lost or not found at all, tragedies can strike, death can be sudden, families can be separated and not all relationships are meant to last forever

My life certainly hasn’t gone as planned

When I got married, I didn’t plan on getting divorced

When we had children, I didn’t plan on breaking our family apart

When I finished uni, I didn’t plan on being in the same role

When I fell in love, I didn’t plan on it being with men who hurt me

… but, do we really plan for life or does it just happen as its meant to ?

If our choices determine our reality, then why do we choose to struggle ?

What does the struggle teach us ?

Hmmmmmm she ponders

I’ve always followed my heart and so my brain often lags behind, which is something that can cause both myself and other people frustration, whenever I start to wander down a path that looks to be a little too familiar, bumpy and overgrown

Ive had multiple heated discussions with family and friends about this very same topic. Concerned loved ones sharing their opinions and trying their hardest to steer me in a different direction to avoid the disappointment and hurt. But I strongly believe that there are valuable lessons to learn from going down those paths and having those experiences, which is why my heart guides me there in the first place … isn’t it ?

What if going the wrong way can actually lead us in the right direction ?

What if we find our passion and purpose by wandering down a no through road ?

What if the u turn leads us back towards our wildest dreams ?

What if trail blazing our own path inspires others to follow their own ?

I usually have a general idea of where I want to go, but my direction seems to keep changing as I do, which makes sense I suppose but it can get very confusing. I’m learning to flow with a little more ease than I used to, but it hasn’t been an easy lesson to learn. Life can still get messy as I continue to confront my own ugly truths, heal my own hurts and overcome my own fears. And even now, with this new understanding about myself, I still hold on a little longer than I should

So, I asked myself … WHY do I hold on when I know its time to let go ?

I think perhaps it has something to do with being the kind of woman who flows with how I feel more than how I think. So, if I’m feeling good and my needs are being met, then there is no problem to think about. It doesn’t matter then how other people perceive my situation to be because my mind doesn’t really start to process until I start to feel the tension. And usually by then my heart is already invested and so I consider more than just my own needs … and that’s when the tensions start to turn into conflict

However, conflict is the fuel for change and so it’s an essential part of our growth

So, why would I choose to avoid it ?

The more we focus on creating change in our lives, then yes the more conflicts we are going to have, because they provide us with an opportunity to explore our experience and communicate our needs. Unfortunately, it’s also when we may identify that our needs have changed and therefore we are choosing a different path, which is something we dont really want to know if we are in love someone or we have a specific goal in mind

It then takes time for our minds to process this new information and it takes time for our hearts to accept this new truth. A time when we can either resist and get messy or flow and change. Yes, we always have a choice, but we can often fall back into bad habits when we are in those in between spaces of who we once were and who we are becoming

Learning how to be gentler with ourselves during this process of change is when we may need a little extra support and a reminder, that what we are feeling and how we choose to move through the change is OK … because there is no right or wrong way. What is right for me, may not be for you and what is right for you, may not be for me

When I start stepping out of my heart and focus my attention on how my thoughts are shaping my reality, I start to dig a little deeper into my belief systems, which is where I find the stories that influence my choices

What stories do you need to rewrite to change your experience ?

With tomorrows SUPER NEW MOONS trail blazing energy of Aries …

NOW is a perfect time to reflect upon what’s coming to an end in our lives, which seeds we are going to plant and what new beginnings we want to create.

Its time to ask …

What experience do we want to have ?

What goal do we want to achieve ?

What reality do we want to live ?

What future do we want to create ?

There was a time when endings were difficult, causing me lots of upset because I focused on the loss. A time when I lived a life filled with SO much fear.

I was afraid of so many things: death, loss, hurt, rejection, failure, isolation and loneliness. Fears that held me back as I kept on repeating the same patterns.

WOW … so much has changed !!! … but WHY is my life changing ?

Because of a want to experience life to the fullest, a need to understand, learn and grow and intentions to live with less fear and more love …

So, HOW do we live a life with less fear and more love ?

HOW can we reduce pain and suffering and increase love and happiness ?

We confront our fears one by one and start to feel less afraid

The more we are willing to feel, the less afraid we become. The less fear we feel, the less our thoughts control us. The less control our thoughts have, the more beliefs we can challenge. The more we challenge our beliefs, the more change we can create. The more change we create, the more open to experience we become.

We start attracting and inviting more and more experiences into our lives that create more and more opportunities for growth

We seek the meaning of death, the lesson in loss, the purpose of hurt, the reason for rejection, the benefit of failure, the advantage of isolation, the value of loneliness and the desire for change.

We become less fearful of endings and more excited about new beginnings

But first we must acknowledge our bullshit …

Calling ourselves out on our own bullshit is how we become more consciously aware of ourselves and the world we live in. So, the more challenged, uncomfortable, doubtful, fearful and uncertain we feel, the more truth we are confronting.

 The more we understand the process of change, the more we appreciate that our choices and experiences are essential for our own clarification and understandings

We begin to trust our own process of growth and walk more confidently on our own paths, even when we have no fucking clue where we are going.

We start to truly EMBRACE the journey

We become our biggest supporter, instead of our biggest critic and then travel more gently in the lives of others because we understand that ALL of our experiences are valuable lessons that we need to learn from. We start to peel back each layer of untruth and explore what lies beneath the bullshit

We begin to see the truth beyond the illusion

We heal any hurts that hold us back from staying open to love. We give love, regardless of what we receive from someone else. We find it easier to express our wants and needs. We walk away from those who don’t value or respect us. We maintain healthier boundaries. We learn the true meaning of SELF LOVE

 We recognize signs from the universe quicker. We see our reflection in others more and we welcome those slaps of truth

” Hurt me with the truth but never comfort me with a lie “

Accepting the flow of truth is just as important as accepting the flow of love

But some truths can be too difficult to accept, especially when confronted with how we may be holding ourselves back from living the life we imagine.

“Change is never easy, we fight to hold on and we fight to let go”

Sometimes the truth is just too damn hard to hear or see. So we continue to attract the same experiences, make the same choices and feel the same tensions. Tensions that cause conflict but it is the conflict that communicates those tensions to us …

Fear and lies restrict us

Love and truth expand us

NOW is the time to embrace the tension and seek your truth. But choosing to live a more conscious life is not choosing the easier path of comfort. Its choosing to question and challenge everything we do and are …

so that we can become ALL we can be.

“Enlightenment is the complete eradication of everything we imagine to be true”

So, if things seem to be breaking, ending or falling apart, then perhaps you are breaking free of old ways of being ?

Maybe, the caterpillar has finally sprouted her wings and she’s ready to fly ❤

What do I do ???
She asked, as she stood on the warm sands. Gazing upon the ocean, watching the waves roll in over her toes … her mind racing with a thousand thoughts

What do I do ???
She asked, as she sat on the damp grass. Looking up into the starry sky, bathing her skin in the moonlight … her mind opening up to the wonder of life

Wondering what life has in store for her

What do I do ???
She asked, as she lay in her bed. Rolled up in the comfort of her doona, sobbing into her pillow … her heart aching with a hundred hurts

What do I do ???
She asked, as she breathed in the silence. Waiting for answers as she inhaled each breath deeply into her lungs … her heart opening up to the wonder of love

Wondering how love can best serve her

What do I do ???
She asked ……………………

Stay open
And that is what she did ♡

Why does a man awaken a woman’s love, with no intentions of loving her in the way that she deserves to be loved ?

Is a question that’s often ran through my mind during my own heart breaks

Oh yes … I’ve allowed my heart to be abused in this way far too many times to mention, but I willingly walked into each and every experience. I chose to follow my heart and then carry it all the way into the depths of despair and desperation

Heart break at its finest

But ladies and gents … it’s time to take back our power and use the heart for the purpose it was created … to LOVE ❤

Maybe …  such men and women are providing us with a gift ?

What if they are awakening us to love ?

Maybe … its got very little to do with the other person at all ?

What if its teaching US to fall in love with the wonderful person that WE are ?

Hmmmmm she ponders

The time has come to rewrite the story about how and why our hearts are broken because I’m no longer buying in to my own bull shit

Lets change our experience of heart break and GROW from it, instead of being paralyzed and overwhelmed by our heart hurts and fears

After all … the gardens that grow best have been fertilized by some very good shit

For TOO long we’ve bought into the fairy tale stories about how the princess is rescued by her prince charming. That we are somehow less than if we are without a partner. But the truth is some women are warriors who are well equipped to handle challenges alone

These wild women refuse to compromise themselves or lower their expectations

… and why should they ?

Such women still open themselves up to love, but they wont hesitate to walk away from anything that causes ongoing conflict and discomfort because she isn’t afraid to walk the path alone, which is why such women are hard to hold onto

But when a romance is over, passions fade and truth sets in, we are thrown out of the fantasy and back into reality with a bang and we feel broken … but WHY ?

We are mature grown ups (most of the time) and acknowledge that not all connections turn into relationships and not all relationships last forever. So what prevents us from allowing the love to come and go as its meant to ?

Why dont we flow ?

What are we holding on to ?

and why the fuck dont we let go ?

Perhaps, its those once upon a time stories we’ve been sucked into and those old out dated scripts that we replay over and over in our minds. Thoughts that reaffirm our beliefs that when a connection changes or a relationship is over …

… that somehow we weren’t good enough or worthy

Well … I’m calling BULLSHIT !!!

Because WE are more than enough … ALL of us

We are ALL growing in love and we are ALL responsible for our own happiness

When we believe this to be true, we no longer hold another person responsible for our happiness and we then stop making someone else accountable for our hurts. We begin to take personal responsibility for our choices and start growing from our experience

We learn how to forgive those who hurt us and ourselves for hurting the one we love because we allow love to flow freely

Our hearts stay open, even when a connection changes or a relationship ends

We  AWAKEN to our truth and we BECOME the love

Sounds easy enough … right ?

Well … I guess that all depends on how much shit we are shoveling

Jean Rhys image ~ Pinterest

Lets indulge in some moon talk and reflect over what it means for us

Tonight’s full moon occurs in Libra, which is the sign of relationships
“This full moon will be a penumbral lunar eclipse. This occurs when the Sun, Earth and Moon align in an almost straight line. When this happens, the Earth blocks some of the Sun’s light from directly reaching the Moon’s surface, and covers a small part of the Moon with the outer part of its shadow, known as the penumbra. That’s quite significant when you think about the symbolic meaning of the Moon being partially cast within the Earth’s shadow… so what are the kind of shadow traits we’re likely to experience this week ? (Tanishka)

Have you been experiencing conflicts and tensions in your relationships ?

If you’re anything like me, it generally happens when we share our thoughts and feelings with little regard for the other person, because we are too absorbed in our own experience
Sounds very unlike me … (insert giggle, grin and snort)

Have you been experiencing feelings of frustration about doing or giving more than you are getting back ? Do you feel like there is unbalance in your relationship ?
Are you upset or angry about the state of our world ?

If we have been affected by this moon cycle then we are experiencing our shadow self. Therefore its time to refocus our attention from what other people are/aren’t doing and whats happening around us … and instead go WITHIN ourselves

Because the universe is providing us with an opportunity for an inner shift

“ALLOW yourself to be eclipsed, to fully enter into your state of feeling, knowing that this embodiment will transform you” (Tanishka)

The main lesson of Libra is to challenge us to choose love or war ?

I choose LOVE ❤

” We must be the change we want to see in the world”

Are we choosing peace in our thoughts, words and actions or are we suffering ?

Are we choosing to avoid the reflections or are we acknowledging them ?

Are we choosing to take the actions of others personally or are we accepting their truth ?

Are we choosing to listen how we are thinking about others or are we denying how it reflects how we think and feel about ourselves ?

Libra is the sign of BALANCE and so it challenges us to temper our emotions with a logic mind, while avoiding the need to rationalize our emotions

According to astrologers this full moon is also significant in the 20 year cycle of Jupiter and Saturn, which began in the year 2000

So, reflect back to what changed in your life during that time

For me, it was a pivotal part of my journey because it was during my trip back to the UK in February 2000, that I started to question my truth
It was the end of my life as I knew it
It was the beginning of my awakening

In 2000 what hopes and dreams ended for you ?
What was clearing away to make way for the new ?
What happened as a result of those changes ?
Where are you NOW ?
Where do you want to be in 5 years time on this journey ?

Important questions to ask ourselves during this cycle because this is a major turning point in our process of change and growth, which will take almost a year to complete. So, its a good time to check in with our goals and reaffirm any inspirations that motivated us to begin with 5 years ago

What was happening in your world 5 years ago ?

For me, there were several important changes occurring …

I changed direction from psychology to counseling, which was a HUGE shift in perception and changed how I experienced the world from then on

The truth came out about the man I loved and I disconnect from him, which broke my heart open and led me closer towards my own truth

I hosted my first full moon gathering, which was the beginning of working with the energy of other women and the universe

I was starting to experience more conflict with my teenage boys, which was the first of many transitions and adjustments as a mother

My relationship with money was changing, which has changed my thinking about money and is hopefully leading me towards living a life of abundance

The next 5 years of this 20 year cycle of Jupiter and Saturn is about committing more consciously to achieving our goals. If we do, then it will successfully manifest into our reality and we WILL be CREATING the future we imagine

VERY EXCITING TIMES !!!

Now, we ask ourselves …
What needs to be adjusted or changed in our lives ?
Whats holding us back from taking the next step towards the life we want ?
What dreams, inspirations, knowledge, perspective, faith, optimism can carry us forward ?
What must we do to stay on track ?

So, take some time out today to reflect over the goals you want to achieve, the experiences you want to have, the things you want to release and what reality you wish to manifest

Because the energy around this full moon is powerful

Together with the universe, its time to work your magic 🌟

Love ❤ … we talk about it, we write about it, we fantasize about it, we avoid it, we celebrate it, we suffer at the hands of it and we can’t live without it.

The experience of love can bring us so much joy when our hearts are full and yet cause us so much pain and anguish when things don’t go as planned or as expected … but why?

Why do we sometimes struggle with allowing love to flow in the direction it wants to take us? and how can we embrace the flow with more acceptance and appreciation? These are questions I often ask myself.

When love is true then why should it matter how, when or where it flows ? Because love forever fills our hearts, regardless of how far away someone lives, if a relationship ends or if a life is lost. The love remains but its the loss that hurts and prolongs our suffering.

I believe that our experience of loss are our biggest teachers on attachment. From personal experience love and loss continue to highlight any of my insecurities and fears. My experiences bring my shadow and dependencies to the surface, that reflect any unhealthy attachments, which have been the cause of most of my suffering when it comes to love, in both my meaningful relationships and intimate connections.

I’m compelled to write about how our attachments influence our experience of both love and loss because I find myself in a familiar space that has triggered some familiar feelings. Only this time I catch myself suspended in this space, experiencing a tension between an old belief system and a new way of being, which has a very different energy to it.

Reflecting over our past experiences is a great way to monitor our growth and development as we mature. Reflecting over how we are thinking, feeling and experiencing our present is a great way to become more aware of ourselves.

We are all here to learn our own lessons in love. Each path leading us in different directions, yet we all arrive at the same destination. Whether we are married, divorced, engaged, single, heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, lesbian, young or old we all experience love. Love is at the very core of all of our relationships with ourselves, our lovers, our family, our friends, our pets, our work, our hopes and our dreams.

I believe this to be true, yet sometimes I still find myself comparing my journey to others. And at times I still feel like I’m being judged for doing it wrong. But maybe our lesson in love is to accept love for what it is and just let it flow, regardless of how, when or where it flows ? Perhaps plans and expectations are nul in void in matters of love ?

I am here to loosen my attachments and deepen my connections ❤

What is your addiction ???

I think I might be addicted to LOVE ❤

Ive explored and researched addiction a lot over the years during my quest of self discovery because of my own bad habits. Learning how a bad habit is formed and why it becomes an addiction has been a very confronting but beneficial experience. (An addiction is a pattern of compulsive behaviour that can have negative impacts on our health and well being).

But it was only the beginning of understanding who I am …

We are so much more than what we think, how we feel and why we do things. We are also wonderful beings of energy and light. Each given the privilege of living a human life, equipped with a mind, a heart and intuition to help us create the opportunities and experiences that we personally need to learn and grow from. But sometimes we can get stuck and fall into bad habits because we loose sight of who we really are and what we are here for.

As we move through our every day lives, we can become mindless in our interactions and habitual in our routines. As we confront our challenges in love, we forget that love isn’t something that we have, it is who we are. When we confront death, we focus on the loss and forget that energy doesn’t die, it goes back to the source of creation (whatever that may be) and continues to influence our life here on Earth.

I believe in magic and that each and every one of us are walking miracles, with the ability to heal and create the life we imagine. Our purpose to find meaning, follow our passions and share it with the world.

To find both purpose and meaning we need to connect with ourselves, others, nature and the source. But our bad habits can sometimes become addictions that disconnect us from ourselves, others, our purpose and the source. Holding us back from living our full potential.

The first and most challenging step in changing our habits is to acknowledge them. To be accountable for ourselves isn’t always easy because its difficult for us to admit our downfalls because we feel less than. But remember that we are neither right nor wrong because there are only choices that bring different experiences and consequences, which we learn from … there are no “mistakes”. We are neither good nor bad because we are all perfectly flawed and we are all beautiful in those imperfections ❤

“Don’t judge someone just because they sin differently to you”

My goal for this lifetime is not to be perfect, but to learn and grow from my experiences. To then share any new insights and understandings with others and hopefully leave the world a better place because of my presence.

“STRESS is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness” … a very interesting point of view that Richard Carlson shares, don’t ya think?

I believe that our challenges, tensions, discomforts and times of stress are generally indications that we’ve outgrown something or that something in our life needs to change. I believe that its an opportunity for GROWTH.

What is YOUR something ?

When we start to BELIEVE that stress has purpose, we have less interest in seeking quick fixes to ease our discomforts and instead we embrace our adversities as wonderful gifts. We dive into those spaces to fully explore them … to find our pearls.

What is YOUR response to stress ?

Do you shut down?
Do you seek out medications?
Do you self medicate with cigs/booze?
Do you soothe with comfort foods/sex?
Do you avoid the discomfort?

I’ve done ALL of the above because I didn’t know any better. But stress management is a habitual process, so we CAN change things . By being more mindful of our automatic responses, which is the key to changing our relationship with discomfort, which then changes our experience of stress.

My advice is …
Take the TIME OUT and prioritize and privelage the experience for what it is.

Be more aware of our NEEDS and have the courage to identify and fullfill our deeper needs, which Rivka Levy (Jewish emotional health: 2015) describes as being our energy centres. According to Rivka wellness is determined upon fullfillment of our 8 deeper needs …

1. Our ability to just “BE” … our faith based foundation for everything

2. Our ability to “FEEL” … our sense of gratitude for everything as it is

3. Our ability to “THINK” … our state of ego that determines our truth

4. Our ability to “LOVE” … our belief in unique goodness

5. Our ability to “SPEAK” … our purpose of self expression and actualization

6. Our ability to “SEE” … our insight into limitations that hinder change and self improvement

7. Our ability to “ASPIRE” … our transcendence of self and relationships towards unconditional love ❤

8. Our ability to “TRANSFORM” … our courage to develop, evolve and grow

When we start to break it down stress management involves much more than we realize. But the more we understand the more effective our monitoring and management of stress will be 😊

Engaging in unhealthy habits as a way of coping with stress doesn’t get rid of the source of stress, it only surpresses it. The source of tension will continue to bubble underneath the surface until we explode. Or we will suffer disease and illness. Sometimes identifying the source of tension is a challenge of its own, especially when we struggle to live our truths.

So a good starting point is to explore alternative activities that we associate with relaxation, especially during times of stress. Maybe like me, your something is to create NEW healthier habits that will improve your overall health and wellbing ?

So here’s some healthier responses to stress that I’ve been doing myself …

SLOWING DOWN and becoming more aware of my deeper needs, by noticing what’s going on within and around me.

SEEKING SUPPORT and knowing that I’m not alone. Utilizing my support networks and the bountiful information & resources that we have at our fingertips.

Taking PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY because blaming external causes only gives away my power for change.

NOURISHING my body with more healthy goodness and less processed foods and drinking more water. Because basic self care strategies also nourishes my mind with healthier and more productive thoughts.

SLEEP & RESTING because its not only OK to take time out, sometimes its ESSENTIAL for my healing.

Increasing EXERCISE & physical activity because it helps to process the messy mind and shifts blocked energy.

Spending more time in NATURE because it grounds and connects me with the flow of universal energies.

Being more CREATIVE and PLAYFUL because it taps into my self expression and imagination. I do more things I enjoy and experiment with other things I haven’t yet done and I have FUN doing it 😊

MEDITATING because it helps me to become more aware of my connection to self and the source of divine truth ❤

And for the seekers I EXPLORE the space of stress by asking …
What is causing me discomfort?
What is or has changed in my life?
How am I thinking about it?
How does it make me feel?
What am I avoiding and Why?
What am I afraid of?
What is hurting me?
How does the change support my growth?