The first thought to pop into my mind this morning when I woke at 4am was …

“Tomorrow I’ll be wrapped up in his loving arms again” and my heart leaped with joy. Something I never expected to feel while in the midst of grieving the loss of my Mam 💔

Then again I never expected to fall in love so soon into my time in the UK either. To be honest I resisted any long term relationship thinking because I was figuring my life out and still healing my heart from previous hurts.

But life sure does have a way of bringing the unexpected our way.

From the get go we’ve had limitations and restrictions because of our living/working circumstances. Then Mam’s cancer diagnosis brought even more challenges to confront.

My emotional upsets, flying back to Australia and going through what we have for the last 5 months has tested our relationship.

To be honest I would have totally understood if he had backed off and called it quits. But when the going got the toughest, he booked a flight to Australia. Because during the worst time of my life he wanted to be here with me.

Well, I never expected that and to be honest I never hoped for it either. My hopeful heart has felt the pain of disappointment too many times before. So I’ve learned to expect the worse.

BIG lessons in life and love 💔

Over and over again John keeps showing me how much he loves me.

I call him my Action man ☺

He doesn’t woe me with empty promises, his actions show me. And without promise of a future, he embraces the moments of today.

Truth is, none of us are promised tomorrow. Truth is, we’re all learning in love. Truth is, I’m still a little fearful of trusting love.

But …

He stepped up when I needed him most.
He held on when I’ve fallen apart.
He patiently trusted my process
He let go when I needed to be here.
He jumped on a plane to be with me.

My kinda man ❤

Although we are both so very excited about being together again, we’re also a little nervous. We’re either gonna LOVE being in each others company for the next 5 weeks, or not 🤣

But I’m looking forward to finding out

We’ve spoken this morning and he’s already at the airport (12 hours before check in) because he knew his family were anxious about driving in the snowy conditions. So he wanted to make sure they got home safely before conditions got any worse.

An example of why I love him.

You’ll be here soon honey and I can’t wait to show you how much I love YOU ❤

I had a meaningful conversation yesterday that triggered a neccesssry shift within me.

I LOVE THAT 🤗

Not always so keen on the process though

Although new information can increase our understanding, expand our view and broaden our perspective. It can also shed light on some of our “negative” thoughts and feelings about self/others, that can trigger more discomforts before leading us towards deeper truths. 

My understanding is …

Our ego feeds from the fear in our minds
Our soul feeds from the love in our hearts

What is feeding YOUR experiences ?

I want my soul to GROW (not my ego)

Although I consciously choose love, I’m also aware that sometimes I’m unconsciously feeding my ego.

The shift from fear to LOVE is constant

Today, I’ve needed and prioritized the space and time to process new information. Integrating whatever resonated with my heart and allowing my emotions to flow freely without restriction.

I acknowledged the fear
I acknowledged the anger
I acknowledged the hurt
I acknowledged the guilt

Emotions I’ve been struggling to fully let go of, that have been causing me some tension. Emotions I’ve been holding onto because I couldn’t have the conversation with the person (I believed) could ease my emotional pain and suffering.

I needed to talk to my Mam 💔

But Universe works in mysterious ways

A conversation with my friend gave Mam a voice to share something that I needed to hear. Something that at first increased my feelings of anger, hurt and guilt.

OUCH !!!!

Bringing me deeper into the feelings that I’ve been struggling to fully RELEASE myself from.

Forever and Always she is with us ❤

Why am I sharing this with you ?

Because the more aware of my energy flow (and blockages) I become, the more I notice the changes (and resistance) within myself.

Something that EXCITES me 🤗

Because I’m interested in how we can liberate ourselves from our fears, heal our hearts and allow LOVE to overflow into our world.

I’m learning more and appreciating how the metaphysical offers a holistic perspective to our overall health and wellbeing.

Today, I’ve had an upset tummy and sat on the loo on/off with loose bowels. Suggesting a possible SHIFT as my solar plexus chakra opens (or) perhaps the baked beans I ate last night are moving their way through 🤣🤣🤣

Whatever the cause, I FEEL the shift

I believe that mindfully interacting with ourselves and others brings new meaning to ALL of our interactions ❤

TINKERS

When we were little girls our parents said to us

A promise we have made to you,
that will forever and always be true.

Fear itself, is more afraid of your ability,
to love and believe in otherworldly possibility.

The love of magic
Forever flows through your veins.

Trust your heart
Never be fooled by the fear in your brain.

Whenever you’re in trouble, lonely or afraid,
just close your eyes and wait,
for the fairies to come to your aid.

They told us special stories,
and held us all so tight.
They made us feel safe,
each and every night.

They said, if nightmares come,
as they sometimes do.
Just close your eyes and listen,
to the sound of Tinkers shoes.

Down from your light, she will appear,
And grow ten times her size.
To stand and fight your fears,
While you hold tight our eyes.

So, whenever I feel afraid,
whenever I feel blue.
I still hold tight my eyes,
and listen for Tinkers shoes.

You see, I still believe in fairies,
I still believe it true.
This is why I share,
this special story with you

Mindfulinteraction ❤

Mother moon called to me last night.
She beckoned me from my bed.
Her whispers sang to my soul.
At 3am I stood in the garden,
gazing upon her beauty.
Inhaling the magic of her magnificence.
The cool grass beneath my barefeet,
grounded me to Earth.
No thoughts in my mind needing cleared.
No aches in my heart needing soothed.
No notes to burn.
No intentions to set.
Just energy that flowed between us.
An open mind and heart.
Before her,
stood my soul.
SWEET SURRENDER
As ONE with Universe and Nature.
Can you feel the magic too ?

Mindful interaction ❤

Its another rainy day here …

Although I’d prefer to be snuggled up in the arms of the man I love. And Dad would prefer to have his beloved wife in his loving arms.

Its just Dad and I ❤

He had a rough night last night because his heart was hurting, missing Mam. He has alot of nights like that and there’s nothing we can do to take the hurt in his heart away 💔

This morning we’ve been talking …

About how he now FEELS his way through life more than he used to. Ho does so because his cancer treatment influences his hormones.

Prostrate cancer feeds and grows off testosterone, so medication is used as a chemical castrator. Something that gives rise to multiple physical and emotional challenges.

Dad has three daughters, so he’s no stranger to emotional sensitivities, but this experience gives him new insights into how women FEEL more than think through our heart break challenges.

Something I like to talk about, is how our social conditioning impacts on us.

I’m a woman who thinks alot about how she feels and Dad’s learning to allow his feelings to flow into thoughts. So we’ve been having some very interesting conversations ☺

Today, I’ve shared some of my heart break experiences with my Dad for the first time. Dad has shared some of his thoughts and feelings and we’ve talked about our grieving process.

Rainy days are such wonderful opportunities to connect and share with those we love ❤

Just because I have a positive attitude doesn’t mean the negative thoughts dont flow and overcome me.

Just because I have a strong and loving heart doesn’t mean the aches and breaks don’t consume and cripple me.

Just because I have the ability to bounce back from disappointments and challenges doesn’t mean they don’t hurt me.

Just because I have the courage to openly share my thoughts and feelings doesn’t mean the truth doesn’t confront and challenge me.

Sometimes life feels too hard
Sometimes I feel too tired
Sometimes I fall down into pieces
Sometimes I get messy

Sometimes I struggle to be positive, strong, resilient, open and courageous

Mindful interaction ❤

Last week I made an appointment for Dad to see the Doc and went to the calender to write down the time. I hadn’t noticed this until then, but his words touched my heart deeply.

Throughout Mam’s cancer journey our hearts ached and our guts twisted, as we witnessed our parent’s holding onto one another. A love that both warmed and broke our hearts 💔

Still coming to terms with Mam’s death, we’re also confronted by the heaviness of Dad’s grief and his battle with cancer, that continues.

Sometimes I wonder WHY ?
Sometimes all I can do is cry !!!

YES, I know that I have so many blessings to be grateful for, but life is challenging me in all directions and I’m so very fucking tired 😔

So, I remind myself that what doesn’t kill us can only make us stronger (or) perhaps part of us must die, in order to grow into the person we are to become?

Sometimes all we can do is hold onto those things that matter most to us.

LOVE ❤ FAITH ❤ HOPE ❤ TRUST ❤

Today my heart FEELS my daughter 💔

Loss is difficult, but when it comes in multiples in can feel like our entire world is being shaken up. Although I believe, that this happens on purpose. Change for our higher good, it doesn’t make it any easier to move through.

My daughter has lost her Grammy, a friendship and her job. She’s moving in with her Dad to sleep on the sofa and is now forced to rehome her dog, whom is her baby. And she does all this with so much courage and love.

I’m so VERY proud of you ❤

I FEEL my daughter because life has given me so many losses to learn and grow from. None of which have been easy, but experiences that have enriched my life in so many ways.

Experiences that I have openly shared with my cubs, in the hopes of helping them to see the good in a bad experience, the positive in a negative and the opportunity in the change.

I FEEL my daughter’s struggle and move through some uncomfortable thoughts and feelings around my inability to provide her with more support. Because I myself am moving through my own challenges in life.

I am LOST and unsure of my direction !!!

At times I feel like a failure because I see how my life choices continue to impact upon my cubs. In truth, sometimes I struggle to remain true to my own path because I fear the consequences of my choices. I don’t always feel confident and I often doubt myself.

Although I trust that Universe shakes up our lives on purpose, I often fall to my knees and pray for the strength to make it through.

I’m far from perfect but I hope that ALL of my cubs know how much I love them and how very proud I am to be their Mumma ❤💛💚💙💜

Although I believe you’re spirit stays close
Although I sense your energy flowing
Although I feel your love in my heart
Although I hold memories forever in my mind
Although I know you’re always with us

Today, like every other day we missed you 💔

Writing isn’t something I do,
it’s something I am.

Just as I breathe air into my lungs,
my words must be written.

I must allow the flow of creation to BE

Because writing, like me,
is my work in constant progress.

My tools,
aren’t just the pen and paper I use.

Writing requires those things,
but a writer is more than the tools they use.

Just as pen comes to paper,
my mind and body communicates.

Connection is the flow that allows creation

An analytical mind processes information,
and a romantic heart inspires the poet.

Every experience I have,
is my inspiration to CREATE. 

My life,
a story awaiting to be written ❤